A Season of Love (22 page)

“Katie?” Nancy asked from her side of the double bed they shared.
“Was iss letz?”

Tears pooled in Katie’s eyes. “Nothing. Just go to sleep.”

“You’re not telling me the truth,” Nancy said. “I can hear it in your voice.”

Katie sniffed. “My allergies are acting up. I’m fine. Please go to sleep.”

“Just tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll go to sleep.”

“Fine,” Katie said. “I’m upset about something.” She sat up and considered how much to tell her sister. Although she trusted Nancy, she didn’t want Nancy to feel obligated to tell their parents.

“What is it, Katie?” Nancy asked with impatience. “Just tell me. You can trust me.”

“I can’t tell you,” Katie said, her voice trembling. “If you find out, you may feel you have to tell
Mamm
and Dat. I don’t want you to be caught in the middle if anything happens.”

Nancy sat up. “Is it that bad?”

“I don’t know,” Katie whispered. “I’m so confused.”

“Then tell me what it is.” Nancy leaned over and turned on the battery-powered lantern on her bedside table. The glow illuminated her blonde hair.

“I’m confused about my feelings.” Katie picked at the pattern on the quilt in order to avoid her sister’s probing stare. “I just don’t know what to do about them because it’s all so very jumbled up inside me.”

“Is this about what happened Friday?” Nancy asked, looking concerned. “Do you need to talk about it some more?”

“No, it’s not that, but
danki
for offering to listen.” Katie leaned back against the headboard and drew her knees up to her chest. “It’s about a
bu.
I talked to
Mammi
today, and she’s warned me to be careful because this could cause more
problems for me. But how can I deny how I feel? I’ve tried to forget him, but I just can’t. I’m so confused I don’t know what to do or how to feel.”

Nancy looked confused for a moment and then her eyes flew open. “It’s Jake Miller, isn’t it?”

Katie nodded.

“Oh, Katie.” Nancy shook her head and frowned. “You’re already in so much trouble with
Mamm
and
Dat.
You have to try to let go of your feelings for him. I hate seeing you struggle with this.”

Katie stared up at the ceiling, wishing it held the answer to her problems. “I don’t know what to do now. I saw him today, and I was actually trembling. I’ve never felt that way before. It was so awkward and uncomfortable. I can’t even explain it, and the feelings were so strong, Nancy. But, at the same time, I know we’re not meant to be.” She looked at her sister’s intrigued expression. “But then I wonder if we are meant to be, would God lead me to Jake only to break my heart?”

Nancy grinned. “You’re in love.”

“And a lot of good that’s done me.” Katie frowned. “I’m more unhappy now than when I felt all alone. It was bad enough watching Lizzie Anne and Lindsay fall in love, but now I’ve found someone I care for and I’m miserable.”

Her sister’s smile faded. “Don’t look at it that way. You never know. Maybe there’s a way it can work out for you and Jake.”

“How?” Katie asked. “The only way I can see that happening is if I leave the church and am shunned. I don’t want to leave my family or the church. This is where I belong.”

“Hmm.” Nancy tapped her chin with her fingertip. “That’s true.”

“There’s no other way.” Katie shook her head. “It’s hopeless.”

Nancy yawned. “I don’t know what to tell you. What did
Mammi
say?”

“She told me my feelings are all jumbled up because of the
attack. She said once I sort through it all, I’ll see I wasn’t meant to be with Jake. She thinks I’ll meet an Amish
bu
and be
froh.
But as much as I want to believe her, I can’t.” Katie frowned. “Nancy, you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone about this, ya? You must promise me this will stay between us.”

Her sister looked serious. “I won’t tell anyone, but I think you need to be careful.” She touched Katie’s arm. “I know you don’t want to believe
Mammi
, but I think she’s right. You have to try to stop thinking about Jake or you’re going to get into more trouble.”

Katie pursed her lips. “I know you’re right. Jake and I simply can’t be together, and I need to accept that.”

Nancy frowned. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. I’m worried about you, Katie. If things get any worse,
Dat
might send you away.” She touched Katie’s hand. “I couldn’t bear to lose you,
schweschder. Ich liebe dich.
”

Katie hugged her sister. “
Ich
liebe dich
too.”

Nancy yawned. “We need to get some sleep. It’s getting late.” Reaching over she flipped off the lantern and snuggled under the covers.
“Gut nacht.”

“
Danki
for talking this through with me,” Katie said. “What you said made perfect sense.” She rolled onto her side facing the wall. Her sister’s breathing changed, and soon she was snoring in the soft way Katie had become accustomed to hearing every night since they were very young.

Closing her eyes, Katie turned her thoughts to God and silently recited her evening prayers. Soon, however, she found herself pleading with God for help with her predicament.

Why does this have to be so difficult, God
?
Please show me how You want me to live my life. I need Your guidance.

As tears trickled down Katie’s cheeks, she fell asleep.

16

T
he following evening, Jake steered down Beechdale Road and contemplated his day. Working in the same building with Katie and not being allowed to speak to her had been pure torture. Although he enjoyed his work on the display cabinets, he more than once considered asking Eli if he could go back to working at the store and have one of the other carpenters replace him at the bakery. Yet he knew he’d let Eli down if he did that, and he also wanted to stay in the bakery even if he couldn’t see Katie. Just knowing she was there was sort of a comfort to him, as crazy as it seemed.

Jake merged onto his street and then slowed. His thoughts drifted to his conversation with his parents, and he turned around to head back to his grandfather’s house.

The truck moved onto the street his grandparents lived on, and he couldn’t help but smile. Visiting his grandparents had always been a welcome treat. He spotted the farm and drove into the rock driveway. He studied the house, the same white two-story residence where his mother had grown up as an only child.

Jake looked toward the large barn and the small shed that had been converted into a shop beside it. He’d spent many days playing in the barn and working with his grandfather in his shop. Those were some of his best childhood memories.

As he eased the truck up toward the house, the front door opened to reveal his grandfather smiling and waving. Jake hopped out of the truck and started up the path toward the front porch.

“Jacob!” Elmer came down the stairs and greeted him with a handshake. “What a pleasant surprise. Did you come to join us for supper?”

“Actually, Grandpa,” Jake began, “I came to talk with you.”

“Oh,” Elmer said. “Let’s have a seat on the porch, and if you have time after we’re finished talking, maybe you can join us for supper. Sound good?”

“Absolutely.” Jake followed his grandfather up the steps and took a seat in a rocker next to him. “How was your day?”

“Gut
,
”
Elmer said, tugging his long, graying beard. “How was yours?”

“Fine.” Jake leaned back in the rocker. “The display cabinets are starting to shape up. I think Elizabeth is happy with them.”

“Gut
,
”
Elmer said. “We miss you at the store, but I’m glad you’re helping Eli.” He folded his hands on his lap. “What did you want to discuss with me, Jacob?”

Jake ran his fingers over the arms of the chair. “This is the rocker I helped you sand when I was about ten, right?”

“It is.” Elmer grinned. “You remember that?”

“I remember it like it was yesterday.” Jake glanced back toward the shop. “I was thinking on the way over how much I loved spending time here with you and Grandma. My days spent here were some of the best of my childhood.”

“Danki
,
”
his grandfather said with a wide smile. “It makes me quite happy to hear you say that. I’m certain I enjoyed it as much as you. The day you told me you wanted to be a carpenter like me was one of the best days of my life.”

“Do you ever regret being Amish?” Jake asked.

“Do I regret being Amish?” Elmer looked confused. “Why would you ask that, Jacob?”

“I’ve been thinking lately about the differences between the Amish and Mennonite faiths and wondering what inspired you and Grandma to stay in the Amish faith and my mother to leave.”

Elmer was silent for a moment while he tugged his beard. “Your grandma and I never wanted any other life for ourselves, but your mother did. In the end, it all worked out, and we’re still a family.”

“What do you think caused Mom to leave the Amish church?” Jake asked.

“You already know she met your father and fell in love,” Elmer said.

“But there had to be more than that, right?” Jake pressed on. “It had to be more than her love for him.”

“She felt God put the decision in her heart, and I believe that,” Elmer said. “I didn’t at first, but I was hurt, as was your grandmother. Once I overcame the hurt, I realized Anna Mary never truly connected with the Amish community like her friends did. Looking back, it made sense she decided to become Mennonite and marry your father.”

Jake ran his hands over the arms of the chair while considering his grandfather’s words. “Was it a tough transition when Mom became Mennonite?”

Elmer shrugged. “I’m not really certain about that. I wasn’t around her when she converted. I’m certain she missed us as much as we missed her. But she had your father and his family. They welcomed her with open arms, which I assume helped her through the pain.”

“Do you think Mennonites are more accepting of people who convert than those who convert to the Amish faith?” Jake asked.

Elmer looked surprised. “That’s a really tough question, Jake. I’m not sure I can answer it.”

“But you just said Mom was accepted with open arms into
Dad’s family,” Jake said. “Would a person who is converting into the Amish faith also be welcomed?”

“I would suppose so. I can’t think of anyone who joined our community from another faith.”

“Not one?” Jake asked.

Elmer looked suspicious. “Why are you asking all of these questions, Jacob? You already know your mother left the faith. Why is it troubling you after all these years?”

“I guess I have questions about what happened when she left,” Jake said. “I’m thinking about the what-ifs, you know? For example, what if my father had converted and become Amish? Would you and Grandma have accepted him?”

Elmer rubbed his beard again, considering the question. “I suppose your grandma and I would’ve accepted John. It’s not our place to judge others. If his intentions had been true in the eyes of God, then he would’ve been part of the community. However, it’s rare for people to convert to our faith. They have to sacrifice quite a bit.”

“Do you think I would make a good Amish man?” Jake asked.

“You?” Elmer gestured toward Jake. “I think you’d be a fine Amish man.”

“Really and truly, Grandpa?” Jake asked. “Or are you just joking?”

“No, I’m not joking.” Elmer looked serious. “You realize what converting would mean though,
ya
? If you were Amish, you’d have to give up your truck, your electricity, your phone in your house, and all of your modern conveniences.” He pointed toward his jeans. “And your clothes. You’d have to get a haircut and trade in your jeans for some real trousers and suspenders. No more fancy ball caps; only straw and black felt hats.”

“I know, Grandpa,” Jake said, smiling. “But being Amish is about more than driving a horse and buggy and dressing a certain way. Do you think I would be a good member of the community if I were Amish instead of Mennonite?”

“You’re right, Jacob, it is about more than clothes and buggies.” Elmer smiled. “
Ya
, you’d make a fine Amish man. Your grandma and I would have loved it if you were raised Amish. You know I’d love having you with me at worship on Sundays.”

Jake’s heart warmed at his grandfather’s words.

“Jacob!” his grandmother, Malinda, called from the doorway. “What brings you out here?”

“Hi, Grandma,” Jake said. “I wanted to talk with Grandpa for a bit.”

“Come inside now,” Malinda said. “You must eat supper with us.” She frowned. “I won’t take no for an answer, young man.”

“Yes, Grandma.” Jake stood and gestured for his grandfather to enter the house first.

Malinda hurried ahead of them. When Jake entered the kitchen, she was setting a place for him. “You sit here,” she said, placing the plate, utensils, and glass next to his grandfather.

“Danki
,
”
Jake said. “I really appreciate the invitation.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said. “Just sit.” She brought a pitcher of ice water to the table. “Here’s some water.”

Jake glanced around the table, taking in the roast, potatoes, carrots, and homemade bread in the center of the table. He breathed in the delicious smells and smiled. “Everything looks
appeditlich.
”

“Danki
,
”
his grandmother said with a grin.
“Kannscht du Pennsilfaanisch Dietsch schwetze?”

“Ya
,
”
Jake said with a laugh. “I’ve been brushing up on
mei Dietsch.
”

His grandma looked pleased as she glanced at his grandfather. “That’s
gut, ya
?”

“Absolutely.” Grandpa winked at Jake before bowing his head in prayer.

Jake followed suit, silently thanking God for the meal and for his family and also asking for guidance with the confusion about Katie burdening his heart. Once the prayer was over, they
began to eat, passing the platters and filling their plates with the meal that was causing Jake’s stomach to growl.