A Visit From Sir Nicholas (39 page)

"Fitting?" Elizabeth raised a brow. "I'm not certain how fitting it is, but it does bring things full circle."

"Talk to him at the ball."

"I shall not grovel."

"I'm not sure a certain amount of groveling isn't called for on both your parts. Nonetheless, you should probably wait to see if he grovels first."

Elizabeth smiled reluctantly. "Nicholas does not strike me as a man who takes well to groveling."

"One has to make sacrifices for love," Jules said in a superior tone. "On second thought, you might be well advised to grovel a tiny bit yourself. You were, after all, oh, what is the word I'm thinking of?"

"Wrong?"

"Exactly." Jules nodded. "About a great many things, but most of all for not sharing the blame for your parting and your life."

Elizabeth frowned. "What do you mean, my life?"

"Come now, Lizzie, if you hadn't been so determined to hide the brains God had seen fit to bestow on you, so intent on appearing flighty and empty-headed, simpering and—"

"I did not simper! I never simpered."

"Well, perhaps my memory fails me in that area." Jules shrugged. "Even so, the fault lies as much with you

—"

"Yes, yes." Elizabeth waved off the comment. "I know that and I have acknowledged it. What still remains though is what to do about this business of trusting Nicholas. I thought I did trust him, but apparently, thanks to Charles, I don't." She tapped her fingers on the table. "To be honest, Jules, I'm not sure that my jealousy in regards to Nicholas has anything whatsoever to do with Charles. Perhaps I was never jealous where Charles was concerned, not that he ever gave me a reason to be, mind you, because the love that I had for him wasn't even remotely like what I feel for Nicholas." She got to her feet and resumed pacing, searching for the right words with every step. "Loving Charles was an easy, peaceful sort of thing. There was no particular effort to it. Loving Nicholas is tempestuous and frightening and," she rested her hands on her stomach, "exciting in a queasy sort of way." Jules nodded wisely. "A grand passion."

"I do hope so. It's all rather a lot of trouble to go through for anything less." She met her sister's gaze. "I can't promise him I shall never be jealous."

"Tell him. I think a certain amount of jealousy is to be expected and condoned when one has a grand passion."

A discreet knock sounded at the door and Elizabeth's butler stepped into the breakfast room. "Beg pardon, my lady, but you have a caller."

"Sir Nicholas?" Elizabeth brushed her hair away from her face and glanced at her sister. "I can't possibly see him now. Whatever will he think?"

"He'll think you've spent as dreadful a night as hopefully he has," Jules said. "And he'll probably think you look charming."

"Still, I—"

Hammond cleared his throat. "Forgive my interruption, my lady, but it's not Sir Nicholas. It's a woman."

"A woman?" Elizabeth sighed. "I have no desire to see anyone at the moment. Please tell her I am indisposed."

"She said to tell you it's a matter of some delicacy and quite important." Jules huffed impatiently. "Out with it, Hammond, who is it?"

"A Miss Godwin," Hammond said with a distinct note of disapproval in his voice. Elizabeth and Jules traded glances.

"Well, this should prove interesting." Curiosity gleamed in Jules's eyes.

"Show her into the parlor. We shall join her in a minute." Elizabeth nodded at the butler. "And do ask Cook to prepare a tray. Some of those tarts, I think, and tea."

"Very well, my lady." At once Hammond took his leave.

"I wonder what she wants?" Elizabeth murmured.

"There is only one way to find out." Jules grinned. "And I for one can hardly wait." Theodora Godwin stood by the window gazing absently out onto the street. Tall and striking and dressed in the latest fashion, the actress had an air of grace about her that was most compelling. It was no wonder she was acclaimed on stage.

What woman in her right mind would not be jealous of such a vision?

"Miss Godwin?" Elizabeth stepped into the room, Jules right at her heels. The actress turned toward her with a nervous smile. "Teddy, remember?"

"Yes, of course, Teddy." Elizabeth returned the smile. "And you've met my sister?"

"At Lord Thornecroft's." Teddy nodded at Jules. "It's lovely to see you again." She looked at Elizabeth.

"I had rather hoped we could speak privately."

"Oh, you shan't even know I'm here," Jules said brightly.

"My sister was just leaving." Elizabeth cast Jules a firm glance. "She has a great many errands to attend to, what with Christmas being two days away and all."

"I could certainly stay."

"But we would hate to keep you." Elizabeth took her sister's elbow and escorted her to the parlor door. Jules leaned close and spoke softly into Elizabeth's ear. "You will promise to tell me everything later, though."

Elizabeth smiled. "Probably."

Jules frowned with annoyance, then glanced back at Teddy. "Apparently I have a great number of errands to run. Good day, Miss Godwin."

Teddy laughed lightly. "Good day."

Jules cast her sister a last hopeful glance, heaved a resigned sigh, and sailed out of the room. Elizabeth closed the doors firmly behind her.

"She may never forgive you for that," Teddy said with a smile. "Your sister is extraordinarily curious."

"She always has been." Elizabeth stepped to the sofa, sat down, and gestured for the actress to take a seat. "But I must confess, at the moment, I share her curiosity." Teddy settled on the edge of a nearby chair. "You're surprised then? That I'm here?"

"Very much so."

"To be entirely honest, I hadn't really planned on calling on you, but I had forgotten my parasol at Nicky's yesterday. I have just been to his house."

"Oh?" Elizabeth said in as casual a manner as she could muster. "And how is Sir Nicholas today?" Teddy studied her thoughtfully. "You're not very good at this, are you?"

"Good at what?"

Teddy smiled. "Acting."

"I wasn't…" Elizabeth sighed. "I used to be very good at it, pretending to be someone I wasn't, that is."

"It's a skill you've lost."

Elizabeth chuckled in spite of herself. "I haven't needed it." She sobered and leaned toward Teddy. "How is Nicholas?"

"Terrible. Simply awful." The actress shook her head. "I have seen any number of men at their very worst through the years, but I'm not sure I've ever seen a man in such a state."

"Really?" Elizabeth brightened.

Teddy nodded. "He has been up most of the night drowning his sorrows, and today he is in the foulest of moods, most unpleasant I assure you, which simply mirrors his appearance. He looks," she thought for a moment, "like he's been drug through the streets behind a horse."

"A carriage," Elizabeth murmured.

"Exactly." Teddy pulled her brows together. "I must say you look rather… well…
weary
yourself."

"You're being kind." Elizabeth grimaced. "I suspect my appearance is comparable to Nicholas's, and I know I feel exactly the same way I look."

"He's miserable."

"Good." Elizabeth heaved a heartfelt sigh. "I should hate to be miserable alone." Teddy hesitated for a moment, then set her shoulders squarely. "He talked to me rather freely about the two of you. I don't think he would have under other circumstances, but this morning he is, well—"

"Intoxicated?"

"Oh no, I think that's worn off but for the lingering effects." Teddy shuddered. "As I said, he's quite miserable. At any rate, I felt compelled to come here and speak with you myself."

"There's really no need. I know I've been foolish, but I can't seem to help myself." She met the other woman's gaze. "I love him, you see."

"As well you should. I would love him myself if I didn't think of him as something of a brother." Teddy grinned wryly. "I've often thought that was rather a pity. I think Nicky is a wonderful man." Elizabeth stared. Perhaps her jealousy was not entirely far-fetched.

"You really needn't worry." Teddy leaned forward, her manner as sincere as her words. "He loves you. He has loved you for as long as he can remember, and I daresay he always will."

"Has he?" Elizabeth said softly. The mere fact that Nicholas was willing to admit his feelings aloud to someone other than her was deeply significant and filled her with a lovely sort of warmth.

"Indeed he has."

"Still, one has to wonder, I don't know." Without thinking, Elizabeth's gaze drifted to the window that looked out at Nicholas's house. "Is love enough? There is so much that has passed between us. So many recriminations and regrets." She shook her head. "I do not want to lose him again, but I am at a loss as to how to prevent that. He has this theory, you see, about trust, and it's"—she met the other woman's concerned gaze—"not entirely absurd. But I have no solution."

"I see." Doubt flickered across Teddy's lovely face.

Elizabeth studied Teddy carefully. The actress was decidedly unsure about something. "Forgive me for being blunt, but is there something you wish to tell me?" Her stomach lurched and she braced herself.

"About Nicholas?"

"Oh, no, not at all."

Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief.

Teddy hesitated, as if she was debating the merits of her next words. At last she nodded slightly, more to herself than to Elizabeth. "Although there is something on my mind. It has nothing whatsoever to do with all of this, but I would truly appreciate some advice."

"I'd be happy to help." Elizabeth smiled in a confidential manner. "I've always rather liked giving advice."

"Excellent." Teddy drew a deep breath. "A friend of mine is writing a new play and he has a role he thinks will suit me." She met Elizabeth's gaze. "I told the story to Nicky yesterday evening."

"A play?" Elizabeth winced. "Oh, dear. I know nothing about the theater, and, Teddy, I'm not really—"

"Do humor me, Elizabeth. I could use the opinion of another woman."

"My thoughts may not be all that helpful today," Elizabeth said wryly. Still, Teddy's play might well take her mind off her own problems. And the least she could do was listen, given Teddy's kindness in coming here to mend matters between Elizabeth and Nicholas. "Very well then, do go on." Teddy drew a deep breath. "I would play the role of a foolish woman who falls in love with the wrong man. A man who is already married."

Elizabeth scoffed. "It doesn't sound very original thus far. I daresay I've heard this plot before."

"Perhaps." Teddy smiled. "The character I would portray has always thought of herself as honorable and had never before considered any sort of involvement with a married gentleman. Yet when they meet, there is something between them that is irresistible. Almost as if they were meant for each other. As if their souls were bound together."

"A grand passion then?"

"A grand passion?" Teddy nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I like that. I suppose it was. He was indeed the grand passion, the great love of her life. Even so, they were not free to be together."

"Because he was married?" Elizabeth was intrigued in spite of herself.

"Exactly. So, the character I would play decides to put him out of her mind and flees the country. To America, I think, where she meets a gentleman she had met once before but now they become very good friends. They have a great deal in common, you see. Both are far away from home, and he too is trying to put out of his mind the memory of the woman he loved but was not free to be with."

"In America," Elizabeth said slowly. Where had she heard this story before?

"Neither of them reveals the names of their loves, and eventually she returns home determined never to see the gentleman she loves again."

"But she did." It was a statement more than a question.

"Yes, she did. She didn't want to, but it was inevitable, part of the plot."

"Yes, it would be, wouldn't it?" Elizabeth murmured, realization growing within her.

"They are together for years. A secret, private relationship she keeps even from her closest friends." It must be quite difficult.

Teddy shrugged. "It is all in the name of love. It is not the life that she had wanted, but it is all they have. He never offers to leave his wife and she never asks. My character believes the gentleman truly loves his wife, it was simply a different sort of love."

Elizabeth's heart thudded in her chest. "Not a grand passion?"

"No." Teddy shook her head. "But real and important to him nonetheless. He had known her and her family much of his life. At any rate, the gentleman dies and my character is left alone with nothing but the memories of a love she could never reveal."

"It's a very sad play." Something oddly like panic washed through her, and Elizabeth rose to her feet. "I don't know that I wish to hear the rest. I'm not at all sure that I like it."

"But it's not over." Teddy stood, her gaze intense. "My character runs into her old friend from America again. And this is where the play takes a twist. It turns out the woman he loves, the woman he could never be with, is the wife of the very gentleman she loved."

"That is a twist." Elizabeth held her breath. "And?"

"It seems the wife knew about the other woman but not soon enough to confront her husband before his death. And the friend realizes that if the wife knew her husband had truly found the love of his life, she would at last be free to be with her true love. She would be at peace." Elizabeth struggled against the lump in her throat. "And is she?"

"I don't know. The end hasn't been written."

Teddy's gaze locked with Elizabeth's, and they stared for an endless moment. At last Teddy drew a deep breath. "I must go. I am already late for a costume fitting."

"Will you do the play then?"

"I don't know that either. As you said, it's very sad."

Elizabeth drew a deep breath. "I am so sorry. For your character that is, and the husband."

"You needn't be, it's just a play." She studied Elizabeth for a long moment. "If I might give you a piece of advice, Elizabeth. Nicky is a good man. Don't lose him again."

"I don't intend to." Elizabeth forced a smile. "Thank you."