Allison got out of the car and pressed the key fob to lock the door. She leaned into a bitter November wind as she hurried across the lanes outside the lower level of the airport. Once inside, she rode the escalator up to the waiting area. Her watch told her she had a little while before the plane was due to land, so rather than stand staring at the automatic glass doors leading out from the concourses, she sat in one of the chairs off to one side.
A short while later passengers spilled through the doorway.
Businessmen in suits carrying briefcases. A tired-looking mother with two small children dragging their own rolling suitcases. Several soldiers, male and female, in desert-brown fatigues, duffel bags in hand. The enthusiastic welcome for the military passengers brought a mist to Allison’s eyes. She was a sucker for such scenes—in airports, on the evening news, wherever.
Blinking the tears away, she glanced at the arrival board. Meredith’s plane had landed. She stood, feeling the excitement rising again. Then she saw Tony walking toward her and her stomach dropped. Allison hadn’t seen her ex since she visited him in the hospital in September. He’d looked gray and tired then. His appearance today was improved. He looked . . . healthy.
“Good. I’m not too late to welcome her,” he said as he stopped at her side.
“Her plane’s landed.” Allison glanced through the glass doors and back again. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“I’ve missed her too, Allie.”
“I know, but . . .”
But I wanted her all to myself
.
“I was hoping we could go out to lunch, the three of us, before you go home.”
“I don’t know. Meredith’s bound to be tired. It’s a long flight from San Antonio. She left before six this morning.” Allison felt as selfish as she sounded.
Tony smiled, not seeming to notice her moodiness. “She’s young. She can take it.”
Respond in love
, her heart told her. But how could she? She didn’t love him anymore. Only she knew it was Christian love she was to put into practice, not the romantic kind.
“Look!” Tony’s grin widened. “There she is.”
Allison turned toward the glass doors in time to see them open before Meredith. Oh my. She looked wonderful! Allison headed toward her daughter at the same time Meredith saw her.
Both of them grinned and laughed and were almost in tears as they embraced. Holding her daughter was the best thing Allison had felt in ages.
When they drew apart, Meredith moved immediately to repeat the embrace with her father. Allison knew then that Tony had been fully forgiven by their daughter. For the ways he’d failed Meredith. For his drinking. For walking out on Allison. For the divorce. For everything.
Even as Allison remembered that forgiveness was what she’d taught her daughter to do, she felt a twinge of resentment.
Meredith stepped back from Tony and looked toward Allison again. “I didn’t expect to see you both here.”
“I surprised your mother,” Tony responded. “I wanted all of us to eat together before you head for the hills.”
“I’d love that, Dad. I’m famished. I ate a little at four o’clock this morning, and all I’ve had to eat since then were some peanuts. There wasn’t time for a sandwich when I changed planes.”
The decision had been made. Allison tried to put her best face on. “Where to?” she asked Tony.
He named a popular Mexican restaurant—always Meredith’s favorite kind of food. “We’ll have missed the lunch rush. Shouldn’t be crowded by the time we get there.”
“Sounds good,” Meredith said.
He held out his hand to take her roll-aboard. “Let’s go get your checked luggage.”
Allison followed in the rear, feeling like the proverbial third wheel.
Emma
1927
Emma was with Liza and John in the hospital when their six-month-old son passed away. Even though J.J. had been such a fussy baby from birth, Emma had never thought her infant nephew would die. How could he when so many people were faithfully praying for him? How could he when he was adored by aunt and parents and grandparents and friends of the family?
As the life left their baby son’s body, John gathered Liza into his arms, and the two of them wept softly. A lump formed in Emma’s throat. Tribulation caused some couples to pull apart, but Liza and John were drawing closer. It was as clear as if there were a visible cord holding them together. Lucky pair, to have each other so completely.
Emma remembered the day Liza had told her she was pregnant. She remembered thinking how everything good happened to her younger, prettier sister. She’d had to fight envy that day. And every month since her own wedding, every time Emma had discovered she
wasn’t
pregnant, she’d found herself fighting envy of her sister again.
But she hadn’t wished this loss on Liza. Not this.
John’s parents arrived then. There was more hugging and crying. Next Emma and Liza’s parents came, and the sorrow that filled the small hospital room became more than Emma could bear. After promising her sister she would come to her house the
following day, she slipped out of the hospital room and headed for home.
Dusk had settled over Boise by that time, and everything around Emma—sky, buildings, sidewalks—seemed dim and gray. Fitting, under the circumstances.
When she turned the corner onto her street, she saw Alexander’s 1913 Model T parked in front of the house. A flutter erupted in her chest and she quickened her steps. Her husband was always hungry when he got home from the mill, and he didn’t like to wait to eat. But surely he would understand why she didn’t have his supper ready tonight.
Tears returned. Unhappiness welled up inside of her. It shamed her to feel that way. She had no right to be unhappy. There were many greater sorrows to be borne, like the sorrow John and Liza were carrying today. Emma, on the other hand, was married to the man she loved. God had given her the desire of her heart.
If only Alexander loved me
.
But she’d known that was how it was—on the day he proposed, on their wedding day, during their honeymoon, even in their marriage bed. He didn’t love her, and she was afraid he never would.
Allison
Meredith thumbed through one of the scrapbooks, filled with old photographs that Allison had put together. “Mom, I never knew you were an artist. On the computer, yes. But not like this. When did you learn to scrapbook this way?”
“I took a class at the craft store a few summers ago.”
“Too bad most people just take digital shots.” Her daughter glanced up and shrugged. “Me included. I’ve got close to a thousand photos on my iPhone and will probably never do anything with them except stream them to my computer or add some of them to Facebook.”
“I have a lot on my phone too.”
Meredith closed the scrapbook. “Dad looks good. Didn’t you think so? He must be feeling better.”
Feeling better
. Their mother-daughter code for
not drinking
.
“Maybe this time it’ll stick,” Meredith added.
“I hope so, honey.” And Allison meant it. She really did. A woman didn’t love a man for a quarter of a century and give birth to his child without caring in some small way about him, even after the marriage ended.
“It’s going to feel a bit strange to stay in my old room without you being in the house too.”
“Nothing I can do about that.”
Meredith nodded, showing her acceptance. “You’d better show me where I’m staying so I can get organized.”
Allison led the way up the stairs. She’d managed to change one of the bedrooms into something other than a glorified junk closet. She’d filled it with homey, feminine touches, from the pictures she’d hung on the walls to the dressing table with a matching stool to the decorative lamp and shade on the nightstand. A new bedspread covered the double-sized mattress. It was pale green, Meredith’s favorite color.
“Mom, it’s so pretty. Did you do this for me?”
“Of course.”
Meredith turned and gave Allison a tight embrace. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she whispered, choked by sudden emotion.
Her daughter drew back, her expression serious. “I wish I could have been with you this last year. I know it was harder on you than you admitted.”
Allison nodded. “Sometimes it was.” She smiled, driving away darker thoughts.
“We’ll have a great time while I’m here, Mom. I’m looking forward to meeting all your new friends in Kings Meadow.”
“That’s good because I’ve invited a number of them to join us for Thanksgiving.”
Meredith was silent for a short while before she asked, “What about Dad?”
“What about him?”
“He’ll be alone for Thanksgiving.”
Throughout her marriage to Tony, Allison had tried never to speak harshly of him to their daughter. She’d tried never to pretend there weren’t problems, but she’d made certain never to make him a villain. Still, she wasn’t ready to do what Meredith was asking. Asking without actually asking.
“Dad and I could have our Thanksgiving on Wednesday night, and then I could drive up on Thursday morning.”
“That’s a good idea.” Her reply made Allison feel small and petty. For her daughter’s sake, couldn’t she—
No. There’d been one too many Thanksgiving dinners spoiled by Tony’s behavior. She wasn’t about to let this one be spoiled too. Not this year. This year she was making a new tradition in her new home with her new friends. Tony was her past. Allison was looking to the future. Meredith would have to accept that was how it must be.
“I’ll leave you to get settled in,” Allison said, taking a step backward. “Do you feel up to taking a walk with me and Gizmo before it gets dark?” She glanced at her watch. “We’d need to go soon. It gets dark fast.”
“A walk would be great. I can unpack later. Let’s go now.”
Relief came in a rush, and only then did Allison realize she’d been afraid Meredith would be angry with her for refusing her request. Relief was followed by a surge of pride in the adult her daughter had become, despite the dysfunction in their home as she grew up.
“I’ll need to borrow a warmer coat, Mom. My Texas jacket won’t be anywhere near warm enough.”
“I’ll get one for you,” Allison answered, then hurried down the stairs.
A short while later they set off down the driveway. Daylight was already waning, the sun having moved beyond the tall mountains to the west. Twigs and leaves snapped beneath their feet, but the weatherman promised it would snow again soon. And this time, Allison was convinced, the snow would stay on the ground until spring rolled around.
“Texas made me forget what real cold is,” Meredith said as they crossed the road and descended the path to the river. “Brr.”
“Colder than in the valley too.”
Meredith looked across the river. “I always loved to come visit Aunt Emma when I was little. It’s so pretty here.”
Allison nodded. “Mmm.”
“You seem really at home, Mom. More than I thought you would.”
“More than
I
thought I would.” Allison laughed softly, then drew in a deep breath and let it out, a frosty cloud forming before her mouth. “I’m grateful Aunt Emma left the house to me. I thought it would always be a vacation home for us, but now that I’m living here . . .” She shrugged as she let the sentence trail into silence.
“It surprised me that you let Dad have the house without a fight. At the time, I wanted him to suffer more. I thought you should take everything. Punish him. Leave him with nothing. I was so mad at him for what he did. Sometimes I still am.”
Allison stopped walking and waited for Meredith to do the same. When her daughter turned to face her, Allison asked, “Was I wrong to stay with your father all those years? Did my decision to stay and keep on hoping cause you too much pain?”
“I didn’t turn out too bad.”
“No. Answer me, Meredith.”
Her daughter looked across the river again. Her shoulders rose and fell on a sigh. “Who can say, Mom? I am who I am because of the past. Both good and bad. Maybe I’m stronger because of how things were when Dad was drinking. Maybe I’m messed up a little because of it too. But Dad wasn’t all bad, even at his worst.”
“I know.”
“He could be a lot of fun.”
“Yes, he could.”
“And you loved him, Mom, despite everything.”
“Yes, I loved him.”
Meredith hooked arms with Allison. “I can tell you’re going to turn out okay too. That’s what matters to me now. That you’re going to be okay.”
June 1989
Allison put Meredith—belly full and sound asleep—into the cradle, then stood gazing down at her. A smile played across Allison’s lips. She hadn’t expected motherhood to make her feel like this. Thrilled and terrified at the same time.
“Hey, beautiful.”
She turned to find Tony watching her from the bedroom doorway.
“Don’t you need to get changed? Your mom’s going to be here any minute and we have a reservation to get to.”
“Are you sure we should go out tonight? What if Meredith wakes up and needs to be fed again?”
“She’ll get by with a bottle for one evening. It’s our anniversary, and we’re going out.”