A Scarred Soul: A Small Town Love Story (Safe Haven Book 2) (7 page)

A quiet practice of stillness…not for me tonight.

It was time to disembark from this train of thought. He picked up his pace to a slow jog to reach the ridge where he could pitch his tent before sunset. Once camp was made, he would let his demons loose for a mid-evening workout. There were times when yoga didn’t cut it for the monsters. They were more inclined to enjoy a sparring session over sun salutations.

The demons hadn’t been contained for some time now. And the divorce papers had lit a blaze up their butts.

Thank you, Taryn. Yeah, I know our marriage is fucked, but a phone call, a warning—would that be too much to ask? And what about Gable? What story are you spinning her about why Daddy doesn’t come home to see his girl these days?

It’s a big mess in here, Lulah. Best you stay away.

His marriage died before his last deployment. Taryn could scarcely hide her pleasure when he received his orders. But Gable? She wasn’t much over a year old when he’d left, and when he returned they were strangers. She called him Daddy with an odd look on her face, as if someone had lied and she was still trying to figure out exactly who.

The episode was probably the driving force behind the divorce. Episode? What the fuck? That wasn’t an episode, it had been a full-blown gaggle-fucking meltdown. But, hey, call it an episode and nobody has to ride in the van wearing the back-buckle jacket. The neighbors don’t enjoy their chance to talk. The wife doesn’t feel humiliated.

Perhaps that van ride might have done him some favors in the long run.

In the wilderness, he wore the night like a cloak. It should have set every trigger ready to fire, yet it made him feel safe and strong. When the fearful energy built inside him he could deal with it out here, try a couple of things and use what worked.

Yeah, Lulah, I’m a selfish prick, but God, I’m working so hard on making myself better. Thing is, I can’t be the person you want me to be until I’m whole again. And there’s no pain worse than the one that tackles you to the ground and rebuilds you. Some days I believe I’ll find my soul again. On other days, it’s too dark to contemplate.

L
ulah sat
in the office with Adam and Marlo. Calliope and Joker were outside with their dog, Justice, playing a noisy game of canine wrestling.

“Mike will be here in fifteen,” Adam said, “and I want to talk about Vince before he arrives. That didn’t go too well yesterday, huh?”

“Understatement much?” Lulah thought about Vince’s note that she still carried, uncertain if showing Adam and Marlo would create a bigger issue for him. She toyed with her coffee cup.

Adam continued, “I handled it badly. I could see Vince had dissociated, and I didn’t want him to leave here when he came out of it. I played the tough card, but I think that was too confrontational. It’s probably why he’s taken off again.”

“It’s not your fault. There’s so much going on in that head of his, I doubt your response was even the catalyst. We don’t have him totally on board yet with this training for Calliope. I’d thought of doing the tough thing, too. I was going to refuse to take Calliope anymore. You know, force him to take her with him. Now I see that won’t work.”

“Last year I went to his house when he’d had that meltdown, and he wanted to give Calliope up.” Marlo fixed Lulah with a firm stare. “I believe we need to make things as easy for him with Calliope as we can. The two of them clearly have a strong connection. If you don’t want to take her when he goes off, Lulah, she can always come and stay with us.”

Lulah shook her head. “No, it’s fine. It’s not the actual act of taking care of Calliope that is the problem. In truth, I tried to force Vince to be one hundred percent responsible for her care. It sounds so ignorant, but I wanted him to stop dumping her on me when it no longer suited him to have her. I’m aware of so much more about him now, and I realize that no matter how much I want Vince to take responsibility for her, some days he isn’t capable of that. It’s not a matter of what suits him; it’s more about what he can manage. Foremost, he’s caring about Calliope, and I was caring about...” She took a deep breath, nearly trembling with the emotional force.

She raised her head, looked from Marlo to Adam, back to Marlo again, hoping one of them would give her that nod that told her she’d said enough. There they sat, impassive, waiting for her to pull that last piece out. “Shit, I thought I could force him to get well. I thought, maybe if he tried a bit harder, he could make the horror parts of him go away.”

“You want him to be more reliable.”

Trust Adam to hit the spot. She nodded. Yes, that’s exactly what she wanted.

“Does he share much with you, Lulah?”

God, she could feel the weight of their expectation of her honest reply. She’d never been able to hide stuff from them. Obviously, her father’s poker face hadn’t passed down with his genes. “We don’t discuss much. Occasionally, he tells me something, but he tends to stop before he goes too deep. He wrote a note. Do you want to see it?” That offer felt like betrayal.

Marlo responded quickly. “No, that was written to you. Unless you think we should see it or you think he’d harm himself, keep it between you and Vince.”

She had spent much of the night worrying about that exact thing. Worrying that within the note was a clue that she might have missed. Something that would tell her he couldn’t go on. “I think it was more an apology for leaving Calliope again, rather than a cry for help.” All she could do now was hope she’d interpreted it right.

“Perhaps—” Marlo started, but Adam cut in, shaking his head.

“It’s between Lulah and Vince, hon.”

Lulah waited, struggling with herself, needing to say the words, to admit her own vulnerability this once, so that Marlo and Adam would know that although her strength wasn’t a facade, it also didn’t stay with her all the time
.
“Sometimes, I’m so scared.”

“Not of Vince.”

“No. I’m scared for Vince.” She took another breath. “I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility of deciding whether I’ve misunderstood a cry for help.”

Adam held out his hand. “Let me read the note.”

Lulah passed it to him. As she went back to her chair, she glanced out the window. “Mike’s here.”

“It’s okay; he doesn’t have to know about this.” Adam read the note and handed it back to Lulah. “Hell, poor Vince. Personally, I think you made the right call. You said he’s working on a project for his daughter. From the talks I’ve had with him, she is his reason for living, and he wants to be there for her. My gut feeling is that he’s okay right now.”

Mike tapped on the door frame and stepped into the office. “Morning, all. No Vince?”

Lulah waited for Adam to respond. “Vince isn’t so good today; you and Lulah can work without him.”

“That’s fine. It often happens with these guys.” Mike smiled. “Let’s work with Calliope first; then we’ll temperament test a couple of the other dogs you told me about.”

L
ulah enjoyed working
with Mike these past three days. He had so much to teach her, and Calliope showed what a clever girl she was.

“She’s a great dog, Lulah. If you have a couple more like her, you’ll have your program off to a running start.”

Great, except it’s not my program yet. There are a few more exams to pass first.

They were sitting in the lunch room down at the Dog Haven Sanctuary indoor training area, commonly referred to as HQ. Interns and volunteers tagged along with them today, and they hung onto Mike’s words. He was pleasant enough looking, average height and build, with a ready smile. The dogs liked him, too. Lulah sat back as the interns grabbed the opportunity to question him. His answers were calculated yet generous, worded in a way that took the mystery out of the training.

She noticed how he watched her, too. Picked up on his body language that hinted he would enjoy the chance to know her better. The problem with dog trainers was that they were good at reading human body language, too. Yeah, those little glances and touches showed interest even if he didn’t yet realize it.

He seemed so uncomplicated,
so un-Vince
. God forbid, he might even be reliable. So why wasn’t she interested in giving a few glances back? She knew she didn’t want someone unreliable like her father. Even more, she knew that UHT Vince was a total no-go zone. It seemed she still needed her baser self to acknowledge that message.

She hadn’t heard from Vince, and her concern rapidly switched to unease. Fear waited in the wings to present itself at two a.m. when the logical part of the brain wasn’t suffering the insomnia the rest of her had to bear. She’d resorted to a cup of warm milk the night before; that did nothing to relax her. Instead, she sat up in her bed, staring across at the barn, too frightened to let herself imagine the emotional depths Vince may have reached.

Thank God she’d had the foresight to put in a large bed, because once awake, Joker and Calliope hopped up to lie with her. They were quiet, their soft breathing and gentle snuffles soothing to her chaos. Good dogs.

Mike had spoken to her, but she hadn’t heard a word. “Sorry, Mike, what did you say?”

“I was checking whether you were coming out with us all tonight for beer and pizza. You’d said you might have something else on.”

She’d hoped Vince might be back, and if he was, she wanted to be around in case he needed to talk. And, if he returned, she was fairly certain he wouldn’t want to go into town for a meal with everyone from the Sanctuary. But she couldn’t hang about just in case Vince needed her. They didn’t have that investment in each other, and she wasn’t going to become co-dependent girl
.

If she wanted, she could easily cry off with the excuse that she had studying to do, but given Mike was a Certified Animal Behaviorist, she could almost bet that he would offer to stay behind and help. Luckily, she wasn’t a betting woman.

“I’m free tonight, Mike. I’ll be there.”

“What are the travel arrangements?”

“We usually car pool. I think I might take my car.”

“No, save your gas; let me pick you up.”

Ah. Now that means I’ll have to give him my address. “It’s okay. I can meet you down at the Sanctuary village.” He was staying in one of the cabins at the new accommodation they’d built there.

“It’s no problem. I can pick you up on the way to town. You’re out on the Old Mill Road, aren’t you?”

Well, yes I am, clever dude, but how did you know that? “Yeah, ah —”

Mike laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m not stalking you. I recall your address from that info packet I sent to you. The road I live on is Old Mill Road, too. You tend not to forget stuff like that.”

Lulah laughed, too. “Huh, coincidence. Do you recall the number, too?”

“No, I’m not that good.”

She told him the number, wanting to add that she’d wait at the gate, but that would probably seem weird. She spoke to the others in the room. “Any of you guys need a lift?” A couple of hands shot up. Perfect.

L
ulah was almost
at the gate when Mike arrived to collect her. Two others were in the SUV with him, and he wasn’t the least bothered by the extra company. She had totally read the situation wrong. Big Andy sat in the back, running through the pizzeria menu which he managed to have learned, either by rote or regular acquaintance. The others offered their opinions on each menu choice, debating whether a pizza required anything beyond the classic Margherita topping.

A hundred yards from the main road intersection Lulah saw Vince’s pickup turn onto their road. Every emotion she’d experienced in the last three days merged and created a cocktail so potent it made her dizzy. She barely managed to prevent herself from asking Mike to stop. As the two vehicles passed, Vince’s troubled gaze locked into hers.

“Wasn’t that Vince?” Mike said.

“Didn’t see,” Lulah replied. Reduced to lying now, Lulah. Charming.

“I’m sure it was. Does he live down here, too?”

“No,” Lulah replied. Well, that was honest. He might spend a lot of time at the barn, but he didn’t actually live there.

Mike flicked a quick glance her way and returned to the discussion, which turned into a worst pizza ever competition.

Dinner in town was fun, and they’d managed to get through it quickly and grab a nine p.m. showing of a movie some of them wanted to see. The late showing meant it was nearly midnight when Mike dropped her back home. He had been perfectly mannered during the dinner and movie, and she felt stupid for thinking he was attracted to her. Maybe she should complete her degree before she put any more effort into reading body language, because either his body spoke Martian or she was doing it completely wrong.

She said goodnight to them all once they reached the cabin, and her spirit sank a little when she noticed Vince’s pickup wasn’t there. But Calliope still was, and on the table sat a new note.

She really hoped his words reflected some sort of contentment he’d found out there, no matter how temporary it might be.

The following morning at eight, she phoned Vince, hoping it wouldn’t be too early. He sounded well and promised to come right over and meet her at home. When he climbed out of his pickup twenty minutes later, she noticed how thin he seemed to be.

“Did you forget your rations out there?”

He grinned. “Nice, Lulah, have you ever tried that stuff?” Calliope and Joker launched themselves from the porch and were bouncing around Vince who wrestled with them until he spied a tug-rope on the ground. He dangled it in the air, the two dogs leaping for it in vain. Finally, he hurled it across the yard. “Go play,” he ordered, and the dogs hurtled off.

“Nope. My mouth would rebel if I tried to put rubbish like that in it. I have coffee, muesli, eggs, toast. Come in and eat something.”

He took her porch steps in one leap and made it to her door before her, holding it open. Inside, he started making toast as Lulah filled two bowls with muesli and fruit. She pushed one towards him and passed him the yogurt from the fridge. “Start eating and don’t stop until I say. You look as though you’ve dropped ten pounds.”

“Sorry, Mom,” he teased, pointing to his bowl with his spoon. “This is good. Where did you buy it?”

“I made it. I don’t like that commercial stuff; it’s too sweet. Now keep eating. How many eggs would you like?”

He held up two fingers.

When the eggs and toast were ready, they headed out to the porch table to eat.

Lulah watched as Vince buttered his toast, took a bite, and grinned at her.

“That little trip you took—scary as that was for me—seems to have done you some good. Please, next time, remember to take some food. You could at least pack a Soldier Fuel bar.”

“I’d rather have this,” he waved a loaded fork in the air. “I’m feeling a lot better. Real sorry if I scared you; that was the last thing I intended to do.”

If she mentioned that his note concerned her, he would shut off communication. “Fine, really, it’s fine. Bit of a surprise to be honest. What set you off? Was it working with Mike and Calliope?”

He stared back, the unease returned to his face.

“Sorry…boundary, yeah?”

Vince placed his fork on his plate and rubbed at his face. When he pulled his hands away, he appeared as if he had come to a decision. “Taryn filed for divorce.”

He’d done it again—that way he paused before throwing out a response without softening it or easing a person into it. Lulah waited in case there was anything he wanted to add.

“It knocked me. I don’t know why, because we separated more than a year ago. It was always going to happen. She needs to move on with her life, and neither of us…well, we don’t work together. What I’m frightened of is having my access to Gable blocked. I’m not going to make trouble, but I’m not certain about custody. God knows, I can’t take care of Gable, and she needs her mom. With my deployment and our separation, she’s spent most of her life with her mom. But, hell, I need to see her, too.”