A Reason To Breathe (9 page)

“It’s too dark for birds to be out flying isn’t it?”

“It’s a Mockingbird; they like to come out at night, and they’ll drive you nuts with their mocking calls.”

“Is he dead?”

“Yeah, Baby, a bird flies through a window it usually kills them.” Nodding as Jack went to my kitchen and got a plastic bag to put the bird in, I got a broom and dustpan to sweep up the mess. Jack came back after digging in my odds and ends closet, with duct tape and heavy cardboard he’d found in my craft box. Purple sparkled cardboard; leftover from a graduation party I’d made invitations for, two years earlier, now graced my window. As we cleaned up the mess, Jack got a call from the station and had to leave to take a call, so I walked him to my door. With everything that had happened with the bird, I hadn’t had time to think about what had happened in the kitchen, but that didn’t stop Jack from reminding me.

“You ok with my taking off after what happened?”

“Jack, I, oh man, this is embarrassing.” Jack put his hand to the side of my face and rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks, then dipped in close and with a gentle voice, eased my nerves.

“Jenn… look at me, Baby.” I looked up into his crystal blue eyes and saw them gentle and warm looking back at me. “You’re amazing, and fucking sexy as hell, do not be embarrassed, I’m only sorry I have to go.”

“You’ve got a job to do, Jack; I know that, I’m not mad you’re leaving.” Jack seemed surprised by my answer, and studied me for a moment like he was looking for the truth of my statement.

“Christ, you get me don’t you?”

“Get you?”

“Get that my badge means more than a paycheck.”

“Of course, isn’t that why you do what you do, ‘cause it means something to you and the people you protect?” His face got even warmer, and he whispered, “Jesus, you’re something.” So I smiled at his compliment. He watched my smile then he leaned in and kissed me softly, then pulled back and winked at me barking out, “Lock up, I want to hear it click before I leave.” I nodded my agreement and opened the door for him to leave. He walked out onto the porch, then turned back and smiled.

“Night, Sweetness.”

“Night, Jack.” Then he moved down the steps, turned back and waited for me to close the door and lock it. So I did as he said and locked my doors, then watched as he pulled out of my drive. Looking back around my cabin, I noticed the silence was deafening…A killer, men with guns, and a gorgeous Sheriff with a magic mouth…
Welcome to Colorado, Jennifer, you asked for it, you got it, now what are you going to do with it?

Chapter Ten

Better and Better

       I woke slowly, my alarm playing the soulful sounds of Lifehouse singing “From where you are,” the words speaking of missing and wasted years, wishing someone was here, and I felt a lump form in my throat. It’s times like these, first thing in the morning when I’m lying in bed and listening to the quiet, I get scared and lonely. And that song wasn’t helping. Damn
. Pity party, Jennifer, really? Bailey is beginning her life and doesn’t have time for her mother, that’s normal. And you’ve met a few people here and made friends, even if you did keep to yourself the first few months.
Boy did that change this past week, though.

Invitations to lunch from two men, Mandy inviting me to hang out again, and then Ben and Gerry offering to help with my investigation.

And then there was Jack.

How in the hell did I go from not knowing the man one day to what had happened last night? And since we’re speaking of the Sheriff, I wondered what he was thinking this morning? He seemed interested, acted like I was different, but could I trust that? Or was I just another woman to try on for size? Will I be added to his growing list of women who didn’t make the cut? “Naomi is beautiful and sexy, and she only lasted eight months.” Was Barry, right? Was Jack’s problem with women that he just couldn’t commit? It made perfect sense if he’s not been married by now, so the question is, do I want to take that chance with him? Get in deeper than I already was, and risk my heart? Staring at the ceiling and weighing the pros and cons of a relationship with Jack, I realized I was taking all the risk, not him, and I just couldn’t do it.  Nope, there are just too many questions and not enough answers to chance my heart, and that sucked, ‘cause bossy or not, he intrigued me like no other has.

I sat up and moved to my bag and pulled out my calendar. I needed to look over my schedule and see what was on the table for the day. Put my focus back on my responsibilities for the paper and work the killings on my own time, and, keep out of Jack’s way, simple. Yesterday and all the craziness needed to be filed under, “exciting, but scary,” and I need to move onto boring, predictable and
bake sales
, 
even if I gained twenty pounds. This felt good. I felt focused. I’ll keep my eyes on the prize, keep out of Jack’s way, and all will be as it was. Boring, but safe.

*
                            *                            *

       My phone was ringing as I was driving into Gunnison; I looked at the caller I.D and saw it was Bossy. Do I answer? No, I’ll ignore him, and he’ll get the message. Then it occurred to me Jack was bossy, stubborn and tenacious, and he probably wouldn’t stop calling if I ignored him. Deciding to take the bull by the horn and get this over with, and steeling myself against the sound of his voice, I answered, “Hello.”

“Babe, just checking to make sure you didn’t have any more bird attacks.” 
Ha, funny man!

 
“Nope, I didn’t become a heroine in an Alfred Hitchcock movie,” I answered, but wanted to kick myself for being flirty.
Focus Jennifer.

 
“Good to hear, Baby,” Jack replied and hearing him call me baby, weakened my resolve. Thinking indifference might work with Jack; I took a breath and went for the big brush off.

“Well thanks for calling and checking, Jack, I gotta run, bake sales to cover and cookies to buy.” That sounded friendly but got the message across, right? I waited for his reply but got dead air.

“Jack?”

“There a reason you just went from sweet to indifferent in a blink of an eye?”

“Sorry?”

“Jenn, is there a reason you’re dismissing me like a stranger?”

“Um, I, wow, you’re not making this easy are you?”

“Seems where you’re concerned nothing is easy, so no, I’m not making this easy when everything about you makes me hard.” I sucked in sharply at that blatant sexual reference, and swear I felt my nipples get hard.

“Jack, I—”

“Do not pull back, Jenn, I told you last night you have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“You can’t just let this go and chalk it up to extenuating circumstances?”

“Fuck no.” He growled, and that felt good too.
Damn.  

“Ok, Jack, here it is, I like you, you're hot, funny, really smart, but you’ve never been tied down, and why would you when you can have any woman in town, right? I mean; I get that, you look like you do and wear a badge, why limit yourself to one woman? So I get it, really; I do, but I’m not the type to be someone’s flavor of the month. So if it’s all the same to you, can we just be friends?” I held my breath waiting for his explosion, but it didn’t come.

“Christ, I pegged you completely wrong when we first met.” 
Um,
 
what?

“Thought you were a typical nosey in your face reporter, then you showed

me a different side and I liked what I saw. But Babe, gotta tell ya, this innocent side, the one where you have no clue to the fact that
you
could have any man in this town and still you’d be settling, total fucking turn-on; and you think I’m gonna settle for friends? Fuck no.”

I had nothing to say to that; I mean what
do
you say to that? This man was good, real good, how can you walk away from that? Shit. I’m so screwed!

“Jack—”

“And now on top of sweet, I get innocent too? No way, Jenn, no fucking way.”

“Ok, Jack.” I couldn’t argue with this man, damn him, he just reeled me in, I should have never answered the phone.

“Damn right.”

“I said ok, you don’t have to be bossy.”

“Oh, I’m gonna be bossy, in fact, I’m gonna be bossy right fucking now. I don’t share, so lunch with the Mayor better be one-time only, understand?”

“How did you know about that?”

“Mayor Hall enlightened me last night, now, did you get what I said?”

“Yeah, I get you Jack, but I don’t respond well to being bossed around, do you
get
me?”

“Deal with it,” he barked out.
Seriously?

“Whatever,” I snipped and he chuckled.
 I am so screwed.

“All right Sweetness, now that we have that out of the way, I have work to do. You stay safe and don’t go looking for any more dead bodies.” I rolled my eyes at him.
       ‘

“Yes, sir, Sheriff, sir.”

“Smartass.”

“Bossy.”

“Later, Baby.”

“Later, Jack.”

*                            *                            *

Jack

       Shaking my head at Jenn as I hung up, ‘cause honest to god the woman could drive me to drink, I gave her a moments more thought, grinning at how damn cute she was, and then moved to concentrate on this killer.

We knew he targeted women with brown hair and brown eyes. Based on the history of serial killers we could assume he’d had a bad childhood and a mother with those characteristics, or, scorned by a woman who looked similar. Phone records showed no connection between all three women. They’ve never lived in the same place; their families didn’t know each other, so by all appearances the only thing they had in common was their looks and their age. Toxicology showed no drugs or alcohol; last meals were different, so they hadn’t all gone to the same restaurant and been singled out there.

Basically, we had shit to go on except all three had nylon fiber under their nails, indicating the rope used to strangle them was nylon. I’d sent Grady to Jenkins to get a sample of all nylon ropes, hoping there might be a match we could cross-reference to sales, and to this killer. I had a call into the FBI to see if they had a profile ready for me, and other than hundreds of calls from concerned citizens reporting their neighbors as the killer, all we could do was wait and pray this asshole slipped up.

*                            *                            *

       After hours of combing through reports, I needed a fresh coffee and aspirin the size of Texas. What evidence we had hit a dead end. Nothing linked these women except their physical appearance.

Rubbing my hands over my face, thinking I needed a damn vacation for the hundredth time that day, I pushed up from my desk and headed down the hall to get more coffee. Grady was coming through the front doors when I rounded the corner, so I stopped and waited for him to approach.

“Jack, got those samples from Jenkins and took them over to Drew to compare with the fibers under the victims nails. Daryl Jenkins has software that keeps track by phone number what people buy, he copied a list of everyone who bought any of the nylon rope in his store, in the past year.”

“Good job, Grady, put the list on my desk and then call Drew and tell him I need the analysis of the ropes compared to the fibers, a-sap.”

“Will do Jack.”

Turning to fill my cup in the kitchen, I looked up and saw Naomi walk into the station. Jesus, I did not need another confrontation with this woman. No matter how hard I tried, she can’t seem to accept that we are done. It had been over for months on my end, but I kept going back thinking maybe I was wrong. I wasn’t, and this side I’m seeing, only confirms it. Deciding to head this off, not wanting to drag out another conversation with this woman, I crossed my arms and waited for her, but I let the expression on my face speak for me.

“Jack, can I talk to you?”

“Naomi, got work to do,”

“You had time to kiss another woman on the sidewalk yesterday; you can’t make time for the woman you were fucking for eight months,” she hissed.  I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the kitchen and away from listening ears.

“You’ve got three minutes, then I’m going back to work.” She gave me sad eyes and then the tears came. Taking a deep breath and wishing the fuck I’d stayed in my office, but not wanting to be a jerk, I pulled out my handkerchief and handed it to her.

“Jack, why? I don’t understand? Please, can’t you give us another chance?”
 Closing my eyes to the pain in her voice, I didn’t know what else I could say to this woman without hurting her more.

“Babe, it’s just not going to work. You’re right for someone; it’s just not me.”

“And I suppose that Stewart woman is?”

“Jesus, Naomi, let’s not get into this shit. You need to move on; I’m sorry you’re hurting, but it’s over, accept it.”

“Accept that for eight months we were building something and then you just kicked me to the curb?”

“Dammit, woman, I tried to make it work, but you wanted me to be someone I’m not. You wanted something I couldn’t give you, and you didn’t listen when I explained I wouldn’t change, so I was done.” She nodded her head, agreeing with me, and I knew what was coming.

“You’re right, Jack, I did, I tried to change you, but I’ve learned my lesson honey, I have, I promise. I just wanted you around more; dinner at night, a movie or even a weekend trip, was that too much to ask?  But I’d rather have a little of your time than none at all. I’ll be less demanding of your time; I promise Jack; I will, I get it now, you’ll see.”

“Naomi,
you
shouldn’t have to change for me any more than
I
should have to change for you. I’m not the man you need, Babe, and you 
need
to get that.” Her face drew up in a scowl and turned bright red as her anger kicked in, then that anger turned to desperation, and she started sobbing and breaking her words.

“P.. Please, Ja… Jack, I love you.”

“I know you do, and I’m sorrier than you know that I’ve hurt you, but Babe, get me, please, for your own sake and mine, it’s over.”

Naomi stared for a moment through tear soaked eyes and then out of nowhere slapped my face. I didn’t move, and I didn’t stop her; I stood there as she pounded on my chest with both fists, then buried her head in my chest and sobbed. Her behavior had been escalating to this, now that she’d had this breakdown, hopefully she’d accept it and move on.

I put my arms around her and held her loosely, feeling like shit, but praying to God she finally got it. Then in timing that could only be described as fucked up, I heard a gasp and looked to the door finding Jenn standing there. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea, so I raised my hand and gave her a finger indicating I needed a minute. She looked at me, then at the crying woman, and then sadness and empathy crossed her face. I was trying to indicate with my eyes she should head to my office when Naomi chose that moment to look up at me, saw my eyes over her shoulder, and turned and saw Jenn standing there. Naomi wasted no time; before I could react, she turned and shrieked.