A Small Indiscretion (39 page)

“What would help me now are words,” I said.

“What words?”

“I don’t know. Words of love, I guess.”

He tightened his arms around me. He flung his leg over my legs.

“Why do we need words?” he whispered. “We know the love is there.”

I
AM DEEPLY INDEBTED
to my agent, PJ Mark, for his long-standing interest in my work and his brilliant guidance through the labyrinth of publishing, and to my editors at Random House: Anna Pitoniak, for her supreme competence and painstaking editing, and the incomparable Kate Medina, for her wisdom, vision, and graciousness, and for her unfaltering faith in this book.

Gabriele Wilson conceived a beautiful cover, and Paolo Pepe, Robbin Schiff, Susan Turner, and Simon Sullivan tended to the book’s aesthetics. Countless others have helped this novel make its way into the world, including my foreign rights agent, Stephanie Koven, and the whole team at Random House, especially Beth Pearson, London King, Poonam Mantha, and Erika Seyfried.

Early readers who offered encouragement and addressed the book’s accuracy and authenticity include my good friend Naomi Andrews, as well as Marya Spence, Amy Ridout Silletto, Andi Pearson, Amy Edelman, Maralee Youngs, Barbara Hellett, and Alison Afra. Emma Donoghue, Ann Packer, and Robin Black reached deep and wrote generous endorsements, and Cynthia McReynolds provided superb metaphors and expert advice during difficult times.

Dedicated teachers shared what they knew and helped shaped my
nascent writing efforts, including Sister Katherine Jean, Katy Sadler, Nancy Packer, Nona Caspers, Maxine Chernoff, Toni Mirosevich, Antonya Nelson, Charles D’Ambrosio, and especially Alice LaPlante, my first creative writing teacher, who has given me priceless encouragement, mentoring, and friendship.

Many fine organizations provided community and the time and space to write, including Flintridge Sacred Heart Academy, Stanford Continuing Studies, San Francisco State University’s MFA program, the Vermont Studio Center, the Breadloaf Writers’ Conference, Napa Valley Writers’ Conference, Taos Summer Writers’ Conference, and the Tin House Summer Writer’s Workshop.

Yolanda Lopez cared for my babies with unparalleled love and patience during the early years when I snuck off to write, and Brittney Reiser stepped in and took over with unfailing cheerfulness, efficiency, and grace.

David Susman reminded me to write and believed in this book before I did, and Katherine Maxfield, Veronica Kornberg, Elizabeth Fergason, and Amy Payne have been my steadfast companions in this writing adventure for more than a decade.

Old friends have propped me up and propelled me along: Simone Genatt spirited me to Paris when I was nineteen; Hilary Harris has covered for me since the days I was still bumming beers and bouncing checks; my next-door neighbor, Maryellen McCabe, has graced me with humor, home-baked cookies and the loan of many books; Libby Raab took it upon herself to throw a fabulous party when a story of mine finally made it into print; and Erin Mulligan has been a beacon of excellence in literary taste for thirty years.

My marvelous siblings—Steven, Tosha, and Corwyn Ellison—first taught me the meaning of family and made it possible for me to write a book with that subject at its heart. My wonderful in-laws, the Baszucki and Morris families, and my beloved Elmore and Ellison
grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, have been a source of enthusiastic support and much love. My aunt and uncle, Rick and Sandra Krantz, have amazed me with their fortitude in the face of unimaginable grief, as well as their fierce, enduring love for each other and for their son, my late first cousin, Andrew Miles Krantz, in whose memory this book was written. Andrew arrived in this world many months too early and left a lifetime too soon, but he lives on in the hearts of those of us who were lucky enough to know him.

I would not be a writer if my father, Todd Ellison, had not held such unshakable faith in me and in the power of the written word, and this book would have withered in a drawer if my mother, Susan Elmore, had not so often swooped in to run my household while I fled to the mountains to write. I continue to be awed by her unbounded energy, self-sacrifice, generosity, and courage.

Above all, a debt of gratitude belongs to the five people who make words worth writing and life worth living—my four children, Matthew, Claire, Diana, and Charlotte, who are beautiful beyond measure and who remind me, daily, of my undeserved blessings, and my husband, David, whose abiding love, unsurpassed intelligence, wicked wit, loyalty, broadmindedness, and dashing good looks have sustained me for twenty-two years. How lucky I am that he turned up across the dance floor all those years ago and believed, then as now, that we were meant to build a life together.

J
AN
E
LLISON
is a graduate of Stanford and of San Francisco State University’s MFA program. She has published award-winning short fiction and was the recipient of a 2007 O. Henry Prize for her first story to appear in print. Her work has also been short-listed for
The Best American Short Stories
and the Pushcart Prize. She lives in Northern California with her husband and their four children.
A Small Indiscretion
is her first book.