A Plain Love Song (46 page)
I had this dream of two pairs of shoes
Lined up beside a bed covered
With a lilac quilt.
The color of your eyes
And the Missouri sky.
The shoes were black sneakers and cowboy boots.
Yours looking small next to mine.
I thought later maybe there’d be more,
Smaller sneakers and little pink cowboy boots with fringe
That shakes when she takes her first steps.
You told me you couldn’t stay.
You told me you’re going away.
Back to the place where things are easier,
Back to the place where no one
Looks at you strange.
Where you make bread and sew your dresses
On that treadle machine,
Your black sneakers
Pumping in time to the song in your head.
I was too busy writing a song you couldn’t hear
Making up lyrics as I went along,
Thinking you’d be singing the same song.
The other shoe dropped tonight
And I didn’t even hear it hit the floor.
It was lost in the sound of the slamming door.
And a heart not beating anymore.
Adah watched emotions flit across Matthew’s face, knowing he did the same with her. He turned his fork over and over on the tablecloth, but his gaze never left hers. When the music died away, he sat back in his chair. “You read the piece of paper I gave you after all.”
“I did. But not until later. After I was baptized. Not long before the wedding.”
“Why then?”
“I wanted to make sure.”
“Sure you didn’t want to go back to him?”
“Not to him.” She traced the pattern of flowers on the tablecloth, trying to find the words to explain something she couldn’t even explain to herself. “To the songs.”
“And?”
She smiled and relaxed into the chair. “What do you think, Matthew Troyer? I’m sitting here, aren’t I?”
“No regrets?”
“No regrets.”
He unfolded his napkin and laid it in his lap, his gaze still locked with hers. “I didn’t tell you I saw RaeAnne Hart on the street the other day.”
“Nee.” She could only imagine why he hadn’t brought up that subject. “I hope she’s doing well.”
“She’s home from college on spring break. She informed me—without me asking—that her brother is living in Nashville and now he has a record deal and he’s touring. Opening for some guy named Clayton Star.”
“Wunderbarr.”
She had no regrets and it helped that her leaving Branson had not changed the course of God’s plan for Jackson. “I’m glad for him.”
Matthew’s somber gaze traced her features. He knew her so well. He would know she spoke only the truth. She chose to say no more, knowing he would read her thoughts on her face. Matthew straightened the fork and knife. “She says his first single is in the top forty on the country music charts. Whatever that means.”
“It means he did good.” Adah pointed to the speaker. “They’re playing his song on the radio.”
“A song he wrote about you.”
She shrugged. “Having your heart broken gives you something to write about and people can relate to it.”
“You broke his heart?”
“I think I may have. But I know I was right to leave. He proved to me over and over again that we were from two different worlds. He
saw something between us that didn’t exist. I belong here. He belongs in Nashville.”
“What about the hymns I hear you singing when you’re hanging laundry or pulling weeds in the garden? They don’t come from the Ausbund.”
“They’re praises for Gott. I don’t need for anyone else to hear them. Gott hears. Gott knows what’s in my heart when I sing them.”
“You’re sure? No regrets?”
A pain radiated through her belly and back. She gasped. “Nee, not about that.” Panting, she dropped her napkin on her plate and eased from her chair. The pain made it hard to straighten. “My only regret is I’ll not have time to eat my chicken fried steak.”
Matthew shot from his chair, knocking it into the table behind him. “Why? What’s the matter?”
“Time to go.” One hand on her back, she waddled toward the door. “We’re having a baby.”
He grabbed her elbow and gripped it hard. “We’re having a baby.”
The words were like a joyful song written on Adah’s heart.
Her joyful song had returned. As Matthew wrapped his arm around her shoulders and threw open the door, letting in the brilliant sun, Adah knew for certain. She’d never lose that joyful song again.
1. Adah recalls that her father told her the Amish in her community don’t play instruments because it draws attention to the individual, saying “look at me, I’m special,” instead of focusing on God. Many of us are taught from a young age to be competitive, to strive to be the best, to win, to stand out in a crowd, to use our God-given talents. What are the pros and cons of both attitudes? Can they coexist?
2. Jackson Hart finds it difficult to understand Adah’s community’s prohibition against musical instruments. Can you think of instances where an activity you participate in—while innocent in and of itself—leads you to do something you know you shouldn’t have? Something that takes you farther from God?
3. We often admire people with special talents, such as musicians, actors, and professional athletes. Do you think there are times that this admiration amounts to adulation or even idolatry? Why do you think professional athletes make so much more money than teachers or firefighters or police officers or soldiers?
4. In the world’s eyes, Adah’s choice to leave her family and her home to pursue her dreams with Jackson in Branson might be seen as brave or adventuresome. We’re often told as we grow up that we should pursue our dreams relentlessly. How do you think Adah’s choice affected her family? Matthew? Her faith? Should she have told Matthew what she was doing and why before she left town? Why do you think she didn’t?
5. Although idols and idolatry are often spoken of in the Bible, we don’t talk about this sin much in modern society. What examples of idols (aside from people) do we often see? Is there something in your life that you feel is becoming too important? How is that manifested? How do we find a balance between what we want and what’s good for us and what gives the glory to God?
6. What concrete ways do you use to make sure God is at the center of your life? What does the statement “Thy will be done” mean to you?
7. After she gets to Branson, Adah discovers she can’t perform in public. She can’t see herself wearing flashy clothes and makeup. She freezes in front of the microphone. To make her dream a reality, she would have to make herself into something she isn’t. Did you ever have a dream only to realize you’re not really cut out for becoming a professional basketball player or an opera singer? How did you deal with it?
8. Most of us may find the prohibition against performing in public and playing musical instruments hard to understand. Can you see how not participating in those activities knits Amish communities closer together? Do you see a danger in letting individuals shine at the expense of the group? Or would you argue, as Adah did, that a God-given talent is meant to be used for His glory? Can a quiet song for God’s
ears only be the one performance Adah needs to give? Is a middle ground possible?
9. Adah decides she and Jackson are too much alike to ever be happy together. Is that a surprising conclusion, given her background as an Amish girl brought up in a conservative community and Jackson’s wild ways as a musician? Do you think it’s an astute assessment of her own willfulness? Could you imagine them living “happily ever after”?
10. Why (or why not) do you think Adah made the right choice when she returned to Matthew? Do you think they are more alike or different? In successful relationships, which is more important, in your estimation?
Check out an alternate ending to Adah’s story at
www.kellyirvin.com
!
Kelly Irvin is a Kansas native and has been writing professionally for 30 years. She and her husband, Tim, make their home in Texas. They have two children, three cats, and a tankful of fish. A public relations professional, Kelly is also the author of two romantic suspense novels and writes short stories in her spare time. To learn more about her work, visit
www.kellyirvin.com
.
To learn more about books by Kelly Irvin or to read sample chapters, log on to our website:
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
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