A Texan's Honor (26 page)

She'd hoped to convince him to stay in Texas, but he hadn't done or said anything to lead her to believe he'd changed his mind.

She wasn't ready to give up. She wasn't sure she was in love with him yet—her feelings were new and confusing, but she wasn't going to let him get away until she decided exactly how she felt. And if she
was
in love—well, he didn't know the power of Texas loving if she thought he could just turn around and trot off to Boston.

Which presented still another problem. How could a woman keep a man where he didn't want to be?
And if she could, was it fair? That brought up still another question. If it was fair to her but unfair to him, which should she consider first? What if it was unfair to him now but good for him in the long run? She never would have guessed falling in love could be so complicated. Her parents always said they knew the moment they looked at each other. But Bret said Jake and Isabelle continued to argue even though they were crazy about each other. Ida and Charlie said they were in love, but she never saw them kiss or do any of the things she wanted to do with Bret.

As soon as she could be certain her father was comfortable, she'd ride over to see Ida. She didn't want to leave her father, but she needed to talk to somebody, and she needed to do it now. Bret was so busy looking for rustlers and taking care of Jinx, he wouldn't notice she was gone.

Bret grinned when Hawk materialized from the ground almost in front of his horse's hooves. “I'd forgotten how you could disappear before my eyes. If you hadn't stood up, I'd have ridden right over you. Where's Zeke?”

“At our camp in a mesquite-and-willow thicket by a trickle of water. He doesn't blend in as well as I do, but he's perfect for night work. Are you sure that foreman believes we're gone?”

“I heard him telling the hands that without you they would have to spend longer hours in the saddle, but I could tell he was relieved.”

“He dislikes you that much?”

“Dislikes and distrusts me.”

“She won't marry him.”

Bret laughed. “When did you become an expert on women, especially one you only met for a few hours?”

“She's in love with you,” Hawk said. “Why should she want to marry another man?”

Bret sobered, wished he could turn his horse and ride away. “I hope she's not in love with me,” he said quietly. “That could only lead to unhappiness.”

“Are you trying to tell me you aren't in love with her?” Hawk looked up at Bret with an expression he'd seen many times in the past, one that said white men were idiots who didn't deserve to rule such a beautiful country.

“It doesn't matter what either of us feels about the other,” Bret said. “She can't live anywhere but Texas, and my life is in Boston.”

Hawk broke off a long stem of grass and chewed on it. “Your life is where you decide to live it. And who you want to live it with. Texas and Boston are only excuses.” Hawk spat out a piece of stem. “But I didn't come here to fix your love life,” he said with a wicked grin, his black eyes shining cheerfully. “I'm much better with rustlers and bank robbers.”

Bret was relieved to return the conversation to rustlers. “I've told Lonnie I'm spending the next few days riding over a part of the ranch about ten miles from here. Since this is where most of the branding has taken place, the rustlers ought to feel free to get back to work.”

“Do we have to bring them in alive? They'll be a lot easier to handle if they're full of holes.”

“Don't let yourself get hurt,” Bret said. “They're not worth it.”

Hawk tilted his head, looked up at Bret out of half-closed eyes. “I never expected moving to Boston would turn you sentimental.”

Bret grinned in spite of himself. “I'm not sentimental, you cross-grained half-breed. We both know Isabelle
will have my hide if either one of you gets hurt.”

Hawk grinned back. “I wouldn't want Isabelle scaring our little Yankee boy, so I'll be sure to take good care of Zeke. Now you'd better go before the big bad rustlers run up behind you and yell
‘Boo!' ”

With that, Hawk melted back into the grass. Bret turned his mount and rode away, thinking of the many times they'd traded insults. He hadn't always liked those exchanges with Hawk. Now they felt like warm memories to wrap around himself to keep off the chill when he returned to Boston.

“I wondered how soon we'd be having this conversation the minute I clapped eyes on your Mr. Nolan,” Ida said with a smile that made Emily blush.

“Was I that obvious?”

“No, but Mr. Nolan was that impressive.”

Emily had gotten up early and ridden hard all day. She'd helped Ida fix supper and clean up afterwards. Charlie was doing some work in the barn, and the children were in bed. The women had taken their coffee outside and were sitting on a bench under a post oak. The heat from the day still radiated up from the ground, keeping their feet warm despite the cooling night air.

“I know I like him a lot,” Emily said, “but I'm not sure if my feelings are merely infatuation, excitement that a handsome man has shown an interest in me, or if it's more serious than that.”

“What kind of
interest
has he shown?” Ida asked.

Emily shifted uneasily. “That's hard to say.”

“Why? Either a man shows it or he doesn't. Men aren't subtle.”

Emily looked down at her hands. She'd never expected
to be embarrassed to tell her friend anything she'd done. “I made him kiss me,” she said, looking up at Ida.

Ida sat forward, her body erect, her eyes searching Emily's face despite the lengthening shadows. “You need to explain that.”

Emily had always admired Ida for her practical wisdom; she saw in her the kind of woman she wanted to become. Ida wasn't beautiful, but she had an attractiveness that was ageless. Her simple, practical clothes never detracted from her femininity. Though she had been married for more than a dozen years, her husband's eyes always warmed when he looked at her. Emily hoped her own husband would feel the same about her after a dozen years and five children.

“I'd never been kissed,” Emily confessed, “so I asked him what it was like. I kept after him until he kissed me. He explained it was okay,” she said hurriedly, “that a man could give a woman a friendship kiss, but it was more than that for me. I think it was for him, too.”

“Exactly how much more?”

Emily shrugged. “It was my first kiss. I can't be sure.”

“Did he kiss you on the lips?”

“Yes.”

“Did he put his tongue in your mouth?”

“Was that wrong?”

Ida seemed to shudder. “Was that your only
friendship
kiss?”

“He kissed me a few days later, but I'd been holding on to his hand. I think he might not have otherwise.”

Ida let out a long, noisy breath and leaned back. “I always knew you were a strong-minded woman, but I hadn't expected anything quite like this.”

“Did I do something terribly wrong?”

Ida released another breath. “I wouldn't say it was wrong, but it certainly isn't the usual way a woman approaches a man she likes. I'm surprised he didn't mount the fastest horse on the ranch and head back East after that first kiss.”

“He said it was okay.”

“I'm sure he
said
that, but I doubt he believed it. Especially since he kissed you a second time. Did you encourage him that time, too?”

“No. I just held his hand and put my arms around him.”

“I consider that encouragement,” Ida said dryly.

“He didn't have to kiss me,” Emily protested. “I didn't ask him that time.”

“You don't understand about men. When a pretty woman wraps herself around a man, he can't help himself. They'll kiss you even if five minutes earlier they were saying you were the last woman alive they wanted anything to do with.”

“That doesn't make any sense.”

“Men don't make sense. You just have to know how their minds work, though sometimes I doubt it's their minds that are working.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let's save that for the next lesson,” Ida said. “Right now we need to figure out your feelings. From what you've told me, you're incredibly naive, a flirt, or you're in love and don't know it.”

“I'm not a flirt,” Emily protested. She stopped for a moment. “I guess I was naive, but it's probably more accurate to say I was stupid. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing, just what I wanted.”

“I think subconsciously you knew exactly what you were doing. I doubt you could have talked Bret into kissing you any other way.”

“That makes me sound like a flirt.”

“He couldn't have been too upset about it if he kissed you again. How did you feel about it that time?”

She dropped her gaze. “I wanted him to do it yet again.”

“Did he?”

“No.” She remembered her disappointment. “He said he wasn't trying to make me fall in love with him, that he wasn't in a position to marry anyone.”

“Do you want to marry him?”

“I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to keep him from going back to Boston until I can decide.” She explained the compromise she'd worked out with her father. “He's promised to come back to take me to Galveston, but I have the feeling it'll be too late then.”

“You realize you'd have to live in Boston if you marry him,” Ida said.

“That's something else I don't understand. His family doesn't like him. He's miserable in Boston, and he seems happy in Texas. You ought to hear him talk about living on Jake and Isabelle's ranch. He seemed so happy there, I can't figure out why he ever left. I think he'd like to go back, but he thinks he's got to prove something to his family in Boston. I'm not sure he realizes they're going to like him even less after he proves it.”

“It sounds like he's got a lot of questions of his own that need answering before he can decide what he wants to do with the rest of his life. I think you could have a big influence on that decision. But before you do anything, you have to be absolutely certain you love him and you'd be willing to do anything to make him happy, even if it means living in Boston.”

“I could never live in Boston.”

“Then you don't love him. That being the case, you
should be careful not to be alone with him. If it does happen, you have to leave as quickly as possible.”

“But what if he decides to stay in Texas?”

“You don't make your love for a man conditional on where he lives. What would your father have done if your mother had refused to marry him unless he stayed in Virginia?”

Emily knew her mother hadn't wanted to leave Virginia and her family, but she'd loved her husband so much, she'd followed him. She'd never liked Colorado and didn't like Texas much better, but she was happy as long as she was with Sam Abercrombie.

“He always says he would have stayed in Virginia, but Mama told me it would have made him miserable. She never regretted moving for a minute; she said that seeing Dad's happiness made all the discomforts worthwhile.”

“Until you feel the same way, you're not in love with Bret.” Ida stood. “I hate to bring your visit to an end, but we both have to get up early in the morning.”

“I think I'll stay here a few minutes longer,” Emily said.

“Okay, but give me a call if you want anything.”

Emily wasn't sure exactly what she wanted, but she was certain she couldn't live in Boston. Just the thought of doing so caused her to feel a sense of panic. It wasn't simply that she disliked her Abercrombie relatives. Except for Joseph, she didn't like Bret's Abbott family, either. On top of that, she wouldn't have her horses or the freedom to do what she wanted. She'd be expected to conform to a rigid standard of behavior that seemed to Emily to have been formulated to take every bit of fun out of life. Her sole job would be to manage Bret's home and bear his children.

If he stayed in Texas, she knew Bret wouldn't have
any objection to her working with her horses. Nor would he lay down a lot of rules. She could imagine him grinning when she told him she wanted to do something a little bit unexpected. Rather than refuse, he'd probably insist she let him go along. Any man who would take on the responsibility of an orphan like Jinx must have a sense of adventure, a willingness to take risks. Anybody who could have Joey and Buddy eating out of his hands within half an hour had to be innately good.

Why wouldn't she be in love with a man like that?

There wasn't anything she didn't like about him. The only problem was, everything fell apart when it came to the issue of living in Boston. If that was the ultimate test, then she failed.

Emily got up to go into the house. It was pointless to keep going over the same ground. Still, she couldn't stop feeling she'd missed something important. The only problem was, she had no idea what it could be.

“She rode out before daylight,” Bertie told Bret. “She said she had to talk to Ida about something.”

“Are you sure she didn't take anybody with her?” Bret asked.

Bertie turned away from her enormous black cast iron stove and settled her hands on her hips. “I saw her with my own eyes. You suggesting I'm blind?”

“Of course not.” Bret didn't know whether to be amused or irritated. “I was just hoping you'd missed seeing Lonnie or Jem ride out to join her.”

Mollified, Bertie turned back to her stove. “They came in for breakfast with the rest of the boys.”

“Ladies shouldn't go riding about by themselves,” Jinx said. He was eating his breakfast standing next to the stove. Bertie said she'd allow him to eat in the kitchen, but despite Bret and Emily's objections, she refused to let him sit at the table with either of them.