A Soul For Chaos (The Soulbearer Trilogy) (36 page)

The halo flashed again, and Arden replied, “I could have destroyed Nelos’s soul, but if I had, the world would’ve tipped into total chaos. So I merely destroyed his body, and now he’s in the same predicament as Loku.”

Dev crossed the room and sat at the table, rubbing his face. I didn’t sign up for this.

Arden followed him. “Cheer up, Dev. I told the Empress the same thing, and she said she would have to find a suitable Soulbearer for Nelos. When she has, I’m sure I’ll be cleared of this soon.”

“For once, I’d like to be able to take you somewhere and not have to worry about you getting kidnapped or nearly killed or destroying an entire city.”

She gave him a playful shove. “Hey, I’ve never destroyed an entire city—just part of one.”

A wry grin formed on his lips. “Can you promise me you’ll stay out of trouble for a while? Please?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“I can’t make any promises for Loku. And when you consider every time we’ve faced danger, it was because of him…”

Dev fought hard not to laugh. Her Milorian blood was showing. If he wasn’t careful, he’d find himself protecting a politician instead of a Soulbearer.

“Anyway,” she continued, “now that I know you’re well, I want to see Kell.”

His heart lurched, and her words to the prince last night haunted him. She loved Kell, not him. And now, she wanted to leave him for the prince. He stood, catching her arm as she turned to the door. “He’s fine.”

“Have you seen him?”

“No, but my father told me Kell would recover.”

Arden tried to wiggle free from his grasp, but he held tight. “Please, Dev, I need to see him and know for myself.”

Her plea deepened the ache in his chest. She didn’t seem that concerned about him. It was a fool’s dream to think that she would ever care about him. And a bittersweet blessing, too, for he could hopefully let go of his feelings for her one day. He released her. “Fine, go to him.”

Instead of running out of the quarters, she stayed where she was. Her brows drew together. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He tried to turn away, but she stilled him with a touch of her hand on his chest.

“No more secrets, Dev.”

He covered her hand with his own, but refused to meet her eyes. Could he tell her that he loved her? Would he be willing to bear the pain when she apologized and told him she loved Kell instead? It was so much easier to pretend he didn’t care. “I suppose you’ll be accepting Kell’s proposal now.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because I heard what you said to him last night.” There. He’d gotten it out there without revealing his feelings.

She leaned into him, her body pressing against his, and lifted his chin so he was forced to look at her. A soft smile played on her lips, and a strange light glowed from her blue eyes. “Yes, I might have told Kell I loved him, but I can’t marry him. My heart already belongs to someone else.”

His breath caught. Did I hear her correctly?

She pulled his head closer until her lips brushed against his in the slightest of kisses.

Dev’s pulse jumped. All he ever wanted was right here in his arms, and yet, he couldn’t enjoy it. His vow nagged at the back of his mind like an old crone, reminding him how he couldn’t let anything distract him from his duty. He rested his hands on her hips and pushed her away. “Arden, I can’t.”

“I know, but I can.”

There was nothing light or hesitant when she kissed him again. Her lips crushed against his, begging him to return her affection. And how could he resist? He drew her closer to him, holding her so their bodies fit perfectly together, and kissed her back. It was even better than he remembered from that drunken night. The softness of her lips, the sweetness of her mouth, the sensation of her soft curves molding to the hard planes of his body—everything was ten times more potent than he’d imagined. He fell deeper and deeper into the dizzying spiral until he finally was forced to pull away and take a breath.

Arden pressed her forehead against his, the heaving of her chest showing the kiss had affected her in the same way. Then she broke free of his embrace and gave him a wistful smile. “I can be patient.”

Then she turned and left the room.

A shudder formed deep within his gut, growing as it spread into his chest and his limbs. He collapsed into the chair, his hands shaking at the intensity of his emotions. By Jussip, he never dreamed a simple kiss would’ve affected him this way.

But it was more than just the kiss. Arden loved him, too.

A cry of frustration welled up inside him. As long as he was bound to protect her, they could never be together.

He sat there in the silence before he finally decided what he needed to do.

***

Arden snuck into the palace, careful to avoid any guards. The Empress may have ordered her to stay in her quarters, but that didn’t mean she had to obey. She was born a Ranellian, and even though she now knew of her Gravarian bloodlines, she wasn’t quite ready to bow down before the Empress as a loyal subject.

It was easy enough to slip into Kell’s room. He lay sleeping in his bed, his face peaceful but pale. The slow rise and fall of his chest was a stark contrast to the death rattles she had to endure listening to last night.

Relief flooded her veins. She pulled up a chair and waited until he stirred before stroking his cheek. “Good morning.”

He smiled. “Good morning, my dear.”

Those words used to make her heart skip a beat, but they were nothing compared to the way her heart pounded when Dev kissed her this morning. One more sign that she’d made the right decision, choosing Dev over Kell. But she still felt warm affection for the prince.

She brushed a piece of hair back from his forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that I see you.” He rose into a sitting position. His open arms beckoned her to join him.

She remained where she was. It was time to distance herself from him, to make it clear that there was no hope of reigniting their relationship.

His smile faded. “What’s wrong?”

She almost laughed. Less than an hour ago, she was asking that question to Dev. “I wanted to thank you for saving my life, Kell. You almost died because of me, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you.”

“Arden, I love you. I would’ve gladly given my life to protect you.”

Her heart winced. This was far harder than she thought it would be. Memories of the pain she felt when Dev rejected her last winter flared to life inside her. She never wanted to hurt Kell, but she knew her words would. “Thank you.”

Kell’s mouth twisted in frustration. “Arden, I remember what you said to me last night. Why can’t you say it now?”

“It would be so easy to run away, but I admire your strength.” Loku wrapped his invisible arms around her, giving her the strength she needed. “Be honest with him.”

She struggled to find the right words, the ones that would convey the depth of her feelings without giving him false hope. “I do love you, but not in the way you want me to.”

Kell gathered the covers into his fists. “I don’t understand. Either you love me or you don’t.”

She reached out and rested the tips of her fingers on his hand. “I love you like I would a brother or my dearest friend.”

“Just not the way that you love him.”

The bitterness of his words brought tears to her eyes. She knew the raw pain he was probably feeling now, the sting of rejection. But anything was better than living a lie. “Yes,” she said softly.

His fingers uncurled, and he placed one hand over hers. “Are you certain you want to risk everything for him?”

At one point, she would have questioned Dev’s feelings for her, but the burning passion of his kiss had alleviated all her fears. Dev loved her, too. He was just too stubborn to admit it. “Are you saying you’d rather I pretend to feel nothing for him?”

“No, but I wish you could find it in your heart to choose me instead.” His hazel eyes burned as he stared at her. “We could be happy together.”

“I would be settling if I did.” She traced the edge of his jaw with her other hand. “Would you be happy knowing you were second best?”

He shook his head and sighed. “You’re right.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“But you did, and I know I’m partially to blame.” He withdrew his hands and rolled to his side so his back faced her. “Please, I just want to be alone for a while.”

Her throat tightened and her eyes stung, but she rose from her chair. “As you wish.”

As she closed the door behind her, she wondered if she’d lost a friend in the process.

“You did the right thing, my little Soulbearer. In time, he’ll see that, too.”

Her hand lingered on the door as though it was the last thing tying her to Kell. “I hope so.”

Chapter 33

Kell checked the length of his stirrups and made sure his bag was secured to his saddle one more time. A sense of urgency pounded through his body. Reports from the borders suggested that Thallus had invaded Ranello, and he was desperate to return home.

“Have everything?” Arden asked.

His heart still ached when he looked at her. In time, he hoped he’d recover from her rejection, but he doubted he’d ever forget her. “Almost. I really wish you could come home with me.”

She cast a glance to where Marist stood on her balcony, watching them from above. The Empress was still demanding answers for what happened that night, and Arden was confined to the palace grounds until she had them. “Believe me, I want to go back to Ranello, especially if the rumors are true.”

“I pray to the Lady Moon my father is able to beat the Thallians back if they did cross our border.” Part of him was glad to have this distraction, though. It was something to take his mind away from her.

She placed her hand on his arm, reawakening all the raw emotions that still lurked beneath the surface. “I want to give you something before you go.”

She dangled a chain with a small, round mirror in front of her. “The Mage Primus helped me make this. It’s a way for you to reach me, no matter how far apart we are.”

A hint of wariness danced in the back of his mind as he took it. Anything made by the Mage Primus would include magic. “How?”

“Like this.” She guided his finger to the gold frame surrounding the mirror. “Trace the outside and say my name.”

He did as he was told, and a bright light flashed across the surface of the mirror, distorting his reflection. Then Arden’s face appeared in it. He looked up from it to her and saw she held a similar mirror.

She gave him a shy smile, her cheeks pink. “I made a matching pair so we can keep in touch. I hope you don’t mind.”

He wrapped his hand around her gift, unsure when he’d be able to use her gift without reviving the longing in his heart. At least he had the means to talk her, though, and make sure she was well and safe. “No, I don’t mind at all. Thank you.”

He pulled the chain over his head and tucked the mirror under his shirt. “Are you certain I can’t change your mind?”

He left the question vague on purpose, referring to both returning to Ranello and returning to him. She seemed to understand what he was asking and nodded, her blue eyes full of remorse. “Yes, Kell.”

He pressed his lips against her forehead in a farewell kiss and moved past her to where Dev stood a few feet away. He shook the knight’s hand, pulling him close to say in a low whisper, “You have the only thing I’ve ever wanted. If you do anything to hurt her, I swear I’ll make you wish you were dead.”

“Understood.” A muscle rippled along Dev’s cheek, and the possessive fire burning in his eyes told him he wouldn’t let go of Arden without a fight.

Kell tightened his grip on Dev’s hand to make sure he understood his threat before releasing him. Then he mounted his horse.

Arden stood close to him, holding the reins. “If you need me…”

“I’ll let you know.” His gaze flickered to Dev and then back at her. “If you change your mind…”

“I’ll let you know,” she replied. She let go of the reins and stepped back. “Safe journeys to you.”

He rode out of the palace the same way he entered, without any pomp or fuss. Fane rode alongside him, his only companion for the trip back to Hebera where a ship would take him to Ranello. He was going home, but he knew part of him would always stay in Gravaria.

Epilogue

“Are you certain I can’t change your mind?” the Mage Primus asked.

Dev nodded. He’d made his mind up the day Arden kissed him. “I know what I have to do.”

His father sighed. “Then know I can only do so much. You may be my son, but I can’t use our relationship to sway the Council’s decision.”

“I understand.” His stomach was full of knots, but he tried to remain calm.

“I wish you luck.” The Mage Primus gave him a small smile and disappeared into the chambers where the Mage’s Council held their court. The door closed behind him, leaving Dev alone in the antechamber.

He clenched and unclenched his fists, keeping his resolve firm as he waited. The last time he stood here, he’d been accused of murdering Minius and was awaiting his punishment. He’d accepted the Mage’s Council’s decision to make him the Soulbearer’s Protector without question, thinking it was a merciful sentence.

Now, it was the source of constant torture. Every time he looked at Arden, he had to remind himself not to touch her, not to want her the way he did. He wasn’t free to love her as long as he was bound to protect her.

The doors opened, and the Mage Primus announced in a booming voice, “Devarius Tel’Brien, come forward.”

He entered the chamber with slow, determined steps. His heart pounded. Ten pairs of eyes stared down at him from their benches, all waiting to pass judgment on him. His mouth went dry. What if they denied my request?

“You have asked to come before the Mage’s Council, Sir Devarius,” his father continued as though they were strangers. “What is your business with us?”

He cleared his throat and said in a steady voice, “I wish to be relieved of my duty to protect the Soulbearer.”