A Secret Between Friends: A New Zealand Sexy Beach Romance (Treats to Tempt You Book 6) (21 page)

He dropped his hands slowly, and silence settled over the room. A heaviness grew in his heart as he studied her face. “What happened?”

“I knew she was still in the truck when I climbed out. I think she was still alive at that point. I could have gotten her out, but I didn’t. I didn’t save her, Niall—the one person I was closest to in the world. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that—never.” Turning, she picked up her bag and walked past them all to the door.

“Wait.” He walked after her, but she ignored him, opened the door, and walked out. “Gin!” He caught her arm. “It’s okay. A terrible accident like that—nobody would blame you for not going back into a burning truck. I don’t blame you.”

“But I blame myself, don’t you see? And that’s all that really matters.” Her words cut right through him as she snatched her arm away. “And that will never change.” Her eyes looked feverish, bright and hot, burning with tears she still couldn’t shed. “We were never going to work, Niall. It was fun, but there’s too much water under the bridge. Just let me go.” She walked off.

He stood there, his stomach churning. She was right. It didn’t matter if he didn’t blame her, or if Sinead and Garret didn’t blame her. If she couldn’t forgive herself, they would never be able to work.

After his parents left, Niall drove up to Beck’s place, looking for Genie, but she wasn’t there. She’d turned her phone off. He stopped by
Between the Sheets
and spoke to Beck, but Beck hadn’t heard from her, although he promised to let Niall know if and when he did.

He spent a miserable Sunday driving around the town looking for her, then returned home and lay awake most of the night wondering where she’d gone. He couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow he’d completely screwed this up. He’d pushed her too far too soon. He should have let her heal at her own pace. Saying he loved her had tipped her over the edge and forced her to face up to what had happened before she was ready for it.

But in spite of that, he couldn’t regret what he’d done. Sinead had a long way to go yet, but after watching how upset Genie was, she’d finally admitted she’d been unfair. None of them blamed her for not returning to the truck to rescue Ciara.

All that was irrelevant, though. As Genie had said—it didn’t matter what everyone else thought of her if she couldn’t forgive herself.

That night, he lay awake staring out at the stars. His body hungered for her, but more than that his heart ached. He wanted to put things right, not just between them, but to make things better for her. But how do you take away another person’s guilt?

He arose exhausted, disappointed she hadn’t contacted him, and dragged himself to work. Being out on the ocean comforted him a little, as it always did, but it didn’t stop him worrying. He just hoped she was safe. He hated to think she’d had a nightmare the night before and nobody had been there to hold her.

After he’d returned from his early morning boat trip, Beck rang him.

“She’s staying at Jonah’s place.”

“Oh, thank fuck.” Niall could have fainted with relief.

“She doesn’t want to see you, though.” Beck sounded apologetic. “What the hell happened?”

“Mum and Dad turned up.”

“Oh, Christ.”

“It wasn’t just that, though. She was in trouble before they came. She’s suffering, Beck, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Beck sighed. “Well, she’s a big girl now. I guess she just needs some time to think things through. I’m sure she’ll come around eventually.”

“Yeah.” But Niall wasn’t so sure. In many ways Niall thought he knew Genie better than her brother. He thought about the fact that her OCD behavior had returned. The physical injury was bad enough, but it was her mental suffering he was more worried about. Oddly, he couldn’t shake the feeling she was still hiding something from him. What could it be? What was so bad that she hadn’t been able to tell him?

A few days passed with no contact from Genie, and Niall grew increasingly frustrated. Her phone remained off, and although he called Jonah’s house on a regular basis, she never answered, and when Jonah answered he just said she didn’t want to talk to him. He considered driving over to Kerikeri and sitting on the doorstep until she came out, but equally he didn’t want to be that kind of person. If she didn’t want to talk to him, he wouldn’t force her. All he could do was tell Jonah he wanted to talk to her when she was ready, and he was going to have to wait.

On Thursday evening, his doorbell rang.

His heart racing, he turned off the TV, practically ran to the front door, and ripped it open.

His heart sank as he saw it wasn’t Genie but a man standing there.

“What?” he snapped, irritable at having his hopes raised.

The man cleared his throat. He was tall and handsome, broad-shouldered, and he stood in a very familiar way, with his hands behind his back, spine stiff, although he wore civvies. “I’m sorry to bother you, sir, but I wondered whether Genie Sharpe might be present?”

“At ease, soldier,” Niall said. “No, she’s not here.”

The man stuffed his hands in his pockets, and his face fell. “Do you know where she might be? I was given her brother’s address, but he sent me to you.”

Niall frowned. Why hadn’t Beck told the guy she was at Jonah’s? “What do you want?” he said, conscious his voice was still curt.

The guy stared at his shoes, and Niall went cold. Were this guy and Genie colleagues, or was it more than that?

Was that what Genie had been hiding from him—that there was someone else?

The man looked up at him. “Are you her boyfriend?”

That was an odd question, if he was involved with her. Niall scratched the back of his neck. “Ah…sort of. Yes.”

He waited, half-expecting the soldier to knock his front teeth down his throat, but instead of looking shocked, the guy just nodded. “I’m Stephen. I wonder…can I come in?”

“Ah…sure.” He stood back and let the man pass him. Somehow, he was certain this wasn’t going to end well.

*

“No,” Genie snapped.

One hand on a hip, Jonah pointed past her to the bathroom. “You’re going if I have to drag you there. Now for fuck’s sake, have a shower and put on a fucking dress.”

It was Saturday, February the fourteenth, Valentine’s Day. Jonah was trying to get her to go with him to Beck’s bar.

Genie did not want to go. Niall would almost certainly be there, and she really couldn’t face being with anyone right now, let alone him.

She stood and faced her brother, clenching her fists. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do, Jonah Sharpe. I’ve chewed up men taller and bigger than you for breakfast and spat them out.
Nobody
tells me what to do.”

Jonah didn’t back down, however. “You really think I wouldn’t do a fireman’s lift on you and shove you in the shower fully clothed?”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

His eyes bored into hers. “Just try me.”

“If you do, there’ll be a miniscule chance of you ever fathering children in the future,” she said furiously.

He glared at her. “I promised I’d get you there, and I’m going to do it, even if it means I have to take you like this.”

She looked down at her scruffy jogging pants and old T-shirt, in no doubt that he meant what he said. All of sudden, emotion overwhelmed her. She bit her lip, fighting against the prick of tears. “I can’t,” she said, her voice husky. “Please Jonah. Don’t make me.”

His expression softened, and he pulled her into his arms. “Come on, this isn’t the Genie we know and love. Chin up, old girl.”

She shook her head and buried her face in his shirt. “I can’t see him again, not yet.”

“Genie, do you trust me?”

She inhaled a shaky breath, then blew it out slowly. “You know I do.”

“Then believe me when I tell you that you want to do this.”

Pulling back, she looked up at him. His eyes flickered with something, but it was gone before she could catch hold of it, like releasing a feather into the wind.

“What?” She frowned. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing, honey. It’s going to be good for you, that’s all. Being with your friends and family, having some fun.”

“Jonah…”

“Please,” he begged. “For me.”

There it was again, a flicker in his eyes. He was definitely hiding something.

She nodded slowly. “All right, I’ll come. But if at any point I want to go, do you promise you’ll take me straight away?”

“I promise.” He crossed his heart. “Now go and have a shower. We haven’t got long.”

She showered, tipping her face up to the spray and letting the hot water cascade over her. It had been an awful few days, and she felt exhausted, even though she’d done hardly anything except borrow Jonah’s car to drive to Beck’s once to get some of her clothes.

Jonah had told her that Niall had rung repeatedly, even after Jonah had yelled at him to stop bothering him. She felt terrible refusing to talk to him, but since her admission at his house in front of Sinead, guilt and grief had completely overwhelmed her. She’d phoned Jonah to come and pick her up, and halfway back to his house the tears had started, and she hadn’t been able to make them stop.

Without saying a word, he’d run her a hot bath and bullied her into it, then bullied her out once the water had gone cold. He’d made her take his bed, and he’d come in to check up on her every hour, bringing her cups of tea and sandwiches she didn’t eat, and occasionally stroking her hair while she sobbed into his shirt.

Eventually, she’d fallen asleep. The nightmares had claimed her several times, though, and each time as she’d yelled out and then cried again, he’d leapt off the sofa and come running to soothe her back to sleep.

He’d had to go to work the next day, and when he’d finally come home, tired and smelling of smoke, she’d made him dinner while he showered, and they’d sat and watched an action movie before going to bed. He was incredibly easy company, and he hadn’t forced her to talk or do anything until now, so she felt she owed him this, although she was still suspicious of what he was hiding from her.

She turned the shower off and dried her hair, then spent a moment wondering what to wear. Knowing Niall was probably going to be there, she chose a light green dress the color of his eyes and left her hair loose. She couldn’t believe how much she’d missed him. Lying awake at night, she’d been unable to stop thinking about him, about the anguish on his face when he’d begged her to stay. She’d told him why she believed she was to blame for Ciara’s death, and although she’d shocked him, he’d still rung Jonah’s house and tried to get her to talk. He’d said he loved her, and he’d written
MINE
on her back. He wanted her, and she wanted him, more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life before.

More than anything…

In the middle of brushing her hair, her hands stopped, and she stared at her reflection. Putting down the brush, she opened her bag and with shaking hands took out the piece of paper that had been sitting there since she’d come home.

It was an application to leave the Army. She’d already filled in her name, but that was as far as she’d gotten.

She’d been thinking about leaving for some time, since she’d been sent to Afghanistan. She hadn’t been able to put her finger on why. The first few years after she and Ciara had signed up had been exciting, but over the last year or so she’d started to feel a restlessness growing. She loved the lifestyle and the fact that she’d travelled extensively. She didn’t regret it at all.

But she wanted a family. Of course there were many women who managed to remain soldiers while having children, but Genie didn’t want to drag her kids from base to base. She was ready to meet someone, to get a normal job, and to settle down and have babies. With whom, she didn’t know. Niall hadn’t been an option before she’d come home. The thought of having a more serious relationship with him made her slightly dizzy, but she had to remind herself that he’d left Tamsin because she’d pressured him to settle down and have children, so there was no guarantee he’d be interested in families and forever.

The thing was, though, it didn’t really matter. From the moment her mother had died, when people had told her how brave she was because she wasn’t crying or making a fuss, she’d learned to lift her chin in the air and deal with problems. And if she left the Army now, what message was she sending people? What was she saying to herself? That she was a coward who had to quit just because she’d had a slight injury? What kind of soldier did that make her? There were others out there who’d received far worse than she had. Others who’d died.

Ciara had lost her life, and Genie felt she owed it to her to keep going, to live the life she’d never be able to have. Quitting wasn’t an option, even if there had been the possibility of a future with Niall.

Jonah knocked on the door. Genie put the piece of paper back in her bag, stood, and smoothed down her dress. She had to get the evening over with, and tell Niall they were done. She’d be going back to Linton in a week’s time, so there wasn’t any point in continuing what they’d had. It had been great fun, and she’d miss him terribly, but it was over, and the sooner she came to terms with that, the better.