A State of Jane (5 page)

“You were sixteen.”

“Seventeen.”
Much less slutty
.

“Anyway, I agree that sometimes people just aren't ready at that point and it's not set in stone, but seriously, Jane, it's been a while. Aren't you horny?”

Half truthfully, I replied, “Of course.”

There was part of me that was so horny I had wanted to climb on top of Randall on the
first
date. But there was also a part of me that was so terrified, I wanted to go home, put on my feety pajamas and hibernate for the winter.

C
HAPTER
8

In nervous anticipation for my third date with Randall, I went through my underwear drawer and sorted out which of my panties were sex-worthy. Most of them weren't. Hanes briefs were out of the question. I had a bunch of g-strings that served their purpose by avoiding panty lines but my tummy spilled over and the lines cut me in weird places and made me look flabbier than I actually was. So, after looking up the best fit for my body type online, I went to Bloomingdales and bought four pairs of Hanky Panky low-rise thongs for 20 dollars each. Lainie and I were both craving a spicy tuna roll, so I met her at Iron Sushi on the way home.

Eyeing my Small Brown Bag, she asked, “What did you buy?”

Trying to be as discreet as possible, I slipped the bag to Lainie under the table and whispered, “Sexy underwear.”

Lainie removed a red lace thong from the bag and waved it around. “What's the occasion?”

Not really wanting to discuss sex with Lainie, I jerked the thong from her hand, said, “Just time to buy new stuff,” and popped an edamame in my mouth.

“You and Randall do it yet?”

Feeling my face turn red, I sucked the salt from the edamame, placed the shell on the empty plate and muttered, “No. But probably soon.”

Grinning, probably in response to my reaction to the topic of conversation, Lainie asked, “When are you seeing him again?”

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

“No dates planned?”

“Not yet.” It had only been a few days.

Enthused by the question and answer session of the evening, Lainie prodded along. “Have you spoken to him?”

“Not in a while.” I glanced around the restaurant, pretending to look for someone I knew.

“Since when?”

“Last weekend. Do you think this soy sauce is the low sodium kind?”

Lainie crinkled her nose. “Have you heard from him since your date?”

I shook my head. “No, but he's like a work-a-holic.” Quite typical for guys in their late twenties.

“How did you leave things?”

“He kissed me goodbye and put me in a cab.”

“What did he say?”

“I don't know! It was kind of fuzzy. Too much wine. He had to get up early the next day.”

Lainie snorted. “What? To drive his sister to the airport or something? Ha!”

“His roommate actually. What's so funny?”

Lainie stared at me. Waiting for an answer, I stared back. Finally, she said, “He really said he had to take his roommate to the airport?”

I nodded.

“And you believed him?”

“Yes! Why not? You think he was lying?”
Please say no.

“I don't know. What happened on your date?”

“What do you mean? We had dinner, drank some wine, smooched. Randall wanted me to go home with him but totally understood when I said I wanted to take things slow.”

Lainie pushed away her plate of sushi, reached across the table and put her hand over mine. Then she shook her head and said, “Sweetie, I don't think Randall will have the pleasure of seeing you in your sexy new underwear.”

I felt my muscles tighten and swallowed hard. “Why not?”

Looking at me in disbelief, Lainie raised her voice and said, “Girl, you've been blown off! Randall the Great is really Randall the Rat!” Lowering her voice, she said, “Don't feel bad though. You didn't do anything wrong aside from refusing to do
him
. I applaud you. He's a slug.”

I pictured us sitting side by side on the couch at the Gramercy Hotel and how my head fit so neatly in the curve of his arm. Lainie was out of her mind. “No! He was so great about it. He kissed me even after I said I wasn't ready to have sex. He called me ‘sweetheart’! He hailed the cab for me and opened the door too. And he waited for the cab to leave before going back in the…” I looked down at the blonde hairs standing up on my arms. “Oh God.”

Lainie opened her eyes wide. “What?”

“Why did he go back in the bar if he needed to go to sleep early?”

Bursting into laughter, Lainie said, “He seriously went back inside the bar after putting you in the cab?”

I absently nodded my head at Lainie, who continued to call Randall various derogatory names. But I was no longer listening. And I had lost my appetite for spicy tuna.

C
HAPTER
9

My cases were slow but I didn't want to go home, so I had stayed at work late to study for the LSAT. Lainie was having a male guest over and called dibs on the living room. I didn't understand why, since the date would inevitably end in her bedroom. I hoped she didn't plan on having sex on the couch. It was technically mine.

I couldn't concentrate. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. I couldn't believe that Randall would blow me off just because I wouldn't have sex with him on our second date. Especially since we hadn't gotten to the third date yet and, according to Claire, it was the third date rule – not the second. And when I told Randall I wasn't ready, he said we had all the time in the world.

By my reasoning, Lainie was totally wrong about Randall being a slug.

But that didn't explain why he hadn't called since our date or why he went back inside the Gramercy Hotel after putting me in the cab when he said he needed to get to bed early.

I had always told Marissa to wait for the guy to call her, but I needed to talk to Randall and get his side of the story. He deserved the benefit of the doubt. I knew he liked me and so there had to be a reasonable explanation for why he hadn't called. So I ignored my own advice and called him.

After the first ring, I stopped chewing my pen. A nasty habit and one my mom said would give me an overbite. He wasn't picking
up. Voicemail. “Hi Randall. It's me. Jane. Amber. Ha! Just calling to say ‘Hi.’ Haven't heard from you and wanted to make sure you were all right. Give me a call, OK? Bye.”

Deep breath. I wondered when he'd call me back. I also wondered if he was screening my call and would never, ever return it. I turned to my officemate, Andrew. “Andrew?”

Andrew looked up from his desk. “Yeah?”

“How can I tell if a guy is screening my calls?” Andrew's sweet smile and playfulness around the office made him very popular with the female paralegals and probably girls in general; I figured he'd screened many calls in his time.

Grinning, Andrew said, “Wanna catch your man in the act, huh?”

I nodded, “I guess.”

“Have you been calling him from your cell?”

Waving my phone at him, I said, “Uh huh.”

“Does he know where you work or your number here?”

We hadn't talked much about work. “No.”

“Call him from your work phone and see if he picks up.”

My hands shaking, I started dialing his number when Andrew stopped me.

“Wait,” he said. “I have a better idea. Let's call from my phone just in case. I'll put it on speaker.”

“OK.” I gave Andrew the number and held my breath as he dialed and we waited for the ring.

After one ring, he picked up. “Randall here.”

Andrew looked at me waiting for my response. I didn't say anything and so he gave me bug-eyes and mouthed, “Well?”

I whispered, “Hang up. Hang up!”

Andrew hung up and shrugged. “There's your answer, I guess.”

Feeling sick to my stomach, I logged out, grabbed my pocketbook and waved goodbye to Andrew. I was going home, and Lainie and her date would just have to deal with it. “Thanks for your help. See you tomorrow.”

As I exited our office and turned left toward the elevator bank, I heard Andrew call out, “He's a fool, Jane. Chin up.”

*   *   *

Marissa didn't have cable so she came over every Sunday and watched
True Blood
with Lainie. I wasn't into it but I had made enough lasagna to feed all three of us and our future grandchildren, so I sat with them anyway.

Lainie insisted on talking about Randall the Rat.

“I'm so sorry, Jane,” Marissa said. “He seemed so charming.”

“The biggest scumbags always put on the best show. That's how they operate,” Lainie said. “Mind if I take more lasagna?”

I shook my head and returned the recliner to the upright position. “It's OK, guys. Not a big deal at all. I suppose I was due a bad egg after dating the same great guy for nine years.”

“Yeah, Jane. I still don't get how you possibly thought you'd do better than Bob. Not that I've met him, but he seemed perfect boyfriend material. Being in a committed relationship seems to be your goal in life and you were in one. Kind of blew it if you ask me!” Lainie said, before walking into the kitchen.

“It wasn't about wanting someone better than Bob. We just fell out of love, that's all. It was too convenient. Too easy, you know?” I looked towards Marissa hoping for her support.

Laughing she said, “Dating in New York is neither convenient nor easy so maybe you'll like it!”

Lainie sat back down with the plate of lasagna on her lap. “Yes, it's most inconvenient and difficult to say the least,” she said before taking a bite.

Bored with the conversation, I got up and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I had a wine tasting event through Meetup the next night and hadn't picked out an outfit.

“Randall wasn't the one, girls. No biggie. The search continues. I'll call you soon, Ris. Night Lainie. See you tomorrow.”

As I changed into my pajamas, I heard them whispering about how great my attitude was until they finally shut up and watched the show.

In bed, I played back my time with Randall. Maybe I had freaked him out when I said I had just gotten out of a long relationship and
wanted to take things slow. He probably really liked me but assumed I was looking for something serious. I
was
looking for something serious, so it was probably a good thing I found out he wasn't on the same page before I slept with him. Just the same, I shouldn't have made it so obvious. But it was his loss. The next guy would reap the benefits of my education. Claire was right — dating post-Millennium was a whole different animal and I just had my first blunder. I should never have mentioned my past relationship and desire to take things slow. It wouldn't happen again.

C
HAPTER
10

I second guessed my decision to go stag to the singles event when I walked into the room full of complete strangers laughing together. I had purposely arrived fashionably late but it seemed like everyone already knew each other. I glanced around the room contemplating my first move, grabbed an empty wine glass, and headed to a table where a man was explaining the difference between a Shiraz and a Syrah. I pretended to listen until he noticed me standing there and asked if I wanted to try the wine. The group of people surrounding the table took notice of me and, feeling awkward, I felt my face get warm.

I extended my glass and said, “Yes. Thanks.” I took a small sip and nodded my approval even though I wasn't sure I really liked it.

After a few more tastings at that table, I figured it was time to move on and so I scoped out the room for cute guys. Marissa had warned me singles events were usually attended by more girls than boys and the girls were typically better looking. I reluctantly agreed with her and chugged the rest of my wine. I was hungry, noticed the cheese buffet and got in line. I popped a cube of Cheddar in my mouth, filled my plate with an assortment of other cheeses, crackers, and dried fruit and sat down on one of the couches.

On the couches next to me sat five giggling girls. I wondered what was so funny and knew I probably would have enjoyed myself
more if I had gone with friends. My mother had advised me to go to these things alone though, because men were more likely to approach a girl on her own.

Determined to meet someone before the night was over, I put my cheese plate on the floor and scanned the room again. I smiled at the group of guys standing to my left. They smiled back but continued their conversation. I picked the cheese plate off the floor and returned it to my lap. I took a second look at the guys, decided they weren't cute anyway and laughed. I quickly put my hand over my mouth as I realized I might look slightly psycho giggling by myself.

“Want to let me in on the joke?”

Startled, I looked up at the guy standing before me, took a sip of my wine and said, “It's nothing. I just thought of something funny. I didn't realize I had laughed out loud. Embarrassing!”

“Care to share?”

Shrugging, I said, “This whole event is kind of humorous, that's all.”

“Tell me about it,” he said, nodding. “You mind if I join you?”

Sliding over to give him more room, I said, “Not at all.” Noticing his jet black hair, tall frame, and dimples, I decided he was way cuter than any of those other guys who were now looking in our direction.

“Have you been to one of these before?”

“No. This is my first one. You?”

Shaking his head, he said, “First timer too. I just moved here from Detroit. I don't really know anyone aside from the people I work with. My boss actually told me about this group and suggested I give it a shot.”

“Are you going to yell at him tomorrow?”

“Yell at
her
. She's a woman and no, I might have to thank her,” he said before smiling shyly and looking away.

I realized he was actually flirting with me and smiled back. “I'm Jane, by the way.”

He turned back to face me and grinned. “Jim. Good to meet you.”

“Same here. Have you tried all the wines yet?” I asked.

“Just about. All except table A. What about you?”

“I've only been to table C – reds from France. I don't think I can handle trying all of them, but I'll join you at table A if you want.”