A Time to Live (22 page)

Michael started for the stairs, but spotted a note on the table, still damp with what looked suspiciously like tears.
He picked it up and his heart shattered.

Nikki intended to go to the café
, but somehow, she found herself at the bar instead. It was early afternoon so the place was almost empty. She shouldn’t drink, but right now she didn’t care. With only three months left, becoming an alcoholic was the least of her worries.

When she entered, the bartender, looked up in surprise.
“You’re Nikki Matthews, aren’t you?”

“What if I am?”

He smiled. “I didn’t mean to sound rude. It’s just that it’s your first time here. I’m Greg, the owner, make yourself at home. What can I get you?”

She ordered a scotch on the rocks, trying not to bite the man’s head off.
This wasn’t his fault. Greg arched an eyebrow at her, but filled the order.

Nikki
found a booth, tucked away in the corner and sat nursing her drink. What in the world was she going to do? Would Michael be gone when she got back? Somehow she doubted it. Michael didn’t let go of anything easily, he had not allowed her to push him away when he first proposed their relationship. It was not likely he would go meekly this time. But Nikki didn’t have the energy to fight with him about it. Hopefully, he would understand that and just leave her alone.

Like she should have been in the first place.

“Damn you, Michael, why did you do this to me?” she muttered.

“He just cares about you, Nikki,” a voice said.

She looked up in surprise.

Josh stood next to her booth, gazing at her worriedly.
“Somehow I thought I would find you here.”

“Brilliant deduction, Watson, you can leave now.”

Instead, he sat across from her. “Nikki, just give me a chance, please.”

She rubbed her eyes, her head throbbing.
“Josh, I don’t feel like talking to you right now.”

“All right, then we can just drink together.”

“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?”

His lips tugged upward.
“Now you’ve got the idea.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Nikki, I’m not like the other doctors you’ve dealt with. My job is to make life better for my patients. If you don’t want to go back into the hospital, I won’t force you.”

She blinked at him in surprise, sipping her drink.

“You’re my friend, Nikki, and that’s the most important thing. I want to help.”

“And you’re Michael’s friend too.”

“I am, but you’re the one with an illness, not him.”

“How much did he tell you?”

“Aside from everything? Everything.”

Nikki couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. Now she knew why Josh had chosen the field he had, his sense of humor was infectious no matter the circumstances.

“Cut him some slack, Nikki. He’s not quite sure how to handle this situation, so he came to me, which is exactly what he should have done.”

She shook her head.
“If he would have listened to me in the first place, he wouldn’t have to worry about handling the situation.”

“Well, you know Michael, stubborn is his middle name.”

Nikki chuckled.

“What are you drinking?” Josh asked.

“Scotch on the rocks.”

“I could go for one too, I’ll get you a refill.”

“What do you know,” Nikki muttered under her breath as Josh walked to the bar. “A shrink who drinks with his patients, maybe he’s not all bad.”

Nikki’s attention was diverted from Josh as the door opened and Michael stepped through.
Her stomach coiled and her heart fluttered. She drained her glass to steady her nerves.

Michael strode straight toward her, the note she had left him clutched in his hand.

“Nikki, what is the meaning of this?” he asked, his voice a strained whisper.

“I thought it was pretty clear,” she snapped.

Josh returned with their drinks, his lips pressed into a grim line. He put Nikki’s glass in front of her. “Michael,” he said, his voice soft, but firm. “I need to talk to you.”

“Not now, Josh, Nikki and I have to work this out.”

“Michael, listen,” Josh said and led him away a few steps. “Let me talk to her first. She’s furious with you right now. I can handle this, trust me.”

“Josh
—”

“Trust me.
If you argue with her now, you’ll only make things worse. Go home, let her calm down, everything will be all right.”

Michael gazed at her with such an agonized expression that Nikki felt a stab of guilt.
She focused on her drink and downed half of it.

“Nikki, please,” Michael whispered.

She ignored him, although it nearly killed her to do so.

Josh whispered something to Michael that she couldn’t hear.
Michael remained frozen for a moment then his shoulders slumped. “Just tell her I love her,” he said, then strode away.

Nikki downed the rest of her drink.

Josh returned to the booth and looked at her glass in surprise. “Well now, I can see that was rather hard on you. I’ll get you another.”

Nikki looked up at him in surprise.
“That’s original, a doctor encouraging drinking.”

“You’re an adult and in a very unusual situation.
If this makes you feel comfortable right now, then who am I to argue? Fighting with you about this would only cause more stress. Sometimes, it’s better to work through the problems.” He paused and winked at her. “And besides, I can drive you home if you get tipsy.” He quickly walked to the bar.

Nikki examined the wood grain of the table, digesting his words.
If this was how Josh practiced his psychiatry, maybe she should give him a chance.

Josh returned and Nikki found her headache easing as she nursed her third drink.
At first, they chatted about mundane stuff, her experiences in Los Angeles, and her work as a photo journalist. The easy banter relaxed her and she found herself telling him about her childhood. Growing up as the proverbial spoiled rich kid with parents she rarely saw and knew even less. When her father died of cancer she was ten, she thought herself strange that she didn’t grieve. A year later her mother committed suicide and again Nikki was struck by the lack of emotion she felt.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed while they talked.
But Nikki discovered herself at ease with Josh, laughing and joking with him. She wished now she had given him more of a chance in the past. She felt comfortable with him and understood why he was so good at his job - she could talk about anything and he would never judge her. She found herself telling him everything, about her cancer, about Bradley, and even about Michael.

****

Michael paced the living room at Nikki’s house, trying to figure out what he was going to do. He hated leaving her at the bar, but he had sat outside on the snowmobile for two hours, hoping she would come out. She never did. He finally decided she wouldn’t come out as long as he was there.

Although she had told him to pack his things and leave, Michael was confident Josh could talk her out of her decision.
Even though Michael was a little upset with Josh for letting everything slip, he had faith in his friend. Josh had helped iron out some problems between Michael and Laura in college - that had eventually lead to Michael’s marriage. He had tried to help when Laura started divorce proceedings. Even though that didn’t work out, Michael didn’t blame Josh, the man was only human after all.

Michael sighed and plopped on the couch, staring at the coffee table with Nikki’s research papers spread over it.
Maybe he shouldn’t be here when she came back. Maybe he should go home and let Nikki come to him in her own time. But Michael knew time was his worst enemy. Nikki, knowing her terrible deadline, might put it off until it was too late.

Michael rubbed his eyes and his gaze focused on one of the papers on the table.
Information on Liquid Ecstasy. A line caught his eye -
GHB has its proponents who believe the drug has valuable medical potential.

Michael frowned, remembering Nikki had mentioned something about that.
He picked up the paper and began to read.

There are those pushing that it be researched as treatment for narcolepsy and schizophrenia, because the drug causes feelings of well-being and makes people trust each other by breaking down barriers.
Michael shivered, that’s why it made such an effective date rape drug.
While Ecstasy may be a dangerous drug on the streets, research indicates it might have value for psychiatrists. But few researchers want to risk the unpredictable side effects.

Michael’s heart hesitated in his chest and he kept reading.

Some psychiatrists would like to try it for psychotherapy with terminal cancer patients to increase their rapport with family and friends at the end of life.

Sheer terror shot through him.

All of the women had a high content of alcohol and Liquid Ecstasy in their blood,
Nikki had said.
Who would have that kind of access to all of them, and to this drug?

Josh Starwell.

His gut curled into a sickening knot as his mind put the pieces together. Josh had been at the bar the night Michael walked Denise home, he was Laura’s friend, he knew Joanna and tried to get her to understand Michael’s position, he had been with Michael when he bumped into Denise a few days ago.

His best friend specialized in psychiatry of terminally ill patients and was a top researcher at the University of Denver.
But his research proposal had been rejected because the drug had received bad press. He needed more data.

All of the women had needle marks on their arms, but nothing was injected
.

Blood tests!

Now Josh was with Nikki in a bar.

Michael’s heart thundered against his ribs and
he couldn’t catch his breath. He bolted to his feet and grabbed the keys to his snowmobile.

The phone rang, and Michael nearly jumped a foot in the air.

“Hello, Nikki, is that you?”

“No, Michael, its Doc.”

“Doc, I’m sorry but
—”

“Michael, this is an emergency.
I just got a call from Doctor Rashid. We have the results back on Nikki’s blood work.”

Michael blinked at this unexpected news.
He opened his mouth to tell Doc what was going on, but Doc plunged on.

“Michael, the tests didn’t show any cancerous cells in her blood.”

Michael’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“The cancer was spreading, right?”

“I think so.”

“It does that via the blood stream.
We should have found abnormal cells in her blood work. Don’t you understand? We didn’t find any.”

Michael staggered backward and sat abruptly on the couch, still clutching the phone.
“No...no cancer?”

“We have to do more tests to be sure, but with Nikki’s history, we should have found it in droves in her blood.”

“But she is sick, Doc. I’ve seen her coughing fits.”

“That’s what I mean about the drugs, Michael.” Doc was speaking so fast, Michael could barely understand him.
“Rashid confirmed all of this. They are completely experimental and shouldn’t be out of the lab. Remember about the toxic levels in mice, and the scar tissue? The blood tests showed they are reaching poisonous levels in Nikki’s body because they have no cancer to fight. The coughing is a result of the scar tissue forming in her lungs.”

He closed his eyes, hot tears of joy and sorrow burning down his cheeks.
No cancer? Could it be true? His mind said no, but his instincts screamed yes. That’s why he never sensed the illness within her. That was why he never knew she was dying. She wasn’t dying of cancer, but from slow poisoning from the experimental medication. Now he understood what his instincts had been trying to tell him all along.

“Doc,” he whispered hoarsely.
“I need your help.”

“What’s wrong, Michael?”

“I left Nikki at the bar with Josh. Go outside and see if her Bronco’s still there.”

“What?”

“Just do it, now!”

Michael heard a thunk as Doc set the phone down.
It seemed as if he waited an eternity, but then Doc was back. “Her Bronco is still there, Michael, but I didn’t see Josh’s truck.”

“Shit,” Michael growled.
“I’ve got to call Greg.”

“What’s going on?”

“The murders...I know who the killer is, Doc, and I just left Nikki with him.”

“Who?”

“Josh.”

“Oh God, are you sure?”

“Positive, Doc, I don’t have time to explain it now. I’ve got to get Nikki away from him.”