A Voice in the Wind (49 page)

Tense, Julia got up. “Nereus told me yesterday how many thousands of sesterces Caius owed Anicetus. He said Caius has been trying to sell some of the investments Marcus made on my behalf, but couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t?”

“Apparently, Marcus arranged to be informed immediately upon the event of certain properties being placed on the market,” she said as she paced restlessly. “Caius knew Marcus would tell me what was going on. That left him in the position of trying to buy time until he could arrange for enough money to repay Anicetus.”

She glanced at Calabah. “Anicetus had a birthday celebration this evening, and Caius
insisted
I go.” She stopped and shivered. “I’m cold, Calabah.” Calabah got her cloak and put it around her shoulders. Julia felt wretched.

“Anicetus finds me beautiful,” she said. “He’s made his desire for me all too obvious. Caius was always jealous before and told me to sit as far away from him as possible so as not to encourage him. This evening, Caius wanted me to
smile
and
flirt
with that despicable cretin. He said Anicetus would be insulted if I didn’t attend his birthday celebration. Of course, after Nereus told me the truth, I knew why Caius was so insistent. He wanted Anicetus in a good mood when he pleaded for additional time to repay his debt.”

She sat down on the bed again, her face rigid. “Well, his debt is canceled.”

“Canceled,” Calabah said dully and turned away. She sighed heavily. “How did you manage that?”

“I made arrangements with Anicetus.”

“What sort of arrangements, Julia?”

“I spent an hour entertaining him in his private chambers,” she said and immediately rebelled against the shame her admission caused. She came to her feet. “Caius has been unfaithful to me often enough!” she said defensively. “It’s time he knew what it felt like.”

Calabah looked oddly pained. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

“I enjoyed the look on Caius’ face while I smiled and flirted with Anicetus as he asked me to do. I enjoyed the look on his face when I left the feast without him. I enjoyed imagining what he was going through the entire time I was gone. Oh, yes, I enjoyed every minute of that.“

“And it never once occurred to you that Caius would retaliate?”

“I didn’t care!” Julia said and looked away as her eyes filled with tears. “But I’ve never seen him so enraged, Calabah. He was like a madman.”

“You humiliated him before his peers.”

Julia looked up angrily. “You’re defending him? After all the times he’s made me suffer?”

“I wouldn’t think of defending him. I despise him for the things he’s done to you for his own pleasure. But think, Julia! You know Caius. You know his pride. You know his rages. He’ll kill you for this.”

Julia paled. “Then I won’t go back.”

“You’ll have to go back or lose everything.” Calabah sat down beside her and took her hand. She let out her breath slowly and squeezed Julia’s hand. “You’re going to have to protect yourself.”

“But how?” Julia said, her eyes swimming in frightened tears.

Calabah tipped Julia’s chin toward her and searched her eyes intently. “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never shared with anyone else. Can I trust you to keep my confidence?”

Julia blinked as she stared into the depths of Calabah’s dark eyes. They seemed fathomless and mysterious, full of secrets. “Yes,” she said, trembling slightly.

Calabah leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. “I know you will.” She laid the palm of her hand lightly against Julia’s cheek, her eyes beautiful and mesmerizing. “I’ve known from the beginning you and I would be very close friends.” Her touch lingered briefly and then slid away, leaving Julia with a strange sensation of uneasiness.

Calabah stood and moved gracefully away. “Everyone believes my husband Aurius died of apoplexy.” She turned and looked back at Julia, wanting to judge her reaction when she told her the truth. “In fact, I
_%
poisoned him.” She watched Julia’s eyes widen with surprise, but not disapproval. She was curious, wanting explanations, and Calabah continued.

“Marriage to him had become intolerable. He was old and repulsive when I married him, but I remained a constant wife. I managed his financial affairs, his appointments, his estate matters. I gave him sound political advice. I rebuilt his dwindling fortune. Then, after one small indiscretion on my part, Aurius threatened to divorce me.“

Calabah smiled cynically. “We live in a man’s world, Julia. Our husbands can commit adultery as often as desire comes upon them, but one offense on the part of a woman can cost her her life. Not that Aurius would have had the courage to threaten me with death. No, he hated me, but he was afraid, too. He used to say it was my intellect that made him fall in love with me, that and my sensuality. Later, he was threatened by both.” She gave a soft, cold laugh. “All he said was he wanted to be free again. Had he been, he would have destroyed everything I’d built. He would have left me with nothing for all my effort, and Roman law would’ve blessed his right to do so.”

She looked at Julia. “His death was quick and merciful. I didn’t want him to feel any pain. I planned a feast and entertainment. Those who were present the evening Aurius died were convinced he’d had a brain seizure.” Her mouth curved. “I arranged for a physician to confirm their supposition, in case questions arose later. None did.”

Calabah sat down beside Julia again. “Of course, your situation is different. Caius is young. You’d have to use something slower acting in order for his death to appear natural. There are little-known poisons that cause high fevers very similar to the ones so common around Rome during the flood season these days.” She took Julia’s hand. It was cold and clammy. “You’re afraid. I understand. Believe me, I was, too, but after all he’s put you through, and with the way he now threatens you, what choices have you? I know an old woman who served Augustus Caesar’s wife, Livia. She has great knowledge and can help us.”

“But must I
murder
him?” Julia said, pulling her hand away and rising. She wanted to flee.

“Is it murder to defend yourself? Do you know what becomes of a woman without family and connections? She’s destitute and at the mercy of a very cruel world. Aurius held a sword over my head, and I chose to fight back.”

Julia felt faint and dizzy. “Isn’t there another way?” she said shakily and touched her forehead, feeling beads of perspiration break out.

Calabah let the silence fill the room for several moments before she spoke again. She knew all of Julia’s weaknesses, and now was the time to use them. “You could go to your mother and father and tell them what’s happened.”

“No, I couldn’t do that,” Julia said quickly.

“Your father has power and influence. Tell him how Caius has beaten you and let him crush him.”

“You don’t understand, Calabah. My father would demand to know why my husband beat me. He thinks I’m to blame for Claudius’ death. If he found out about Anicetus, he wouldn’t take my side.”

Satisfied, Calabah moved to Julia’s next ally. “What about your mother?”

“No,” Julia said, shaking her head. “I don’t want her to know about any of this. I don’t want her to think ill of me.”

Calabah smiled faintly. Julia’s pride was as great as Caius‘. “What about Marcus?” she said, moving to eliminate the last possibility.

“Marcus would give Caius some of his own medicine, then threaten him on top of it,” Julia said, finding some solace in this potential solution.

“All of which would only put you in more danger,” Calabah said with cool rationale. “However, there is another possibility you might consider. Encourage Marcus to destroy Caius financially. Once your money is all gone, Caius will undoubtedly agree to a divorce,” she said smoothly, watching Julia’s expected response in private amusement.

“And where will that leave me? No, that’s no solution, Calabah. I’d be without an aureus to my name, back in my father’s household with him dictating my every movement. I swore I’d never allow that to happen ever again.”

Calabah fell silent, knowing Julia would eventually agree with her about what must be done. She had known from the very beginning when she had fanned the lust of Julia and Caius’ relationship that it would end this way.

Julia paced, searching for justifications and rationalizations. She found them, along with a wave of violent and confusing emotions. “He’s used me in ways that are abominable. He’s been unfaithful. He’s thrown my money away on gambling and other women. Then he tries to use Anicetus’ desire for me to his own advantage. I save him, and is he grateful when his debt is canceled? No! He beats me and swears he’ll kill me.” Trembling violently, she sat down and buried her face in her hands. “
He deserves to die
!”

Calabah put her arm around her shoulders. “Hush, now, Julia. Caius has brought all this upon himself,” she said, neatly absolving her of guilt.

“But how can I accomplish it? I’d have to live with him again, and I’m terrified of going back.”

“I still have some influence over Gaius. I’ll speak with him over the next few days and make him realize that abusing you would bring certain disaster down upon his head. He’s not a complete fool, Julia. He’ll exercise control in order to protect himself from your brother and your father, but only for a time. We both know Caius. He’ll be thinking of ways to hurt you, and time will erode what control he has over his temper. Don’t look so frightened. Trust me. A few doses during one week, and his health will decline. During the weeks that follow, Caius will be no real threat to you.”

Julia’s heart beat like a trapped bird before a snake. “And if he becomes suspicious?”

“Julia, darling, forgive me for telling you this, but Caius wouldn’t think you capable of such cunning. He’s always thought you intellectually unremarkable. He doesn’t appreciate you as I do. It was his lust for you that brought him to his knees. You needn’t worry about his becoming suspicious. It’d never occur to him that you’d be capable of saving yourself from him.” She squeezed her hand softly. “But you must act wisely.”

“What do you mean?” Julia stammered.

“Tend him with care. Weep for him. Sacrifice to the gods in his behalf. Consult with several physicians. I will supply you with names of those you can trust. Above all, Julia, no matter what he says, what accusations he makes, do
not
answer in kind. Never lose your temper with him or all is lost. Do you understand? Let those around you see you behave as a loving and devoted wife. And finally, Julia,
grieve
for him when the time comes.”

Julia nodded slowly, her face ashen. She raised her head, her cheeks already streaked with tears.

“Don’t look so sad, my sweet little friend. There’s no such thing as right and wrong in this world, no black and white. Life is filled with gray areas, and the most primal instinct of all is survival. The strong survive. Not necessarily the strong of body, but the strong of mind. You will come through this.”

The maid arrived with the salve. “I’ll see to her,” Calabah told the slave and closed the door. “Remove your palus, Julia, and lie face down on my bed,” Calabah said. “I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

Julia drew a gasp at the first touch. It was like fire. Then the sensation cooled, and she relaxed and allowed Calabah to tend her wounds. “What would I do without you, Calabah?”

“Haven’t I said from the first? I’m always here. You’ll never have to do without me.” Calabah’s dark eyes glowed with black fire. “When all this unpleasantness is over, you must set your mind to put it behind you and forget it ever happened. Only then will you be able to grasp true happiness. I’ll show you the way.” She ran her hand slowly down over Julia’s back. “You have so much yet to learn. Life is like a play, Julia, and we are the writers who create it. Think of this as merely one act… one small act with many more to come…”

23

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Hadassah roused when someone touched her forehead. “She’s perspiring,” Julia said.

“She has a fever, my lady. It’s not severe. We’re watching over her closely,” Elisheba said timidly.

Hadassah opened her eyes and found she lay facedown on a pallet. The floor was dark stone like the floors in the small chambers in winding corridors beneath the villa, where household supplies were stored. Someone had lifted the blankets from her and now slid them gently up to cover her to the shoulders. “The wounds look raw,” Julia said.

“We packed them with salt to prevent infection, my lady,” Lavinia said in a tone so meek and frightened, Hadassah knew something was wrong. She moved and sucked in a soft gasp as the searing pain made her wish for oblivion again.

“Try not to move, Hadassah,” Julia whispered, a firm hand on the girl’s trembling shoulder. “You’ll make the pain worse and open your wounds again. I’ve only come to see that you are being properly tended,” she said.

Hadassah heard the edge in her mistress’s voice and sensed she was speaking more to Lavinia, the maid who had tried to stop her from entering Julia’s room and interfering with Urbanus, than to herself. It must be that Lavinia now nursed her. Elisheba was crying and Julia told her coldly to hush.

Hadassah heard a soft rustle of movement as Julia rose. She gave a curt order to the maids to bring food and wine and be quick. Steeling herself against the pain, Hadassah pushed herself into a sitting position. She was very weak, and her stiff, scabbing back stung and throbbed in protest of even that small effort. Julia’s face was too shadowed to see clearly. Had Urbanus marked her? When Julia turned, Hadassah saw he hadn’t and let out her breath. “You are well,” she said in relief.

Julia’s face softened. She knelt down and took Hadassah’s hand. “A few bruises, nothing more. Caius would’ve killed me if not for you.” She put Hadassah’s hand against her own pale cheek, her eyes moist as they looked into hers. “What will I do without you?”

“Then I am to be sent away,” Hadassah said bleakly. Urbanus could order her death for disobeying his command, even when his command would have meant her mistress’s death.