A Very Christopher Christmas (A Death Dwellers MC Novella) (39 page)

“I love you so much, Aston. Did you ever love me? Can’t you try to love me back?” I murmur through my sobs as I cling to him.
 

He exhales as his hands run over me attempting to soothe me unsuccessfully. “I tried to love you Amber…but all my love is for Annie,” he says stabbing the knife in and twisting it.
 

“So you’re back together then?” I ask as I almost wretch saying the words.
 

He exhales and shakes his head. “I don’t know. Not right now we’re not. I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is it’s not fair for me to be with you when I’m clearly in love
with her still. I thought the feelings would fade away and vanish with time. I thought I could love you. You’re perfect and I really wanted to love you, Amber,” he says.
 

Suddenly anger seeps in, my hands clutching at his shirt, I push his chest making him take a step back from me, his feet shuffle under him and he almost loses balance.
 

“You were using me,” I state. He slumps his body and steps closer to me as I take a step back.
 

“I didn’t think I was, but now I see maybe that’s exactly what I was doing. I’m so desperately sorry that I’ve done this to you,” he says taking another step forward. I take another step back keeping the distance and putting my hand up to stop him.
 

“I love you! I fucking love you with everything in me Aston. I have nothing left to give. You were it for me, do you get that?” I say an octave louder than my usual voice, the sound echoing through the hallway.
 

“I know, I’m so sorry I let it go this far,” he says and I scoff.
 

“How could you do this to me? You knew I was hurting when you met me. You pulled me from a pain-filled abyss and now you’re throwing me right back in there. Only this time it’s worse because now I have no one to drag me out again.”
 

He shakes his head. “That’s not true, your brother will be there for you.”
 

I scoff as the tears continue to sting my face. “You think my brother can save me. You’re breaking me, Aston. You’re dooming me to a life without love. I can never come back from this. How can I trust again after this? You’ve ruined me!” I yell and he steps closer, but I start to thrash my hands around to stop him from getting anywhere near me. He grabs my hands and pulls me to him as I sob so hard that my body is aching from all the heaving. He pulls my body against his and to my surprise his lips meet mine, and my world turns on its axis and spins out of control. The man I’d give up my life for is kissing me and it feels so right, but I know that this is our goodbye kiss and the thought alone is crippling me. My knees buckle from under me and crash to the cold marble floor. My body goes limp as I fall to the frigid floor sobbing and wilting away just like a flower dying under the blistering sun.
 

Aston rests his hand on my back and I hear him sniff as though he’s crying. But I’m curled up in a ball and I can’t bring myself to look at him.
 

“I’m so, so sorry, Amber. After talking with Caleb, I have to go with my heart. Annie is my heart. I hope you’ll be okay. I hate seeing you like this and knowing I’m the reason you’re this way kills me. But I know you’ll make it through the storm. You’re strong, Amber Jewel. Thank you for loving me like you have. I’ll never forget you,” he says and leans down kissing my head.
 

I continue to sob, curled into a ball on the cold menacing marbled floor. My sobbing is surrounding my senses until I hear his footsteps walking away from me, then the latching of the front door closing with a gentle click. I feel his presence leave before I see it. The warmth and happiness in my life departed through that door and I have nothing left to live for. Pain is an emotion I can’t stand to bare. Everything that meant something to me is gone, and now the pain of losing my mother that was masked by being with Aston is swallowing me whole. I’m drowning…I’m drowning so fast I don’t think I can surface. But most of all I want to let it suffocate me, so I can’t feel the tortuous pain anymore. The pain is too much. I need this to be over. I want this to be over…
 

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A Summer to Remember
 

by C.L. Richards
 

Blurb
 

Isabelle Taylor’s world is tipped on its axis when she loses her high school sweetheart. Leaving her wracked with guilt and determined not to hurt anyone else, she does everything in her power to keep everyone at arm’s length. But one insanely hot American pushes his way through the solid walls Isabelle has built. Isabelle is left asking herself one question, Is it possible to love twice in one lifetime?  
 

Xavier Harrison doesn't date. He's the man your parents tell you to avoid.  Xavier is visiting the UK for the summer, and isn’t expecting to meet the love of his life. Isabelle draws him in, making him crave more but why can’t he resist her?
 

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Chapter One
 

Isabelle
 

"Isabelle, come on, girl; three months have passed. You miss him, I get it, we do too. But, he'd want you to take care of yourself."  
 

I stay nestled in my bed with my back to Nikki, my best friend since forever. I've been unwell for the last couple of weeks, continually tired with consistent sickness. I’ve put it down to Josh's death, but I got a niggling feeling it’s something more.
 

"I’ve booked you a doctor’s appointment. We leave in the hour. I'm not taking no for an answer," Nikki declares.
 

I'm not ready to face the possible outcome of the doctor’s appointment. Josh should be with me. If only I could release the musings of him from my brain. It's less demanding to breathe when I'm numb.
 

"Don't ignore me, Izzy." There's no escaping her. Dragging myself out of bed, I stumble into the bathroom. Catching my reflection in the mirror, a stranger gazes back at me out of haunted amber eyes with uncombed, blonde hair. An empty expression helps to remind me of what I did.
 

Tears form in the corners of my eyes. I try to dismiss the memories of Josh spinning through my mind. But one word continues to niggle at my conscience.
 

Why?
 

"Izzy, are you okay?" Nikki calls through the wooden door.  Before I mumble a response, she barges in. "Oh, chick. Come here." She pulls me into her arms.
 

Unable to hold the tears any longer, I choke out, "I miss him, Nikki. I want him back."
 

Nikki stays calm, an excruciating silence extending between us. Not that I blame her. There's nothing she can say to ease the pain or to ease the blame developing inside me.
 

"Have a shower. We leave in forty minutes." She turns on the shower and heads for the door. "I will lay your clothes out for you," she states before closing the door tenderly behind her.
 

I shake my head at Nikki's bossiness. A grin graces my lips, for the first time in what feels like forever.
 

After a quick wash, I wrap myself in a towel and discover my clothes perfectly stacked on the vanity.
 

"You ready to go?" Izzy calls from my room. "We're leaving in five."
 

I assemble my hair into a muddled bun and make my way downstairs.
 

We spend the following five minutes arguing over whose car we will take. After my constant complaining Nikki's surrenders, agreeing we ought to go in separate cars.
 

Outside the doctor's, Nikki reminds me, "Whatever happens, I will be by your side every step of the way." I send her a nod of acknowledgment, desperate for my tears not to show, not here.
 

Twenty minutes later, the doctor requests I consider the outcome I'm fearing. "Miss Taylor, is there a possibility you could be pregnant?"
 

No… No…please! No. I would prefer not to face reality, particularly when it should be both mine and Josh's special moment.
 

The doctor clarifies what to expect next in a brisk manner. “Once they've tested your urine, the results will take up to four days to return.”
 

Four long days for the results. How am I going to survive? I leave the office, in a complete trance. Scrambling towards the car, I don’t give any thought to Nikki. I need to be in the safety of my bed.
 

I arrive home in a condition of frenzy, my hands clenched into fists, in a try to delay the trembles running through them. My unsteady breathing is difficult to get under control. Hoping anxiety doesn't raise its appalling head, I’m not ready for my brother, Kyle, to know of my possible pregnancy.
 

Pushing the front door open, my sibling comes strolling down the hallway. "Where the fuck have you been? Christ, Izzy! You look like crap. You feeling alright?"
 

"Whatever." I'm not in the mood for his meddling nature.  
 

"I prefer not to ask but would you be able to run me to the airport? My car won't start, and I have to pick up the crew."
 

Crap, I overlooked Kyle's mates were visiting from America for the summer. "Why can't mother or father take you?"
 

He shakes his head. "Mom and dad left on a business trip earlier today. They're not returning for five weeks."
 

"Why not take my car?" On second thought, I don't trust him not to drive recklessly. "Don't worry. Let's go." After an hour of driving, I maneuver my car into a space, not far from the main entrance. Kyle hops out to meet his friends.
 

A hard knot forms in my stomach, inching its way through my body. The blame is too much to consume. I venture out of the car for a breather, still lost in the ‘what ifs’.  What happens if I am pregnant?
 

Four shadows tower over me, pulling me from my pondering. Kyle indicates to the guy on his left side. "Izzy, meet Xavier."  
 

He's breathtaking. His dark, chaotic hair falls into his bright blue eyes that eagerly seek my gaze.
 

An audible sigh slips past my lips.
 

"Isabelle." Kyle pokes my shoulder pulling me back to reality.
 

Crap, he's caught me staring. How humiliating. I missed what the other men's names were.
 

Xavier inclines towards me, whispering in my ear, "you intrigued?"  
 

I give a discrete shake of my head, in hopes no one sees my humiliation. Warmth ascends along my cheeks.
 

In a bid of opening the door, I grab the handle and tug until there's enough clearing to move into the driver's seat. Kyle slips into the passenger's seat while the others settle themselves in the back. And, we're en route home.
 

Trying to focus on the road before me is proving to be a difficult task. I'm preoccupied with the cutie sat behind me. God, he smells astonishing. Manly yet with a hint of pine. I switch to breathing through my mouth, in plans to stop myself inhaling his perfect scent.
 

We arrive back at the house and I roll the car to a stop. Killing the ignition, I don't wait for the others to exit the car before making my getaway, in need of alone time.
 

After an hour of quiet time with no peace, my mind spins with the possible responsibilities of a child without Josh. Will I cope being a solitary guardian?  How will I survive without a penny to my name?
 

Crap! My parents! What are they going to say? Unnecessary inquiry. I envision what their responses are liable to be. Father will shake his head, with disappointment. Mother will hit the rooftop. "What will happen with school?" she'll rage. "You had plans for the future. How are you going to get your English degree?"
 

My phone beeps, hauling me out of my musings. I hang over the bed, in an act to grab the phone. The message symbol shows a message from Nikki.
 

Her: Hey, Honey, checking in to see whether you're alright? You hightailed it out the doctor’s without a single word. You had me worried, girl.  
 

Me: I'm good, just got back from the air terminal with Kyle. It slipped my mind Kyle's mates were visiting.
 

Her: Are they hot?  Please, tell me they are. Rhondda needs new males to lust after.
 

Typical Nikki, always searching for her next indulgence. We're complete opposites. She's a party animal who loves having a good time. I'm the quieter of the two. My perfect night is curling up with a good book.