A Royal Mess (54 page)

‘Where?’ I asked, because I was still mentally kicking myself for saying ‘fancy that!’

I closed my eyes to gather my thoughts, and that was when he did it. That was when he really kissed me, on the mouth – with his lips. And while it was most
tranquillo
and
fantastico
and
molto
gorgeous, I pulled away.

Then my phone rang. It was Malcolm, and my heart skipped a beat. Not because Freds had just attempted to pull me, but because I realised that I really wanted to see Malcolm more than anyone else in the world. ‘It’s Malcolm,’ I whispered to Freds, as I pressed Answer.

‘Want to meet up in Pullers’ Woods in a bit?’ Malcolm asked. ‘So you can dump me again?’

I giggled. ‘Sure, I’ll bring Rex for a visit. Call me when you’re almost there,’ I told him, totally longing to see him.

‘I’m almost there, actually,’ he said. ‘Just through the barbed wire gap now.’

‘Well, hurry up, then, I’m already here! So’s Freds,’ I told him, because I didn’t want any subterfuge between us. Apart from not wanting to muck Malcolm around, he was
the sort of person I could be honest with and be myself around.

‘Cool,’ he replied happily. ‘See you in a mo.’

Freddie, on the other hand, looked at me with one of his wretched disappointed looks.

I poked out my tongue and then – shock, horror – HRH poked
his
tongue out at me!

‘Sorry,’ Freds said, rubbing his long, tapered fingers through his hair. ‘About the kiss thing earlier. I didn’t mean for that to happen.’

‘It’s okay,’ I told him gently, suddenly maddeningly aware of his lemony smell again. ‘It’s just not right. Not now,’ I told him maturely even though my mind was screaming, HAVE ONE LAST KISS! HE’S THE PRINCE, YOU MADDY!

Oh, buggery bollocks, just when I thought I knew what I felt, and whom I felt
it
for.

Princes! You can’t live with them, but then again, can you really live without them?

Calypso’s fencing terms and English words

FENCING TERMS

attack
au fer:
an attack that is prepared by deflecting an opponent’s blade

bout:
one single fight, usually lasting around six minutes

disengagement:
a way to continue attacking after being parried

en garde:
the ‘ready’ position fencers take before play

épée:
another weapon used in fencing

parry:
defensive move, a block

piste:
a fourteen-metre-long combat area on which a bout is fought

point:
the tip of a weapon’s blade

pool:
a group into which fencers are divided during preliminary rounds to assess ranking

retire:
retreat

riposte:
an offensive action made immediately after a parry of the opponent’s attack

sabre:
The only cutting fencing blade. Points are scored both by hits made with the tip of the blade and by cuts made with the blade, but more commonly by cuts. The sabre target is everything above the leg, including the head and arms. For this reason the entire weapon, including the guard, registers hits on an electrical apparatus even though hitting the weapon’s guard is not legal. This means the sabreur is totally wired – unlike fencers using the other weapons. Before play begins, the sabreurs must check that all parts of their electric kit are working. This is done by the sabreurs tapping their opponents on the mask, the sabre, the guard and the metal jacket so that all hits will be recorded

salle:
fencing hall or club

salute:
once formal, now a casual acknowledgement of one’s opponent and president at the start of a bout

seeding:
the process of eliminating fencers from their pools, based on the results of their bouts

trompement:
deception of the parry

ENGLISH WORDS

arse:
derrière.
To make an arse of yourself means to embarrass yourself

ASBO:
Anti-Social Behaviour Order, a punishment handed out to youth who graffiti or get drunk or use foul language

blag:
to talk your way into or out of something, or to fake something

bless:
an affectionate, sweet exclamation, but like all English words, it can be used sarcastically

blank/to be blanked:
to not register someone; to look through them

blue:
blue paper given to write lines on; a minor punishment

bollocks:
literally means testicles but used to mean useless, nonsense, ridiculous

bottle out:
chicken out, lose your nerve. ‘Bottle’ is another word for ‘nerve,’ so you can also ‘lose your bottle’

chav/chavie:
A person defined by a common way of behaving or dressing. They have their favourite designer brands and love loads of bling. The opposite of posh or Sloaney

common:
slang for vulgar, of low social status, lacking charm or manners. Note: you can be rich and still be common

cut:
to ignore someone, to look right through them; see
blank

Daddy’s plastic:
parental credit cards

DPGs:
Daddy’s Plastic Girls; girls who are defined by their limitless credit card privileges

dressing down:
telling off

en suite:
bathroom attached to bedroom

exeat:
weekend at which pupils attending boarding school go home, usually every three weeks

extract the urine:
a polite way of saying ‘take the piss’

fag:
cigarette

fancy (v):
to find someone attractive

Febreze:
spray used to remove odours from clothes

fit:
cute, hot, attractive. Girls and boys both use the word to describe the opposite sex. Note: a girl wouldn’t refer to another girl as fit – she’d say ‘stunning’

gating:
a punishment in which one is not permitted to leave the school grounds on weekends

hoodie:
sweatshirt with a hood

house mother or house mistress:
female head of a boarding house

It Girl:
a society girl of royal extraction with a large media profile

Kiltland:
Scotland

kit:
equipment and outfit for specific event or activity

knickers:
panties

leg it:
make a run for it

mad:
eccentric, crazy or unreasonable – out there

madly:
very, as in ‘madly late’

mobile:
cell phone

Old Chokey:
a prison

pash:
pashmina

piss-take/to take the piss:
to tease, mimic or to make fun of someone, either maliciously or fondly; a joke (see
extract the urine,
above)

pleb:
short for plebeian – a derogatory term suggesting lack of class

plebbie: (adj)
for pleb (see above)

point:
as in making a point in an argument

prat:
idiot, fool

pull:
to make out, score, kiss, etc.

public school:
exclusive boarding school

rinse:
to totally decimate your opponent in sport or debate

rip:
to ridicule, tease; equivalent to ‘take the piss’

Sloane:
posh, snooty girl (named after Sloane Street and Square, an upscale area in London)

snog-age:
(rhymes with ‘corsage’) to tongue kiss

sorted:
an expression of approval; ‘no problem’

soz:
sorry

spliff:
marijuana; a joint

tomoz:
tomorrow

taking the piss:
to tease someone, rip it out of them, see
piss-take

term:
Three terms make up a school year: winter term is before Christmas; spring term is between Christmas and Easter; summer term is between Easter and the summer holiday

toff:
snobby aristocrat

tuck:
snack foods you are allowed to bring to boarding school; junk food

tuck in:
pig out

wardrobe:
closet

wind up:
to tease either gently or nastily

Year:
girls start boarding at age 11 in Year Seven, and the ‘Years’ go up to Year Eleven (ages 15-16). The final two years are referred to as the Lower Sixth and Upper Sixth (ages 16-17 and 18, respectively)

Acknowledgements

First up, shout outs to the stunning, preternaturally gifted girls of Saint Mary’s Ascot, Cheltenham Ladies College, Bennerz and my favourite Etonians, you know, the really, really fit ones! In fact, the entire boarding school community should take a bow! I hope your teachers, masters, matrons, bursars and house mothers applaud you every day because one day you’ll be in a position to hand out the blues! Speaking of blue, I would be dismally blue without the friendship of Malcolm William Young. In fact, if he didn’t exist, I’d have to make him up.

I totally lucked out having an agent like Laura Dail and an editor like Melanie Cecka at Bloomsbury USA. And I know it! Every day I do a mad little tribute dance in their honour. So far, only my family have seen my mad-dance. They recommend I hold off a few millennia before unleashing it on a wider audience. Until that day, I salute you in Latin,
Salve!

But the laurels and really, really worshipful words go to the girls who read my books, especially the girls who write in to [email protected]. Seriously, if you don’t grow up and rule the world, and see your names in lights over Times Square, I shall unleash my mad little dance.

Author’s Note

TYNE O’CONNELL is the author of several romantic comedies, including novels about the American-born, British-educated Calypso Kelly. She has written for newspapers and magazines such as
Vogue, Marie Claire
and
Elle.
She lives in London, England.

Dueling Princes
copyright © 2005 by Tyne O’Connell
Dumping Princes
copyright © 2006 by Tyne O’Connell

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Dueling Princes
first published in Great Britain by Piccadilly Press in 2005;
published in the United States of America by Bloomsbury Publishing in 2005
Dumping Princes
first published in the United States of America by Bloomsbury U.S.A.
Children’s Books in 2006
This edition published by Bloomsbury Books for Young Readers in October 2011
Electronic edition published in October 2011
www.bloomsburyteens.com

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to
Permissions, Bloomsbury BFYR, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010

ISBN: 9781599908960 (ebook)