A Season to Be Sinful (19 page)

Lily hunched her shoulders and squeezed her eyes closed when glass shattered somewhere beyond her head. She heard the pop and sizzle of embers, the hiss of liquid on the flames, and understood that Sheridan had consigned his drink to the fireplace.

Get up, he said without any inflection save weariness. I am not going to beat you. He recalled her pointing out the sweet spot on her chin and hoped she would not do so again. He had no wish to further test his tolerance. I have delayed my departure for the country long enough. I will be gone from here tomorrow. You may stay until Harris says you are sufficiently recovered, then you will do me the great favor of leaving. If there should be occasion again for you to save my life, I want you to resist it.

Save for her shuddering sobs, Lily did not move.

Sherry hardened his heart enough to finally look in her direction. She was the most pitiable of creatures, curled as tightly as a child in want of a blanket or a breast. Get up, he repeated. You cannot stay here for the servants to find.

Lilys effort to stop crying only created great, wet sucking noises and spasms of her head and shoulders.

You cannot possibly carry on, he said. Youll make yourself ill. There was no sign from her that shed even heard him. That was when it was borne home that she would carry on regardless of whether she became ill or not, that she was helpless to do anything else. He had never heard the sound of a heart breaking, was not at all certain that her crying was the source of that vibration in him, but he understood her aloneness and that he could not abandon her to it.

Sherry crossed to her quickly enough, but it took longer to resolve what he must do then. Slowly, with considerable reluctance, he finally dropped to his knees beside her. Laying his palm lightly on her shoulder, he inched forward. Even through the fabric of her shift and robe, he could feel the heat of her skin and the taut bunching of her upper arm. The moment she was aware of his presence, of his touch, she tried to escape it.

He didnt believe that it was a thing done of conscious will. Lily was intuitively a survivor and most often acted in ways that supported the preservation of her own life. Perhaps the one time she had acted in opposition to her finely honed instincts was when she had leaped at him in Covent Garden.

A single moments contrariness had set everything that followed in motion, and now she was lying on his floor, wracked by sobs and more surely troubled than he could properly understand, and certain to be sick on his new Aubusson rug.

There was nothing for it but that he take her in hand, which of necessity meant that he must take her in his arms.

She resisted at first, clenching so tightly that he thought she might snap her own bones. Sherry shifted his weight off his knees and leaned back against the chaise longue. He drew Lily up by the shoulders in much the same manner as he had flung her away earlier. Her strength was all turned inward, and she had little in the way of fight that she could use against him. She had no defense because he did not mean to hurt her. She had not learned how to fully arm herself against kindness.

Poor Lily, he said softly, rubbing his chin against her hair. You are hardly more than a child yourself.

One-and-twenty.

Hmm? To Sherrys ears it sounded only as if she had hiccuped.

I am one-and-twenty.

Ahh, a great age, then. He wondered if it had passed her notice that he was cradling her like a child. When he felt her try to speak again, he simply bent his head and whispered against her ear, Shh. She buried her face in the curve of his neck, and her tears dampened his shirt and cravat. I cannot offer you a handkerchief, he said. As Midge is still in possession of mine, you may use my sleeve. He thought she might have tried to laugh, but the sound was all watery snorting, none of it pleasantly musical to the ear.

She cried harder then, though Sherry wasnt certain how that was possible. He absorbed her shudders. His embrace was firm but not confining. Sometimes he placed one hand between her shoulder blades and passed it up and down along the length of her spine. He said her name softly and spoke of nonsensical things. His left thigh grew uncomfortably numb under her, but he was loath to move and upset the delicate balance he had struck with her. What he had to do was wait her out, and eventually he was rewarded for doing so. The shuddering diminished. There were longer intervals of quiet between the sobs, and her breathing steadied. By slow degrees he felt her relax in his arms.

For a time he thought she had fallen asleep, though he did not attempt to dislodge her from his lap. He found he still had the wherewithal to smile when he felt her fingers unfolding his damp neckcloth and drawing one loose end toward her eyes.

If you mean to use it to blow your nose, he said in wry accents, I beg that you remove it first.

Lily lifted her head and looked up at him. You have a most curious sense of humor.

Humor? I assure you, I am perfectly serious.

I know. That is what makes it curious. There are your words, then there is your tone. One is frequently at odds with the other.

Im sure I dont know what you mean.

But there it was again, she thought, and he knew it too, whether or not he could be made to admit it. Lily let her hands drop from his shoulders and started to move away.

What are you doing? Sherrys arms did not release her.

I am crushing you.

Hardly. Crushing is what you did before I became numb. There is no reason you should move now.

Do not be too kind to me, Lily said quietly. I dont think I can bear it.

He nodded, understanding. Then sit here. Beside me.

On the floor?

Thats where I am. This time when she began to slide away, he let her. The distance that she put between them was not so great that he could not have her back again if it was his desire and her need that he do so. What will you do? he asked.

Lily shrugged, not mistaking his question for real interest. I suppose I shall return to Holborn. I have a room there if the landlady has not already given it to someone else. My rent was paid only for the week. Her mouth twisted in a rueful smile. I think I have answered my own question about the room. A full sennights passed since I gave her any coin.

She will not make allowances? It cannot have escaped her notice that you have been absent.

Nothing escapes Mrs. Cuthberts notice. If she can be persuaded to return the room to me, then she will charge me for all the time I was gone from it even though you can be certain someone else had the use of it.

What about your belongings?

Yes, well, that is the bigger blow, though I do not count myself as having many possessions. One doesnt, you know, not in Holborn. What can be stolen from someone else can be stolen from you.

Honor among thieves?

A myth as there ever was.

I see. Sherry rubbed the underside of his chin with his knuckles. Then it will be starting over for you.

Not precisely. I think Blue will have me back.

Sherry remembered that Rutland had said something in that regard when Lily was taken away. Im sure he will. Hes not a rough sort, then?

Blue? No. He does not suffer fools, so there is no advantage to be gained by crossing him, but he has a reasoned sense of ruthlessness. I do not fear him, if thats what you were asking.

I was. Sherry raised one knee and laid his forearm across it. His inflection was casual; his interest was not. What about Ned Craven?

Lily could not suppress a shiver. I should not have told you his name. It is better left unspoken.

There is too much power for him in saying nothing, Sherry said, so we will speak of it.

She glanced sideways at him, intrigued that he would understand. How can you possibly know that?

I know, Sherry said softly. I just know. Ned is not so reasoned as Mr. Rutland, I collect.

Thats right.

He is a threat to you?

Lily hesitated. No.

Sherry wasnt certain that he believed her, but this truce was too delicate to call her to task for dissembling. What about the scoundrels? Is he a threat to them?

She nodded.

Sherry slowly expelled a breath, then plunged ahead. He is a pederast?

Flushing deeply, Lily dropped her head. Her voice was but a thread of sound. I should not have accused you of such.

He ignored that. You are not answering my question. Is Craven a pederast?

No. She did not look at him, though she lifted her face again. At least Ive never heard of such. But hell pimp the boys to men who are. Theyre of an age that is useful to him. Lily impatiently dashed away tears welling in her eyes. Its happened to other boys. If they take to the life he fashions for them, they dont live long. If they refuse Ned, their lives are forfeit anyway, though perhaps it is a mercy.

Sherry wondered if that was what she thought about her own life, if it would have been a mercy to have been able to refuse what had been done to her and accept sure death as the consequence. It is easier to understand why Rutland held his tongue about Ned Craven.

You spoke to Blue? Lilys head snapped around. When?

This afternoon. He glanced over his shoulder at the clock that stood in the corner. It was long gone midnight. Yesterday afternoon now after I left you and before Lady Rivendales visit.

My God, she said softly, more to herself than Sherry. Youd never heard his name until I told you the boys stole for him. At her sides, her fists clenched and unclenched. Did you speak to anyone save Blue?

No.

Did you never once think that your life might be forfeit? You are ill suited for making inquiries in Holborn.

Ill suited?

Please, do not say I have offended you with that characterization. You must know that your presence in a place like the Blue Ruin cannot pass unnoticed. You might have been attacked again.

I must point out that attempts on my life can be made anywhere. I am not in hiding. Further, I have only your word for what happened at Covent Garden. It may be that you were the intended victim. Have you considered that?

It is a ridiculous notion. I am no one.

Sherry considered that, the shadow of something like a smile passing across his dark eyes. Quietly, he said, So am I.

It was as peculiar a thing as he had ever said to her, and Lily had no response at the ready. She drew her knees up and applied herself to smoothing her shift across them. I hope you do not mean to go there again. I should not like to think that anything youve learned from me will turn you in that direction.

My direction is set, he said. Remember? I am leaving for the country.

Lily nodded. Yes, of course. That is good, then.

I am taking the lads. He placed his intention before her baldly and watched her out of the corner of his eye for reaction. He did not think she would accuse him of pederasty again, but some fresh charge was not out of the question. What he saw transform her troubled features was a fine mixture of resignation and acceptance, all of it bittersweet. He removed his neckcloth and handed it to her.

Lily offered an apologetic, watery smile and pressed the fine linen to her eyes. She held it there for several long moments, collecting herself. When she thought she could speak, she lowered it and idly began making new folds in the cloth. It is what I hoped for, she said finally. She stole a glance at him. Not when I thought you might be a She shook her head, unwilling to speak of it yet again.

A pederast, Sherry said.

She nodded.

It shows some great sense on your part. He watched her ringers made a second fold in the neckcloth and carefully crease it. She was no longer looking at him, but he had no doubt that she was hanging on his every word. You will understand that I wish you had not accused me of such, although I do not acquit myself of helping to bring the thing about. It may be that I should have insisted you explain your earlier behavior, the exact nature of the threat you perceived, and in what manner I had provoked you. Still, your practice of saying whatever comes into your head is every bit as discomfiting as your practice of acting on it.

Discomfiting? she asked. That surely understates it.

And you make my point for me. Yes, it understates it. You would perhaps use words like repulsive or revolting. Vile and loathsome also come to mind. Indeed, I find your behavior all of that Am I improved in any way by telling you so? I think not. And neither are you. Indeed, I have armed you with four more words with which you might bludgeon yourself. He took her chin in the cup of his hand and turned her face toward him. You are none of those things. None. I am speaking of what you do, not what you are.

They cannot be so very different.

Sherry released her chin. You will consider, Miss Rose, my foot and my boot. He tapped his left foot on the floor to draw her attention to it. The former is part and parcel of me, but I can change the latter anytime I choose to do so.

Lily considered the polished toe of his black leather boot. I have but one pair, my lord. Change is not so simple a thing.

Sherry nudged her foot with his own. Her bare toes peeped out from beneath her gown, and he trod upon them very lightly. Do not force me to belabor the metaphor. At this hour I have not the capacity for it.