A Previous Engagement (25 page)

Although most of the guests were the same, this low-key birthday party was a far cry from the blowout surprise engagement we’d planned all those weeks before. There were no fairy lights, no expertly decorated tables with ivy, no congratulations banner. In fact, Birch’s looked much like it usually did, just with a special buffet table and a few streamers. Kendra had made a birthday cake for him, a big number thirty resting on the top tier. I tied the balloons in bunches on either side of the buffet table and started to meander through the crowd.

Kendra stood by the bar grinning sheepishly at me. “It’s not much. We didn’t have a lot of time to set up,” she shrugged. “But I got the cake made in time.”

“Thanks for pulling this together so last minute. I guess I just lost track of the days with so much on my mind.” I hugged her, suddenly wanting to confess my murder by neglect. She would dismiss Finn’s death as a fluke, remind me that human children don’t let you forget to feed them, and tell me I was crazy, so I decided against breaching the topic.

“What’s to think about? Work must be calming down, right? Now that you’re not heading to Chicago.”

I breathed in sharply, pursing my lips. Lying was pointless.

“You told them, didn’t you?” She stared me down and I—lame duck that I am—just shrugged. “Tess! Are you going to Chicago?”

“I don’t know what to do…” Lame, lame. Anything I said would sound lame and I knew it.

“You said you weren’t going! What about Christian? Tess!” She grew frantic with every moment I remained unresponsive. “You can’t get on a plane
tomorrow
without telling him! What are you thinking?”

“Hey, great party, ladies,” Christian slid over to us, a drink in hand and a party hat on his head. He greeted me with a quick kiss, Kendra with a hug. “Thanks again.”

Kendra might’ve been silenced by his presence, but she didn’t let that stop her from kicking me in the shin. I grimaced at her, sending her a look that said,
I’ll take care of it.
The crushing guilt was nearly as debilitating as the sharp pain seizing my leg.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she said pointedly, jabbing an elbow into my rib cage. “Enjoy the party.” I watched her shuffle off to greet some newcomers then took Christian by the hand. We walked to a quiet corner of the restaurant, away from the laughter and chattering.

“I have to come clean about something,” I started to say. Christian stroked my cheek softly, resting finally at my chin, and I had a moment of doubt. Our eyes locked. “And I think I’ve waited too long to tell you.”

Before I could go on, he leaned down and kissed me. My knees buckled and I fought to stay upright. My voice came out as a whisper. “Christian, I—”

“It’s funny to think about how special we were to each other, even way back when,” he said, holding my face in his hands.

“We were just kids,” I laughed it off, hoping for a segue into the speech I practiced in the office bathroom earlier that day.

“Smart kids, I might add,” he smiled devilishly. “And twenty years later, my feelings haven’t changed. Do you remember what I said to you back in third grade?”

I did remember. It wasn’t the segue I was looking for, that was for sure.

“If no one else comes along, Tessie Monroe, I want you to be my wife one day. That’s what I said to you, do you remember?” The sound of the words, which had been echoing in my brain since I first heard them, made my stomach drop out of my body like I was on some gravity-defying amusement park ride. “I love you, Tessie. I know it’s early to say it, or late, depending on how you’re counting. But I love you, much more than the way we always say we love each other.”

“I love you, too,” I surprised myself with the words but I meant them. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on tip-toes to hug him. When I settled back onto my heels, I used my most serious face to convey the least lovey-dovey sentiments I could muster. “I do love you but that’s not what I was—”

“Christian!” Grant called to him from the bar, a microphone in his hand. “You ready?”

“What’s that for?” I broke away from him, ready to beat Grant to a bloody pulp for interrupting me. The words were on my lips, seconds from finally coming out. I was only moments from tackling the conversation I’d dreaded for two weeks and now, it would continue to haunt me until this microphone business was over.

“You’ll see,” Christian said, mischief glinting in his eye. He sat up on the bar, inviting me to sit next to him, and accepted the mic from Grant. “Thanks, man.”

Grant and Christian exchanged a knowing smile and I felt the color drain from my face. Even though my instincts told me to run like hell, I hopped up onto the bar next to Christian and tried to look anywhere but at Kendra. She was too busy anyway, demanding answers from Grant, who put his hands up in surrender and told her to wait and see for herself.

“Hey everybody!” Christian said to the room. A few people clapped but most just turned to see where the sound was coming from. “Thanks for coming to my thirtieth birthday party, even though some of you probably had doubts I’d show up!” He paused for a quiet chuckle from a few people before continuing. “You guys all remember Tess, right?”

This joke earned even bigger laughs. Of course they knew the woman attached at his hip for twenty-plus years. Did that make me seem desperate? I played along, waving to a few people I hadn’t said hello to yet, and then nudged him to keep talking. Instead, he dipped me back over the bar with a deep kiss, earning us several cheers from the crowd.

“Surprise,” he said to the crowd, letting me back up for air. Christian reveled in the applause for a few minutes and waved off the cat-calls. “So,” he began again. “I know you all know how much Tess means to me…”

Panicking, my instincts spurred me to find Kendra, who was shaking her head at me in a silent reprimand. Dread rolled in my stomach. Now that we’d made a public announcement, Christian would be heartbroken
and
embarrassed when I told him about Chicago.

He picked up his speech again, just as I planned my escape route. “And how long I’ve waited to ask her this question.” He jumped down from the bar, pulling me with him, and knelt on one knee in front of me. “Tessie, will you marry me?”

Screaming applause erupted from everyone but Kendra, whose eyes were locked on mine. She knew what I was about to do before I even knew it.

“Uhhhh…” I stared down at him and saw the love in his eyes. It terrified me. “I’m sorry… I—I can’t.” Before reality could sink in and I had time to regret what I’d just done, I pulled my hand from his and escaped through the kitchen and out the back door. I ran across the parking lot, ignoring the male footsteps closing in on me.

“Tessie, wait!”

I was always faster than Christian, but my strappy sandals and sundress weren’t doing me any favors. He caught up easily, spinning me around by the wrist. “Let go!” I yelled it out, a reflex to being grabbed. But Christian held on until I stopped flailing.

“What happened in there?” His eyes searched my face for answers, a logical explanation for my behavior. I already knew there was no logical anything to explain my behavior lately—or to excuse it.

“It’s been two weeks, Christian!”

“I know, but I thought—”

“What? That I’d just shack up with you permanently because ‘nobody better came along?’” I yanked my arm from his grasp.

“Is that what this is about?” His face fell. “I didn’t bring that up to upset you. I thought it was fun to reminisce, but no, that’s not what I meant at all.”

“Well, you make it sound like I’m your last resort. And here we are, on your thirtieth birthday, that magic deadline you’ve always had in your head and you just
happen
to propose to me in front of all your friends. How did you think I would respond?” I started to walk back to my car but he stayed on my heels.

“Just listen to me, okay?”

I spun on him again. “You’ve spent the last ten years parading pretty girls in front of me like it’s freaking Fashion Week in Paris. None of them were good enough for you, so how can I compete?” Christian’s mouth hung open; his arms lay helpless at his sides. Met with the uncomfortable silence, I kept talking. “Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Lonely, but I’ve got better things to do than pop out your kids for you because you couldn’t find a better uterus!”

As Christian’s eyes narrowed, I gathered I’d finally crossed the line. “And what are you going to do? Go back to working eighty plus hours a week at a job that’s slowly bleeding you dry and watching the Food Network in your pajamas? You can’t even cook, Tess, what’s that about?”

It was only the third time I’d seen Christian get angry; I wasn’t sure what to do. The only way to survive this was to switch gears into Professional Tess. Biting back tears, I straightened up and looked right into his eyes.

“It’s better than being your consolation prize,” I said coolly. “Thank you for the company and the thrilling conversation, but I’ve got to get going.” I turned on my heel and strode swiftly to the door of my car. He placed one hand over mine as I gripped the handle.

“Don’t do this,” he pleaded, every bit of the anger dissolved. “You’re throwing this away over something stupid. That’s not what I meant at all and you know it.”

“It’s not stupid to me,” said an icy voice that sounded like mine. “If we ever had a chance, it’s gone now, Christian. We missed it a long time ago.”

He put himself between me and the car door, a new energy suddenly possessing him. “What’s this really about?”

I bit my lip and looked down at the pavement, where the most recent rainfall still collected in the dips and divots. “I told you.” My tiny voice sounded fragile, timid, at odds with the strong emotions churning inside me.

“No, you didn’t. I know you too well to buy that. You’re upset about what I said, sure. Just not
this
upset. That wasn’t enough of a reason to put an end to a good thing, not for you. What’s really going on?”

I looked up at him and saw the worry clearly in his eyes, knowing I’d be changing it all to pain in seconds. There are some things in life you need to do quickly to minimize the pain. I could take moments or a lifetime to break his heart and it wouldn’t change the amount of his pain one ounce. I took a deep breath.

“I’m moving to Chicago, Christian,” I looked away again, this time staring at the toes of my boots. “I’ve finally been offered the VP job, but it’s in Chicago. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The fallout was worse than I expected. As I sat in the bathtub that night, back in my apartment, I tried to block out Christian’s pleading, shouting, and mostly, the pained expression that overtook his handsome face at my news. It was almost too much to bear just thinking about it.

He wanted me to stay, obviously. I don’t know what I expected him to do or say, but when he told me not to go it made me want to go even more.

“Tessie, you can’t,” he said.

“I’ve already accepted the job.”

“Then un-accept it. You can’t leave now. After all this time? Please.” He hadn’t begged, just firmly requested I stay. Somehow, I stayed strong. I’d already made a choice and I adamantly stuck to it.

“You’re being stubborn now,” he said accusingly. “You’d choose a job over us?”

“What if we don’t work out and I pass this job up for nothing?”

“I’m not some random stranger, Tessie,” he snorted. “I always thought once we got together, we’d be together forever. Don’t you feel that way too?”

I had, once, when I was much younger and thought I wanted different things from life.

“If it’s not me you want, who is it?”

“Then why don’t you come with me, if you’re so committed to us?” I asked the question with only the slimmest ray of hope in my heart. He had a successful studio here in Boston, not exactly something you can pick up and move. Not overnight.

“Because I love my job and you hate yours. How can you still be there after the last couple of months?” I could hear the edge returning to his voice.

“Why not move the studio? I don’t have a choice where I work, but you do.”

“But you do have a choice,” he began, taking my hands in his. “What about that consulting business you always said you wanted to start one day? You’ve done great work advertising both my business and Birch’s for Kendra. I get compliments all the time. I’ve got a
list
of people who would hire you right away. In fact,” he squeezed my hands, bringing them up to his lips. “I want you to put your office in my studio for now, just until you can find your own space.”

My own consulting business? No more Marty or corporate crap or people like always-perky Savannah. Working for the clients I chose on the projects I chose… the idea was tempting but I couldn’t let it seduce me. It was a risky move, one that could black-list me in the world of marketing, making it difficult to get a new job if my business failed. I couldn’t let myself commit career suicide. “You expect me to work my ass off for two months, produce a fantastic end result, and then scoff at the reward? How can you ask me to sacrifice this?”