A Real Cowboy Rides a Motorcycle (24 page)

Zane went to his knees, hauling the boys against him, shaking as hard as the kids were. They were okay.
They were okay.

Luke flung his arms around Zane's neck, clinging so tightly that Zane couldn't breathe, not that he cared. He pulled the kids tighter against him, holding on as tight as he'd ever held onto anything in his life.

It felt like forever before Luke finally loosened his grip on Zane, who immediately softened his own hold on them, giving them space. Toby kept leaning against Zane's side, staring up at him with big, brown eyes. Zane grinned down at him. "Hey, Toby. You've been on an adventure, huh?"

Toby nodded once, still staring at Zane. "Luke says you'll take care of us. He says we can live with you."

"He did?" A cold fist jammed itself into Zane's stomach, and he looked at Luke, who was staring warily at Zane. "What's going on, Luke?"

Luke still looked scared. "You're not mad? You're not going to yell at us?"

Zane wrapped his arm around Toby and hoisted him up so the kid was on his hip. He didn't answer Luke's question. Instead he asked one of his own. "How bad is it?" He knew Luke would know what he was asking.

The teenager met his gaze. "Bad. It's real bad, Zane."

Zane took a deep breath and nodded. He knew what 'real bad' was to a kid like Luke, who had learned to cope with a lot of bad shit in life. For Luke to say it was real bad...he knew what that meant. "Okay."

"You going to send us back?" Luke looked scared, like a little boy who was terrified of what lay before him, not like a fourteen-year-old who should be thinking he ruled the world.

Suddenly, as Zane stared into Luke's face, he felt his own heart break. Little pieces that he'd kept glued together for so long began to shatter. He couldn't stop the tears, and he didn't bother to try. He just held out his arm to Luke.

For a long moment, Luke didn't move, then the fear left his face and he walked into Zane's embrace. This time, the hug was different. It wasn't relief that the two kids weren't dead. It was a promise, the kind of promise no one had ever made to him when he was a kid, the kind of promise that he'd never thought he'd make...until now.

Taylor knocked lightly on the front door of the bunkhouse and poked her head in. Zane was just closing the door to the back room, where he and Taylor had managed to right two cots and make them up with fresh linens when they'd finally gotten back to the ranch. "Are they asleep?"

Zane shook his head. "Toby's waiting for you."

Taylor's heart softened, and she hurried past Zane into the back room. The lights were still blazing, and the boys had crawled into the same tiny bed, with Luke's arm around his little brother. The bed they'd set up for Toby sat empty, abandoned in favor of the security of each other in a world where they'd learned to be afraid.

"Hey," she whispered, walking over to the bed.

Toby rolled over to face her, and he smiled, that adorable smile that she hadn't seen until an hour into their stop at a roadside tavern for dinner and ice cream on the way home. Zane had placed a few calls that had given them permission to take the boys back to the ranch for the night, leveraging his superstar reputation and his hundreds of hours of volunteer work at the Garage to get what he wanted. "How's it going?" she asked.

Toby nodded. "It's good." He held out his hand, and she took it, wrapping it up tightly in hers. Her heart seemed to melt for him, and she had to blink back tears. So much love and innocence still alive in him. He still had a chance.

She looked at Luke, who was watching her silently. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged, warily. "Okay."

"Is there anything I can get you?"

He shook his head.

Toby's fingers relaxed in hers, and she saw that he'd already fallen asleep. Quietly, she tucked his hand against his chest, and brushed her fingers over his tousled hair. When she looked back at Luke, she saw he was still watching her.

"You're nice," he said quietly. "You're not like the others."

She didn't know exactly what others he was referring to, but she could guess. "Yes," she said. "I'm not like the others. I'm like Zane."

His shoulders relaxed, and he took a deep breath. "Okay."

She smiled. "Okay, then." She lightly kissed Toby's forehead, and then looked at Luke, who hadn't taken his gaze off her. "Can I give you one?"

He shrugged again, but not before she saw a flash of yearning in his eyes. She quickly pressed a quick kiss to his head as well, then pulled the covers up around them. "Good night. See you in the morning."

Luke said nothing as he closed his eyes, pulling Toby more tightly against him.

She leaned over the boys, putting her hand on Luke's shoulder. She bent over, lowering her voice for his ears only. "You're safe here," she whispered. "It's okay now."

Luke didn't answer, but she saw the corner of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. She was smiling to herself as she ducked out of the room and pulled the door shut behind her, leaving the lights on for them. She had a feeling it would be a long time until they would be ready to sleep in the dark.

Zane was leaning against the kitchen counter, his arms folded over his chest. His cowboy hat was on the hook by the door, but his boots were still on. He looked exhausted, but there was a fire in his eyes that she hadn't seen before. "I need to talk to you." His voice was tense and clipped.

"Okay." The bed was still the only place to sit, so she walked over and sat on it. She tried not to think of all the times she'd been wrapped up in Zane's arms in that bed, and of all the nights since, when she'd lay there in silence, listening and hoping for his footsteps outside, footsteps that had never come. "What's up?"

Zane didn't join her. Instead, he gripped the counter, his muscles tense. "So, I made some more calls while you were at the main house updating Mira and Chase."

"You did? What kind of calls?" She'd made some calls, too.

"I'm making them mine."

Her heart leapt at his words, but she didn't move. "What do you mean?" she asked carefully, not wanting to jump to conclusions.

"Foster to adopt. They have no one else. I have to do it." His voice broke and he walked across the room, going down to his knees in front of her. He gripped her hips, staring up at her. "They don't have a single living relative," he said. "Do you realize that? I thought their mom was in prison, but apparently she died of a drug overdose not long ago. They're totally and completely alone. No parents, and not a single relative will claim them. Now that Brad's dead, they have
no one.
"

Her heart ached at the pain in his voice, and she nodded. "I figured they had no one else once I heard that they were coming here for you." She touched his jaw, thick with the whiskers of a man who never bothered with society's conscripts to make himself presentable, unless he felt like it. "You're adopting them? Really?"

He nodded. "They've got nothing, Taylor. I'm better than nothing."

She smiled. "You're a lot better than nothing, Zane."

"I'm not." He leaned his head against her stomach, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. "I don't know what the hell to do with them. I don't know what kids need. I don't have a place for them to live. I—"

"Stop it. You're everything they need. It's not going to be easy. Kids can be challenging, but love is all that they really need. You might not want to admit it, but you love them, and that will be enough. You'll figure the rest out." Her heart ached for his pain, for his inability to see how amazing he was. "You do realize that I would never have fallen in love with you if you weren't the most extraordinary human being I've ever met, right?"

He looked up at her, searching her face. "You believe in me," he whispered.

"Of course I do."

"You're the only reason I told them I'd take them. Because you make me see things in myself I can't see alone."

She smiled. "I'm glad—"

"Adoption is forever," he said. "It's a forever promise. I can't ever take it back."

She cocked her head, studying him. "You don't sound scared," she said.

He shook his head. "I should be, but I'm not. It feels right. Like it's what I'm supposed to do, you know?"

She nodded, her heart swelling for him. "You'll be a great dad, Zane. I know you will, because—"

"Taylor?" He cut her off.

"What?"

He took her hand, sandwiching it between his palms. "I know you want babies. I know that's your dream. I don't want babies. I really don't. But...I've got these boys now. They're not little. They've got scars we'll never be able to see. They're not easy. I don't even know basic stuff about them, like if they eat bacon at breakfast. But, it's a family, kind of, you know? I mean...maybe..."

Her heart started to pound, a frenzied rhythm of hope that she hadn't felt in so long. "What are you trying to say?"

"Would it be enough for you? The boys? Me? I'm thinking I'll set up shop on the ranch. I think the animals would be good for Luke. My brothers would accept them, and the boys would always have a place, so that even if something happened to me, they'd be a part of the place. They'd always have a home, right? So, here is good for them. So, you know, I don't know, what do you think? I mean, you have a great job, and stuff, but—"

Tears filled her eyes. "I quit my job tonight."

He stared at her in disbelief. "What?"

"I called and quit. When I saw the way Luke screamed your name and started running for you, I realized I couldn't do one more day in hotels and airplanes. I believe in children, and I want to help them. But not just being a teacher. I want to help kids like Luke and Toby. I can make a difference. I know I can. I've been caught in this societal tractor beam of biological children, and I realized that it's all just stupidity that has been dragging me away from who I am."

He grinned, a slowly widening grin. "So, you're not afraid of kids like Luke and Toby? They're from the wrong side of the tracks, you know."

She whacked him lightly on the side of the head. "Let go of that wrong side of the tracks thing, Zane. That chip needs to get off your shoulder."

"I'll never get it off my shoulder," he said, his smile fading. "I can try, but it'll never go away. I'm just me."

She sighed. "I know who you are. That's who I love. I didn't mean you have to change for me. I just meant that I want you to realize how amazing you are."

He said nothing, studying her intensely. "Tell me it's okay to ask," he finally said, his voice hoarse. "Tell me it's not selfish. Tell me that I won't ruin your life if I ask."

She went still, her breath suddenly frozen in her chest. "Ask," she whispered. "Ask me."

Silence again, then he cleared his throat. "I know that I'm not what you might have dreamed of. I know I'm not going to bring you babies, but I have a couple kids, you know? And they're going to need help. More than I can give them. And—"

She put her finger over his lips. "Just ask."

"I love you, Taylor. More than you could ever understand." He grasped her wrist, and then kissed the palm of her hand, never taking his gaze off hers. "I want so desperately, with every fiber of my soul, to wake up with you every morning for the rest of my life. I want to hold you all night, every night. I want to learn how to be a parent with you. I want to watch the boys at their first rodeo together. I want to make love to you every night, a dozen times a night, and I want to hold your hand every day until we die."

Tears filled her eyes. "Zane—"

"I need you in my life, Taylor. I can't do it without you. And by 'it', I mean survive, thrive, breathe, or even smile. I need a forever promise from you. I'll give you mine." He took her hands and sandwiched them between his. "I promise I will love, cherish, and protect you forever, if you will please, please, please, agree to marry me." He cut himself off, vulnerability etched on his handsome face as he searched hers. "Be my wife, Taylor. My forever. Our forever. Me and the boys. All of us."

A tear trickled down her cheeks, and she smiled through her tears. "I would have married you without the boys," she said. "I would have kept the boys without you, if I could have. Together? It's everything I could ever dream of. Of course, of course,
of course
, I will marry you, and the boys."

A huge grin spread over his face, and he let out a whoop worthy of the most die-hard cowboy. Then he dragged her into his arms, and he kissed her, the kind of forever kiss that she'd long ago given up hope of ever having.

Until she'd met Zane.

"Luke?" Zane finally found him in the last aisle in the barn, leaning over the door, watching the horse inside. "I've been looking for you."

Luke looked at him with sudden fear. "Am I in trouble? Did I forget to do something? I thought I fed everyone. Did I miss a horse?"

"Nah. You're doing great." Zane's heart sank at Luke's instinctive reaction. The boy had been on the ranch for almost two months now, and he was still skittish. Toby had fallen in love with riding almost instantly, but Luke had been unwilling to have anything to do with the horses, aside from doing chores around the barn. He worked hard, too hard, as if he were afraid he'd lose his new home if he wasn't valuable. Zane didn't know how to help him, and it was killing him.

"I wanted to check in with you and make sure you were doing okay." He walked over and leaned on the door beside Luke, studying the animal within.

The bay mare was in bad shape. She was all bones and had a long scar across her hip. Erin had found her on one of her outings, abandoned in a back field. She'd bought the animal on sight and brought her home. The mare had arrived yesterday, but she hadn't eaten a bite yet. She was too skinny to go much longer without getting some nourishment, but she'd refused even the hot bran mash.

"She's not eating," Luke said.

"Nope, she's not," Zane agreed, surprised that Luke had noticed.