A Shiver of Wonder (17 page)

“Is Harvey gay?” David couldn’t restrain
himself from asking.

Genevieve’s eyes popped open as she smirked.
“Hardly. He’s about the straightest straight guy on the planet. But
he loved Todd. He still does, if his actions are any reflection of
his thoughts. He’s most likely entirely unaware that his worship
transformed at some point. Blossomed, really, into a full-fledged
love affair without any of the physical trappings. There’s not even
a remote possibility that he would understand it if anyone tried to
explain it to him. But he blames me for Todd leaving him all alone
here.”

“You? How could he blame you? Todd’s the one
who bailed on him!”

Her lips puckered and twisted to the side.
“Don’t I know it. He bailed on me, too. But what Harvey’s done is
to shunt all the blame off of Todd. He wants to continue adoring
him, so it can’t possibly have been his fault that he had to
leave.” She looked down and picked up her knife again. “Which is
why, by extension, he blames you, too. Why he’s been acting as he
has toward you.”

“Me? But I wasn’t even in town then! I
couldn’t even – ”

Her hand, along with the knife, had risen
once more, quieting him. “I know, I know. There were actually
twenty-seven months that elapsed between the time Todd left Shady
Grove and your arrival. But that isn’t what Harvey sees. It’s a
small town, he’s obviously been aware for some time that we’ve been
dating. In his angry, heartbroken little mind, he’s decided that
you are the reason he lost his best friend. You replaced him, so
you must be part of the cause. And when that man got murdered in
your building, he found the perfect opportunity to take out some of
his frustrations on you.”

David wasn’t even sure what sort of response
this deserved. It was inane, crazy! The arrival of their rosemary
braised lamb shanks, along with buttered peas and garlic mashed
potatoes, was a welcome intrusion. Each of them ate a few bites,
unhurriedly savoring the delicious meat and its accompaniments.

David’s utensils were the first to be set
down. “How come he hasn’t gone after the new football coach at the
high school then? He must be as guilty as I am!”

“Harvey
is
the head coach at the high
school now. He has been since the season after Todd resigned.”

“Oh. I see.” David’s fork speared a chunk of
lamb. “Well, maybe he could beat himself up once in a while, just
to keep in practice. Why couldn’t you just
tell
him why Todd
left so abruptly? While… while you’ve never entirely shared that
reason with me, surely Ormsby would have understood, having been
around at the time?”

But Genevieve’s head shook slowly. “No. No,
he wouldn’t have understood.”

And then her eyes sank, and she began to
gingerly slice off bits of her lamb. David could hear Jess’s words
in his head as he watched her practically shrink in her chair:
She was hurt, David. Badly. It’s hard for her, to trust
anyone
. Did Genevieve still not trust him? Had he not yet
proven himself worthy of her trust? Abby had told him that one day
Genevieve would tell him everything, and she had hoped that he
would then understand. David
wanted
to understand, he
needed
to understand!

“Do you want to know anything about me?” he
asked quietly.

Genevieve looked up at him. Her knife was
still cutting, but she wasn’t paying any attention.

“I mean, about my past. Camber, or before
her. Anything.”

She glanced down again. The knife was set
aside, and her fork began to swirl peas into her potatoes. “No. Not
really,” she answered. “You can tell me anything you feel you have
to, though.”

David blinked. The quid pro quo tactic
clearly wasn’t going to be a winner. “I just meant… we’ve barely
scratched the surface of how my own relationships got scuttled. I
just figured that as long as we were on the subject, you’d perhaps
want to hear about them. Since we’re discussing… well, Todd…”

But David already knew that he had lost her.
The meager thread that had tied together everything she’d told him
had already been snipped.

“I feel sometimes that there are walls
between us,” he stated, wondering why in the hell he was even
bothering to attempt another approach. “At first, I didn’t blame
you. I told you who I’d been, and what I’d done. I didn’t trust
myself one bit, so it was entirely understandable if you didn’t
trust me either. But a year and a half into this, I would hope that
we’ve reached the point where those… partitions wouldn’t be arising
between us all the time.”

The fork was set carefully on her plate. Her
eyes rose toward his at a lethargic speed. “Partitions?” she
enunciated cautiously, as though she was sounding out the word for
a diction coach.

“Yes. Partitions. In between you and me.
Every time we come near to something… better. Closer. Each time we
bond, it’s almost immediate. Something changes within you, and then
all of a sudden I’m out on the curb again. And we have to
practically start all over again the next time we see each
other.”

Her gaze was hardening, her eyes narrowing.
“That’s not fair, you know.”

David’s pulse began to pick up. “What isn’t?
My saying that?”

She nodded as she sat straighter in her
chair. “Yes. Your saying that. It was Jess, wasn’t it? I don’t
think I’ve ever heard you use the word before. I most certainly
didn’t mean for the two of you to pull me to pieces, just so you
could toss words like
that
into our conversations.”

“But…” David shifted about, trying
desperately to think of a way to back out of this without incurring
more damage. “It
was
Jess’s word. But what did you think the
two of us would talk about? The décor in your house when she lived
there? Of course we talked about you! And she didn’t mean it in a
bad way, it was just her way of describing how – ”

“It was Todd’s word.” Her tone was sharp,
the words thrust across the table at him. “And she knows that damn
well. It was completely unfair of her to say that to you.”

David’s heart was pumping. His eyelids were
fluttering so quickly that it almost appeared as if Genevieve and
the room around her were lit by strobes. “I’m sorry,” he offered
stupidly. “I didn’t know. How could I have?”

Her napkin came up off her lap and was
tossed on the table. Her breathing was brisk with fury. “You
couldn’t! But I just can’t take this. I can’t stomach the idea of
having the same fight over the same irritating word with you as
well.”

“We weren’t fighting!” David tried to take
her hand, but it was snatched away.

“If I stay here a minute longer, we will
be!”

Other diners in the room were now glancing
their way while trying not to appear as if they were drinking in
the drama, though an older couple in one corner was actually
staring, the gentleman visibly adjusting his hearing aid.

“And to think I actually persuaded her to
come back here. To meet you, this July,” Genevieve said
tightly.

“Jess?” asked David. “I would love to meet
her! And this is not her fault. It’s mine. Please. Stay,
Genevieve.”

She stood. “No. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

David rose as well, feeling his cheeks
redden as what little conversation had still been taking place
nearby dwindled and died. “Genevieve. I will do whatever I can to
make this work. Between us, I mean. Isn’t there any way we can end
this constant… breaking up and starting over again?”

Her face became pinched as she obviously
tried not to cry. She took a long breath that displayed just the
finest of shudders. “I’ll try, David, I’ll try. But I just don’t
know. I really don’t.”

And a minute later, she had exited the
restaurant. David sat once more, not hungry in the least for the
delicious meal on the table before him, let alone the desserts from
Gâteaupia that had been included with their prix fixe menu
selections.

It would be a long, chilly walk back to the
Rainbow Arms.

David remained at Longworth House for
another hour and a half, time enough for every witness to his
altercation with Genevieve to have finished their meal and
departed. While the other patrons had carried on with their dinners
as though nothing untoward had occurred, the serving staff had
doubled their efforts: discreetly removing Genevieve’s place
setting, boxing up her leftovers, and even bringing David a
generously sized Gin and Tonic, on the house.

David had left the largest tip of his
life.

It had ended up being a far more pleasant
walk back home than he’d anticipated. The sack of take-home boxes
swung easily to and fro, and his pace was perky, mostly due to the
fact that the first quarter of his journey had been straight
downhill. Once he’d hit Willow, he’d jogged over to Sixth Street,
and from there it was a mile and three-quarters-long direct shot
down to Piston Avenue.

At nearly ten o’clock on a Monday night, he
had run into no one except a man walking a dog, and three teenagers
who had crossed the street when they’d seen him approaching.

David turned right onto Piston. And almost
immediately, he halted. “Hey! What are you doing all the way down
here?”

It was Janice, standing outside an apartment
building two doors east of the Rainbow Arms. She was bundled up in
a fleece coat with her arms crossed, smoking a cigarette.

A tentative smile crept onto her face. “I
don’t like to leave my ashes out front of our place,” she said.
“Bill sweeps the walk enough as it is.”

David nodded, appreciating her reasoning. He
gestured to her coat. “Is it really that cold out here? I guess I
don’t feel it.”

She took a drag, and then blew the smoke off
to one side. “Try being my size one day. Heat doesn’t keep in these
junior miss bones.” Her eyes skimmed his sack. “You doin’ the
doggie bag trick?”

He snorted. “What’s that?”

“Monday night specials. Most restaurants,
it’s their slowest night of the week. They do two-fers and such. A
lot of people order more’n they need, so they’ve got extra meals
for the rest of the week.”

A grin had appeared on David’s countenance.
“I’ve done that before. Never heard it called that. No, this is the
remains of a disaster. It’s my consolation prize for sticking it
out till the bitter end. I got double dessert, all for myself. And
come to think of it – ” He opened the sack, and pulled out a
prettily wrapped white box. “I can’t think of anyone more
appropriate to give this to.”

Janice didn’t budge. “What is it?” she
asked, looking at the box suspiciously.

“Cake. And in all seriousness, it’s yours.
I’ve got one of my own, and that’s more than I need.”

Her eyes rose to meet his. “What’s a
disaster have to do with it?”

The grin on David’s face dimmed, but didn’t
wane entirely. “I had dinner with Genevieve tonight, up at
Longworth House. You know it?”

She gave a curt nod. “Fancy schmancy. Way up
top above Bargain Bin.”

“Yeah. I actually walked right by that on my
way here.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Musta gone well. She
ditched ya all the way up there?”

“You could said that,” David replied. “About
halfway through.” He lifted the bag. “Most of her dinner’s in here,
too. But that’ll be my own doggie bag trick. Here. Please.”

She finally reached forward to take the box
from him. “Is it chocolate? I can’t sleep at night if I eat that
right before bed.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. They never
brought it to the table, and I don’t remember what was listed on
the menu.”

“Well, thanks. I, uh, hope it gets better.
Was it ’cause of yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” And then he got it. Jesus, had
that only been yesterday? “I… I don’t think so.”

“She seemed pretty mad. And you obviously
had to do some serious patchin’ over if you shelled out the big
bucks for dinner.”

Once more, he shrugged. “Let’s just say I
can’t seem to get anything right lately.”

She took one more drag on her cigarette, and
then dropped the butt to the ground before grinding it out with her
foot. “Sounds like the story of
my
life,” she mumbled. “Ya
headed back now? I’m guessin’ Johnson’s at home.”

“Yeah. He is.” David began walking again,
and Janice fell in beside him.

“Ya know how you were askin’ me ’bout Heck
yesterday?” she said in a low voice. “’Bout how I felt about it
all?”

“Uh, huh?”

“I know the word now for what I am. What I…
feel. Stacey knew it. She’s the girl I told you ’bout, who I waited
with at the bus stop.”

“I remember. What’s the word?”

“Ambivlent.”

David almost chuckled, but tucked it right
back inside.

“I’m ambivlent ’bout Heck being dead. Not
happy. Not mad. Just straight down the middle.”

He smiled at her, and while he thought about
placing a hand on her arm, he didn’t. “That’s exactly what your
answer was yesterday, Janice. But yes, that’s the best word for it.
If I’d had a better head on me then, I probably could’ve dug it out
myself. I’m glad Stacey came up with it.”

Janice met his gaze. “She’s smart. Other
than marryin’ that peckerhead, she is. But who am I to judge
someone else on their taste in men?”

They turned onto the front walkway of the
Rainbow Arms.

“Early day tomorrow?” David asked.

“Nah. Day off, from both jobs.” She smiled.
“Maybe I
will
eat this disaster cake, chocolate or not. I
can maybe make it through Jimmy Kimmel for once, ’stead of fallin’
asleep right after his openin’.”

They paused as they entered the common area.
David could hear Johnson, eagerly pawing at the door already.
“Goodnight, Janice,” he said. “And thanks. For letting me get it
out of my system. It was good to talk.”