A Solitary Heart (7 page)

'Could you actually settle for a marriage of convenience?' He made

the question into a statement of incredulity, twisting her meaning into

a concept that sounded unacceptable. 'Would you really do

something like that to a man like Joshua who was in love with you?

If I were you, I would think about that long and hard, because it

seems to me that there's an element of cruelty in it, especially if you

were to fall in love with someone else.'

'No, of course I wouldn't!'

'Ah,' he stated flatly, 'then you would marry a man who wasn't in love

with you.'

'Love doesn't have to come into it!' she replied heatedly, impatient

scorn crossing her upturned expression. 'Everybody always makes so

much of love and marriage going hand in hand, when stability and

constancy are the important factors—and passionate affairs are

distinctly overrated, when all they appear to bring are confusion and

unhappiness to the parties concerned! Love is fine for those who

want it, but it doesn't hold the least part in my plans, thank you very

much! I prefer my heart just the way it is—whole and unbroken!'

'Now I begin to get a picture of your Utopia,' remarked Matt coolly.

'Polite conversation at the breakfast table and a weekly, joyless

performance of your conjugal duties. Heaven help your children if

you achieve your dream, because a more sterile existence I cannot

imagine.'

She could no longer remain where she was and twisted sideways to

rise out from under him. 'That's because you subscribe to the popular

belief that one has to be in love to be happy,' she retorted over her

shoulder, brushing away the grains of sand that clung to her elbows.

'Whereas I am happy just the way I am, and I fully intend on staying

that way!'

'Unawakened, unfulfilled, untouched,' he murmured, a snake in the

garden of paradise. 'Take care to build your briars very high, sleeping

princess, otherwise real life will creep in when you least expect it.'

'Rubbish,' she said in a strong voice, but she crossed her arms

defensively around a shaken stomach.

He continued, as if he hadn't heard her, 'And I'll tell you this for

nothing. Yes I believe in love, because, unlike you, I have been in

love before, and it was not the naive, helpless emotion you seem to

think it is but a full- blooded, enriching experience in which passion

and serenity were equal partners.'

Sian's head turned. When he stopped, she asked, 'What happened?'

He said quietly, 'She died of cancer when she was twenty-five.'

'I'm sorry,' she said just as quietly, as she turned around fully to look

at him with deep compassion. 'How terrible.'

He smiled at her. 'But somehow it wasn't. Her grace and spirit

wouldn't allow it to be. She's gone, and has been for quite some time,

but I will never forget her. Because of what she taught me, I can say

categorically that I will never marry without that depth and

immensity of feeling. My wife will be so totally and completely in

love with me that she will give her heart gladly into my safekeeping,

and I will guard it and nurture it as the most precious possession on

earth. I'll have to, you see, for mine will be given to her. Completely,

down to the last humble flaw, always and forever. That's what real

love is, Sian, not infatuation, not mere sexuality, not the heat of the

moment. Anything else by comparison is a poor substitute.'

She didn't question the impulse that made her lay a light hand on the

warmth of his forearm, nor stint the sincere generosity of her reply.

That was how far in he had reached. By laying down the tools of

hardness and aggression, by baring his soul and revealing his own

vulnerable, unquenchable hope, he had managed to win this round

without a fight, and he won so well that she didn't even begrudge him

the victory. 'It sounds a fine, rare thing. I hope you find it.'

He took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it. 'Oh, I will, never

fear,' he said, then added with a sultry purr, 'The only trouble will be

in convincing her that she wants it as badly as I do.'

Sian smiled and drew away. 'There's the crunch,' she said drily.

'Everybody's looking for something different out of life. You have

your dreams and I have mine, and who's to say? Maybe we'll both get

what we want.'

'But is Joshua really what you want, when it comes right down to it?

Can his immature impression of who you are provide stability?' he

asked, dissecting her with a shrewd level stare.

She hesitated, tempted to confess the real truth of what lay between

her and his younger brother, for she no longer felt such a burning

desire for revenge now that he had neatly taken the sting out of

everything he'd said to her before.

The trouble with Matt was that he too was constantly shifting his

tactics, with such subtle dexterity that she was forced to re-evaluate

her position at every turn. The hunter in him was more dangerous

than anything she had ever met, for he laid his snares with the

seduction of gentleness, the insidious voice of logic and reason. If he

was debilitating in head-on conflict, he was even more so in the

oblique attack, for he hit his target with unfailing accuracy.

In the end she decided that silence was by far the wisest course, so

she just smiled and said gently, 'That would be telling, wouldn't it?'

A sharp frown creased his forehead. He opened his mouth to say

something, but their conversation was abruptly broken off as the

soccer ball landed in his lap and Jane ran up to them. 'Come on, you

two lazy-bones, quit sitting around and join the game!'

Matt rose with good grace, but Sian declined the rough-and-tumble

sport, opting to go for a swim instead. Floating in the silken warm

water was deliciously refreshing after the heat-baked sand. She

closed her eyes, drifting, thinking about everything Matt had said.

Thinking of hopes, dreams, and forgiveness.

The rest of the day passed beautifully, with everyone settling into a

quiet contentment. Voices gentled and bodies, well fed and bathed

and kissed by the sun, reclined on picnic blankets. Even the raucous

blare of radios from other distant camps couldn't break the serene

spell. As the sun dipped towards the horizon, many of the other

bathers began to leave; they would miss the best part of the day, Sian

felt, for the wide sky remained cloudless and there would be a lovely

sunset.

Her discussion with Matt had managed to clear the air as their earlier

explosions had failed to do so. She was as relaxed as she had ever

been, and had lost enough of her antipathy towards him to appreciate,

as the others did, what good company he could be.

He had dropped any outward sign of his former antagonism, even

cracking a joke or two, to which she laughed and the others, after the

first frozen moment of uncertainty, laughed as well.

How clever he was. Sian studied him surreptitiously through her

lashes. He could use his own charm with as much conscious

effectiveness as she ever did, but she could not lay claim to the same

impenetrability as he. A cold thrill shivered through her. Don't soften,

Sian, she whispered to herself. Harden your heart.

Jane had turned somnolent and lay curled on her side, her head by

Sian's thigh, drowsing as the others talked. Sian's fingers

affectionately stroked the blonde hair away from her friend's temple

as she listened, occasionally interposing a quiet comment. Matt

glanced their way often with a smile; she could see the male

appreciation glinting in his eyes at the pretty picture they made.

At length Jane stirred and shivered, for the wind had picked up and

the heat was going out of the day. Sian had already donned her pink

top and had taken care not to stay out too long in the sun, but Jane's

skin felt over- warm when she laid cool fingers along the other girl's

cheek.

'You need your jacket,' she said softly, when Jane's eyes opened. 'Did

you remember to bring it?'

'Yes, but I left it in the back seat of Matt's car,' murmured the other

girl with a wide yawn.

'Would you like for me to fetch it?' she asked.

'Mmn, I need to wake up anyway.' Jane sat and ran her fingers

through her hair. 'Want to walk with me?'

'Sure,' she agreed readily and rose to her feet. Steven had just coaxed

Joshua into another swim. Matt sat watching the two dark heads

arrow through the silver sparkling reflections on the very deep blue

water, and turned enquiringly as she knelt beside him. 'Could we

borrow your car keys, please? Jane's feeling a bit chilled and needs

her jacket.'

'Of course.' He twisted at the waist and reached for his faded denim

shorts that lay folded nearby, digging into one pocket. Left

unobserved, Sian let her gaze roam freely with admiration over his

lithe, powerful body in the brief trunks. That dark brown of his

tanned skin looked like furred velvet, encasing an artist's composition

of grace and strength. A searing vision of his male body, enmeshed

and subjugated and arcing in spear- thrusting passion, imploded in

her with such force that she gasped in silent distress.

He was too quick. His attention fixed on her flushed face, the green

eyes cloudy, the barely discernible tremor in the slim fingers that

took the jingling keys he offered.

Dear heaven, what had she done? She couldn't look at him. His hand

snaked over hers compulsively, and tightened until the keys dug into

her palm. 'Sian.'

The husky voice was raw, urgent, an enquiry. Her terrified gaze

lifted. His hazel eyes had ignited with such ferocity that he looked

nearly blind. 'Let me go,' she breathed, the plea carrying an

intolerable weight of sweeping importance.

'For now,' he said. His hard fingers opened until her trembling fist lay

free in the large palm. She snatched away as he whispered, 'Run

away, little girl. For now.'

The sexuality inherent in that reply, coming like a bolt from the blue,

crackled high-voltage tension all over her body. She fled back to Jane

and scooped up her miniskirt along the way, her composure in tatters.

Her friend, fully alert now, gave her a very curious look but

thankfully refrained from comment, and after five minutes of brisk

walking Sian's temperature returned to normal.

They found the path through the forest easily enough, but, as the

shallow stream offered a much more refreshing walk and a chance to

rinse the sand from their feet, they decided to wade in it instead.

About halfway back to the cars, they came upon a group of four

children who were dancing about in the water, in quite an agitated

state. As soon as the largest, a girl of about eleven years old, saw

them, she came splashing up and cried, 'Oh, please, please help us!

My brother's climbed up the tree and he can't get down again! I told

him not to do it, but he wouldn't listen to me! I'm afraid he's going to

fall!'

The poor child was sobbing so hard she could barely talk, and Jane

groaned; she had such a phobia for heights that even mention of them

was enough to make her queasy. After her initial surprise, Sian said

to the frightened girl with deliberate composure, 'Calm down,

darling. It's all right. As long as he doesn't lose his grip or his head,

he's not going to fall. Why don't you show us where he is, and then

we'll see what we can do about getting him down, OK?'

The girl nodded, then turned and ran back the way she'd come,

throwing great splashes of water that soaked Sian's legs as she

followed. She didn't need the girl's upturned face and pointed finger,

for, as soon as they approached the other children, her eyes were

drawn up to the sound of high-pitched sobbing—up and up and up, to

the very top of the great, twisted tree where the sun still shone on a

bright patch of clothing.

Sian's breath whistled in horror and her heart thumped hard, for the

boy's T-shirt was caught at the back on a jagged branch that must

have broken underneath his weight, at about the height of a three-

storey building, right where the branches were thin and willowy-

young. Jane clutched her arm in an icy grip, for as they watched a

gust of breeze blew through the tree and he swayed sickeningly from