A Star is Born (13 page)

“If you want, but nothing’s going to happen.” And I left the room.

Now What?

B
ACK
in my room, Bill didn’t seem to know exactly what he should do, and I couldn’t blame him because I didn’t know either. I sat down on the sofa and tried to sort out the confused thoughts in my tired brain. I gave him credit, though, for not trying to say anything just to say something. He sat down in a chair near me—fortunately not on the sofa next to me.

“We shouldn’t have to hire babysitters, or hall monitors, or whatever you want to call them, to watch you. I should be able to trust you—
you
of all people.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Bill,” I said patiently, “I believe you. But it happened. Let’s move on to what we do next.”

“Thanks, Mark. Thanks for saying that. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.”

“I would think that you’d say that Derrick was the best thing that ever happened to you. He is, after all, the reason that you’re famous, have a lucrative movie career ahead of you, and are earning more money than you ever dreamed you would earn.”

Bill knelt on the floor in front of me, looked up at me with his big puppy-dog eyes, and said, “I’d give that all up in a heartbeat. None of that matters to me.
You
are what matters to me. I’d much rather earn minimum wage and be with you forever than to be earning a boatload of money and be famous. The money, the fame, they are utterly irrelevant without you. You are the most important person in my entire life.

“You are the only person who has cared for me as you have, from the beginning when you offered to drive me home when my car wouldn’t start. You didn’t know me. You didn’t know that I was gay. You didn’t do that for sex. You did that because you’re a good guy who does things like that. That’s the guy I fell in love with and the guy that I will always love, that guy who just reached out to help someone because they were in need.

“And when you and your mom appeared at my door one night, one night when things were at their lowest, the same day when I had earlier told you to go away and mind your own business, you gave me more than a way out of an abusive situation. You gave me hope. You gave me hope that the world wasn’t all bad, that there were actually some decent people out there.”

Damn! The man was good. I rewarded him with a small smile. I also reached out my hand and stroked his face lightly. He leaned into my hand and placed his hand on top of mine.

“I’m going to bed,” I said.

We lay down on top of the bed. Neither of us removed our clothes. We lay on our sides, facing each other, but separated by a lot of open space. After the stress of the last few days, we were both exhausted and slept nearly ten hours that night.

“What time are you due on set today?” I asked Bill when we were both awake the next morning.

“Doesn’t matter. I called and told them I would potentially be unavailable today due to a family emergency.”

“You missed filming today?” I asked, somewhat concerned.

“Both of us did. You’re more important to me than any movie. We’ll get back on track tomorrow.”

“How much longer do you have to go before you come back home?”

“Do I still have a home to come home to?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“How much longer?”

“I’ll love you forever.”

“That’s nice to hear, but you know that that isn’t what I meant.”

“My best guess is three weeks.”

“Good.”

“When I get home, I’d like for us to do something together, go somewhere special, do something with just the two of us.” Rolling over to look at me, he added, “And I want to do something super special for your birthday.”

“It’s after midnight. My birthday is over.”

“I missed your birthday. But just as you and your mom gave me a birthday party when it wasn’t my birthday, I want to do something really special for your birthday, even though it isn’t your birthday on the day we do whatever we do.”

I wanted to argue, but couldn’t. “You do what you need to do.”

“I’ve just told you what I need to do.”

“Whatever.”

“No, not ‘whatever’. We’re going to do something. I don’t know what, but something special.”

“Having you home in our bed for a huge block of time would be something special. And we wouldn’t have to go anywhere to do it. Going running with you each morning would be something special. Having dinner at home with you each night in our own house would be something special. Sitting with you on the couch while we both read would be something special. We don’t have to go anywhere to do any of those things. We just have to be together.”

Getting Back to Work

B
ILL
flew back to Maui to find a new place to live. I told him that was one thing that was simply nonnegotiable. I didn’t care if he was living in a car, but I would not have him living at Derrick’s house another second longer. He easily agreed. Had he argued, I would have simply told him to go to hell and left, which he knew.

I got on my plane with Moira, and we flew home to LA. She worked the entire way, which was pretty typical for her. She always seemed to have a mountain of contracts to review, scripts to peruse, memos to read. The woman never seemed to be at a loss for things to keep herself busy.

When we got into LA it was very late. Moira’s staff had a car waiting at the airport to take us home. Even though I’d only been gone a few days, it felt like I’d been gone forever and that I hadn’t seen my home in the longest time. It felt so good to unlock my door and go into my simple apartment.

Even though I knew it was going to be very late before we got home, I had told Bill to call me to tell me where he was living and how I could reach him. Before we left I made sure he had my flight schedule and that he knew when we were likely to be home.

About a half hour after I got into the house, the phone rang. I knew that no one else was likely to be calling me so late at night, but it still felt nice to see his name pop up on the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mark. I miss you.”

“Good. So where are you living?” I didn’t ask if he had found a place. He knew that he
had
to find a place, regardless of what or where. The fact that he and Derrick could no longer live together was a simple, nonnegotiable fact.

“I’m in a furnished condo in Kihei. It’s not bad. It certainly isn’t cheap, but it’s only for three weeks. I had to rent a car to be able to get back and forth to the filming locations and to be able to get out to buy groceries and things like that.”

“Are you back on track to film tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yes. We start extra early to try to make up for the last few days, which have been a total loss.”

“Good. Finish up and come home. I want you back where you belong.”

“Me too.” We said good night, and I got ready for bed.

The next evening, I wasn’t surprised when Bill called again. I would have been surprised if he had not called. After the usual preliminaries about how each other’s day had been, he was quiet for a moment and then asked a surprising question. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Can you fly back here on Friday night, after you finish class, and then fly back home Sunday? I know it’s asking a lot, and that it’s a lot of flying for you for not much time together, but I miss you and really want to be with you. Is that possible? I know you’ve got a lot of work for school, but is this maybe at all possible? I really want us to be together. Can you do that for me? Please?”

“Bill. Take a breath. Let me think for a minute.” I grabbed my calendar and checked my commitments and obligations for the week ahead as well as the week after that. It would require a little bit of extra work before the weekend, but it looked doable. “I think I can swing it in terms of schoolwork. But isn’t it going to cost a lot of money? I want to be together too, but I also know that you don’t like to spend money.”

He started to protest, but he couldn’t argue with me on that point. He was a very frugal man, most likely because he came from a background that had absolutely nothing. “Don’t worry about the cost. Let me worry about that. Will you come?”

“Okay,” I said, feeling a bit reckless and a lot frivolous. “Okay.”

I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell that he was smiling one of his patentable smiles, one of those smiles that lit up an entire room. “Fantastic! I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. Thank you so much. We’ll have a wonderful weekend together.”

“You’ll have to buy the ticket. I don’t have a credit card anymore.”

“I’ll make the arrangements. And by the way, a new card should be delivered by express mail tomorrow. I reported the accidental damage to the previous card. I can’t live with myself knowing that you’re there all alone with no way to pay for something if an emergency arose. You need the card to buy groceries and stuff. And a new cell phone will be delivered tomorrow as well.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Great. So when are you finished on Friday? When could you leave?”

We talked out the details of when I could leave campus and when I could be at the airport. We also discussed my return. This really was a frivolous thing, since it took five hours of flying each way. Combine that with the three hours of time change, and it was a killer trip. I’d basically only have one day, Saturday, there, and part of that would be spent dealing with the jet lag associated with the trip. Still, I was going—not to Hawaii; I was going to see Bill, and it felt good.

That week we talked on the phone morning, noon, and night. It felt good to know what he was doing and to be able to tell him about my day as well. I had missed that. We had been keeping in touch each day, but those calls had become more superficial than substantive. We were talking more frequently now, and more in-depth as well. And it felt good.

Mark Returns to Hawaii

O
N
F
RIDAY
I carried my backpack with the few things I needed for my two nights with Bill when I left the house for class. I believed in traveling light, and I certainly was on this trip. I just couldn’t justify to myself taking a lot of things when I was only going to be there for two nights and one day. And I hoped that part of that day would be spent in bed with Bill where no clothing would be required.

After class I immediately drove to the airport, parked the car, and made my way into the terminal. Security was the usual snaking line of people that seemed to stretch forever, but at least moved consistently—slowly, but consistently. I made it through the inspection process and found my gate, with a quick stop at a coffee shop to buy some tea.

When they called for boarding, I looked at my boarding pass to see where I was sitting. I hadn’t even bothered to look before that. Hmmm. Bill had outdone himself. I was seated in 1A. My boyfriend had purchased a first class ticket for me. The usually frugal Bill was being a little more generous than I had anticipated.