A Time to Live (13 page)

He stared at her, stunned that a simple joke would make her so angry.
“Nikki, I was just—”

“Never again!” she barked.
“I don’t want to hear anything like that.”

He held up his hands.
“Whoa! Ok, girl, no problem.”

She relaxed only slightly.
“Ok, just as long as we understand each other.”

Understanding.

Suddenly, Michael knew that’s what he wanted and needed from her. He had achieved it...more than he ever expected, but he wanted more. Nikki was the only woman he had ever met with the courage to stand up to anything thrown at her. He wanted a future with her and there was only one way to accomplish that. He eyed the pot on the stove and smiled. She had fixed his favorite, her wonderful chili. But that gave him time.

“Nikki,” he said, stepping closer to her.
“If lunch can wait...there’s something I would like to show you.”

She looked up at him startled.
“Sure.”

Michael took her hand and pulled her to her feet.
“Then dress warmly. We’re going for a ride.”

A bit later, Michael sat on the snowmobile with Nikki on back.
“Comfortable?” He asked over his shoulder as she wrapped her arms wonderfully around his waist.

“Yes,” she said.
“Where are we going?”

“There’s something I want to show you.
It will only take a moment.” He guided the snowmobile over the trail, past his cabin, and stopping on a wooded rise. He cut the engine and pointed. “There.”

Nikki studied the sight for a moment.
“It’s a road. Do I get an A?”

He grinned at her.
“Yup, but it’s also the road where we first met.”

“Oh,” she said
, her voice suddenly soft.

Michael
turned so he sat sideways on the snowmobile. “There’s something I need to explain about that night.”

“Okay.”

He studied her a moment, suddenly worried about her quiet attitude. “First off, I acted like a beast. I’m really sorry for that, Nikki.”

“You’ve already apologized, Michael, it’s been forgiven.”

“Thank you, but I want you to know why.”

“You were upset about Anpa.
I understand perfectly.”

He shook his head.
“There’s more to it.” Micahel stopped and sighed, trying to find the words. He stood and ran his hand through his hair, his lips quirking upward. “I can only imagine what you must have thought to see a wild man come out of the forest, half clothed and raving.”

She grinned.
“You were intimidating to say the least.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t back down.”

“I rarely do, sometimes that’s a bad thing.”

“It’s an impressive thing,” Michael said and chuckled
, but quickly sobered. “That night I was in the house,” he paused and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “I heard Anpa get hit. I didn’t even bother to grab a jacket. I just ran with all my heart.”

She frowned, looking at the road and then back to the cabin.
“I know sound can travel out here, but that’s quite a distance. Not to mention, one hell of a sprint.”

Michael
smiled again. “I can run when I want to, make no mistake, but that’s not my point. I didn’t hear the accident like you’re thinking. I felt it.”

Nikki blinked at him.

“This is where it gets hard to explain and you’ll probably think I’m nuts, but remember I told you that I was different?”

She nodded.

“Well, it’s not just my size and strength. I was born with the ability to understand nature, to touch a part of the soul man has forgotten about. I can...hear her voice sometimes.” He paused and frowned. “It’s so hard to explain, Nikki, it’s not something I can put into words.”

Her brow furrowed.
“Instinct?” she asked softly.

He looked at her, startled.
“In a way, yes. That night, I felt Anpa’s fear and pain before I ever left the house. Then when Rod got out of the car and kicked her...she was terrified, Nikki.”

Nikki only stared at him, her eyes wide.

Michael ducked his head, hoping he wasn’t frightening her. He fought to get a grip on his tangled emotions. “But there was more,” he whispered, his voice thick. “When you stopped Rod, Anpa was so grateful. And when you tried to comfort her....” He risked a glance up at her. “It meant the world to her, Nikki.”

Nikki’s eyes were liquid with tears and her face pale.

Michael took a deep breath, if he didn’t finish this now, he never would. “I...when I saw you two, I was so...entangled in Anpa’s pain and my own agony, I failed to realize what was truly happening. Sometimes these instincts are so indefinable, I can’t make sense of them. The only thing I knew...Anpa was dying and it was tearing my heart to shreds.” He stopped and gulped a deep breath. “After I carried Anpa into the woods, I heard you trying to get out of the ditch so I went back to help.” His lips quirked again. “And I was still being a jerk.”

Nikki’s expression eased slightly.

“After I got you back on the road, I picked up Anpa again. I was going to take her to the house, but we only made it to this spot.” He stopped and pointed to a snow covered pile of rocks. “She died here.”

Nikki reached for his hand and held it tightly.
It was as if she tried to tell him she had also known terrible pain in her life...a different pain than what he had experienced, but pain nonetheless.

“I brought you here to try to explain why I am a part of Shadow Mountain in a way no one else is.
I’ve never told anyone about this except for Doc and now you. But even though they don’t know why, people have always treated me differently. I was born on this mountain, but I’m not one of them. They don’t understand me at all and that frightens them.”

She gazed at him a long moment.
“Michael, in a sense I understand what you are saying. I have dealt extensively with nature too and I know some people who have an unusual kinship with her. But hearing her voice? I don’t know...I guess I’ve got too many preconceived notions. If you were an Arapaho living in the time of your ancestors then I would be able to accept your...ability. But this is the twenty-first century and you’re a guy who can fix roofs, who knows what a telephone is, who knows what a movie is.”

Michael cocked his head and looked at her curiously.
“Why would that make a difference? My ancestors lived in their own century, they knew the technology of their time.”

S
he stood and limped away, stopping to stare down at the road.

“Nikki?” he asked, suddenly worried he had frightened her.

“You’re right,” she muttered and turned around, her expression puzzled, but not fearful. “Why would that make a difference?” Her eyes locked on his and sparked vibrantly. “That’s it! Michael, you are the most remarkable man I have ever met and now I know why. You have an understanding.”

A sudden warmth infused him.
Those times when he had felt the vibrant harmony with the world around him were so fleeting, he wondered if he could ever truly obtain it. But he felt it growing now.

“What do you feel, Michael?”

“What do you mean?”

“Thes
e instincts, what do you feel?”

“That’s the hard part, Nikki, I really can’t put it into words.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “But the more intense the emotions, the stronger the sensations.”

“Emotion?
Are you saying that nature has emotion?”

He nodded again.
“Not only her creatures but....” He stretched out his arms. “Nature herself has emotion. She rejoices, she loves, she hates, she grieves, and I can feel that.”

Nikki looked at the trees around her.
For a moment she stared, then blinked as if something startled her.

“Nikki?”

She jerked her attention back to him. “Okay.”

He rubbed his jaw, watching her curiously.
“Most of the time, I simply hear her...not words, but her voice...it’s like a vibration, a feeling.”

A slow smile spread across her face.
Her voice dropped to a low and ominous tone. “A disturbance in the force.”

Again he looked at her startled.
“Yes, that’s exactly it.”

She ogled at him a moment.
“You don’t get it do you?”

“What?”

“Never mind,” she said, laughing.

“What are you talking about?”

She fought down her laughter. “Maybe I was wrong about you knowing what a movie is.”

“Nikki
—”

“Sorry, Michael, if you haven’t seen the movie
, you wouldn’t understand. Long story.”

Michael frowned at her, uncertain if she was making fun of him.
He sighed. “I just wish I could explain it to you.”

Abruptly
, Nikki’s mirth faded. She gimped toward him and took his hand, her small fingers entwining with his. “You don’t have to, Michael,” she said and reached up with her free hand to brush his cheek. “You just know how to touch the magic.”

A wave of relief washed over him and he grinned.
He remembered the article he had read. Michael knew if anyone could understand, it would be her. “Yes, Nikki,” he whispered. “And so do you.”

Her brow furrowed slightly.
“Maybe I do, Michael, but not like I want to.”

He threw back his head and whooped, the sound echoing through the forest.
Nikki jumped away, but Michael chuckled and gently gripped her shoulders. “That, Nikki, is
exactly
what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Her smile was slow
, but bright as understanding dawned. “That makes sense...that makes a lot of sense.”

His heart cheered as he gazed down at her.
Without conscious thought, he lowered his head, his lips brushing across hers. Nikki stepped closer, instead of pushing him away, and he claimed her mouth.

Desire exploded within him
, but it was more intense than anything he had ever experienced. He pulled her tight against him and felt his body respond to hers. He had given her a glimpse of him today, on top of this ridge; she had listened and understood. Now he wanted to share more. For an instant, he felt the moment of harmony with Nikki and the forest around him. For a heartbeat, he knew perfection.

Nikki abruptly pushed away, gazing up at him, fear paling her features.
Disappointment and loss cut through him, destroying the harmony. But Michael’s instincts spoke again. This time he knew it was not her fear of him or the terrible lies - it was a fear of something greater. He did not know the exact cause, but it was something within herself. Not him. The pain of rejection throbbed within his heart, but he would not condemn her for it. Something had hurt her terribly in the past, he would not add to that pain but would seek to soothe it...just as she had done for him. Perhaps, because he had shared a part of his soul today, Nikki would eventually be able to share hers as well.

Michael smiled to ease her nervousness.
“Let’s get you home. That chili is calling my name.” He returned to the snowmobile as if nothing had happened.

She hesitated a moment, then crawled on behind him.
He started the engine but everything within him waited to see if she would put her arms around him. He was just about ready to turn the snowmobile back down the ridge, when her arms once again went around his waist. Michael smiled to himself, then nudged the snowmobile forward.

Days later
, Nikki wandered her cabin, lost and confused. Michael had gone home, she no longer needed anyone to take care of her, but Nikki felt as if there was a huge hole within the once warm walls.

Despite her desire not to become attached to anyone, she had to admit, she missed Michael’s company.
She paused before the hearth, staring at the flames. Michael had taken care of her in a way she had never known. But bitterness rose within her. If she pursued the relationship, as her heart wished to do, Michael would be soon tending an invalid in bed...dying of cancer...with no hope and no future.

Abruptly, tears surged down Nikki’s cheeks.
It wasn’t fair! She didn’t want to die. Why couldn’t she have met Michael long ago? Why couldn’t they have a chance to be together?

She brutally wiped away her tears.
There was no use crying about it. Neither of them could change what was to happen. The best thing she could do for Michael was stay out of his life. Her heart aching, she grabbed her jacket, keys, and inhaler and climbed into the Bronco. She had to get out of the house for a while.

Nikki found herself at the café, glad to discover Taylor and his goons were not there, in fact, the café was almost empty.
She sat at the counter and Barbara approached.

“Hi, Nikki,” the waitress said, smiling pleasantly.
“Coffee?”