A Tragic Heart (19 page)

She is hiding something from me, and I don’t like it. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but something doesn’t feel right. She would never go out in the rain for anything; and above all, not at two in the morning. Either Peyton is dealing with something terrible, or she is covering something up. I try to push the thought out of my head, but I’m just not strong enough. She is too close to Peyton, and I don’t like it. There are times when I’m convinced that she loves him more than she loves me. Like I come second and he’s her husband. I know that isn’t true, but with the stunt that she pulled tonight, I can’t help but think it.

It’s a good thing we’re taking this trip to Australia; we need some alone time. We need to be away from all the people we know. Hopefully, on this trip we can build up our honesty levels with each other and we can go back to the way things were. All I can do is hope.

Peyton

I
’ve been lonely for the past few weeks without Taylor. School is a drag, and at home, I watch TV all day. I practice with my band occasionally, or practice boxing, but I don’t feel like doing much when Taylor isn’t around. I spend most of the day in school with Jagger, but it doesn’t take my mind off of Taylor. I have an obsession. But it’s not the “crazy stalker” type; it’s the I-can’t-live-without-you type. The only reason I’m still alive is because I know that she’s willing to come back to me. She says she will. She always keeps her promises.

She and Mason are in Australia right now, and the only thing I can think about is him touching her and having the chance to love her the way I should be doing. I know I should get over it because he is her husband and he has every right to love and touch her. I’m just torturing myself with thoughts of her and I’m dying a slow death because of it.

Taylor

A
ustralia is amazing! It’s everything I’ve dreamed of and more. Mason has been extra sweet, ever since we touched down in Sydney. We’ve been to different beaches, and each one of them is more amazing than the last. I would love to stay for the rest of my life.

It is already nightfall when Mason decides we should go see an outdoor movie. I think it will be a great experience, so I happily agree to the idea.

When the movie starts, Mason and I were hugged up with each other and I can’t help but stare at him. He is beautiful in so many ways. All I can think about is how I am going to break his heart more than he did mine. It’s starting to tear me up from the inside.

Despite those thoughts, this is one of the most romantic nights of the trip. Watching a movie in the Royal Botanic Gardens in Sydney, with the lights from the harbor and city as a backdrop is probably the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen in my life; and being next to Mason makes it even more beautiful.

As we’re leaving the movie and walking through the streets of Sydney, Mason notices a fortune-teller. “We should get our fortunes told,” he says, smiling at me.

“No. I don’t believe in those things,” I answer. “Besides, it’s creepy.”

“Well, I don’t believe in it either, but we’re in Australia. It’s a good time to try something we never thought we’d try.”

“Mason, I don’t know…”

“Come on, it’s just for fun,” he says, dragging me inside.

It is a typical fortune-telling store. Incense fills the air. Weird statues surround us, and strings of beads hang from the ceiling, adding to my awkward feeling. “Mason, I don’t like this,” I whisper, holding onto him for dear life.

He just laughs and tells me to relax. Soon enough, we’re greeted by a woman wearing a colorful turban on her head and rainbow-colored clothing. For some reason, I am nervous.

“You’re here to get your fortune read, I presume,” she says.

“Wow, you’re good,” Mason replies, joking.

She laughs and says that he’s charming. I’m still holding onto him.

“Take a seat, both of you,” she instructs. “It’s nice to see a young married couple for a change.” She sits down across from Mason and me.

Either she noticed the ring on my finger or she’s the real thing. I look down at my hand and realize that I took my ring off when we went to the beach so it wouldn’t get lost—as did Mason. Maybe she
is
the real thing.

She takes out her cards and proceeds with the session. I’m still a bit nervous. She knew we were married without either one of us saying anything; what else could she possibly know about us?

“I’m seeing that you two have someone or maybe even a number of people trying to come between you,” she starts.

I become even more uncomfortable.

“I see a male and a female. Both of them want one of you to themselves. You two aren’t being completely honest with each other; or at least, one of you is being dishonest,” she states, looking directly at me.

How did I turn into the bad guy so quickly?

“Be careful of those closest to you. They may not have your best interests at heart,” she says, now looking at Mason. “Young man, you’re young and still have so much to look forward to.”

She turns to me. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t see much for you, young lady. Maybe my vision is a bit blurry and you have many surprises coming your way. But I can’t tell whether they’re bad or good. I can only tell you both to be careful.”

When we’re done, Mason pays her and tells her to have a nice night. I am extremely nervous and uncomfortable. She basically told Mason about Peyton and my intentions. I just hope he didn’t catch on to any of it.

It’s now really late, but Mason and I are still walking around the city. I can’t help but continue to think about what the psychic said: I have no future. I don’t know how to take that.

“Do you think I’m going to die soon?” I ask Mason.

He just laughs at me and tells me no.

“But she says she doesn’t see much of a future for me. Does that mean I’m dead, or just really unhappy,” I say to Mason, who is still taking this as a joke.

“She also said that you may have surprises coming your way, she just can’t see if they’re good or bad. And quite frankly, I think not knowing is the best thing. Relax, babe, you’ll be fine. You have a great future ahead of you—a future that holds a great job, lots of children, and me as a loving husband.”

That last part tears me to pieces. I know he won’t be my loving husband. I intend to give Peyton that title. I have to tell Mason the truth. Just not now.

“She also said that we’re not being honest with each other. And I know I’ve been 100 percent honest with you lately. What about you?” Mason asks. He stops walking, and I follow his lead.

“Relax, babe, everything’s fine,” I say, almost mimicking what he told me a few seconds ago.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. “I love you, Taylor Alexandria Caldwell-Taylor,” he says, laughing at the complexity of my name.

“I love you too, Mason Dale Taylor,” I say, smiling.

We kiss in the moonlight. The city of Sydney, Australia, is our kingdom. I wish we had more time here.

***

The flight back home to Arizona was long, but being with Mason made it better. Mason treated me like I was his queen the entire time we were in Australia. He cooked for me, and then we made
dessert together. He treated me to spas and even took me shopping in Melbourne to make up for missing our mall date last month. That part of the trip was a last-minute decision, since Melbourne and Sydney are over five hundred miles apart, but it all worked out for the best.

Australia was great, but it does feel good to be home again. I missed my own bed. We start school again tomorrow, which is something I’m not looking forward to, but I keep reminding myself that this is my last year until college. College. Everything just seems to move so fast. I’ve applied to schools in Arizona, Nevada, and California; I just need to make my decision. Mason plans to stay here in Arizona, but I’m not sure about what I’m doing. I always thought going to school in California would be nice, since I loved taking vacations there when I was little. But if Mason and I are still together then, I’d hate to leave him.

I guess I might as well just do what I want, since I intend to leave anyway. He’s just making it all so hard because he’s been such a great husband this past month. I’ve already accepted his apologies, so it would be hard for me to just up and leave now.

I wait up for Mason so we can fall asleep together. I think that trip to Australia made us closer again. About ten minutes later, Mason steps into the room and lies down next to me. I quickly position myself to lie in his arms. “I’m tired,” I say, resting my head on his bare chest.

“Then go to sleep,” Mason says, turning off the light next to him.

“I was waiting for you to come.”

“Well, I’m here now, so go to sleep,” he says, gently embracing me.

I kiss his chest and say, “I love you, Mason.”

He replies, “I love you too, Taylor.”

And before we know it, we’re asleep in each others’ arms.

I have to tell Mason the truth. Even if it ruins us, he deserves the truth.

***

The next day, I see Peyton talking to Jagger during lunch. I know I said we shouldn’t speak, but this is an emergency. I have to speak to Peyton as soon as possible and I can’t wait another second. I walk up to him, and he looks surprised to see me.

“Peyton, can I talk to you?” I ask, looking him in the eyes to let him know that we need privacy.

He looks at Jagger and then back at me. “Uh…yeah, sure,” he says, still seeming surprised that I’m speaking to him.

I grab his arm as he tells Jagger that he’ll talk to him later and I pull him out of the building.

“What’s the rush?” he asks when we’re outdoors.

“I have to tell him,” I say.

“What are you talking about, Taylor?”

“I have to tell Mason about us. I can’t do this anymore, Peyton. I can’t continue to hurt him. He deserves the truth now. So I’m going to tell him—maybe not today, but definitely this week. I just thought I should tell you before I do,” I say.

Peyton is leaning against the building. “Are you sure you want to do this now? Are you sure you don’t want to wait?” he asks, trying to read me.

“I’m sure, Peyton. We can’t keep doing this to him. He’s given me the time of my life in the last two weeks, and I can’t go on knowing that I’m just with him because I think it’s the right thing to do. I love him, Peyton. But it’s just not enough, and he deserves better.”

He’s silent for awhile, and I can tell he’s thinking about something. “Do you want me to tell him with you?” he asks.

“No. It’s something I need to do on my own. He should hear it from me.”

“Well, however this turns out, just know that you’re welcome to stay with me. And if you need anything, just call me,” Peyton says with all the sincerity in his heart.

“Thanks, Peyton,” I say, giving him a hug and then going back into the building.

I have to do this. I have no other choice. He was honest with me, and the least I can do is be honest with him. This is going to
hurt all three of us, but it’s something that has to be done.
God help me
.

Not much happens the rest of Monday or today, for that matter. I have a solo session with Kate in a few minutes, so I wait in the waiting room for her to be done with Peyton. I’m going to tell Kate everything before I break the news to Mason. It’s going to be weird to know that Kate knows all of this, since she does know all three of us. I am nervous and heartbroken all at the same time. I don’t want to play the role of the villain any longer. I want to go back to being the good one; but I don’t know how I can. They say that once you go bad, you’re bad forever.

Kate takes a little longer with Peyton than she usually does. His session is running over by about fifteen minutes. I wonder if Peyton already told her about us. If so, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I know she’s not here to judge us, but how could someone not have an opinion about what’s been going on between Peyton and me?

Peyton walks out of the room and looks at me before leaving the office. I know that he can tell I am nervous. I hear Kate call my name. I walk into her office and sit in my usual chair.

“So how have you been, Taylor?” she asks without looking at me. She is too busy flipping through her notepad.

“I’m not sure, actually,” I say, telling the truth.

“Well let’s start off talking about Australia. How was it?”

“It was great…amazing, actually. Mason and I had a great time—and that’s what makes it all so confusing,” I say, looking at the floor.

“How so? If you two had such a great time, why is it confusing?” she asks me, knowing that I’m hiding something.

“Kate, I’ve been keeping something from Mason…something that I can’t forgive myself for,” I confess.

“Like what, Taylor?” she asks.

“Will you promise not to judge me or look at me any differently?” I ask, tears starting to fill my eyes.

“Taylor, you know I’m not here to judge you. I’m only here to help you.”

I let a few tears fall from my eyes.

“Taylor, is everything okay? Just tell me what’s wrong,” she says, handing me a box of tissues.

I am quiet for a while. “I slept with Peyton,” I say in a very low voice.

“Oh,” is all she can say.

“It wasn’t even an accident. I knew what I was doing. It started a month ago. Mason and I were going through some terrible times, and Peyton had told me he was in love with me while I was still hospitalized. So I went over his place one night, and it just happened,” I say, crying through my confession.

“Do you have any feelings for Peyton?” she asks, looking at me with concern.

“Yes. I’m in love with Peyton. I always have been. I just never realized it or admitted it to myself until that night. I love Peyton more than I love Mason, and that’s what scares me. I feel so guilty. I’ve been angry with Mason—or at least pretended to be—when all along, I was angry with myself for not being honest. I do love Mason, but it’s not enough to spend an eternity with him. At one point, I did love him that way, but…things happened and I fell for Peyton. I want to tell Mason so badly, but I don’t want to hurt him. This would hurt him more than he’s ever hurt me. It’s going to hurt more than any slap he’s ever given me,” I continue.