A Reluctant Queen (34 page)

Esther nodded slowly, her great dark eyes almost black in the pallor of her face.

“I can try, of course,” Hathach said. “I will be happy to try, my lady. I am just afraid I will not succeed.”

Esther nodded again. “Leave me, please, the both of you. I have some things I must think about, and you will want some time to yourselves too.”

Luara took another step toward her. “My lady, you are so pale. Please, let me get you something to eat and drink.”

“No, Luara. I am fine. You and Hathach go. I will send for you when I have decided what I must do.”

“Yes, my lady,” Hathach replied, took Luara by the arm, and steered her out of the room.

After her two attendants had left, Esther went into her bedroom. She was exhausted but she had to think. She lay on the big bed she shared with Ahasuerus and curled up in a protective ball around the baby in her womb.

So this was why all the seemingly impossible things that had happened to her had happened. There had been a reason all along. God had had a plan for her from the moment she had been born. She had not believed it when Mordecai had told her so. In fact, she had done everything she could to escape from it.

She had tried not to be chosen by the king.

Then she had tried to give up her religion. When Mordecai received his high appointment, she had thought that God’s plan for her had been accomplished. She would be the wife that Ahasuerus wanted and her children would be brought up as followers of Ahuramazda. Her duty to her people was done.

And now there was this brutal reality. Even Mordecai was helpless against this evil. It was up to her to act—to save her people. She had to see Ahasuerus. Her own little life was as nothing compared to the enormity of what would happen if she did not act. But, even now, she was not strong enough to put her personal feelings out of her mind.

Once she told Ahasuerus she was a Jew, she would lose him. Her lie would be like a dagger in his heart. It would be a wound he would never forget, never forgive.

She pressed her hands against the swell of her stomach and whispered, “My little baby. I have no choice. Your mother has no choice. I don’t know what will happen to us, but this is what God has called me to do. Me!”

The idea was unbelievable still. All the anguish she had endured while making the decision to choose Ahasuerus over her religion, all of it had been for nothing. The decision had never been hers; it had been God’s all along. An evil force had been set loose in the empire and now the whole Jewish race was faced with annihilation. Unless she acted.

Her heart bled for Ahasuerus. Haman’s betrayal would break his heart, and then she would have to tell him that she had been lying to him from the moment they met. She would give everything she had not to have to do this. But, for the first time since she had agreed to become a candidate for queen, she actually
felt
that she was an instrument of God. He had chosen her to save His people, and that had to come first.

Before her husband.

Before her child.

Before the anguish in her own heart.

She knew what she had to do. The only chance she had to see Ahasuerus would be at the palace banquet tomorrow night. She thought about the banquet scene and about what her own actions must be to get to him. The feast would be held in the Service Court, and she would have to get by the guards and enter that huge room, alone and unveiled, in front of the eyes of all the gathered men. She would have to go unveiled, because Persian law decreed that any unknown person who approached the king without his permission would be considered an assassin and instantly executed. It was crucial that Ahasuerus recognize her immediately and extend his golden scepter to grant her life. Then she would beg him to save her people.

She thought of what his face would look like, how the protective mask would come across it, and he would look at her as if she were a stranger. She began to cry and, once started, she couldn’t stop.

When finally she was too exhausted to weep any further, she began to pray:
Dearest Father in Heaven, I didn’t know it, but You were working through me all along; what happened to me was always part of Your plan
.

I once told Uncle Mordecai that I was no Moses, but You have called me to do as Moses once did. You have called me to save my people, not from slavery this time, but from extinction. I will do this humbly, knowing that I am but Your servant whom You have chosen to do Your work
.

But . . . I am not Moses, Father. I am only a woman. A woman who loves her husband and her child. If it is possible, could You make Ahasuerus understand why I do this? Could You let him still love me . . . just a little? I know my broken heart is as nothing compared to the enormity of what my actions will prevent, but . . . please let him still love me
.

After a while, she called Hathach and Luara into the room and told them what she was going to do. She ended by saying to Hathach, “Go to the Jewish community and tell them that they must gather all the Jews of Susa, even those who no longer follow the Torah. Tell them that every one of them must fast until tomorrow, at the time I go to the king. Tell them that I shall fast as well. And all must pray for me, that my mission to the king is successful and my people are saved.”

It was a moment before the words
my people
registered with Luara. She stared at Esther and repeated them. “What do you mean, my lady?”

Brown eyes met blue. “I am a Jew, Luara. The Lord my God sent me here for exactly this action at this time. This was His plan, and I will execute it.”

“My lady . . .” Luara’s voice was trembling. “Think of what the king did to Vashti, and what she did by not coming at his command is as nothing compared to what you are planning to do tomorrow. It is . . . it is a sacrilege.”

Hathach said, “Cannot I do this for you, my lady?”

Esther managed a smile. “You said yourself they would never let you in. They must let me in; I am the queen. No, Hathach, I thank you, but it must be I who does this thing.”

Luara and Hathach looked at each other. Hathach spoke for both of them. “Then we will go with you.”

When Haman learned of the king’s presence outside Susa, he felt for one dreadful moment like a man suspended over an abyss who hears the
crack
of the tree branch to which he has been clinging. At any second he would find himself falling onto the cruel rocks below.

I must prove Mordecai guilty
.

This was his only hope. If Ahasuerus could be convinced that the Jew had indeed betrayed the king’s trust and taken gold from the Treasury, then he must understand the anger that had propelled Haman into issuing that infamous decree. Haman realized he had to move quickly. He would hold the trial immediately after the festival officially ended with the dawn ceremonies at Ahuramazda’s sacred spring. Even if Ahasuerus didn’t go hunting but came back to Susa, he wouldn’t be in the city until late in the day.
I’ll have Mordecai tried after dawn and then execute him immediately
.

No one at the court would quarrel with that course of action, Haman assured himself. Mordecai had his champions, of course, but they were all lower officials in the Treasury. Their protestations would not weigh against either Haman’s powerful position or the evidence that he had manufactured and would produce at the trial.

I will not give him the honor of a beheading; I will have him hanged
, Haman thought with grim satisfaction. He remembered all the times the Jew had refused to bow to him and his resolve strengthened.
I will get some of the Egyptian woodworkers to erect a scaffold. They don’t follow Ahuramazda, so they won’t mind working on the holy day. Then all will be in readiness once the judgment against Mordecai is pronounced
.

Ahasuerus would probably revoke the decree against the rest of the Jews, but at least Haman would have gotten the one Jew he hated most.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY
-N
INE

L
uara begged Esther to eat something for supper, but she refused.

“Think of the child,” Luara urged.

“I will drink some water.”

She would do that much for the baby, she thought, but it would not harm him if she fasted for a day. By the time Luara had undressed her for bed, Esther was so exhausted that she actually slept.

When she awoke the following morning, the sun was shining. It was the day of the equinox, the day that the Light overtook the Darkness. Esther shut her eyes.
Please, dear Father in Heaven, be at my side today. Give me the strength I shall need to face my beloved husband and beg for my people. Help me, Lord. I beg You, help me
.

Luara brought her the water she had agreed to drink and stood by while she swallowed it. When Luara took the cup back, she said, “Hathach and I are fasting as well, my lady.”

Esther looked into the beautiful face of her maid and tears came to her eyes. “You are so good to me, Luara,” she said and held out her arms.

“You are the one who is good, my lady,” Luara said, holding Esther tightly. “You have given Hathach and me a wonderful life. We would do anything for you. Anything.”

The two women stood together for a moment longer, then Esther stepped back, wiping her tears with her fingers. “Would you get Hegai for me, Luara?” she asked, trying to sound normal.

“Of course, my lady.”

Hegai presented himself quickly, his face grave. “What can I do for you, my lady?” he asked.

“I want you to tell Sisames, the Head Judge, that I desire to speak with him this morning. It is of vital importance.”

His eyes flickered, but he said only, “I shall have to fetch him from his home. At what time do you wish him to be here?”

“As soon as you can bring him.”

“Yes, my lady.” Hegai bowed and left the room.

Esther awaited Sisames in the king’s reception room, pacing up and down under the disk of Ahuramazda. She had to get Sisames to agree to her request. She did not trust Haman with her uncle’s life. The Edomite had clearly been possessed by some demon and he might do anything. She had to secure Mordecai’s safety if she could.

Hegai announced Sisames, and Esther arranged herself on the divan before he entered. He bowed deeply to her and she invited him to be seated. Then she said with as much authority as she could muster, “My lord Judge. It has come to my attention that a friend of my family, Mordecai, the king’s Head Treasurer, has been arrested by the Grand Vizier, Haman.”

Sisames eyes, enfolded in wrinkles, were looking at her warily. “Yes, my lady. That is so. Haman wishes the Head Treasurer to be tried for stealing gold from the Treasury.”

“Have you set a date for such a trial?”

“The Grand Vizier has said he wants the trial to be held tomorrow morning, after the dawn ceremonies officially conclude the vernal equinox festival.”

“I do not think that would be wise, my lord Judge,” Esther said.

Sisames looked at her for a long moment. Finally, “May I ask why, my lady?”

Esther was sitting up as tall as she could, her back not touching the divan. “As I have explained, Mordecai is a friend of my family. He also was the man instrumental in saving the king from an assassination attempt. I believe you presided at the trial of Smerdis?”

“I did, my lady.”