A Reason To Stay (5 page)

She started to dispute him, but he covered her gaping mouth with his, wrestling with her tongue, kissing her passionately and pressing her harder against him. When it was over, she caught her breath and straightened her suit. After smiling devilishly, he left. Those damn corners of his mouth were doing some type of interpretive dance she did not know.

She plopped down at her desk, exasperated from his physical man-handling. She didn’t know whether she wanted to chase him down for a quickie in the conference room or fire Janine for lack of loyalty and letting her walk into the lion’s den. Either way, she lost that round. She was back on the hook of semi-commitment.

Elise left earlier than usual that evening. She’d barely got any work completed, anyway. Her mind was on what to do with her predicament of Darren. She managed to devise a plan to take him off guard by going to his workplace. She wanted to finish this in a public arena. If they met alone at his house, she knew she wouldn’t have a chance again at defending her weak principles. The thought of strewn clothes and messed-up sheets almost brought a smile to her face. She felt herself coming undone the more time this remained an uncut, clear breakup.

She had it planned out in her head, perfectly. She’d show up, tell him a final good-bye, and then smooth it over with a pleasant peck on the cheek. After a week away in Kentucky, she’d have a better chance at avoiding him when she returned. She could only hope he didn’t have anything planned for their last night together.

CHAPTER FIVE

Three Little Words

Elise’s heels echoed through the enormous halls of the hospital as she searched for the door that read ‘Dr. Darren Masterson.’ Ten doors down from the receptionist’s desk and she finally got to it, putting her hand up to knock, and waiting when she heard faint laughing coming from inside. After looking around to see if anyone was watching, she placed her left ear against the door, hoping to hear what was so funny. If she remembered correctly, Darren was in the first stages of the grieving process with their pending breakup. What was there to laugh about?

A doctor suddenly appeared, walking toward her, watching her with glasses setting on the tip of his nose, forcing her to back up and knock on the door. When she heard the come-in command she pushed the heavy door open. A tall, blond woman turned around. Elise fought back a dose of shock, pasted a polite smile on her face and waited for Darren to claim which side he was on. The model-turned-doctor side, or the short-brunette-whom-he-wanted-a-future-with side? He rose up from his desk.

“Elise, you’ve met Stacy Chadwick, haven’t you?”

The woman walked over to Elise, wearing a pair of skyscraper legs and extending a slender arm, from which her matching willowy fingers were attached to her cunning hand. That hand could’ve doubled as a model’s hand, the kind that advertised lotion or jewelry in magazines. Elise shook it and noted the Calvin Klein fragrance she wore. The blond was real. It accented her blue eyes perfectly. She was graced with the natural beauty that made make-up almost unnecessary, although she wore it impeccably. No doubt after a twenty-hour shift of saving people’s lives.

“Of course, Darren. We met at Tom’s party last summer. I believe you two had just started dating.” Stacy directed her conversation to Darren, almost speaking as though Elise were a thought they were having together.

“That’s a phenomenal memory because I don’t remember you at all.” The white lie danced past Elise’s steady tone and jealousy crawled under her skin. She wasn’t used to competition. Even if it was only in her imagination.

Tension took its place among the two of them, forcing out a moment of awkward silence. Stacy began her exit strategy.

“Well, Darren, thanks for the advice. I guess I’ll let you know tomorrow what happens.” She turned to leave and then stopped. “It was good seeing you again, Elise. Have fun on your trip.”

After she exited the room and took all her poise and that sweet smell with her, Elise turned to Darren. “How in the world does she know I’m going on a trip?”

He came around the desk and squeezed her tightly. She fought the embrace, her elbows becoming bent and jammed against his chest. “Darren, answer me. Are you discussing me with her? What did she want, anyway?”

Darren backed up to explain. “She was consulting with me on a case. That’s all.”

“And how did she know I was leaving?” Elise waited for him to answer. She was naive to think Darren didn’t have female colleagues and friends. Especially ones that could pose on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

“She saw me in the flower shop buying you the roses. I told her you were going away for a week.”

Easy enough. Innocent enough. So, why did it bug Elise just enough? Perhaps it was the fact of the woman’s legs that went up to there, or the beach-perfect complexion, or the fact that she read it all over that blond bombshell that she was interested in Darren, not just for medical advice, but for his own anatomy. But wasn’t that a good thing? Wouldn’t that take Elise off the hook? One would think. Sometimes it took a nudge from someone else to finally get you off the diving board and into the water.

“What are you doing here, anyway? I was going to pick you up.”

Elise drove a finger around the edge of his desk, wondering how to treat this delicate situation. The right thing would be to let him go. She knew she had issues and he deserved better. Anyway, space was limited in her comfort zone. Nothing more could be promised than a toothbrush firmly planted next to his. Nothing more and nothing less. Why not release him back into the wild, to the waiting arms of Blonde Bimbo? Maybe, but not now.

“I got off early and thought I’d swing by.”

“Well, aren’t I the lucky guy?” He slipped his medical coat off and grabbed his briefcase off the corner of his desk. “By the way, I made reservations at Ollie’s. We’ll get there a little early, but it should be okay.”

Elise suggested they drive separately so they wouldn’t have to make a special trip back downtown to pick up her car. It gave her a chance to strategize about their last evening before she left. She certainly didn’t
want
to offer him false hope, but she didn’t want to gift wrap him for Stacy What’s Her Name, either.

Why couldn’t all relationships just live in the beginning month? There was no drama in the first couple weeks of dating. Only pure fable living at its best—everyone on their kindest behavior, no pouting, and more importantly, no scary commitment talk.

With green lights the whole way there, they arrived more quickly than she had time to decide how to leave it with him. She would do her best, promise nothing, and ignore any talk about the future. They would have a lovely meal, kiss, and leave. Problem solved.

Darren helped her out of her car when they arrived, kissing her after she stood up. He was ever the gentleman as they walked hand in hand into the posh restaurant. She’d never dated such a guy while living in California. She had to pinch herself several times in their months together just to remind herself he was with her. With her! Soon the pinching would cease.

The hostess escorted them to a secluded booth toward the back. It was evening, so the restaurant had already turned the lights down, making it feel later than it actually was. Sprays of fresh cut flowers stood in vases on pedestals and the fragrance lingered in the air. Elise opened her menu and scanned the pages for the light fare. Her nerves weren’t accepting anything else that evening. The waiter took their orders and they sipped on the wine Darren had ordered when they were seated. Elise was finishing her second glass by the time her cloth napkin hit her lap.

“I’m not going to mention anything about the white elephant that is sitting with us at the table tonight,” Darren said half-heartedly.

“Who invited him, anyway?” Elise swallowed more of her wine before setting the glass down on the perfectly white linen cloth.

“I certainly didn’t. I wish he would just take a hint and go away.”

Elise offered a look of sympathy, regretting how fast their ship had sunk into the abyss of dejection. Another poor soul just waiting for the gravestone marker. “I’m sorry, Darren.”

“I never wanted to screw things up with you, Elise. I wish I’d never suggested moving in together.” His lips said it, but she doubted it was true. He only regretted her reaction.

“I guess the only way to get the elephant to leave is to talk it away. Do you want to?” Oh, Lord, what did she just say? What was in this wine, anyway? Truth serum? Did he lace it before they arrived? The waiter seemed to have a code look with Darren as he was pouring it.
Stop talking, dumb girl.
Leave it alone. Elephants don’t take up that much space. Learn to live with the lovely two-ton creature.

“I
would
like to talk about it. Yes.” He jumped on her invitation like wings to a Victoria’s Secret model.

Oh, shit. She had done it now. She opened the door and welcomed the inquisitor inside to explore the deepest parts of her that
she
never even loitered around. She chugged the last two full sips of wine and withheld a tiny air bubble that made her giggle when it popped in her throat.

He would now get the first grader’s version, as the alcohol swirled inside her bloodstream. “Well, Darren,” she said with her eyes speaking more than her mouth. “Some people are scared of spiders; some are scared of tall buildings. But I’m scared of commitment. In fact, it scares the shit right out of me.”

Easy as can be. Admitted and stated the obvious. This counted as fourth base to Elise.

Before Darren could say anything to her self-professed flaw, the food arrived. Elise’s woozy eyes swerved around both plates, her stomach growling at the thought of eating something an actual chef had prepared. The grilled chicken was nestled on its bed of wine sauce and the snap peas did not beckon her as much as his fillet mignon draped in wild mushrooms and béarnaise sauce. She tried not to stare at his entree with wanting eyes. Darren seemed oblivious to everything except their interrupted conversation.

“Have you ever been in a relationship more serious than ours?” Did he even notice the perfectly seared steak, posing on his plate softly whispering her name?

She began cutting her chicken as the peas slipped out from under it. After finishing chewing a small bite, she nonchalantly answered without looking up from her plate.
Oh, my gosh!
What was in this sauce? Euphoria danced in her head as the perfect mixture of ingredients drowned her taste buds. The intoxication from her two glasses of wine was obviously taking the sting of reality from their dinner conversation. “Not really. Well, maybe once, a very long time ago.”

He leaned in closer, his tie in jeopardy of becoming another fatality in the stained basket at home. “Do you ever want to...I mean...ever?”

That did it. That broke the trance she had made with her entree, the one that tasted nothing like what sat on Darren’s plate, getting cold from his examination of her. She slowly looked up, fork and knife in mid-air.

“Darren, some people are meant to wander the world single.” She twisted her knife, using it as a pointer for her argument. “I’m not saying it’s a good way to find yourself at the age of sixty-two and no one to take care of you after foot surgery.” She was certainly referring to her very much alone mother. “I’m just saying that sometimes that’s where you find yourself. That’s all.”

“Sounds like a lonely zip code.” He leaned back, picked up his fork and knife and began cutting into the meal that no longer seemed to match his appetite.

Elise looked up from her dwindling mound of peas and chicken. “It can be, but it’s a curse, not a choice.” Her sobering eyes fell from his and she pushed the plate an inch away from her. This wasn’t just a girl fearing the fact of settling down. She was running from the ghosts in her past, the ones that haunted her in her nightmares, somewhere still lingering, where perhaps only a professional could help her see past.

They finished their meal with little more to say on the half-beaten horse of moving forward. Dessert was turned down, the check was paid and they walked to Elise’s car. No ounce of joy could be found in his face when she finally looked at him. He stood next to her car door and played with her fingers. “I’m going to miss you more than you know.”

Elise hated endings of any kind. “I’m going to miss you, too. But I am coming back, you know?” She lifted his chin with her finger and gave him a smile that felt sweet. False hope alert.

“Let me spend the night and drive you to the airport in the morning?” His eyes perked up with the notion that allowed him more time with her. A bubble too full of expectation for even her to pop.

She turned the toes of her shoes in and out, unable to step out of this web so easily. “All right, Darren.”

He kissed her profusely on the lips and cheeks. “I’ll follow you.” He waited to shut her door and ran to his car to keep up with her.

This was certainly not the plan she had devised for the evening. No hint of it. What the hell? Now he was spending the night? Again? Had he penetrated her force field? Withstood the rumble and aftershocks of the nine months’ earthquake? She took a cleansing breath and revised her outlook. He’d spend the night, drive her to the airport, and wait very neutrally until she returned. She would have to limit phone conversations during the week, too, of course. Once every other day should be enough. She would wean both him and herself of their dependency of one another. But was distance enough to stop this runaway train of commitment?

She grabbed her bags out of the car and met him on her front stoop. She opened the door and set her things inside. “I have to give my flowers some water, first.”

“Who’s going to water them when you’re away?” he asked.

“I’m just going to put the hanging baskets in the back where it’s shady and hope for some rain.”