A Perfect Spy (7 page)

“I see Arsenal came a cropper Saturday, then,” says Rick. Arsenal, in better times, being Mr. Philpott's second greatest love, as it was TP's.

“Never mind that now, Rick,” says Mr. Philpott, all of a flurry. “We've business to discuss, as well you know.”

Looking poorly the minister takes his place beside Makepeace Watermaster. But Rick's purpose is achieved. He has made a bond where Philpott wanted none; he has presented us with a feeling man instead of a villain. In recognition of his achievement Rick smiles. On all of us at once: grand of you to be among us here today. His smile sweeps over us; it is not impertinent, it is impressive in its compassion for the forces of human fallibility that have brought us to this unhappy pass. Only Sir Makepeace himself and Perce Loft the great solicitor from Dawlish, known as Perce the Writ, who sits beside him with the papers, preserve their granite disapproval. But Rick is not awed by them. Not by Makepeace and certainly not by Perce, with whom Rick has formed a fine relationship in recent months, based it is said on mutual respect and understanding. Perce wants Rick to read for the bar. Rick is bent upon it but meanwhile wants Perce to advise him on certain business transactions he is contemplating. Perce, ever an altruist, is supplying his services free.

“That was a wonderful sermon you gave us, Sir Makepeace,” says Rick. “I never heard better. Those words of yours will ring inside my head like the bells of Heaven for as long as I'm spared, sir. Hullo, Mr. Loft.”

Perce Loft is too official to reply. Sir Makepeace has had flattery before, and receives it as no more than his due.

“Sit down,” says our Liberal Member of Parliament for this Constituency and Justice of the Peace.

Rick obeys at once. Rick is no enemy of authority. To the contrary he is a man of authority himself, as we waverers already know, a power and a justice in one.

“Where's the Appeal money gone?” Makepeace Watermaster demands without delay. “There was close on four hundred pound donated last month alone. Three hundred the month before, three hundred in August. Your accounts for the same period show one hundred and twelve pound received. Nothing put by and no cash in hand. What have you done with it, boy?”

“Bought a motor coach,” says Rick, and Syd—to use his own words—seated in the dock with all the rest of them, has a hard time not corpsing.

 

Rick spoke for twelve minutes by Syd's dad's watch and when he'd done only Makepeace Watermaster stood between him and victory, Syd is sure of it: “The minister, he was won over before your dad ever opened his mouth, Titch. Well he had to be, he gave TP his first pulpit. Old Perce Loft—well, Perce had fish to fry by then, didn't he? Rick had stitched him up. The rest of them, they was going up and down like a tart's knickers from waiting to see which way The Lord High Make-water's going to jump.”

First of all, Rick magnanimously claims full responsibility for everything. Blame, says Rick, if blame there be, should be laid squarely at his own door. Stars and ideals are nothing to the metaphors he flings at us: “If a finger is to be pointed, point it here.” A stab at his own breast. “If a price is to be paid, here's the address. Here I am. Send me the bill. And leave them to learn by his mistakes who got them into this, if such there have been,” he challenges them, beating the English language into submission with the blade of his plump hand by way of an example. Women admired those hands till the end of Rick's days. They drew conclusions from the girth of his fingers, which never parted when he made a gesture.

“Where did he get his rhetoric from?” I once asked Syd reverently, enjoying what he and Meg called “a small wet” at their fireside in Surbiton. “Who were his models, apart from Makepeace?”

“Lloyd George, Hartley Shawcross, Avory, Marshall Hall, Norman Birkett and other great advocates of his day,” replied Syd promptly, as if they were the runners and starters for the two thirty at Newmarket. “Your dad had more respect for the law than any man I ever knew, Titch. Studied their speeches, followed their form better than what he did the geegees. He'd have been a top judge if TP had given him the opportunities, wouldn't he, Meg?”

“He'd have been Prime Minister,” Meg affirms devoutly. “Who else was there but him and Winston?”

Rick next passes to his Theory of Property which I have since heard him expound many times in many different ways but I believe this was its unveiling. The burden is that any money passing through Rick's hands is subject to a redefinition of the laws of property, since whatever he does with it will improve mankind, whose principal representative he is. Rick, in a word, is not a taker but a giver and those who call him otherwise lack faith. The final challenge comes in a mounting bombardment of passionate, grammatically unnerving pseudo-Biblical phrases. “And if any one of you here present today—can find evidence of a single advantage—one single benefit—be it in the past, be it stored away for the future—directly or indirectly from this enterprise—which I have derived—ambitious though it may have been, make no two ways about it—let him come forward now, with a clear heart—and point the finger where it belongs.”

From there it is but a step to that sublime vision of the Pym & Salvation Coach Company Ltd., which will bring profit to piety and worshippers to our beloved Tabernacle.

The magic box is unlocked. Flinging back the lid Rick displays a dazzling confusion of promises and statistics. The present bus fare from Farleigh Abbott to our Tabernacle is twopence. The trolley bus from Tambercombe costs threepence, four-up in a cab from either spot costs sixpence, a Granville Hastings motor coach costs nine hundred and eight pounds discounted for cash, and seats thirty-two fully loaded, eight standing. On the sabbath alone—my assistants here have made a most thorough survey, gentlemen—more than six hundred people travel an aggregate of over four thousand miles to worship at this fine Tabernacle. Because they love the place. As Rick does. As we all do, every man and woman here present—let's make no bones about it. Because they want to feel
drawn from the circumference to the centre,
in the spirit of their faith. (This last is one of Makepeace Watermaster's own expressions and Syd says it was a bit cheeky of Rick to throw it back in his face.) On three other days in the week, gentlemen—Band of Hope, Christian Endeavour and Women's League Bible Group—another seven hundred miles are travelled leaving three days clear for normal commercial operation, and if you don't believe me watch my forearm as it beats the doubters from my path in a series of convulsive elbow blows, the cupped fingers never parting. From such figures it is suddenly clear there can be only one conclusion.

“Gentlemen, if we charge
half
the standard fare
and
give a free ticket to every disabled and elderly person, to every child under the age of eight—with full insurance—observing all the fine regulations which rightly apply to the operation of commercial transport carriages in this increasingly hectic age of ours—with fully professional drivers with every awareness of their responsibilities, god-fearing men recruited from our own number—allowing for depreciation, garaging, maintenance, fuel, ticketing and sundries, and assuming a fifty-percent capacity on the three days of commercial operation—there's a forty-percent clear profit for the Appeal and room left over to see everybody right.”

Makepeace Watermaster is asking questions. The others are either too full or too empty to speak at all.

“And you've bought it?” says Makepeace.

“Yes, sir.”

“You're not of age, half of you.”

“We used an intermediary, sir. A fine lawyer of this district who in his modesty wishes to remain anonymous.”

Rick's reply draws a rare smile from the improbably tiny lips of Sir Makepeace Watermaster. “I never knew a lawyer who wished to remain anonymous,” he says.

Perce Loft frowns distractedly at the wall.

“So where is it now?” Sir Makepeace continues.

“What, sir?”

“The coach, boy.”

“They're painting it,” says Rick. “Green with gold lettering.”

“With whose permission, at any stage, have you embarked on this project?” asks Watermaster.

“We're asking Miss Dorothy to cut the tape, Sir Makepeace. We've drafted the invite already.”

“Who gave you permission? Did Mr. Philpott here? Did the deacons? Did the committee? Did I? To spend nine hundred and eight pounds of Appeal funds, widows' mites, on a motor coach?”

“We wanted the element of surprise, Sir Makepeace. We wanted to sweep the board with them. Once you spread the word beforehand, talk it round town, you take the air out of it. P.S.C. is going to be sprung upon an unsuspecting world.”

Makepeace now enters what Syd calls the dicey part.

“Where are the books?”

“Books, sir? There's only one Book I know of—”

“Your files, boy. Your figures. You alone kept the accounts, we heard.”

“Give me a week, Sir Makepeace. I'll account for every penny.”

“That's not keeping accounts. That's fudging them. Did you learn nothing at all from your father, boy?”

“Rectitude, sir. Humbleness before Jesus.”

“How much have you spent?”

“Not spent, sir. Invested.”

“How much?”

“Fifteen hundred. Rounded up.”

“Where's the coach at present?”

“I said, sir. Being painted.”

“Where?”

“Balham's of Brinkley. Coach-builders. Some of the finest Liberals in the county. Christians to a man.”

“I know Balham's. TP sold timber to Balham's for ten years.”

“They're charging cost.”

“You propose to ply for trade in public, you say?”

“Three days a week, sir.”

“Using the public coach stages?”

“Certainly.”

“Are you familiar with the likely attitude to be taken by the Dawlish & Tambercombe Transport Corporation of Devon to this venture?”

“A popular demand like this—those boys can't block it, Sir Makepeace. We've got God driving for us. Once they see the ground-swell, feel the pulse, they'll back away and give us our heads all the way to the top. They can't stop progress, Sir Makepeace, and they can't stop the march of Christian people.”

“Can't they,” says Sir Makepeace, and scribbles figures on a piece of paper in front of him. “There's eight hundred and fifty pound in rent money missing as well,” he remarks as he writes.

“We invested the rent money too, sir.”

“That's more than the fifteen hundred then.”

“Call it two thousand. Rounded up. I thought you only meant the Appeal money.”

“What about the collection money?”

“Some of it.”

“Counting all monies from any source, what's the total capital? Rounded up.”

“Including private investors, Sir Makepeace—”

Watermaster sat up straight: “So we've private investors too, have we? My gracious, boy, you've been going it a bit. Who are they?”

“Private clients.”

“Of whom?”

Perce Loft looks as though he is about to fall asleep out of sheer boredom. His eyelids are two inches long, his goatish head has slipped forward on his neck.

“Sir Makepeace, I am not at liberty to reveal this. When P.S.C. promises confidentiality, that's what she delivers. Our watchword is integrity.”

“Has the company been incorporated?”

“No, sir.”

“Why not?”

“Security, sir. Keep it under wraps. Like I said.”

Makepeace begins jotting again. Everybody waits for more questions. None come. An uncomfortable air of completeness settles over Makepeace, and Rick senses it faster than anybody. “It was like being up the old doctor's, Titch,” Syd told me, “when he's made up his mind what you're dying of, only he's got to write out this prescription before he gives you the good news.”

Rick speaks again. Unprompted. It was the voice he used when he was cornered. Syd heard it then, I heard it later only twice. It was not a pretty tone at all.

“I could bring those accounts up to you this evening, as a matter of fact, Sir Makepeace. They're in safekeeping, you see. I'll have to get them out.”

“Give them to the police,” says Makepeace, still writing. “We're not detectives here, we're churchmen.”

“Miss Dorothy might think a bit different, though, mightn't she, Sir Makepeace?”

“Miss Dorothy has nothing to do with this.”

“Ask her.”

Then Makepeace stops writing and his head comes up a bit sharpish, says Syd, and they look at each other, Makepeace with his little baby eyes uncertain. And Rickie, suddenly his gaze has the glint of a flick-knife in the dark. Syd does not go as far as I shall in describing that stare because Syd won't touch the black side of his lifelong hero. But I will. It looks out of him like a child through the eyeholes of a mask. It denies everything it stood for not a half-second earlier. It is pagan. It is amoral. It regrets your decision and your mortality. But it has no choice because you cannot go back.

“Are you telling me Miss Dorothy is an investor in this project?” says Makepeace.

“You can invest more than money, Sir Makepeace,” says Rick, from far away but close.

Now the point is, says Syd rather hastily here, Makepeace should never have driven Rick to use that argument. Makepeace was a weak man acting hard and they're the worst, says Syd. If Makepeace had been reasonable, if he'd been a believer like the rest and thought a little better of poor TP's boy instead of lacking faith and undermining everybody else's into the bargain, things could have been settled in a friendly, positive way and everyone could have gone home happy, believing in Rick and his coach the way he needed them to. As it was, Makepeace was the last barrier and he left Rickie no alternative but to knock him down. So Rickie did, didn't he? Well he had to, Titch.