I made it up to my room without anyone else seeing me and headed straight for the bathroom. I didn't wait for the water to warm or even bother to undress, but rather stepped inside still wearing my shorts. I sucked in a breath as the cold drops hit my skin. It wasn't until the sand started to slough off that I remembered I'd taken a shirt down to the beach, but I didn't remember carrying it up here. I sighed and reached for the shampoo. At least it hadn't been a good shirt.
My overheated skin began to cool off just as the water warmed up. I didn't linger long enough for it to get hot. I was sure a hot shower would feel good later tonight or tomorrow, but for now, I just wanted to be clean and get some ice on my face.
I didn't bother with clothes or even wrapping a towel around my waist as I headed into the kitchenette. There was ice in the freezer and I dumped some into a couple paper towels before going into the bedroom. I was tempted to take some alcohol with me, but I didn't. I was in pain, but my head was actually clearing and I needed that more than anything.
I stretched out on top of the covers, groaning at the pain in my arms and legs. I hissed as I put the ice pack on my face. I'd be lucky if I didn't have a black eye tomorrow. I gingerly probed at my teeth on that side. Nothing felt either cracked or loose. That was good. My parents had paid a lot for this smile.
I stared up at the ceiling. Part of me wanted to turn on the tv, fill the room with meaningless noise. I could find something to watch, nurse my wounds and feel sorry for myself like I'd been doing for the past week. It was tempting. Losing myself in drink and whatever I could find to watch. I wanted it. Wanted oblivion.
But I couldn't want it. Not now. Now that I knew the truth.
I'd hated the idea of Nami married to someone else, loving someone else. It had been agony to lose her, to lose a future I hadn't even known I wanted until I'd met her. But I'd comforted myself with the thought that she'd have a good life, a husband she could love. Then, at the wedding, when I'd seen that she didn't love him, but she was still willing to marry him, I'd told myself that she'd made her choice. If she wanted to live in a loveless marriage for the sake of her country, then that could keep her warm at night. I knew how miserable that kind of marriage was, but my sense of duty had been limited to family. Perhaps hers would be enough. Perhaps she could even grow to love him. It happened.
Now, though, I knew the truth. Tanek wasn't just possessive of her. There was no way that glimpse of a bruise was the only one. If it had been an accident or the result of overly enthusiastic sex – I'd occasionally left bruises on a lovers' hips or wrists when I was caught up in the heat of the moment – she might've tried to cover them up, but she wouldn't have looked the way she had. Her pale skin, weight loss, the dark circles under her eyes, they were all physical signs of her body being under prolonged stress. But it was the look in her eyes that had convinced me. I'd only seen a quick glimpse of them, but it had been enough.
I'd seen eyes like that before. I'd pushed that memory down for years, boxed it up, but now I let it come forward. I needed it now to give myself the strength to decide where to go next.
I'd been twelve when my friend, Nick, had invited me over to his house for the weekend. We'd been planning on going camping with his family, but, at the last minute, his father had gotten angry at something and started fighting with his mom. Nick and I had gone to his room and listened to the arguing from below. It hadn't been like when my parents had fought. A little bit of shouting, maybe a tearful complaint or hissed insult. No, I'd heard screaming and name-calling, the sound of things breaking. Nick's face had been pale, but he hadn't said a word. We'd played a video game that neither of us had really cared about and had waited for the noise to stop.
When it had stopped, Nick hadn't wanted to go downstairs, but I had. I'd wanted to call my parents and go home. I'd known that my family wasn't perfect, but they hadn't been like Nick's family. I'd crept downstairs and headed into the kitchen to use the phone.
And that was where I'd found her.
Nick's mom hadn't been dead yet, but known she wouldn't make it. She'd had that same bleak look on her face that I'd seen on Nami's face today. She hadn’t responded or even seemed to care when I'd told her I was calling for help.
I'd found out later that there'd been dozens domestic violence calls to Nick's home, dozens of hospital visits for his mother. His father had been convicted of second degree murder and Nick had gone away to live with his grandmother in Texas. We'd stopped talking after that day. My parents had made me go to therapy, of course, and my psychiatrist had made me talk about my feelings for a while, and after a year, I'd stopped thinking about it.
Now, I needed the reminder. Every day Nami spent with Tanek was dangerous. He would kill her eventually. Maybe the same way Nick's father had killed his mother, in a violent outburst that had gone too far. Maybe it would be the culmination of injuries over the years. Or maybe Nami would finally give up and end it herself. Intentionally or by drinking herself to death. It didn't matter which scenario won out, they all ended the same way. With Nami dead.
No matter how hurt I was by her rejection, I still loved her, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't have wished that life on anyone.
Well, maybe on the abuser, I thought grimly. I wouldn't mind seeing Tanek getting a taste of his own medicine. I clenched my fist. I wouldn't mind giving it to him.
That wasn't what I needed to be thinking about though, I reminded myself. Tanek being punished had to be secondary to getting Nami out of that situation. I didn't know yet how I would do it, but I'd made the decision not to sit around and feel sorry for myself anymore.
I was going to save Nami. Even if she didn't want to be with me any longer, I would make sure no one ever hurt her again.
Chapter 2
Nami
I hadn't really noticed much of anything as the guards and I walked along the edge of the beach. I hadn't had any specific plans about where to go today. As part of mine and Tanek's honeymoon, we'd been expected to survey the country. We'd gone along the far side before circling back so that we were in the capital after only being gone for a week. I preferred this arrangement with my husband. He would be off doing his thing, leaving me to spend some time away from him.
Not that I could ever actually get away from him. The ring on my finger – Tanek's mother's – was the clearest visible reminder and I'd already perfected the art of not seeing it, despite its size. I was even able to push aside the weight of it. Not thinking about it should've been easy. The bruises were starting to fade and I barely felt anything from Tanek's wedding night assault. I could almost pretend that the pain was from other types of exertion, hiking, walking, sight-seeing.
The people of Saja, however, wouldn't let me completely forget. They wanted to congratulate me on my marriage, offer advice. Some of the more superstitious ones offered blessings, sometimes accompanied by gifts of flowers and rocks – sorry, crystals – sometimes even potions. I wasn't entirely sure what to do with those until my mother told me that she had an entire closet full of these sorts of things. Reminders of a time gone by when magic was as real as anything else. Usually, I loved that Saja still retained that in some places, but now it was just one more reminder.
I was polite and smiled at each citizen, staying well-within the circle of bodyguards Tanek had insisted on me taking. New ones. I'd been grateful for them at first. I'd always had to be careful being out on my own, hoping that I wouldn't be recognized, but I hadn't realized how much higher my public profile would be after my marriage.
I'd assumed the new contingent of bodyguards had been to replace Tomas and Kai with ones I'd never met before. Ones who didn't have a direct personal connection to me. Tomas and Kai had never exactly crossed the line between employer and employee, but they'd kept my secrets, become my link to home when I'd been away. Moving them from being my personal guards to my sister's had been a smart move on Tanek's part. There wasn't anyone I trusted more to keep Halea safe. I just wasn't sure that even those two would be able to protect her from Tanek if I broke my word and turned him in.
I'd been thinking about all of these changes when we reached the beach. I wasn't sure why I'd decided I wanted to take a walk on the beach, only that I'd felt drawn here. Clean, fresh air. The tang of salt from the ocean. The breeze. It was beautiful, but I knew it wasn't the beauty that had put it in my mind.
As I walked along the waterline, I was forced to admit the little voice in the back of my head might have been right. I'd overheard a seemingly innocuous remark yesterday about an American who spent a lot of time on the beach, drinking beer. I had no real way of knowing if that American was Reed, but there weren't usually that many Americans on the island to begin with, and the woman's description had been of a tall, handsome man with golden hair and black eyes. I knew Reed's body well enough to build the image even without a more detailed description.
When I first started down the beach, I was sure it was just some sort of whim. A last ditch effort to catch a glimpse of the happiness I might've had. By the time I was halfway down the beach, I'd realized it had been a crazy idea. Seeing Reed again wasn't going to help anything, no matter how much I wanted it. Seeing him would only serve to remind me of what I'd given up and what I would never have.
A crowd was starting to form and I struggled to keep my chin up. It was surprising how quickly I'd learned to make myself invisible, hunching my shoulders, looking down. I couldn't let that carry over to my professional appearances. I had to appear as the same Princess Namisa that Saja had always known. Chin up, confident, ready to take on the world.
I didn't know how much longer I could keep up the facade. I was a strong person, but I could feel the wear already. It wasn't just physical, it was mental as well. Mental, emotional...every bit of me was exhausted. I didn't want to be out here. I used to love being around my people, talking to them, listening to their problems. Now, I felt the difference between us even more than usual. It wasn't just the extra bodyguards either. It was the way they circled around me, preventing anyone from even getting close or talking to me. I was apart. Different.
“Nami!”
I froze. None of my people would ever call me by that name. It was a personal name, a family name. One that we used among ourselves or used as an alias. There was only one person I knew who would call me that name in that particular accent.
Reed.
The name pierced my heart. I wanted to grab onto the hope that sprung up, but I pushed it down instead. This had been a bad idea. I had no room for that sort of hope in my life right now. All I could truly hope for was survival and that my sister would be okay. The moment I'd allowed Tanek to put a ring on my finger, I'd given up the right to hope.
It didn't stop me from wanting to see him one last time, no matter how painful it would be. Even as I turned, I heard a scuffle and I watched as one of the new men tackled Reed to the ground. I opened my mouth to yell at him, to tell him to stop, but the words stuck in my throat. I watched in horror as my bodyguard hit Reed again, then kicked him.
Finally, I found my voice and called out a harsh command. After so many years of speaking primarily English, my native language felt strange in my mouth. I hadn't forgotten how to command though. They might have been hired by Tanek and were more loyal to him than to me, but there was still enough respect for the Saja monarchy that, unless it went against Tanek's wishes, my word was law.
The man beating Reed stopped, his face flushed, breathing heavy. He looked annoyed at having been told to stop, but he didn't argue. Instead, he followed the rest of the men as they crowded back around me. They were closer this time than before, making me move at a faster pace until we were off the beach.
I went with them, resisting the nearly overwhelming urge to look back and see what had happened to Reed. It didn't matter that I still loved him. He wasn't my responsibility anymore. I couldn't think about his welfare. I had to think about my people, my family, my sister.
This past week had been like living in some sort of nightmare, one that didn't end when I woke up, but only began. Sometimes, I wasn't sure which was worse, the nightmares about losing Reed or waking up to the reality of what my life had become.
I'd hoped the honeymoon would give me the time to figure out a way to get Halea far enough away from Tanek to be safe. Once she was safe, I might be able to convince my parents of the truth. Instead, I'd been subject to public appearances where I had to pretend to love him, to be happy with my marriage. When I was worn out by them, we went back to whatever hotel we'd checked into for that day, and I'd be subject to Tanek's...affections. I'd stopped fighting him, but that hadn't meant he'd stopped hurting me. At least he'd refrained from hitting me as much.
And every night, before he fell asleep, he reminded me of what would happen if I dared to tell anyone about his treatment.
When we returned to the palace early, he cited an illness on my part, using the excuse to have me confined to my room for a couple days while he wormed his way even more deeply into my family. By the time I was deemed fit enough for a walk outside, Halea was only too excited to tell me just how much she'd been enjoying spending time with Tanek.
I should've had Halea on my mind as we made our way back to the palace. She should have always been the first thing on my mind, the only thing. I should have been thinking about how to get her away from Tanek, how to keep her safe.