A Scandalous Proposal (22 page)

“Emily, please. Don't you think you owe me some explanation? Or did I mean that little to you?”

She looked up at his face—and regretted it. The bewildered hurt she saw there robbed her of a safe, circumspect lie.

“N-no,” she replied shakily. “You meant a great deal.”

“Meet me then. Just this once. Please, Emily.”

'Twas madness to entertain the thought. But the allure of being alone with him, even in the public venue of the park, of being able to fully explain all she had felt essential to keep hidden, was too seductive. With every cautious instinct for self-preservation screaming “no,” she murmured, “Yes.”

He closed his eyes briefly and exhaled in a rush of breath. “Thank you,” he whispered. He opened his lips as if to say more and halted abruptly, his gaze focusing on something behind her. “Lady Auriana,” he said, made her a crisp bow and walked off.

She whirled around to see Brent standing rigid, hands clenched into fists, staring with narrowed eyes at Evan's retreating back.

She thought she heard Brent swear softly, but then he smiled down at her and held out his hand. “Rob sent me to fetch you. Guests are arriving he felt you must greet.”

“G-guests?” she stuttered.

“Yes.” His smile widened to a grin. “Lord and Lady Castlereagh, Princess Esterhazy and Lady Jersey. Come. We mustn't delay your triumph.”

Consternation gripped her for a moment. “Or catastrophe,” she muttered. But what matter to her whether she be patronized, accepted or shunned? Raising her chin, she took his arm. “Let us not keep the Great Ones waiting.”

Natalie cast her a relieved glance as she and Brent approached them. “Ah, here she is! Lady Ingraham, may I present to you my sister-in-law, Lady Auriana Spenser Waring-Black, widow of Maxwell's younger brother, Captain the Honorable Andrew Waring-Black.”

Beyond her, Rob was greeting a large party, among whom she recognized Lady Jersey. Emily took a deep breath and inclined her head. “Pleased to meet you, Lady Ingraham.”

The stout woman before her subjected Emily to a head-to-toe inspection. Her lip curled, as if she'd seen something unpleasant. “We may have met before,” she said in a loud, carrying voice. “I believe 'twas when you waited on me at your shop.”

Rob and the other guests froze. In the sudden silence Emily heard Natalie's gasp of distress, and her temper flared.
Holding on to it with an effort, she replied evenly, “Perhaps so. I do not recall.”

“Making gowns now as well as bonnets, isn't that right? How clever! I expect you stitched up the lovely little silver thing you're wearing all by yourself.” She turned to look accusingly at Rob. “
Interesting
company you keep, Maxwell. You might have a care for your consequence.”

The woman took a step, obviously intending to walk past Emily without acknowledging her by title—an unmistakable cut. In midreply, Rob's calm voice faltered.

At the stricken look coming over Natalie's face, Emily forgot the ball, the milling crowd of spectators, the good impression everyone was so eager she make.

You bitch,
she thought.
Who do you think you are to try to humiliate my family?

With one imperious hand she grabbed the matron's sleeve, halting her. “Robbins.” She raised her voice to hail the butler who was announcing guests at the door. “Would you be so good as to have someone fetch Lady Ingraham's cloak. Not having found the company to her liking, she wishes to depart.”

The matron looked from Emily's hand grasping her arm to her face, jaw dropped in shock. Before the woman could speak Emily gave her a none-too-gentle shove. “Immediately, if you please, Robbins. The only one more gratified by her swift departure than her ladyship will be me.”

The barest hint of a smile flitted across the butler's face before he bowed low. “At once, Lady Auriana.”

Still furious, Emily turned her glare from Lady Ingraham, whose face was turning an alarming shade of puce, to Lady Jersey and the other notables standing breathless at Rob's elbow. “Is there anyone else who wishes a cloak brought now? If so, please speak up. I should not wish my servants discommoded a second time.”

For a moment no one said a word. Then a tinkling laugh
issued from behind the people crowded about Rob. “Lord and Lady Maxwell, Auriana, forgive me for being late.” The group parted like the Red Sea before Moses as, leaning heavily upon her cane, Emily's great-aunt Lady Augusta, Dowager Countess of Doone, moved slowly forward.

To Emily's astonishment, the old woman came over and kissed her on both cheeks. “If she don't sound like her papa to the life! Though I swear, you've a bit to go to be as dismissive as Stephen. Sally—” she turned toward Lady Jersey “—you remember Stephen's glare! My nephew by marriage, the late Duke of Suffolk,” she explained to the avidly listening crowd. “Don't this little chit have just the look of him?”

Emily found herself subjected to inspection by a pair of shrewd dark eyes. Evidently she passed, for the woman hailed as “Sally” walked forward to take her hand. “I most certainly do remember,” she replied with a shudder. “When I was but a giddy young girl, someone dared me to try to tease him into a dance. The Black Duke turned that glare on me and I declare, I expected to be turned into a pillar of salt upon the spot.”

As the bystanders laughed, Lady Jersey took Emily's arm and steered her toward the rest of her group. “Now, you must let me present you to a few friends.”

“Mind you bring her by later to chat with this old lady, Sally,” her great-aunt admonished. “She's got Stephen's quick wit, too, and as such is likely one of the few people worth talking to at this demned caper-party. Now, Maxwell, find me a comfortable chair. These old bones don't like standing about in a draft.”

Rob grinned. “At once, ma'am. Martin, see Lady Augusta to a chair by the refreshment room.”

Impulsively Emily turned back to give the old woman a hug. “Thank you, Lady Augusta, for coming to my ball.”

“Turn me loose, child, 'fore I break somethin',” the old
lady protested. “And it used to be ‘Auntie Augusta' to you, missy.”

The vague outlines of a memory focused. “No, 'twas ‘Auntie August,' was it not? As a child I thought how delightful it was you'd been named for a month.”

The old woman's imposing face softened. “Aye, I remember, too,” she said. Then jerked her chin up and tapped her cane on the floor. “Come along, young man! I'm weary for that chair.”

 

In the early hours of the morning Emily at last sought her chamber. The ball had succeeded well enough. Her great-aunt's recognition laid to rest most of the speculation about her parentage and relationship to Rob. However, since she'd defiantly replied to Lady Jersey's pointed inquiry that she had and would continued to design gowns and bonnets, the matter of her mercantile connections would still stand between her and full acceptance.

Vouchers to that Valhalla of acceptable breeding, Almack's, would likely never be forthcoming, nor would she be included in invitations sent by the highest sticklers. But as long as Rob and Natalie did not suffer from their connection to her, and her son's future under Rob's sponsorship was secure, she was content.

She fell into bed, exhausted, but sleep eluded her. In a few bare hours it would be dawn. Though prudence, safety and discretion all clamored against it, she intended to keep her pledge. When morning broke, she would ride to the park and meet Evan.

A
fter dozing fitfully, Emily finally gave up and rose before dawn. She astonished the sleepy groom by appearing at the stables with the sky still black. Even now, pink and coral light painted the eastern sky, and 'twas just bright enough to ride safely.

Edgy and restless, she turned her feisty mount into Green Park and signaled the mare to a trot. 'Twas an hour or more before she could expect Evan. The broad expanse was empty, it being still far too early for the nursemaids with their charges or the cowherds with their flocks to make an appearance. Perhaps, as soon as it was fully light, she could indulge in a nerve-steadying gallop.

But as she turned the first corner, she saw him farther down the carriageway, mounted on his big black. She pulled up sharply, her heartbeat leaping as her horse halted. He kicked his stallion forward.

In the privacy of the deserted park and under cover of semidarkness she let her eyes devour every detail as he approached. The minute movements of his knees and muscled thighs as he guided the horse. His strong hands gripping the reins. The jut of his jaw, the arrogant tilt of chin, and finally the blazing blue of his eyes.

He dismounted and walked toward her, obviously intending to hand her down. She took a shuddering breath.

'Twas idiocy—she should never have come. Never, for though fatigue no doubt contributed to the haze in her brain, she could muster no rational thought. All the tidy reasoning and moral certainties filed away in neat array seemed beyond her power to summon.

She only knew she was aware of him in every sense and nerve. And that all she wanted was for him to take her down into his arms and kiss her.

Neither spoke as he reached to help her dismount. She stifled a gasp when his hands finally touched her, closed her eyes to savor the feel of each separate pad of his fingers gripping her waist.

“You're trembling,” he said, his voice husky as he set her on her feet.

Lost in watching his lips, she couldn't reply. Syllables swarmed about in her head, a hive of disturbed bees, but she could not capture them, shoo them into words. She could only stand staring mutely at him.

“Sweet Emily.” A whisper, brushing her ears like silk. He raised his gloved hand to her face, caressed her cheekbone with the chamois of his knuckles. A soft sound escaped her and she leaned into his hand.

He grasped her chin and tilted it up, his eyes searching. Forced to meet that gaze now at close range, she could only hope her own would not betray her longing.

A vain wish. Uttering her name in a cry, he pulled her into an embrace so tight she could not breathe, then eased his grip a fraction to kiss her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks and finally her lips. To her shame, she kissed him back with equal fervor.

Finally, when she was nearly too dizzy to stand, he pushed her a breath away within the circle of his arms.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered, “you—”

A sharp whistle and the “baugh” of a cow warned of impending arrivals. Reluctantly they stepped apart.

Reason, and with it outrage at her current behavior, slowly resurfaced. Trying to hang on to both, she bent to retrieve the reins of her grazing horse. Evan did likewise, and in unspoken accord they fell in step side by side.

“You have been well?”

“I have Rob and Natalie to help me now. And with my father-in-law dead, I no longer have to hide.”

“I'm glad of it, and delighted you shall be esteemed by society as I always felt you deserved. But Emily, I must know. Taking an assumed name to evade your father-in-law I understand, but why did you never tell me who you are?”

She paused, considering how best to explain an action he clearly found inexplicable. “First, ‘Spenser' is one of my given names, if not a surname. Then there's the simple fact that I've been plain ‘Auriana Waring-Black' for so many years I scarce think of myself any longer as ‘Lady Auriana.' And there was pride. I endured a surfeit of commiseration about ‘how the mighty have fallen' during my army days. Since you'd expressed pity enough at the hardships I faced after Andrew's death, I suppose I could not bear the thought of engendering more. Or chance fueling the outrage you'd previously voiced at the injustice done me. You'd already shown yourself ready to barge off in pursuit of Andrew's father.” She gave him a wry smile. “So, at the risk of angering you again, I felt the less you knew, the safer Drew and I would be.”

He'd been listening patiently, but at that he exclaimed, “Surely you must see how different things would have been for us, had I only known! Call it hypocritical if you wish, 'tis true enough, but Society allows a duke's daughter far greater latitude than less highly born mortals. As for forcing us to part—”

A sharp pang of disappointment pierced her. Did he truly
think her change in
status
would affect her opinion on that? Anger stirred. “Evan, it may make a difference to society, but my own feelings on the subject are unchanged.” Remembering the unrestrained passion with which she'd just practically begged for his kiss, she colored. “Despite my behavior this morning, you must realize I could no more consider sustaining an adulterous liaison as Lady Auriana than I could as Madame Emilie. Who I was born—”

“Little fool!” He gave her a shake. “What nonsense are you spouting? I'm saying I love you! Can you really believe, had I known your breeding rendered you even marginally acceptable, I would have asked another woman to be my wife?”

She had opened her lips to argue, but that question shocked her to silence. He had considered making her his bride? She'd known from the beginning he felt a passionate attraction. Sometimes, curled by his side as he slept, she'd dreamed he might express regret that circumstances did not permit turning that attachment into a permanent, legal union. But he had not.

“Never did you say or do anything that led me to think you would consider
marrying
me,” she protested.

“How could you have doubted it? Did I not haunt your shop, lavish on you every present I imagined you might accept, even invest in your business so I might share more of your life?”

“Y-yes…yes! But gentlemen often do such things for their paramours while infatuation lasts. You never indicated you would consider me as more than a long-term…friend. Never!”

“Of course I…” His words trailing off, Evan rubbed a hand over his brow. “Perhaps I didn't, not in so many words. But neither did you encourage a declaration of love! On the contrary, the warmest avowal you ever made was to assure me of your ‘constant affection.' I hoped you'd come
to love me, at least a little, but I never knew for sure. I suppose I didn't wish to look the fool, blurting out love for one who saw me only as a…debt that must be paid.”

“Oh, Evan, I—”

“You can't deny 'twas that at first! Had I not wanted you so desperately, I'd have been too insulted to accept. But I did want you.” His strident voice gentled. “I never stopped wanting you. And when you insisted we must part—well, you certainly gave a convincing demonstration of a woman ready to move on to a new lover.”

“I thought it kinder. For us both. As I could not tolerate being—what I would have become, better to end in a manner that made you angry enough to put me out of mind for good and all.”

He laughed softly. “I concluded as much, once my rage cooled. But I've learned to my misery that nothing will drive you out of my mind for good and all.”

He shook his head, as if bemused. “Had I known your birth outranked my own, I'd never have let you send me away. I would have courted you relentlessly, until you accepted me just to stop the aggravation.”

Despite the rigid hold she maintained over her heart, a rebellion of joy swept through her. He would have wed her? Reason soon damped it down.

“No, my darling Evan, you would not. Duke's daughter or no, I was a portrait painter turned shopkeeper, acknowledged by neither my own family nor my husband's. A man who did not care whether he was received or not might dare marry such a female. An earl who was one of the ton's leaders, who had a sister to present, could not.”

He smiled wryly. “Perhaps. But—to feel such concern for my family's welfare, you must care for me?”

His wistful tone caught at her heart. “Yes. More than I dare admit even now, when it can make no difference.”

“I love you, Emily-Auriana, by whatever name you call
yourself. I think I've loved you from that first moment.” Despite presence of herder and cows, he drew her hand up for a kiss. “If you care a fraction as much for me, it appears we've been working at cross-purposes. However valid our reasons for silence. Now that in Society's eyes you are no longer ineligible to become my wife—'tis too late.”

The bittersweet truth of that struck them both to silence.
No,
Emily told herself fiercely as, horses trailing behind, they continued down the carriageway.
You will not mourn what might have been.

Finally he halted, stopping her with him. “I've been racking my brain these last few minutes, but I see no way out. I cannot break the engagement—indeed, the wedding date should already have been fixed, had not Andrea gone off in some last-moment dither about the trousseau. She's a dear thing, and her brother was my best friend. I don't think she could survive my jilting her.” He took a deep, painful breath. “I can't do it.”

“Of course you cannot. No man of honor could.” He said nothing she did not already know. Nor did she need to release what had never been hers.

“I should go now.” Much as she hated to leave, knowing she dare not risk another meeting, there was nothing to be accomplished by prolonging the sweet torment of being with him. Especially when, herdsman, cows and all, desire still pecked at her will and curled heavy in her belly.

He'd been staring off across the greensward, but then his whole body alerted. He shifted his gaze back to her, his dark blue eyes once more intense. “You do intend to go out in Society?”

“I suppose. I consented to the presentation only because Rob argued that not to do so would seem to confirm the awful rumors about me. And because, as he insisted, Andrew would have wished me to. But…” she paused to flash him a challenging look “…I've every intention of maintaining
my business, and you know how unfashionable that will be. Even for a duke's daughter. I daresay I shall not receive all too many invitations.”

“With your talent you should continue. I certainly cannot see you an idle Society matron living on new gowns and gossip. But if you do go out, we are bound to meet.”

She regarded his glowing eyes uneasily. What mischief was he hatching? “I suppose, though, should that occur I think it wiser if we avoid one another.”

“Emily, I can't marry you now. Wishing cannot turn back the clock, but your being accepted in Society does offer us a new possibility. No, hear me out!” He stopped her automatic protest.

“Just consider this. I admit, before 'twas impossible for us to be seen together without all the world presuming the intimacy of our relationship. But don't you see, we can meet now without arousing comment—we will be meeting in any event. We could arrange a place—out of town if you prefer—where we could be together. Ah, my darling, you must realize when I offered for Andrea I made no promises of love. I pledged friendship and protection only, and she accepted on those terms. There are no vows between us loving you would break. As long as we are discreet, our being together will harm no one. There'll be no rumors, no threats to your son—”

“No honor,” she interjected. “Evan, you may not have vowed love, but when you marry you must pledge fidelity. Fear of discovery was never the sole reason I sent you away. Our being together would break a holy oath, and that is fact. Neither you nor I can change it just by wishing.”

“I love you, Emily!” he cried, his face once again impassioned. “Can you not compromise your stance even a little? For us and all we can mean to each other? Do you intend to condemn us to no more than chance conversation
at some rout or ball or dinner? I shall not be able to live with that, I swear it!”

“I could not live with more.”

Evan let out an explosive breath and paced away. After a few moments during which she stood, uncertain whether to ride away or wait, he walked back.

His face was calm and set now. Keeping his eyes averted, he said quietly, “I shall not harangue you further. I cannot see you just socially, Emily—I care too much. 'Twas torture waltzing with you, holding myself to a casual touch when I ached—” His voice broke and he cleared his throat. She felt her own heart turn over.

“Meet me here tomorrow and we will plan a life together that, I swear to you, will hurt no one. If you cannot do that, then tell me goodbye. I must have your love—or see you not at all.”

She looked at him, stunned. “That is my choice? A relationship in the shadows, or—nothing?”

“Tomorrow morning, seven of the clock. I pray you will be here. If not—” at last he glanced at her, desperate yearning in his eyes “—then may God keep you safe, my dearest Emily.”