A Promise to Believe in (33 page)

“Slim’s right,” the other man threw in. “There’s no sense in paying the price for something you didn’t do.”

Ben’s gaze never left Lacy. “But isn’t this more about the need of the Gallatin women? They’ve been left without a man to do the hard work around the place.”

“No!” Lacy declared. “I mean, yes, we’re without a man, but no, it isn’t about our need. It’s about justice for my father.”

“Justice?” Ben asked.

Lacy nodded. “It’s about the right person paying for what they did.”

“But I’m willing to stand in his place.”

The concept only served to confuse Lacy all the more. She didn’t want to admit that, seen in this light, her quest seemed almost silly. What did she really want from all of this?

“It’s unacceptable to have an innocent man take the blame for someone else’s evil,” Lacy said, squaring her shoulders.

Ben smiled. “Good thing Jesus didn’t feel the same way as you.”

“Jesus? That’s entirely different.”

“Not if we’re supposed to live like Him,” Ben countered.

Now Lacy was really disturbed. His words made too much sense, and they caused her to rethink everything she’d been so sure of since losing her father. “It’s not the same,” she muttered and pulled on the reins gently. The mare backed up several paces, and Lacy turned her to exit the enclosure the men had created. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be late.”

She kicked the mare into a hard gallop and raced down the road, not even looking back to see what the men were doing. Her mind whirled with a hundred thoughts, and none of them made any sense. She felt as though Ben Mills had stolen her purpose.

Heading toward the Shepard ranch, Lacy tried to think through the situation, but there was no comfort in any conclusion she made. If Ben was right, then she needed to put aside her hunt and accept that he was willing to help her family.

“Like we really need help,” she muttered and slowed the mare.

The girls had been doing most of the work around Gallatin House. Their father was useful in his own way, but he never seemed quite organized enough to see anything through to completion. He might start chopping wood, but as soon as he saw Simon or Nick, he was off to talk and discuss any news they might have about the area. Lacy was usually the one who would pick up where her father left off. Her sisters had teased that she was the son her father had always wanted, but Lacy knew the truth of it.

The only son in the Gallatin family had died trying to be born, and it was Lacy’s fault that he hadn’t made it. If she could have found their father in time, he would have been able to come and help their mother with the delivery.

Lacy hated trying to remember the past. So much had gone wrong after the death of her mother. Their lives had been forever changed with her passing, and the good times were few and far between. The pain and sadness that followed had been so great that Lacy had worked with all of her might to forget it all. The only trouble was, Lacy found forgetting the bad also required forgetting a great deal of the good. Her mother was one of those good things. Lacy couldn’t remember her face or her voice. They didn’t even have a picture of her, but their father had often said that Lacy resembled her greatly. It was funny how Lacy could stare in the mirror for hours and never see it.

That was maybe the worst of it. Letting go of the sorrow had also robbed Lacy of the joy and tenderness she’d known. She had asked Gwen over and over to tell her stories about their mother, but it never really helped her to remember.

Thinking of Gwen, Lacy felt a terrible weight of guilt. She had been cruel to Gwen, and even now, two weeks later, she had done nothing to make things right between them. It wore at Lacy like a rock in her boot.

The Shepard ranch house came into view, and Lacy urged her mare to pick up the pace once again. Patience Shepard was the one woman Lacy thought might very well help her to understand what needed to be done to make things right—especially with Gwen.

Gwen had never been so glad to see a stage leave as she was that morning. With Beth back on her feet but still taking it easy, and Lacy mysteriously gone for the day, Gwen had found herself overwhelmed with the work required. Even though it was nearly noon, she felt she’d hardly made a dent in the list of things to do.

Of course, she might have been more efficient at her tasks had her mind not been wrapped up in thoughts of Hank and his declaration of love. He had left her alone—in fact, he had very nearly avoided her, choosing instead to spend far more time away from Gallatin House than in it.

At first Gwen had been relieved, but as the days stretched into weeks, she found herself watching for him—waiting for him to reappear. She kept meals warming on the stove for him and continued to clean his room, even when he was gone for several days. So it only seemed reasonable that she be startled half speechless when he surprised her by walking into the kitchen as if he owned the place.

“Afternoon,” he said casually. He smiled and made his way to the stove. “Mind if I have a cup of coffee?”

“No,” she managed. She stood frozen to the spot, not even attempting to help him.

Hank pulled a cup from where they hung and poured himself some coffee. “I suppose you’re wondering what I’ve been up to these last few days.”

Gwen started to deny this but finally nodded. She leaned back against the sink and tried not to remember how his lips felt when he kissed her.

“I’ve been making arrangements. Bruce has managed to get the details settled on the construction of the building, but there have been many other things to see to.”

“You seem . . . well . . . to have it under control,” Gwen managed to say.

“I do. I feel confident of the way things are coming together.” He drank the coffee down in one long gulp, then smiled. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

She turned to pick up a wet platter and dish towel. “When will you go back to see your mother? You’ll have to tell her about Harvey.”

“I know. I figure I’ll need to head out in a few days.”

“How will you tell her?” Gwen asked softly. “How will you explain not finding the certificates?”

He said nothing, and this caused her to turn. Hank seemed to be considering the matter. “I suppose I’ll tell her that Harvey either lost them or hid them away. Then I’ll tell her about you.”

“Me? Why me?”

He grinned. “She ought to know about you—don’t you think?”

Gwen shrugged. “I suppose. I am, after all, the hussy who married your brother.”

Hank laughed, then sobered almost as quickly. “You are the beautiful woman who won my brother’s heart. Just as you’ve won mine. I have a feeling you’ll be an important part of my family for a very long time. Therefore, my mother needs to know all about you.”

Gwen felt her face grow hot. She gave a nervous laugh and tried to make light of his statement. “Is that a proposal?”

Hank put the cup aside and crossed his arms. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“Would you like it to be?”

For a moment, Gwen wasn’t at all sure she could draw a breath. She had thought of this moment for a long time. In her daydreams, she had imagined telling Hank that she loved him and wanted to be his wife. She had thought of what her sisters might say—what their friends might say.

“Well?” Hank asked, tilting his head slightly to one side.

The cat made an appearance at that moment and looked up at Gwen as if also awaiting her answer. He gave a single
meow
, then looked at Hank.

“I believe Cal would also like to know what your reply might be.”

Gwen smiled in spite of herself. “Calvin already knows my answer. I’ve spent enough nights discussing the matter with him.”

“And just what did he have to say about it?”

Gwen met Hank’s eyes and felt the wall around her heart crumble into dust. “He said I’d be a fool not to return your love.”

“I don’t want it returned. I want it shared,” Hank said softly. “For the rest of our lives.”

Gwen nodded. “I’d like that, too.”

Lacy sat at the Shepards’ kitchen table and tried to explain her dilemma. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I can’t think clearly.”

“You’ve suffered a great loss. It only stands to reason that you would struggle to come to terms with it all.”

“But everyone else seems to be adjusting just fine. Why should I be the only one who continues to be haunted by Pa’s death? I keep having nightmares. I see him dead on the street—I hear him plead with me to find his killer.”

“And what good would it do to find him?”

Lacy looked at Patience and shrugged. “I don’t know. I used to think it would ease my hurt, but now I’m not so sure.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, like everyone keeps saying, it won’t bring him back. I guess it’s just that if I don’t find the man responsible, I will have failed my father again.”

“Again?”

Lacy nodded. “Like when my mother died.”

Patience came to sit beside Lacy. She reached out and took hold of the younger girl’s hand. “You didn’t fail him then. There was nothing you could have done, even if you’d found him before she passed on. You have to accept that and let the past go.”

“I can’t. I just know that if I could have found Pa, he would have known what to do. I don’t care that the doctor said otherwise. I just know things would have been better. He never said so, but I know he blamed me for failing him. I could see it in his eyes.”

“If he blamed you, Lacy, then he was wrong. You weren’t responsible for your mother’s death or for his absence at her side. You were a little girl—five years old. You did what you could.”

“But it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough—just like now.” She put her hands to her head. “I’ve said awful things to Gwen, and I just know she’ll never forgive me.”

“It hardly seems reasonable to judge without at least first attempting to receive forgiveness.”

Lacy looked up with tears blurring her vision. “I said that she cared only about herself. Nothing could be further from the truth.”

“So tell her that.” Patience put her arms around Lacy and hugged her close. “Be reconciled with your sister, Lacy. She loves you, and she grieves for you. And, I know without a doubt that she will also forgive you.”

Lacy waited until everyone was in bed that night before lightly tapping on Gwen’s bedroom door. She hadn’t bothered to put on a robe or slippers, and the chill of the floor was making her uncomfortable. Maybe she should just go back and wait until morning. She had just turned to go when the light from Gwen’s room spilled into the hall.

Gwen seemed surprised to see Lacy there, but she opened the door wide to usher her inside. “I thought you’d gone to sleep.”

“No,” Lacy admitted. “I was waiting until you came upstairs so I could talk to you.”

Gwen sat down on the edge of the bed and patted a spot beside her on the mattress. Lacy shook her head. “No, I’ll just stand here. I came to apologize. I know I said some mean things, Gwen. Things that weren’t true. I spoke out of anger and pain.”

“I know that, Lacy.”

“But I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I never wanted . . . never meant . . .” Lacy’s voice cracked. “Please forgive me.”

“I already have,” Gwen replied, holding out her arms.