A Perfect Mistress (9 page)

Jackson rented her an adjoining room at the hotel where he was staying, and Sophie declined the desk clerk’s offer to have a
maid
put her belongings away. She followed the stairs up to her room while Jackson waited in the dining room for her.

Her hands lingered on the ornately carved
chiffarobe
. Her possessions made a pitifully small pile in the deep drawer.
S
he trailed her fingers over the feather bed
and felt the fabric of the curtains, then realized she was stalling. Sophie
turned to the mirror on the wall to fix her hair. It still looked lovely, but she fussed with it for a few moments anyway
, then
took a deep breath and went downstairs to have dinner with the man who would soon be her lover.

Chapter Five

Jackson had ordered dinner for them already and the food arrived almost as soon as Sophie did. It looked beautiful and at any other time, she would have been ecstatic to be eating such fare but she was so nervous that it could have been sawdust and she
wouldn’t
have known.

After the dishes
had been cleared
away, Jackson cleared his throat. 
Jackson covered her hand with his, and Sophie trembled.

“
My dear, I have to say this.
Can you come to me without fear?
After all that has happened, if you want to wait…I will understand,
” he
said
in a low voice. “It’s important to me, Sophie. I
haven’t
yet found a woman who isn’t repulsed by my scars, and I need
someone
in my life. I
am lonely at the farm; it
doesn’t
have to be a love affair, but I need someone who feels desire for me, and someone who cares for me…just a little bit.
I would rather wait than force you to do something you aren’t yet ready to do.
”

“I don’t want to wait
.” Sophie ignored the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She liked him,
and she
enjoyed his kisses
, and waiting would just make it worse
. When she thought
that she would
never see him again, her heart had plummeted to her feet, and then soared upward again when Bonita told her that Robert had contacted him on her behalf.
“Yes, I will be happy in your bed, Jackson. I find you very attractive
.“
She held his gaze with her own. “Very happy,” she said firmly.

It
wasn’t
a lie, it wasn’t! She told herself. She was attracted to
him,
she just didn’t know that she wouldn’t be fearful the first time. Perhaps it would be all right; it had been a long time since…she thrust the thought away. She would not think of that time, she
would not!

“
If you are sure.
Would you like to go to
y
our room and wait for me there? I will check on our schedule for tomorrow. I want to make sure that all the supplies are packed in the wagon and secured for the night.”

“Yes, of course,”

Sophie got to her feet, her heart fluttering madly. He rose and gave her a slight bow, a smile on his face. His fingers lingered on her hand when he gave her the key, and she could feel his gaze on her back as she walked away.

I can do this, I can do this, she told herself as she readied for bed. How was she to wait? Should she be naked and under the covers, or dressed in her nightclothes and on her feet?
Light on, or off?
She dithered for a moment before throwing the loose gown over her head and dowsing the candle. She crawled into the bed and lay there, shivering. When the
adjoining
door
creaked
open, she held her breath.

“Jackson?” she asked in a quavering voice. “Is that you?”

“Who else would it be, Sophie?”

He chuckled, and Sophie’s stomach twisted again. She forced herself to let go the
covers she clutched in her hand as she heard the sounds of his undressing. When he crawled in beside her, she nearly jumped off the bed.

Jackson could feel his heart pounding, and he tried to force his hands to stop shaking. He had half expected her to be gone when he got back to the room, and he had hurried through his inspection of the wagon. They could be short by half of everything he had ordered, and he would have no idea. He could only think of the woman who waited for him.

She was
really here
; sh
e lay in the bed next to him
now
, and Jackson felt his blood burn hot to match the heat coming
off
her body.  His heart rate trebled, and
he turned to face her.
He reached out with
a trembling hand to touch her; h
e had to lay hands on her, had to see if she felt as soft as she looked.  He was dying to warm himself on her skin, and he tried not to think about how long it had been since he’d touched a woman this way.

When he touched her arm, she flinched just slightly, and his fingers stilled.  There was something about this that
wasn’t
right, something that made him feel uneasy in the pit of his stomach.  She was shaking, and he peered through the gloom of the darkened room at her, trying to see her face.  He raised himself up on one elbow, and the moon decided just then to come out from behind the
clouds that
hid it.  An errant moonbeam lighted the room for a
second,
just long enough for him to see her there with both eyes squeezed shut.  Her expression
was tormented
, and he
suddenly
felt sick to his stomach. 

When he brought his hand up to her face, one lone tear suddenly broke free from its tenuous hold on her thick lashes and rolled down the porcelain perfection of her features.  His mouth twisted, and he felt bitterness rise through his whole body.  He felt like an animal, like some beast forcing his will on another, and
he’d
sworn he was never going to feel that way again.
Damn her for lying to him with her words.
Damn her for lying with those sweet, sexually curious eyes of hers.
Damn her to hell.
 

He sat up abruptly on the side of the bed and pulled on his pants with swift,
jerky  movements
, not bothering to fasten them, filled with cold rage. Dimly he was aware of her sitting up in the bed behind him, but he ignored her movements. He had to
get
out of this room, had to get away
right now
.

“What is it, Jackson
?’ she asked quietly, in a voice that hardly shook at all.  She was proud of herself for that.  She pushed back her silky hair with one hand. “What are you doing?”

“I wish that you had been more forthcoming about your revulsion for my person,” he said coldly, yanking on his boots and standing up.
“I asked you specifically, Sophie.”
He seemed to loom larger in the darkened room, and Sophie shrank back a little.  The side of his face with the eye patch was shadowed, and
it was as if he had no face on that side at all, merely a black hole where features would be
.

“My revulsion?’ she said softly.  “Please, I don’t know what you mean.” 

She held out one slim hand in supplication, and he took a step away from the bed, turning his back to her.  Sophie let her hand fall back to her side, sitting up more fully against the pillows. He crossed to the
round window, staring out, outlined by the dim light. Sophie could not help but admire the sight before her. Really, he was a fine figure of a man.

“You led me to believe that you desired me in your bed, madam, or at the very least that you could tolerate me there. Really, was it too much to ask for a little honesty?  I would have found someone else if I had known you felt this way. I must leave in the morning, and it is too late to search for anyone else.” 

His tone was bitter, and Sophie struggled to understand what he meant. She was waiting for him, wasn’t she, in the bed,
dressed
in her nightgown?  She was willing.
She’d
told him so, and she’d meant it.

She shuddered.  S
he could do it. She could. She liked his
kisses,
s
urely the rest couldn't be so horrible.
He'd
been gentle with her; and he wouldn’t be as cruel as Thomas had been.
Nightmare images of the library and what had happened to her there
snaked into her mind and a tremor shook her body.

He was speaking again, and Sophie pulled herself back to the present, away from the memories of atrocities that
had been performed
on her unwilling body.

“I'm not scheduled to leave until the morning,” he said crisply.  “I will go back to my own room for the night while you rest here, and I will arrange for someone to escort you back to your home tomorrow.”  He turned to face her, his hands clasped behind his back.  “I don’t blame you.  Of course it would be difficult for a lovely woman such as yourself to have me touch you, but you indicated that you would not mind, and I never picked up on your hesitation.”  He inclined his head.  Sophie thought she could see hurt for a moment on his features when moonlight lit the room again, then the light faded and she was sure she was wrong when he spoke coldly again. 
“My fault entirely.
  I let my eagerness blind me perhaps.  I had forgotten . . . but that is of no consequence.”

“No!” Sophie cried.  “I’ll let you.  Only come back to bed, please come back to bed. 
It’s
just that I’m such a coward, you see, but I promise that I’ll let you do whatever you want.  Only don’t send me away!”

Horror filled her voice. 
She
didn’t
want him to leave, she didn’t!
That thought gave her the courage to scramble out of the high bed to stand in front of him, hands wringing together.  She tilted her head back, trying to read his face but it was too dark in here and she could not tell what he was thinking.

“Please,” she said more calmly.  “Only tell me what you want, because I don’t know. 
It’s
just that . . . I’ve been worrying about it, you know.  Please don’t send me away.”

She fell to her knees before him, and he made a sound.  Sophie was afraid that he was going to send her out, right now, and she was desperate to salvage the situation.  She clutched his legs with both hands, and he started.

“Don’t do that,” he said, uneasy.  Her position reminded him of all the hopes
he’d
had for this night, and to his horror he felt an unwilling desire begin to rise in him.  He felt disgust for his own perversity, for he desired nothing more than to take her at her word and take her back to bed.  Then he remembered the tear that had seeped from between her tightly closed eyelids.  He reached down to pull her hands off him and she clutched him tighter. 

“Please,” she whispered, tears making her voice husky.  “Let me. Let me just ...”

Jackson groaned when she raised one tentative hand to stroke him through the breeches.  His arousal leapt to meet her seeking touch, and he moaned again, unwillingly. Sophie cupped him in her other hand, and sucked in a startled breath when she felt his skin tighten through the loose material. Suddenly sure of what to do, she pulled down his unfastened trousers and smiled up at him. She circled her hand
over
him and marveled at how warm and firm he was, how taut the flesh beneath her hand.  She brushed her thumb over him, and he gasped.

“Sophie,” he breathed.  “Don’t. Don’t.”

She paid him no attention, seemed not to hear him, in fact.  Her hand continued to stroke him, and Jackson was suddenly a prisoner to her touch.  Though he knew he could pull away from her easily, he stayed in her hold and grew harder still, until he felt that he would explode under her hand like some green boy.

It had been too long since someone had touched him this way. 
Too long.
  He threw his head back and gave himself up to the wonder of her fingers. 
And
when she leaned forward and touched her lips to him, he felt his knees begin to buckle and his head swim.  He reached out his hands again to push her away, but she fit her lips around him and drew him deep into the warm, soft recesses of her mouth, and he was lost. Jackson let his hands drop back to his sides, and his eyes closed.

Sophie felt him shudder, and her pulse leaped.  Suddenly, this was not a chore, but a necessity.  She was wet and swollen between her legs, and she thought of him touching her there and squirmed, pressing her thighs together and making a sound deep in her throat at how good it felt.  His hips bucked, and she gently
squeezed  him
. He reached out and grasped her shoulders tightly as he began to shudder, and a guttural shout of satisfaction rang through the room.  Sophie slowly released him, but
couldn't
resist pressing her lips against his stomach just once more as he fell away from her.