A Want So Wicked (18 page)

In front of me now, a tear streams from Abe's eye. But he doesn't blink or look away. He lets me have it all.

It's later that same year that the Needs start. He's living with his aunt, a decent woman who's never home. It's easy at first, doing the good deeds with Marceline's guidance. But then Abe meets a man, a Shadow. He tells Abe he won't be Forgotten if he leaves with him, but it doesn't mean anything to Abe. His family is already dead. He doesn't care who remembers him.

And it's then that the Shadow figures out what Abe will stay for. He promises that nothing can ever be taken from him again. That he can have power over people, over situations. He promises to make him strong. And most of all, he tells him that he will never hurt again.

I start to cry, knowing that it isn't true. That even though he agreed, Abe still screams every night. Missing his family. Wanting to go home to them. But he's trapped, here, in the Shadows.

My heart swells and I'm overcome by his misery. His pain.

“I should have gone,” Abe murmurs.

“I'm so sorry,” I say, wishing my words could mean anything. But in the end they're just words. He made his choice.

“What is this?” Onika asks, looking between me and Abe. “Elise, I'm not going to play games this time. You come with me now, and
maybe
I won't make Daddy dearest go play in traffic.” She hikes her thumb at my father.

I glance at my dad, knowing he's still in there somewhere. “I love you, old man,” I say, wiping at my face. “I hope you know that.”

He stares blankly at me.

I have to make things right—there are no other options. I have to save my father. I straighten, clenching my hands at my sides, letting the Need build up, the heat. The fire. I start walking toward Onika, ready to have it out, not even sure what that would entail.

“Elise,” Abe says warningly. “Don't do that.”

“This is it, Abe,” I state, growing calmer. “This is what I'm here for.” My shoes are soundless on the pavement as Onika opens her arms, welcoming me.

“No!” Abe shouts. I faintly hear the sound of running as I continue toward Onika, licking my lips and thinking how they taste of cinnamon. How they taste of love.

Onika bares her teeth, looking ready to pounce. I brace myself for her attack, but just then something hard knocks into me, pushing me aside. There is no silence before the screaming starts.

Abe is in front of Onika, her fist buried in his chest. He falls away from her, writhing in pain on the ground as the shadows slowly start to seep from the gaping hole in his chest. His skin is tearing off, ripping to shreds. I cover my mouth in horror, and Onika steps back. Not sorry, just stunned.

But Abe is slowly dying, and it looks painful—nothing like the quick death that Rodney got on the roof.

Abe stretches out his hand to me, and I lower myself to the ground, gripping it. He's moaning as his skin slowly burns, dissolving to ash. The horror is too much. No one should suffer like this. I begin to weep.

“Elise,” Abe chokes out. His fingers dig into my forearm as agony consumes him, slowly breaking him apart.

“I'm sorry,” I whisper. “I'm so sorry, Abe.” When his dark eyes meet my gaze, he stills—even as his body continues to wither.

“You're so bright,” he murmurs.

I look down at my arm and see the gold glowing bright under my skin, not tearing through but illuminating me in light. Abe is entranced by the beauty of it. He takes my golden palm, pressing it to his cheek before turning his face to kiss my skin. It's the closest he'll ever be to the light again. And it's all I can give him now.

Abe's body scatters then, falling as ash over my hand and onto my clothes. I choke back a cry, trying to gather the ash, trying to do something—but the wind catches it, washing him away.

CHAPTER 29

I
sit motionless, staring down. Lucy moves quickly, grabbing my father from the ground and backing him out of Onika's reach. I think then that Lucy hasn't lost her humanity. At least not yet.

Next to me Onika makes a soft sound, and when I look up, she's staring at me. “He sacrificed himself for you,” she says as if she can't believe it. “Why would he do something so stupid?”

I climb to my feet then, no longer afraid. I know what I'm here for—despite the love I have for my family, for Harlin, there are things bigger than me.

My body begins to heat, the glow becoming more intense. I feel so incredibly powerful, as if I could burst at any second and cover this place in light. Onika's eyes widen as she watches, the gold illuminating her face. She's in awe.

“Elise!”

I turn to see Harlin running up, stopping short when he sees me. A mix of admiration and devastation crosses his face. He knows what this means. He knows I have to do what's right.

“I wish it could be different,” I say to him.

There's a sudden gasp, and I turn to Onika, but she's staring past me. I follow her line of vision. Monroe approaches in the distance, slow as he limps slightly with exhaustion. I let the Need take me into Monroe's mind. I see the plan that he and Marceline came up with, the plan at my expense. I know what I have to do, and how this will end.

Onika's skin begins to crack and tear as her emotions roll over her. Monroe was the last person to see her other than the Forgotten. She gave up everything for him, and he turned his back on her.

“The good doctor isn't looking so hot,” Onika says coldly to me. “Perhaps he's lonely. Should I whisper him a love poem?”

“I'm sick,” Monroe answers instead, his voice gentle, as if she'd been actually concerned. “I'm dying, Onika. I'm leaving soon.”

Before she can even process his words, Onika stumbles back. She's stunned by the fact that he can see her. “How—” Tears fill her blue eyes.

“I'm letting him,” I say. “I can control the visions too, remember.”

“No,” she says, covering her face with her hands. “I don't want him to—”

“Onika,” Monroe breathes in the most tender voice I've ever heard him use. When she shifts her devastated gaze back to his, he smiles. “It's been too long, darling.”

As I watch, the layers of bitterness wrapped around Onika fall away, revealing the vulnerable girl beneath, the girl who tried at twenty to save her life, forgoing the rest of the world.

Monroe begins to walk purposefully toward her, his gait weak from illness, but determined. As he approaches, Onika's face begins to slowly repair itself. She doesn't want him to see her as she is. Even now . . . all she cares about is Monroe. I slowly back away until I feel Harlin touch the small of my back.

I turn to let him wrap me in a hug, and he holds me tightly against him. My Harlin. I start to cry, the tears evaporating off my cheeks the minute they touch. The energy inside me is becoming almost too much to hold together.

“You promised you wouldn't leave me again,” Harlin murmurs in my ear. “You promised, Elise.”

“I'm sorry.” I lay my head on Harlin's shoulder. His hand brushes my hair, a silent acceptance, as I watch Onika and Monroe. Marceline had told Monroe that if he could find the humanity in Onika, get her out of the Shadows for even a moment, then maybe I would be able to extinguish her. To do that, I'll need to burst into light. Of course, I still have a choice. But I know which one to make.

Monroe pauses in front of Onika, letting her look over his failing body. Then as he steps forward to put his hand on her cheek, Lucy comes into my line of vision.

“You're so bright,” she says to me. “It's really beautiful.”

“I wish I knew what to say right now,” I tell her, untangling myself from Harlin as he moves back to give us privacy. Lucy won't harm me now. “I wish we could have been sisters forever,” I say, and my voice breaks.

Lucy's lower lip trembles and she glances away. “Maybe this once I can love you enough to let go,” she says.

“I don't want you to,” I answer. “I don't want you to ever let go.”

A thoughtful expression passes over Lucy's features, her blue eyes welling up. “Elise,” she says. “Do you remember when we were little girls and I used to sit you at Mom's vanity, dressing you in pearls and makeup? I dragged you around everywhere with me. My own little baby doll.” She stops. “That feels real to me.”

I nod. “Me too.”

“When it came time to choose,” she says, “I didn't think I could give it up, that love I had for you. For Dad. For myself. Maybe I wasn't strong enough, or maybe this was my true destiny. I'm not sure.

“I'm not able to help my temptations.” She lowers her voice. “I'm forced to do them, compelled, even, by something inside me. Something shadowing my heart. But there's one thing I want you to always know.”

“What's that?” I ask.

“No matter what choice I made, all I ever wanted was to be remembered by my family. I wanted you to know that I loved you more than anything.”

My composure shatters and I sway on my feet, beginning to sob. Harlin comes to steady my shoulders, and I reach into my back pocket, taking out the picture of Lucy and me by the waterfall. I hold it out to her.

“I'm sorry I couldn't save you,” I murmur. “I'm so sorry, Lucy.”

My sister takes the picture of us and lets her grief spill out as she looks it over. When she glances up again, she smiles sadly. “It was never your job to save me, Elise. You were only meant to love me.”

She turns away then. I call her name, but she walks slowly down the middle of Main Street. My chest aches with cries as Harlin holds me up, holds me close. And we watch after Lucy as she leaves as a Shadow—compelled beyond her will to spread misery. We watch her until she disappears completely, leaving me behind.

Harlin doesn't speak. He keeps me pressed to him, his heart pounding against mine. He feels like warmth and love, and above all else—peace.

“Harlin,” I say, lifting my head to look at him. When he meets my eyes, he doesn't respond, tears spilling down his cheeks.

I kiss him softly then, once. Twice. I bring my lips close to his ear. “In another life we are happy,” I murmur, squeezing my eyes shut. “In another life we grow old together.”

My light radiates, sending him this small bit of hope, love. It's not true, but I hope the thought of it can replace some of his pain. When I'm done, I back away as Harlin watches me, a soft smile on his lips, as if he believes my words with all of his heart.

I turn and walk to where Onika stands with Monroe, and it's like they're frozen in time. Monroe's hand is on the smooth surface of her cheek. Onika's eyes are glassy as they stare back at his.

“Do you despise me?” Onika asks in a small voice.

“No,” Monroe says, studying her delicately, as if she's a butterfly that will fly away at any moment. “I shouldn't have let you stay,” he says. “And I shouldn't have turned my back once you did.”

Onika puts her hand over Monroe's. “No, lover. You tried to save me. I just didn't listen.”

“Let me see you,” Monroe whispers, his hand sliding along the waist of her black coat, drawing her closer.

It's then that I can see him—the Monroe who loved her. He is soft and gentle. He is vulnerable to her, for her. “Let me see what you are now,” he says.

Slowly, Onika's skin begins to pale, the color draining away to the gray underneath. It begins to split and crack, gruesome and rotten. But Monroe keeps his hand on her cheek, his eyes never leaving hers. When she's done, she smiles bitterly.

“You were right,” she says. “I'm a monster.”

Monroe doesn't flinch from her words; instead his palm slides over her cheek, the skin flaking away under his touch. But it doesn't stop him as he brings his mouth to her dry lips and kisses her.

I glance back at Harlin, who looks horrified, and then I walk toward them once again. Monroe pulls back, staring at her as if he still sees the beautiful blonde she once was.

“I have always loved you,” he says. “I always will.”

Closing my eyes, I think that it's time. That Onika has regained her humanity, if only for a moment. This is my choice. I don't let myself look back at Harlin as I walk toward her, the Need twisting my insides as it heats, stronger and brighter than ever before.

Monroe coughs and then touches his lips, his fingers coming back with blood. I fight back the cry that wants to escape because I know he won't survive the day. But he's beyond my help. Instead, I pause in front of Onika, overwhelmed with love for her from the light inside of me. “You'll find your peace now,” I say. “At last.”

Onika trembles with the promise of it, the promise of relief from the darkness she's been submerged in. “But it'll end you, too,” she says quietly, as if reminding me.

I nod. “I know. But you're my final Need. My purpose is to find a way to set you free. The Shadows have fed on you long enough.”

Onika smiles then, almost childlike. Monroe lowers himself to the pavement, unable to stand any longer. Across the road, Harlin watches. I bow my head to him once, saying good-bye—knowing that I'll never need anything as much as I need him.

And then I outstretch my arms, stepping forward as the light starts to burst through my form. Onika closes her eyes as her skin peels away. She reaches for me, reaches for her finale.

When we collide—everything stops. In that split second, I can see them all: Harlin with tears fresh on his cheeks, Monroe's solemn expression. My father has the first look of recognition on his face, as if he's about to call out to me.

And in front of me is Onika, her eyes still, her broken face serene in expression. All she ever wanted was to live, but then she found out there were worse things than death. But the light is merciful—and it sent me back to grant it.

So I close my eyes and do just that: I wrap Onika up in my light and extinguish her, sending her into oblivion.