A Sea Change (28 page)

Chapte
r Thirty

Nervously twisting a strand of hair into a corkscrew curl, she stood in front of the bed. Her eyes darted from the scoop-necked floral sheath, to the emerald green, raw silk mini-skirt, to the black linen pants and camisole in fuchsia, then back to the floral sheath.

Make a decision, Maddy.

She tentatively picked up the camisole, set it down again, and finally snatched up the mini-skirt and hung it on the doorknob. She stepped back and eyed it.

Okay, that’s good. Now pick out a top, and let’s get
on
with it.

The closet didn’t yield anything worthwhile, and she pawed through a drawer until she found a black spandex tank-top. She held it up to the skirt.

“I guess this means we’re going for the ‘fuck-me’ look…” she said.

Maddy dug out the only black lace garter belt she’d ever owned, sheer black stockings, and found her three-inch black heels. She’d be uncomfortable as hell, but at least she’d look good.

A flock of butterflies did loops through her stomach, and she dropped onto the bed. God, this was high school all over again. At sixteen or thirty-nine, it didn’t matter, she had a love/hate relationship with the ritual known as ‘dating.’ The anticipation was exciting and nauseating, sometimes with fairly gruesome results.

Maddy rubbed her abdomen and took deep breaths, trying to hold on to what little lunch she’d eaten. Sitting on the bed, then flopping onto her back, she closed her eyes and counted backwards from twenty. “Maddy,” she said. “You’re going out with Nick. You’ve seen each other naked, for chrissakes.”

The doorbell rang, interrupting her soliloquy. Her eyes sprang open in panic, and she looked at the clock. But it was only four-fifteen. A huge sigh escaped her lungs, and she struggled off the bed.

Phil Madvick was the last person she expected to see standing in her doorway, and the expression on her face made that clear.

“If you’re looking for Nick, he isn’t here,” she said.

He smiled, but Maddy’s eyes looked off beyond his left shoulder as she began closing the door.

“Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you,” he said.

“I’m pretty busy right now.”

“You might want to hear what I’ve got to say, Maddy.”

Something about the way he said her name got Maddy’s attention. A ripple of unease went through her, raising gooseflesh on her arms. Maddy didn’t have premonitions, but the feeling something had changed hit her, and she said, “Is Nick all right?”

“As far as I know,” Phil replied. “May I come in?”

Maddy didn’t move. “Where is he?”

“He said he was going into town.” He paused, understanding he’d frightened her. “Look, this isn’t about Nick.”

Maddy didn’t know Phil Madvick at all, but still, something was different about him. She concentrated then realized his accent was all but gone. She stared at him, eyes narrowed, and asked, “Then what
is
this about?”

He’d grown uncomfortable with her obvious misgivings, and Phil pleaded, “Maddy, please?”

She’d had enough. Why was he talking to her as if they mattered to each other? Her fingers still gripped the doorknob and Maddy attempted to close the gap between them, again saying, “I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now.”

Phil put his hand out to stop the door’s progress. He quickly checked behind him. The path was clear. When he turned back, Phil tried to engage her eyes, saw there was no hope of that, and finally said, “Maddy, it’s me.” She looked at him at last. “It’s Danny.”

Maddy’s world tilted. She lost focus and the screen went from color to gray. She could feel herself slowly falling into some other place, safer than the one she was in now.

The man who said he was Danny had stepped forward. She could just make out the look of concern on his face. And before everything went black, Maddy’s only thought was, ‘Why is he playing this terrible joke on me?’

She came to on the couch. The stranger sat beside her, holding a cool washcloth to her forehead. When her eyes opened, he pulled it away, and said, “Maddy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how else to tell you.”

He was too close to her, and Maddy crammed her body into the back of the sofa to gain some distance. When she spoke, her words came out in a hoarse whisper. “Get away from me.”

He picked up a glass of water and held it out to her, but she pushed his hand away and the water spilled.

“Get away.”

Phil let his knees slide to the floor. As he knelt in front of her, his voice begged her to listen. “Maddy, just look at me. I know I look different, but it’s really me…Number One Son. Remember?”

Maddy’s head jerked around, and she stared at him with sudden belief. Her hands flew up to cover her mouth. “Oh my God…Danny?!” Tears flooded her eyes. “Danny!”

He reached out to her, but she didn’t need coaxing. They were in each other’s arms. Their sobs filled the room.

“Maddy, Maddy - I’ve missed you so much.”

She pulled away from him and held his face with shaking hands. “I can’t believe it’s really you.” But Maddy could see the remnants of the eighteen-year-old boy he’d once been. Her body began to tremble with the realization that he was here and alive.

He’s here…and alive.

An unexpected burst of anger shot through her at the thought and, without warning, Maddy pushed him away. The hand which – seconds ago – cradled his face, slapped it.

“Maddy?! What?...”

She stood, tears streaming down her cheeks, pummeling him with ineffective blows. She raged at him with her fists, and he took the physical punishment, but his heart was where he felt the pain.

Exhausted, Maddy kept on, until she sank to the floor and cried, “How could you do this to me?!”

His eyes wide with what he’d been fearing, he said, “Maddy, it’s not my fault.”

“What do you mean, it’s not your fault?” she screamed. “
You left me
! You ran away. You’ve been gone for nineteen fucking years!”

“Maddy, I’m begging you to listen…”

“Nineteen years! Without a single word…” Using the coffee table for support, she got to her feet and stumbled. He put out his hand to steady her, but she shoved it away and ran from the room.

He followed her into the bathroom, where he found her bending over the sink, sobbing harshly.

“Get out,” she spat.

“Maddy, I love you. Don’t do this.”

She whirled to face him. “You
love
me? What the hell is
that
supposed to mean? You don’t even know me.”

“But I’m your brother.”

“I’ve had to pretend I didn’t have a brother for nearly half of my life.”

Her words tore at him. He didn’t know how to stop what he’d started. He wanted to make her understand the truth of his exile and was terrified because he could see she wasn’t going to listen.

“Maddy, please. You don’t know my side of the story.”

She swiped at her running nose with the back of her hand. “I know what you did, and it was selfish and shitty,” she said, through a fresh spate of tears. “I loved you so much, Danny. You knew that, but you never once contacted me.”

“I tried! Maddy, if you’d just give me a chance to tell you. There were reasons I couldn’t…”

She pushed past him and into the bedroom, but there was nowhere to hide from this. She saw the skirt hanging on the doorknob, her clothes carefully arranged on the bed, and Maddy remembered how splendidly the day had started. Nick would be here soon, and he would be her oasis on this desert island of misery she’d suddenly found herself stranded on.

Maddy felt Danny’s presence behind her. He said, “I found you in Santa Barbara. I went to your apartment.”

“You have to leave now,” she said dispassionately. “Nick’ll be here in an hour, and I have to get ready.”

“It was that guy – Ted. He told me you didn’t want to see me.”

Maddy slowly turned around.

“He said you hated me, Maddy.”

The years fell away, and she was looking at the young boy who never fit in. She heard the loneliness in his voice, and knew it reached into his soul. Horrified, she softly asked, “Why did you believe him?”

“I didn’t know what else to do.”

Maddy closed her eyes tightly, as her anger transferred to Ted. If he were standing before her now she knew she’d be justified in killing him, so great was her hatred for him.

When she looked at Danny again, she said, “You should’ve known better. You should’ve tried again.”

“He threatened me. I was only eighteen. I was scared.”

“When you found me here, why did you wait so long? Surely you could see that Ted was out of my life. You couldn’t have still been scared.”

“I wasn’t scared of you, Maddy,” he said. “I knew that if I got you to hear me out, you’d understand.”

“Then, what?”

“It was Nick. I didn’t want to hear him say the things Ted said to me.”

“But you know Nick, now. You know he’d never do anything that ugly.”

Danny looked at her, then said, “I don’t know that at all.” He took her hand. “And you won’t tell him who I am. Will you,” he stated.

“I can’t keep something like this from Nick.”

“It’s not just Nick,” he said quickly. “It’s everyone. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of. I have to be Phil Madvick. It’s for your protection, too, Maddy.” In reality he didn’t want to share her with anyone. Didn’t want anyone else in on their secret. He wanted Maddy to himself.

Years of denial and half-truths – the patterns of her existence – had forged a defensive barrier around Maddy, which she’d thought had dissolved. But she felt something snap shut inside her.
Madeleine’s Box  ̶
  the one Jaed always teased her with  ̶  which safeguarded not only herself, but the memory of Danny as well, was under lock and key once again.

She let go of his hand and quietly – sadly – said, “I won’t tell Nick. I promise.” He smiled his thanks. “How will we talk, Danny? There’s so much I need to know.”

“It’s Phil. You have to remember, Maddy,” he said, making for the door. “I’ll come to you. When Nick’s gone, we’ll make up for lost time.”

Maddy dressed for her date. A cold, wet washcloth took down some of the swelling around her eyes. But the perfume she anointed herself with smelled of sacrifice. And the joy and anticipation she’d felt earlier had been replaced by a mournful feeling of loss.

Maddy walked into the kitchen, her high heels clicking hollowly on the tiles. She stood in front of the refrigerator, staring at the crudely beautiful watercolor Becky McKay had made for her – the thing her father had rolled up tightly, tied with a ribbon, and brought to her last night. A lump formed in her throat, but she couldn’t cry anymore. Not tonight.

When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, she was still gazing at the painting of a mermaid with a little girl sitting in her lap, smiling, while a man and a woman held hands and kissed.

Chapter Thirty-O
ne

Nick shoved the key into the deadbolt and viciously turned it. He pushed the door open hard enough that it hit the stop, bounced back, and hit him in the shoulder. As he slammed it shut, the sleeve of his jacket caught on the handle, and while he tried to free himself, said, “Let go of me you cheap-ass piece of hardware!” When he finally got loose he heard the inner lining of the two hundred and seventy-five dollar – and that was on sale – silk Armani rip apart. Nick clawed his way out of the jacket, threw it down the hallway, and yelled, “Fuck!” at the top of his lungs.

It had been, by far, the worst date he could remember. And he could remember some evenings that made Bonnie and Clyde’s final get-together a real picnic.

Nick strode into the kitchen, pulling his shirt out of the waistband of his black jeans, which – he now noticed – sported a fade-mark the size of a fifty-cent piece. This, from the cleansing powder he’d used to get the motor oil off his hands twenty minutes before leaving the house. He should’ve seen the writing on the wall right then.

Uncapping a Heineken, Nick drained half the bottle in one long swallow then took it into the bedroom, where he plopped onto the bed and pulled a boot off. Throwing it full force in the general vicinity of the closet, he yanked off the other, and it met the same fate. Upending the beer, he finished it and then sat with his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor, the bottle dangling from his fingertips.

The phone rang and Nick’s head came up. He listened as the answering machine came on, but it wasn’t Maddy. It was his sister’s voice saying, “It’s me. I know you’re on your big date, but call me when you can and tell me how perfect it was. You know, give credit where credit’s due and all… Did you end up going to that place on the water? Or did you toss out my infinite wisdom when it comes to romance? Come on, Nicky, tell Kay
all
about it. Oh, by the way, it’s nine-fifteen, give or take.”

Nick snorted. “Yeah, Kay. It was so fuckin’ perfect I’m home at the time most dates are just getting to the good part.”

His anger at the world in general had dissipated, leaving him slightly pissed-off and much puzzled. Okay, so he’d been a tad on the anxious side – wanting everything to be just right – which always brought out an annoying, anal side to his character. And actually, the only thing he’d tightened up about was having to wait for a window table, even though he’d specifically requested one when he made the reservation.

No.
He
hadn’t been the problem.

Nick set the bottle on the nightstand and sat back against the headboard. Unbuttoning his shirt, he tried to figure out exactly where it all went wrong.

*****

Nick had hidden the dozen pale pink roses behind his back and waited for her to open the door. When she did, his mouth went from a smile to slack-jawed wonder. He couldn’t stop himself as his eyes travelled down then back up her body. An involuntary whistle escaped his lips. The only thing he’d noticed at that moment was how incredibly sexy she looked, and he said so.

She gave him a small smile, which he took as inviting, and said, “So do you.”

Remembering the flowers, Nick held them out and kissed her as she took them from him.

Maddy brought them to her nose. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply. “Wow,” she said. “I’m surprised they’re actually fragrant.” She turned and started down the hall. “Let me put them in water before we leave.”

There was no surprise involved, though.  This was not left to chance. He’d remembered Maddy once saying, while introducing him to the rose she kept on the deck, “Roses are beautiful, but if they don’t
smell
like a rose, what’s the point?” He’d gone to five florists before he’d found roses that smelled like roses.

Nick followed her, enjoying the view and he spoke his thoughts. “Y’know, I love watching you walk away from me.”

Maddy stopped and turned. The look on her face was confused; almost sad. “What a strange thing to say,” she said.

Nick was also puzzled. “I just meant you look good coming or going,” he’d explained, wondering why he even
had
to explain.

Maddy nodded absentmindedly and continued toward the kitchen.