A Sin and a Shame (34 page)

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed.

She watched the transformation. The way his face changed, from confusion to understanding. From bewilderment to despair.

“Hosea, I love you.”

Those words made the transformation complete; his face was painted with disgust.

“Please, give me a chance to explain.”

He shook his head. Didn’t say a word. Backed away. His eyes stayed on her, locking their glance. He continued his journey back toward the door. Farther, farther away from her. Until he was gone.

Just like in her dream.

J
asmine followed Malik into
the apartment and the moment she stepped over the threshold, she held Jacqueline tighter.

“Where do you want me to put this?” Malik motioned to the baby carrier he held.

Jasmine nodded toward the couch.

She stood in the middle of the room, stiff, straight, feeling like she was in Oz. Wishing that a click of her heels could take her back to before.

Malik took Jacqueline from her arms and sat on the couch. Still Jasmine stood, until her brain demanded that her feet move.

She inched toward the bedroom, although she was sure what she would find. Her suspicions were confirmed: missing suitcases, clothes, toiletries. He’d left remnants, enough to prove he’d once been there. Not enough to confirm that he’d ever be back.

She returned to the living room and watched Malik cuddle Jacqueline—the way Hosea was supposed to.

She wept.

Malik rested Jacqueline in her carrier and then embraced Jasmine.

“Go ahead and say it,” she sobbed.

“This is not what I wanted.”

“I never wanted to tell him because I knew he would leave me.” She wiped her tears and fell onto the couch. “I have no idea where he is. I called his cell a million times yesterday, and called the studio so much, his assistant stopped answering.”

“This is tough, Jas. Give him time.”

“Time’s not going to fix this.”

“I think it will. But it’s not like he can say right now, ‘Oh, okay. She isn’t my baby. No problem.’ This is a lot for him to handle, but he’ll work it out.”

She fingered the diamond key still resting on her neck. “He’s never coming back.”

“You don’t know that.”

“The most important thing to Hosea is loyalty. And honesty. I betrayed him on both counts.”

Malik stayed quiet as if he’d run out of comforting words.

Jacqueline’s whimpers invaded her grief and Jasmine lifted her baby into her arms.

Malik sat next to Jasmine. “So, what’s next?”

Jasmine sighed. It had only been thirty-six hours since she’d been forced to tell the truth. She hadn’t given thought to anything beyond the hole her heart held. “I don’t know. We were going to start looking for a nanny this week. There were a lot of things…” Her voice trailed off. “Malik, what am I going to do?” she whispered as she rocked Jacqueline in her arms.

“You’re going to hang in there and we’re going to pray.”

“God doesn’t have a whole lot of reasons to help me right about now.”

“Just remember, Jas, Christ is all up in this forgiveness thing. If God can forgive you, Hosea can too.”

She kept his hope away from her heart and just rested in the comfort of his arms.

“I called Brian,” he said suddenly.

As she looked into her daughter’s face, she whispered,

“Please don’t tell me you told him.”

“Didn’t have to. I called because I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be a problem for you, but before I could say that, he told me that he didn’t want any trouble.” He paused. “He didn’t come out and say it, but I think he suspects.”

She smirked. “I guess he doesn’t want to mess up his happy home.”

“I’m sure.”

Jasmine allowed her thoughts to linger. She’d lost Hosea. Brian deserved to lose too. She could make him pay big-time and at the same time hand Alexis the ultimate “got-you-back.”

Jacqueline wiggled in her arms and when she settled, Jasmine kissed her forehead. In her daughter, she didn’t see revenge—only love. She didn’t see Brian—only Hosea.

“Malik, do you really think I can get Hosea back?”

She could feel him nod.

She snuggled deeper into his arms. Closer to his heart. She wanted to feel his hope.

I
n her dreams, Jasmine
heard the knock first.

Then, the baby’s cries, and her eyes popped open. “I’m right here,” she cooed over the bassinet, just as she’d been doing every hour or so all night.

She lifted her baby, and once again, heard the knock. Waited a moment, then the knock again. “Hosea,” she whispered. Holding Jacqueline close, she rushed to the door.

“Good morning, Jasmine Larson,” Mae Frances beamed. She stepped into the apartment. “Henrikas Babrauckas told me you had the baby. I’d wondered where you were for the past couple of days.”

Mae Frances peeked at the bundle Jasmine held and smiled. “I’m glad you had a girl. Isn’t she the cutest thing.”

Exhaustion had her eyes heavy, but still Jasmine found her smile. “Thanks, but I’ve got to clean up this cute little one.”

She hadn’t changed many baby’s diapers in her life, but the night’s practice almost had her perfect. As she held Jacqueline with one arm, she laid the changing pad on the couch, then rested her daughter down. Jasmine cleaned, changed, and had Jacqueline content with a bottle within minutes. All the time, Mae Frances stood, her hands folded, as if she were proud.

Jasmine tossed the blanket she used onto the floor and then settled on the couch. Mae Frances sat next to her.

“So,” Mae Frances began, “you slept out here all night?”

Jasmine sighed, wishing she’d never answered the door. She didn’t feel like sharing the state of her marriage. Didn’t feel like hearing any more of Mae Frances’s thoughts on men. “Yes.” Then, she added the lie, “It worked better for Hosea—”

“Hosea?” Mae Frances interrupted. “The preacher man didn’t sleep here last night,” she said as if the entire city knew this fact. “I saw him stomp out with a couple of bags and a glare on his face that said he was never coming back.”

Inside, Jasmine moaned.
Never coming back.
She lowered Jacqueline into the bassinet.

“Guess he found out about the baby,” Mae Frances probed.

Jasmine faced her neighbor. “Yes. I told him.”

Mae Frances raised her eyebrows. “Why did you do that?”

“His father found out,” Jasmine said simply, “just like your father-in-law did. So, I didn’t have a choice.”

Mae Frances shrugged. “There are always choices. You could have denied it. That’s what I did.”

Jasmine didn’t feel like reminding Mae Frances that obviously her lie hadn’t worked.

“Well, if that’s the way he wants it, let him be,” Mae Frances said. “You can’t force a bad man to do good.”

“Mae Frances,” Jasmine raised her voice, then softened, after she glanced at Jacqueline. “I’m not going to let you talk about my husband.”

“He’s still your husband?” And her look added what she didn’t say, “I don’t think so.”

Jasmine stood, folded her arms. “He’s my husband until a judge says differently. So, either you accept that or—” She paused and looked at the door.

Mae Frances stayed settled on the sofa, as if she never had any plans to move. “Jasmine Larson, why do you do that? Work yourself into a tizzy over nothing. If you don’t want me to say anything about the preacher man, I won’t. Don’t matter much anyway, since I doubt—” She stopped, pressed her lips together. “Anyway,” she began again, “my point is that I’ve been through this and I can help you. I’ll take care of you.” Inside, Jasmine laughed. How was Mae Frances going to take care of anyone? But she said, “Thank you.”

“And while you’re at work, I’ll take care of the baby.”

That will never happen,
she thought. Jasmine couldn’t imagine the types of things Jacqueline would be saying by the time she was two if she spent any time with Mae Frances. But she smiled like she agreed. “Mae Frances, can I ask a favor? I’m really tired.”

“Of course you are. Go on, get into bed. I’ll watch the baby.”

“No,” Jasmine said a bit quickly. “That’s not necessary; I’m fine.” She added, “But if we need you, I’ll call.”

Mae Frances stood. Before she stepped out the door, she added, “I’m really sorry this happened with you and the preacher man,” she said, although the gleam in her eyes belied her words. “But don’t worry. Women like us stick together, don’t we?”

Jasmine’s mouth was still opened wide after Mae Frances closed the door behind her.
Women like us?

“I don’t think so,” Jasmine whispered as she peeked at her daughter. No, she was nothing like her neighbor. And now after listening to Mae Frances, her determination was back. Thanks to her neighbor, Jasmine was going to find a way to get Hosea home.

It didn’t feel as if
her eyes had been closed for longer than a moment.

But a knock awakened her and Jasmine groaned. She was tired of Mae Frances and she was going to tell her neighbor so.

“Mae Frances,” she said, opening the door. She stopped. And her eyes watered.

“Do I look like Mae Frances to you?” Serena rolled her suitcase into the apartment.

Before the first tear fell, Jasmine collapsed into her sister’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Serena whispered as Jasmine’s tears fell onto her shoulder. “I’m going to make sure that everything is okay now.”

The sisters were sipping tea.

“I cannot believe you kept this from me,” Serena said after they’d talked for more than an hour.

Jasmine checked the bassinet before she said, “I didn’t want you to know. Didn’t want you to have to lie to Hosea.”

“I wouldn’t have lied.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you.” Jasmine sighed. “I should have listened to Malik, though. Because now—” She shook her head. As she’d relived the past days with her sister, the confidence she’d been building about Hosea’s return waned.

Serena took a sip of tea before she said, “I think you still have a chance with Hosea. I will never forget the way that man looked at you at your wedding. He was so in love.”

“Key word—was.”

“That kind of love doesn’t go away.”

“It does when there’s another man involved.”

“You’re not involved with another man.”

“Maybe not another man. Just another man’s baby.”

This time, they both looked into the bassinet.

Serena sighed. “That’s the tough part, but Jas, I think you can get to Hosea. Talk to him. From the heart. And this time, tell the truth.”

“From the moment he walked out of that hospital room, I’ve been trying to reach him. But I can’t get him on his cell. Can’t get him in the studio.” There was sadness in her sigh. “I was sure by now he’d have come to see Jacqueline.” She remembered the way Hosea kissed her belly every day. “I know he loves her.”

“I believe that too. I heard it in his voice every time I talked to you guys. Hosea loves both of you.”

“Even if that’s true, I think there are other people influencing him.” When Serena frowned, Jasmine continued, “His father. I’m sure he’s shouting hallelujah right about now.” Jasmine paused before she said, “Maybe you can help me.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t figured out a full plan yet, but I’m going to need some help.”

“I agree, but the kind of help you need can’t come from me. Only God can give you that.”

Jasmine rolled her eyes. “I don’t feel like hearing a sermon right now.”

“Good, ’cause I’m not preaching. But I’m a bit surprised. Jasmine, you’ve been spending all of this time with Hosea, all of this time in church. And you haven’t figured out that a relationship with God is really all you need?”

“I’m just talking about getting my husband back.”

“I’m telling you how to do that.” She paused. “You need to get rid of all of these lies and plans, and just depend on God, Jasmine.” She paused. “I would think that by now you would understand this. It’s like you prayed the Sinner’s Prayer, asked Jesus into your heart, and stopped right there. I don’t want to be harsh, but maybe you and Hosea needed to break up.”

“What!”

“Your husband’s a minister, yet you’re still hanging out on the fringes of God.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. It’s just that you want to turn every situation into something about God.”

“Well, every situation is about God.”

“No it’s not. Not everything in this world is so deep.”

“I don’t know anything deeper than being married to one man and giving birth to another man’s child.”

Jasmine pursed her lips, folded her arms.

Serena said, “Jas, with all my heart, I want to see you and Hosea back together, but this is not going to be easy. You didn’t just have an affair; you’re asking Hosea to live with and love the proof of your infidelity. Even if he loves Jacqueline, she will always remind him. Unless—” She paused. “Hosea has a change of heart. And that can only come from God. So, He’s the one you need to be discussing this situation with.”

This time, it was a full wail that came from the bassinet, but before Jasmine could move, Serena said, “Let me get her. I want some time with my niece.” As she lifted the baby, she added, “I’m going to take her into the bedroom so you can think about what I said.”

Without a word, Jasmine watched her sister. She wanted God’s help, but Serena didn’t understand. With all that she’d done, there was no way that God would help her. Clearly, she was on her own.