A Son of Carver (Carver High #2) (26 page)

His lips own mine as they slide gently back and forth, grasping me harder with each kiss. His big hands wrap around my waist pulling me into him and his head shifts as his tongue enters my mouth, softly licking me.

Every nerve in my body springs to life and I’m frustrated as hell that we’re currently in the same room as his family. I want to scream, I want to cry. God, he feels so unbelievably good.

All I can do is show him with my mouth. All I can do is kiss and suck and lick him as ferociously as he’s doing to me. All I can do is cling harder to him, dig my nails further into him.

All I can do is surrender completely to this man because this is something I’ll never be able to give up. I know that already.

“Jesus, Nash. Take her in your bedroom,” Nate says, which obviously has me retreating immediately.

“Oh my god,” I mutter because I never expected any kiss to be like that and because I’m completely embarrassed that I just did that in front of Nick.

Nash laughs under his breath then leans in and gives me a sweet kiss on my lips, but I push him away. “I can’t believe you just did that to me,” I mutter.

He laughs again, “That was my fault, was it?”

“Completely,” I say, even though I’m pretty sure I’m the one who started it.

“That’s fine. I’ll take the blame. It was more than worth it – getting to finally kiss you. Jesus Christ, Presley, you’re screwed now. You’re not getting rid of me ever. I’m yours whether you want me or not.”

I smile at him, like hugely, because what else am I supposed to do with him. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now, you really have to get me home.”

We get in his truck and he pulls me into his side, starting his truck up and backing down the driveway with one hand. I peek up at him and he’s still got a goofy grin plastered on his face. He looks down at me then ducks his head and kisses me on my temple before looking back at the road.

“I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight. I’m gonna be thinking about you all damn night. And you just washed my sheets, didn’t you?”

I gasp. “Nash, shut the hell up. That’s so gross.”

“Is it? Is the thought of me jacking off while thinking about you gross?” he asks in all seriousness.

I want to say yes, but the image of his naked body, of him stroking himself, mutes me and I admit, “No, it’s not.”

“You can do the same thing if you need to.”

“Ugh. No. That’s gross. You… fine, it’s kind of hot. But me…no. Hell, no.”

“Why not?”

“Please shut up.”

He laughs. “Fine. I’ll do enough jacking off for the both of us, because I was serious Presley- I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes. But I want to add kissing to the list of things I need from you.”

“Mmm,” I murmur with satisfaction from just the thought of that kiss. “God, no wonder the girls love you so much.”

“You think I’ve had kisses like that one you just gave me with other girls?”

I shrug my shoulders, “Hannah seemed pretty impressed by the one you gave her.”

“That wasn’t even close to what just happened between us. No one’s kissed me the way you just kissed me. And, Presley… you have a tongue piercing… why didn’t I know you had a tongue piercing?”

“You’re avoiding the subject. It’s not about the way I kissed you, it’s about the way you kiss girls.”

“I mean, yeah, I can give any girl the best kiss they’ll ever get, but damn, I don’t even know what the hell you just did to me.”

I laugh. “You know what my favorite thing about you is?”

“The way I kissed you? Or no, my body? You couldn’t seem to keep your greedy eyes off my body.”

“That’s all great, but it’s your modesty. I just love how humble you are.”

He laughs. “I guess we’re perfect for each other – I think I’m way better than I actually am and you don’t see half the things that make you absolutely irresistible. We balance each other out like that.”

I want to laugh, I wish I found that amusing, but really, it’s not. “You’re gonna get tired of my crap pretty quickly.”

“What crap?”

“My insecurities, my needy ways, my irrational fears.”

“I’m just afraid that once I cure you of all those things you won’t need me anymore,” he says, and I can’t tell if he’s joking. “And you’re not needy. In fact, I wish you needed me more than you actually do.”

“Stop here,” I tell him, when he passes the corner where he usually picks me up.

He does but says, “How long are you gonna care about what she thinks?”

I sit up and look at him, at the pissed off expression on his face. “I don’t care what she thinks, in fact it would feel damn good having her know that for once, I have something that she can’t have.”

“So why am I dropping you off at the corner?”

If Jolee knows about Nash and me, everyone at school will know too. I’m not ready for that. And then there’s the other reason… “I can barely live in that house as it is. She’s been worse than normal ever since I was at your race with you. I can’t deal with whatever she would do if she found out something real is happening between us… not now.”

He reaches out and hoists me on his lap, kissing me gently before saying, “Fine. Just as long as something real is happening between us.”

I run my hands through his hair. God, it’s so strange touching him like this.
Nash. And me.
It sounds wrong but it feels right. I lean in and kiss his neck, letting my tongue drag across his salty skin, thoroughly enjoying the fact that I can actually lick him now. He moans and his fingers dig into my backside. When I get to his ear I lick and bite it then tell him, “I don’t know what’s going on between us, but it’s definitely real.”

He turns his head, his teeth grasping onto my lip and my breath is sucked out of me in one fast, loud release. In an instant, we’ve both lost control, our mouths colliding, our tongues fighting, our hands grasping onto whatever part of each other they can. I can feel his hard length under me and I moan, pushing my aching insides into him. Oh hell, this is bad. I’m letting this go too far and as much as the idea of freaking out with Angel scared me, the thought of doing it with Nash is worse.

He clamps down hard on my hips, stopping my motion and pulls his mouth from mine before sliding me further down his legs. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so hard. Jesus, Presley, I was kidding before but honest to god, you’re gonna kill me.”

I climb off his lap. “No, that was my fault. I’m sorry. I won’t let that happen again… shit.” I run my hands over my face, confused by the equal amounts of desire and fear running through me. “You’re gonna help me, right? We’re gonna figure this out…”

He reaches over and pulls me into his chest. “I’m not gonna stop trying until we have this figured out… I’ve never been more motivated to do anything in my entire life.”

I smile up at him as best I can. “Okay. I’ll try then too. All those pictures you’ve sent me, and the things you’ve asked me to do… I couldn’t do them before. Not when you were just my friend. Not with the idea of anyone but you in my head. But I think I can now. I think I’m ready to work on it.”

“If that’s what you want, Presley. But don’t do it for me.”

“Trust me Nash… I’m not.”

He laughs his sexy deep laugh then tells me, “Okay. I’ll text you later,” before kissing me gently on my lips.

I get out of his truck and run the two blocks home, a surge of energy ripping though my body, which evaporates when I walk through the door and immediately hear my aunt’s voice. She’s talking about my dad again. Sounds like she’s telling my mom my uncle will pay for the lawyer LeeAnn thinks my mom needs in order to take everything from him.

I peek into the kitchen and see them sitting at the table. My mom’s face is blank like she’s completely checked out. She spots me and subtlety shakes her head and waves her hand, telling me to go.

I sigh, then turn around and head up the stairs and into my room. Both doors to the bathroom are open so I can hear Jolee on the phone… talking about Nash.

“He’ll come crawling back to me, he always does when he’s having some personal crisis. And I mean, I feel bad about what happened to his dad and everything but I don’t know if I’m gonna give him what he wants this time. Although, god, sometimes I just crave him, you know? I mean, I’ve had some good sex in my life, but no one does me quite like he does.”

I literally gag and feel like I could puke. I walk in the bathroom, closing her door and then mine.

Why the hell did it have to be her? Why did I have to walk into that conversation right now? Why am I forced to picture his body- his perfect, capable body – with her.

I get into my sleep shirt but skip brushing my teeth or washing my face just to avoid hearing her voice. I lay in my bed and try to calm myself down and think. It’s not like I was unaware that he’s slept with her. And I know that he’s changing every day and that his feelings for me are real. But he has a past. A long messy one and as much as I want to forgive and forget it, sometimes it feels like it might be impossible.

I’m waiting at Presley’s locker to talk to her because she hasn’t responded to any of the texts I sent her last night or this morning and she’s not answering her phone. I don’t want there to be problems with her family situation but I can’t help that I’m hoping there might be and that’s the reason I haven’t heard from her.

Saturday night and Sunday were life altering days in my world. Things changed drastically between Presley and I and after I dropped her off last night I was sure that nothing could come between us. If she felt even a fifth of what I feel for her, then I knew I had nothing to worry about.

So now I’m standing here, blowing off everyone asking about my dad, waiting to see in her eyes that we’re still good.

I see Jolee walk through the doors which means Presley’s right behind her, which reminds me, I need to start picking her up in the mornings so she doesn’t have to ride with that girl.

I finally see her and I let out a breath of relief but when her eyes meet mine they’re full of apprehension and my heart sinks.

When I feel nails grazing my chest I flinch and immediately push the person away with too much force, even before I realize it’s Jolee.

“I thought I’d hear from you this weekend after what happened to your dad. Am I no longer your favorite kind of feel better medicine?”

I’m not looking at her, I’m looking at Presley who’s hesitating a few yards away from us.

I shove Jolee out of my path and go to Presley. When she realizes what I’m doing her eyes shift uncomfortably around the halls that are quickly filling up.
Jesus.
Is that what this is about? Give her a damn minute to think and she’s back to being ashamed of me?

“Don’t,” I tell her right before I get my hands around her waist. “Don’t do this to me again, Presley. Don’t act like you don’t know me just because we’re in school.”

She pushes her hands against my shoulders and backs away, looking at me apologetically and it breaks my heart. “That’s not it,” she mutters.

I don’t know what to stay so I just stare at her with confusion on my face, my hands balled into tight fists by my side.

“I’m sorry, I know you’ve been texting me and I’m not trying to blow you off… I was just waiting until I had calmed down so that I wouldn’t say, or type, anything that I would regret or that would hurt you or us… but it’s just taking a lot longer than I thought for my anger to pass.”

I shake my head at her. “What the hell are you talking about? What did I do?”

She sighs and runs a hand over the back of her neck. “Seriously, I would like to wait until the rational side of my brain starts having a say over my thoughts before I talk to you about it.”

“Presley…” I plead, using every ounce of will power I have to not grab a hold of her and wrap her in my arms, and every ounce of brain power I have trying to figure out what the hell I did.

The bell for first period rings and she gives me one last apologetic look before rushing past me, not even stopping at her locker, before going to class.
What the hell?

Needless to say, the first three periods of the day were torture. I texted her and waited at her locker between periods but she’s obviously avoiding me.

When she walks into photography class I practically cheer. And it’s Monday which means lecture day which means we’ll be watching a film which means we’ll have some privacy and hopefully she’ll tell me what the hell is going on.

She sits down by me and I reach over and grab her hand, wrapping it up in mine and resting them on my leg. And she lets me. Which is good.

I keep my mouth shut until the lights are out and the film’s started and then I turn to her and ask her, “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on because I’ve been wracking my brain all morning trying to figure out what I did and I’m not coming up with anything.”

She leans into me, her shoulder touching mine and whispers, “Will you promise not to get mad at me if I tell you?”

I turn to her, finding her eyes in the dim room. “Yeah. Why would I be mad at you? I mean, besides the fact that you’re blowing me off again?”

She lets out a long breath than says quietly, “I know you’re not the guy you used to be and I know you were never the guy I once thought you were but… when I got home last night Jolee was on the phone…” She pauses and I’m panicking already. This can’t be good. “She was saying how she was just waiting to hear from you because you always go to her when there’s a crisis in your life and that she didn’t know if she was gonna give you what you wanted this time but that she craves you and that no one has ever
done
her the way you do.”

When she’s done speaking, she leans away from me and also takes her hand from mine. I don’t think she means to even though it’s one hundred percent a natural response to the words she just spoke to me. If I could get away from myself, I’d be doing the same thing.

I lean forward on our table and bury my face in my hands wishing like hell that I could change the things I’ve done and totally hating myself. Hearing those words come out of Presley’s mouth kills me. Thinking about her having to hear those words… to picture me with her cousin… completely slays me.

I take my face from my hands and turn my head to look at her. The pain on her face, the insecurity, makes me want to hide again but I can’t run away from all the stupid things I’ve done.

“I don’t know what to say to that, Presley. Before you came into my life, I made a million mistakes. I wish I had always known that you were coming.  But I didn’t. I didn’t know what it felt like to care about someone more than I cared about myself. Before you, I never had to work to earn anyone’s respect. No one expected me to be anything other than the arrogant selfish asshole I always have been. Until you came along, no one fought to find out what was good about me. I wish I’d had the foresight to realize that eventually someone would come along that I wanted to be good for, that the mistakes I was making would someday not only hurt me, but hurt the first girl I really cared about. That my past would make me feel ashamed and unworthy when I looked in her eyes. But I didn’t have you then. And I didn’t respect anything or anyone. And nothing I did had a purpose. Everything was temporary.

“It kills me having to think about you hearing those words and I don’t know how to make it hurt less. I don’t know how you can live with that image in your head and still look at me, still talk to me…
Fuck.”

I can’t look at her anymore. I can’t think about what I look like through her eyes. I bury my face in my hands again, my fingers grasping onto my hair, wanting so badly to serve a purpose; to physically do something that could change all this, but there’s nothing to do. Everything’s already been done and I can’t change it.

And then I feel her hand tentatively resting on my back, and then her forehead resting on my arm. I know I have no right to, but I reach around her neck and pull her into me, wrapping my other arm around her and holding her but still not able to look at her.

Eventually, she shifts in my hold until she’s no longer in my arms. “I don’t want you to feel bad about the things you’ve done, Nash. You can’t change your past and I don’t want you living with regret I just…need some time. Not away from you or anything… just some time to get over my anger and jealousy.”

“You don’t have anything to be jealous about, Presley.”

“Fine, but now I’m messed up. Now, when you say things like that to me all I can do is wonder what words you used to get Tatum to stay with you. You act like what’s happening between us is some big revelation for you, but you were with her for
five years
. And I watched as she stayed with you while you screwed around with other girls, I listened as she told me I didn’t know you, that I didn’t understand what the two of you had, that I didn’t understand what a good guy you are. And she told me those things days after you slept with Jolee- the same girl who still craves you and has never been done by anyone the way she’s been done by you.

“And when I looked at Tatum I felt so bad for her because I knew that whatever you were telling her- whatever you were saying that was making her stay- must have been really good but must have also been a complete lie… and I never want to be that girl.

“I never want someone to look at me the way I looked at Tatum. And now when you say crap like that to me it breaks my heart and I want to believe it, I want to believe that I’m not dumb, that you really care about me and that the things you say to me are sincere, but I know that’s exactly what Tatum thought… so all I can really do is wonder if what I’m getting are just a bunch of recycled lines that turned Tatum into the girl I pitied.”

She lets out several long breaths, putting her hands to her head. I want to reach out and touch her but I know I don’t get to do that, not now… maybe never again.

“Damn it,” she mutters shaking her head. “I told you Nash… I told you I needed time so that when I talked to you I wouldn’t say a bunch of crap I didn’t mean that would hurt you.”

I feel like I’m in shock. Like reality just kicked my ass and held a huge mirror up to my face and for the first time I can see who I really am. The guy she just described is a heartless fucking monster. The guy she described is someone Presley should stay the hell away from.

She’s staring at me expectantly and all I can say is, “You did mean it though, Presley. I don’t know why I ever thought I deserved you.”

“Stop,” she says angrily. “I don’t mean it. I know I don’t it’s just because it’s… her. And it’s just because her bedroom is right next to mine and I know what her room looks like and what her sheets and pillows look like and she’s always walking around in her damn underwear and I know… I can see it so clearly it’s messing with my head.

“But I know you, Nash. I know who you are with me. And I don’t mean it. I just need a minute to get past it.” She lets out a frustrated breath and balls her hands up at her temples, leaning on the table, shaking her head.

And all I can think is
I did this to her
. To the girl I’m trying to make realize how beautiful and perfect she is. How is she ever gonna feel that way with someone like me?

And I get it now. I get why she would be ashamed, why she would feel stupid for trusting me and wanting to be with me. Why she wouldn’t want anyone to know that she let me into her life. And I don’t blame her.

Eventually she sits up and crosses her arms over her stomach, staring at the Smart Board. I won’t try to convince her of anything. I wouldn’t even know what to say.

At some point her phone vibrates in her pocket and she takes it out, returning a text with angry thumbs. She’s shaking her head at her phone reading responses, then bashing the screen again with her thumbs. I imagine my names being bashed into the screen.

I wonder who she’s venting to. Who will take care of her when I’m the one who’s doing the breaking?

The bell rings at the end of class and Presley is out of her seat immediately. I take my time getting up and going to the door. Outside of it, she’s waiting for me and I want to tell her to go, to run the hell away, but I don’t. I don’t say anything. She doesn’t say anything. We just walk next to each other until we reach her locker and she leaves me to be with Angel and Tatum.

“Hey,” I hear Tatum calling. I don’t imagine it’s me she’s trying to talk to so I keep walking. “Nash,” she say, grabbing onto my shoulder and stopping me.

I have no choice but to look at her.

“Holy shit, you look like hell. Nicks okay, right?”

I manage to nod at her.

She narrows her eyes at me. “What the hell’s wrong then?”

I almost wish I could tell her. I almost want to ask her if Presley’s right about me. “When we were together I lied to you a lot. I told you a lot of shit that I didn’t really mean.”

She shakes her head at me. “What the hell, Nash?”

“But it wasn’t all bullshit. At the end, especially, all those times I was pleading with you, telling you how I felt about you and how much I regretted what I had done… none of that was bullshit. Sleeping with Jolee is the biggest regret of my life. I just want you to know that.”

She laughs, her eyes narrowing further at me. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to get me back. I thought we were done with that crap.”