A State of Jane (27 page)

*   *   *

I removed
Leap Year
from the shelf even though I wasn't sure I wanted to see it. But when I had asked Claire to decide between
Bride Wars
and
The Ugly Truth
, she said she'd already seen both of them. I continued roaming the aisles when I saw the back of a familiar head and immediately stopped in my tracks.

That Vidal Sassoon haircut was unmistakable. It had to be her, especially since her head was attached to such a freakishly short body. OK, not freakishly short, but short enough! What was she doing on the Upper East Side? This was
my
Blockbuster.
I knew I should've subscribed to Netflix.
She probably thought I was a total freak after my behavior at her party.
I'm just using them for sex
. My body recoiled at the memory.

I had to get out of there before she saw me, but the exit was right by the foreign language section where Trish had been standing since I got there. It figured she'd like subtitles. To buy time while I figured out my escape, I hid behind a life-size poster of the
Sex and The City
girls advertising a sale of the entire six-season box set on DVD. I slowly inhaled and exhaled, willing my breathing to go back to normal. Then I counted to ten in my head and peeked my
head around the poster. I jumped back to my original position when I saw she was now facing my direction but in doing so, knocked my bag against the side of the poster and the bag fell upside down on the ground, emptying the contents in the process. I muttered “Crap,” got on my hands and knees and began returning my personal items into the bag.

“Jane?”

Please don't be Trish. Please don't be Trish.
I slowly looked up. “Oh, hi Trish! How are you?”

Bending down to help me, probably because she was already so close to the ground, she said, “Are you OK? We heard the crash from over there.”

“Big bag, I guess. Makes a lot of noise when it bangs into things!” Tucking my hair behind my ears, I got up and flung the bag over my shoulder. Straightening out my coat, I said, “So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?”

“Girls’ night. We're thinking of seeing
Chocolat
.”

Johnny Depp. Talk about eye candy. Wish I'd thought of that first. “I had the same idea. Seeing a movie with my sister. She's pregnant and on bed rest. Basically going out of her mind.”

Trish flipped her coiffed ‘do, raised her eyebrow coquettishly and said, “No date?”

“No date,” I confirmed, planting on a fake smile. “What about you? Bob is letting you out of his sight?”

“We don't need to spend every night together,” Trish said smugly.

Of course not.
Because your relationship is puuurrfect
. “Of course not.” Anyway, I wanted to tell you congratulations again. Bob was an amazing boyfriend. I have no doubt he'll make a terrific husband.”

Trish eyed me suspiciously. “Thanks.”

“It will probably take me a long time to find someone as good as him, and I refuse to settle.”

Looking me directly in the eyes, Trish said, “Yes, well, there is only one Bob.”

I nodded. “Yup!”

“And he's taken,” Trish continued.

As if I didn't know that.
Trying to lighten the conversation, I said, “You should probably thank me for putting him back on the market!”

Trish widened her eyes. “I believe in fate actually.”

“I do too,” I said.

“I'm sure if it's in the cards, you'll find someone perfect for you too.”

If
it's in the cards? As if there was a possibility it wasn't? I decided to cut to the chase and get my apology over with. “Anyway, sorry if I acted strange when we met.”

A little too quickly, Trish said, “You didn't act strange.”

“Oh, I was totally weird! I was in an odd place.”

A blank expression on her face, Trish said, “I didn't notice.”

“Really? Wow. The girl at your party was
so
not me. She was pathetic! She pretended to like a guy just to have a date! She talked about sowing her oats. Ha!
So
not me. Bob knows that. I was embarrassed.” I giggled nervously.

Trish shrugged. “I didn't notice,” she said again.

“Well, just so you know, I'm over it. I'm studying for the LSAT and totally not interested in dating at the moment. The real Jane is ever focused.”

“Glad to hear it.” Trish took a quick look around the store. “My friend is ready to get out of here so…”

“Oh! Don't let me keep you. Best of luck to you.” As she walked away, I added, “Tell Bob I said ‘hi.’”
Bitch
.

C
HAPTER
46

“She wouldn't even let me apologize. Acted like it wasn't a big deal.”

“Maybe it wasn't a big deal,” Lainie said. She was standing on a footstool and handed me the baking sheet we kept in one of the higher cabinets. We were both PMSing and craving chocolate chip cookies. Lainie suggested we run out to buy them but it was pouring out and so I offered to make a fresh batch. The Chips Ahoy! that Claire and I had eaten the night before were not nearly as chewy and moist as mine.

I waited for her to safely step off the stool before saying, “No. She wouldn't acknowledge that I was just having a bad day because that would mean she was also acknowledging that I'm usually completely normal.”

“I wouldn't go so far as to say you're completely ….”

“Seriously, Lainie,” I interrupted. “She was such a biatch! It's like my class picture from senior year of high school. I didn't come out good and knew I was prettier in person but this bitch Debbie purposely went on and on about what a great picture it was as if to say I was uglier in person.”

“Maybe she was just being nice,” Lainie suggested.

“No! She was a total bitch and wanted to make me feel bad by telling me it was a good picture when it was horrid!” I felt my face
burn. “She didn't even use the word ‘pretty.’ She just said, ‘that's such a great picture of you’ and I could see the evil behind her blue eyes.”

“You still remember what she said verbatim? And how she looked when she said it?” Laughing, Lainie said, “She must have really scarred you.”

Furiously stirring the chocolate chips into a mixing bowl with the rest of the ingredients, I blew my hair out of my eyes. “She did. Bitch.”

I handed Lainie a spoonful of cookie dough and took a spoonful for myself. “OK, time to shape the cookies and put them in the oven!”

Later, we sat at our kitchen table: me with a tall glass of cold milk and Lainie with a tall glass of Baileys Irish Creme.

Lainie took a bite from a freshly baked cookie, closed her eyes, slowly chewed and swallowed. When she opened her eyes to find me staring at her, she said, “OMG. These are so good, Jane. Like orgasmic.”

I took a bite and agreed completely. Smiling, I said, “Yeah, I'm good, aren't I?”

“Seriously. Why are you going to law school when you could open up a cookie store? I'd totally buy these.”

Laughing, I said, “I can't take the credit. It's Tollhouse's recipe.”

“Maybe. But you added some personal Jane touches that didn't come from the back of the bag of chocolate chips. And everything you make, from breakfast to dinner to dessert rocks.” Lainie took another bite of a cookie, shook her head and said, “Fan-fucking-tabulous!”

I stood up, flipped my hair, and looked over my shoulder at Lainie red carpet style. “When you've got it, you've got it.” Then I walked over to the sink.

“Well, you've got it. And I'm so gonna miss it.”

With the water running while I rinsed my plate, I said, “I'll make them again. No worries.”

A moment later, Lainie was standing at my side. “Actually, I need to talk to you,” she said.

I wiped my hands on the dish towel and sat back down at the table. Gesturing towards the bottle of Baileys, I said, “Uh oh. Will I be needing this?”

Lainie sat down and shrugged.

“What is it?”

“Well. Antoine asked me to move in with him and I said yes.” Raising her hand as if to stop me from saying anything, she said, “But don't worry. I'm not moving out until our lease expires in August. So you have plenty of time to find a new roommate. Assuming you want to stay here.”

I ran to Lainie's side of the table. “Oh my God! You guys are moving in together!”

Still sitting down with a stoic expression on her face, Lainie nodded.

“That's awesome! Stand up so I can give you a congratulatory hug!”

Lainie stood up and I embraced her fiercely. When we separated, she looked at me with her brow furrowed and said, “You're really OK with this?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

Lainie raised an eyebrow and sat back down. “I dunno. Something about the cheerleader for the terminally single chick finding cohabitational bliss while the cheerleader for the hopelessly romantic sleeps alone night after night after….”

“I catch your drift. But no, I'm sincerely happy for you! You're my friend and if your time to settle down is before mine, however nonsensical that is, I'm fine with it. My time will come. My finding love is not mutually exclusive with you finding love. I have to focus on law school now anyway.”

Wide eyed, Lainie said, “Wow. I'm so impressed with your maturity, Jane!”

“See? I'm not always immature, selfish, and controlling. Was just going through a bad phase.”

“Really? I didn't notice any weird phase. Your personality has been totally consistent since we've met.”

“What? I was all jealous and bitter for a while remember? I'm not like that now.”

Lainie looked at me blankly. “I don't see any difference.”

“C'mon! Really?”

Lainie burst out laughing and I threw my dirty napkin at her before joining in.

“So, how do your parents feel about this? Antoine doesn't exactly qualify as a ‘polite Southern Boy,’” I said.

Lainie bit her lip. “I still haven't told them. But I will. And they'll have to deal with it. I'll blame it on them for not throwing me a bigger cotillion with more ‘appropriate’ suitors.” She smiled. “It will be fine. Don't worry your pretty little head about me.”

As I lay in bed that night, I felt tightness in my chest as I thought about how my living situation would change in a couple of months. I'd ask Marissa if she wanted to move in, but if she was happy living on her own, I'd probably have to go through Craigslist again. My room smelled like freshly baked cookies and I fought the urge to go to the kitchen for a midnight snack. Maybe Lainie was right and baking, not law, was my true calling. Going to law school was all I'd ever dreamed about, and my dad would be so disappointed if I didn't join him in his practice, but maybe I could bake cakes for all of the attorneys and staff on their birthdays. Or I could bring homemade muffins to all of the meetings. Clients would love me! I could always open my own bakery after I retired. I slowly breathed in through my nose and out my mouth and tried to free my mind of all thoughts. As my dad liked to say, “It will all work out. It always does.”

C
HAPTER
47

I attached the scanned document to my email, ran spell check again, and hit “send.” Then I looked at the clock. Stretching my arms over my head, I yawned, grabbed my pocketbook, and walked to the bathroom to freshen up. I still had two hours before the spring party upstairs in the firm's cafeteria would be over.

I got out of the elevator on the 41
^st
floor, turned right, and went straight to the man in the monkey suit serving glasses of champagne. It was the good stuff, not the cheap vomit-inducing crap we usually drank on New Year's Eve. I took a sip and surveyed the room. Members of the secretarial staff were dirty dancing with the guys from the file room and one sole corporate partner was swinging his assistant around the dance floor. I quickly scanned the image to my memory so I wouldn't be intimidated if he ever called on me for work. Then I looked for someone I knew.

“There you are! I've been looking for you!”

I turned around and saw Bethany smiling at me. “Hey! I had to finish something for one of my attorneys.” I took another sip of my champagne. “Boy does this taste good right about now. New nose ring?”

Bethany touched her finger to the tiny stud in her nose and shook her head. “I got it about a month ago, but you've been MIA lately.”

“Between work and studying for the LSAT, I've been really busy. Didn't mean to neglect you.”

Draping her arms around my shoulders, Bethany smiled and said, “You can make up for it tonight.”

“What did you have in mind?” I wasn't sure Frances wanted to come out to play.

“Dance!”

Taking one last gulp of my champagne, I put the glass on the nearest table and joined Bethany on the dance floor, singing, “
And now the dudes are lining up cuz they hear we've got swagger but we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger. Tik Tok on the clock…”

An hour or so later, I sat at one of the tables, chugging water and catching my breath from dancing nonstop.

Bethany returned from the bar, placed a drink in front of me and said, “In case you changed your mind about not needing another drink.”

Glancing at the brown liquid in the glass, I said, “Is this Coke?”

Bethany nodded. “Yup. Diet Coke! Not that you need it.”

Appearing behind her, Andrew said, “I wouldn't trust her if I were you.” He picked up the glass, inhaled and said, “Captain and Coke.”

“Captain and
Diet
Coke,” Bethany said.

“In any event, I appreciate the gesture, but not interested in getting drunk this evening,” I said.

“Bad Jane not coming out to play tonight?” Andrew asked.

“Bad Jane has been exorcised,” I said.

“Too bad. She was fun,” Andrew said.

“I thought you hated her,” I said.

Andrew winked. “She had her moments.”

“Tell me about it,” Bethany said with a chuckle.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Andrew asked, his eyes dilating.

Before Bethany could answer, I said, “I'll never tell” and dragged Bethany back to the dance floor as the DJ announced last call and “My Life Would Suck Without You” came on.

Laughing, Bethany said, “What was his name? William, right?”

I put a finger to my lips, shook my head and said, “Shhh”, but as I swung my hips to the music, I smiled thinking back to that day in Hoboken and waking up to “Beauty Mark Guy” in my bed. Bad Jane certainly did have her moments, but if I had the chance, I'd experience some all over again without changing a thing.