A Penny’s Worth Of Affection: A Novel (23 page)

Penny managed a small smile, even though her heart ached. She was filled with guilt for denying her feelings for Phillip, but she had to accept the truth. Phillip would never love her, but with Alasdair she was certain to be comfortable and hopefully, love would come soon enough. "I am happy you find the answer pleasing." she whispered, head lowered to stare at the ground.

"Then I will wait no further to press my suit." Alasdair took both her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes, his gray eyes anxious and eager. "I earnestly pledge you my heart and my home if you will do me the honor of becoming my wife."

Penny gasped for breath, her face drained of color as she stared at her suitor. "Mr. Lachlan! Are you in earnest?"

He grinned and went down on one knee, "Forgive my lack of romance, I was just relieved to know there was still a chance to have you. But will you have me still?"

A tear slid escaped from her cheeks and she nodded, feeling happy for the first time in days. "I will."

He rose and took her in his arms. Penny went willingly and prayed for help to love the man who would be her husband.

Unseen by the couple, Phillip stood in the shadows and watched as they embraced, his face betraying something akin to pain before he turned and walked away swiftly.

The fire burning brightly in the study cast long shadows over the room, partially obscuring Penny's features from her father's scrutiny. "Are you certain this is what you want?" Sir Inglewood asked, furrowing his brows as he studied his daughter intently.

She shifted in her seat in front of his desk and lowered her head bashfully to study her hands folded primly on her lap for a few moments before she nodded. "Yes papa. Alasdair is a good man and I believe I will be happy as his wife." she replied in a quiet voice, still engrossed in her hands. Then she looked up and smiled at her father. "It is what I want."

Sir Inglewood leaned back against the high backed leather chair and regarded his daughter, deep in thought. He idly drummed his fingertips on the desk littered with books and knickknacks accumulated from his travels, the sound echoing loudly in the silence of the room. Not for the first time, he wished his wife were still alive, for she would have been able to correctly judge the play of emotions running across his eldest daughter's face. All he could do now was give his consent and hope to God Penny would find some happiness with this Scotsman just as his younger daughter had.

Finally he sighed and leaned forward. "I have spoken at length with Mr. Lachlan, and I have no doubts as to his integrity and soundness. So if you are sure of your decision, I have no objections to the match. But I must say I am a bit put off by this nonsense about getting married in Scotland. An English wedding will do just fine and why the haste? A week is not enough time to contract a wedding."

Penny chuckled. "We decided there is simply no need for a prolonged engagement. And I do not want a big wedding, after all I am already twenty-six. Besides, Lucy has had a big wedding and surely that is more than enough festivity? And I want to be married in Scotland Papa, that decision is mine."

"Very well." Her father rose from his chair and sighed. "We will come down to Scotland in a week's time. I take you it you and your young man will be leaving much earlier?"

"We will leave the day after tomorrow. Alasdair wishes to introduce me to his sister first so, tomorrow, we will pay a visit to Lady Kettering and then leave the day after."

Sir Inglewood nodded. "Good good. Congratulations my dear."

Penny heard the words and smiled once more, getting to her feet and coming round to place a fond kiss on her father's rough cheek. "Thank you papa. I will miss you greatly." Her eyes filled with tears and impulsively, she threw her arms around him. "I love you papa, and I promise we will come visit you often."

Sir Inglewood's eyes watered and he guffawed to cover up his emotion. "Not too much I hope. You will be quite occupied with looking after your young man." He stroked her dark curls with affection and beamed at her. "Your mother would have longed to see this day, I remember how she would prattle on about seeing her daughter settled in her matrimonial home."

"I know Papa," Penny said with a wistful smile as she pictured her mother in her mind. A cheerful woman with twinkling green eyes who showered her children with love and affection until tragedy had struck in the form of tuberculosis and taken her away from them. "I still miss her every single day. Excuse me Papa, I must see to dinner..."

"Of course, go."

Penny escaped to her room, shutting the door and sinking on the edge of the bed, her facade crumbled, shutting her eyes to stem the tears that threatened to fall. Uncertainty pushed at her heart, and she wondered not for the first time if she was doing the right thing in marrying a man she did not love. Her chest heaved with unutterable sobs and she pressed a hand to her mouth to stop the small cries of grief.

"Please God, help me forget..." she whispered the prayer, the words offering comfort and she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calm. Finally she rose and crossed to the wash stand, pouring cold water on her face, her thoughts in turmoil. She would put Phillip out of her mind and completely focus her efforts on Alasdair, thank heaven she would be leaving England behind soon, at least she would have no fear of running into him in Scotland.

"I never thought I'd say this Phillip, but you are an arse." Elise Farnsworth tapped her cane loudly against the hardwood floor of Phillip's study. "Henry just gave me the news. That lovely girl is engaged to someone else? How could you let her slip away from you?"

Phillip winced at the sound of the cane hitting the floor, his head throbbing from the after effects of too much spirits consumed the night before in a vain effort to forget the scene he had witnessed in the garden three days ago. Phillip sighed and rubbed at the three day growth of beard on his chin, wishing his aunt would leave him in peace. He did not need reminding of what a fool he'd been in losing Penny, certainly not from his aunt calling him an arse. Phillip cast bloodshot eyes at the cold fireplace, as cold and empty as his heart and once more pain lanced through him as he recalled the memory of Penny in Mr. Lachlan's arms.

Aunt Elise tapped the cane once more, loudly and with barely controlled impatience at her nephew's lack of a reply. "Phillip Farnsworth! Are you listening to me?"

"It is impossible not to hear you yelling and thumping that cane of yours." Phillip replied, wincing at the escalating headache. "Keep it down will you?"

Elise glared at him and harrumphed. "I thought you were different from your father, but perhaps I was wrong. You are just as cold hearted as he was..."

Phillip swore and rose abruptly. "I am nothing like my father!" he snarled, jaw clenched in fury. "How dare you suggest that I take after that murdering bastard?"

Elise returned his glare, not in the least bit intimidated by Phillip's outburst. "Then act differently you idiot. I have only met her once, but even a fool could see how much she cared for you. And I am willing to bet my fortune you care for her too, but this damned stubborn nature would not let you even admit it to yourself until it is too late. Just like your father!"

"Penny does not care for me in the slightest." He retorted. "You must have been mistaken."

Without warning, Phillip felt his aunt's cane descend painfully on his head. "What the devil?" he yelled, rubbing at the throbbing spot, glaring at Elise. "Have you descended to assault now?"

Elise glared at him and brandished the cane once more. "I am trying to knock some sense in that thick head of yours Phillip Edward Farnsworth. Good god! No wonder Jane Rosebury risked her reputation and ran off with her young man. I always said your father was a fool for betrothing you to that girl. Penelope Inglewood loves you, that much is evident. Open your eyes lad and save her before she makes a terrible mistake."

"She will be happier married to him, I have nothing to offer her other than pain and misery. Besides, she is not in love with me. She said so herself." Phillip said and resumed his seat, reaching for his glass of brandy and staring into the amber depths. He sighed as his mind conjured up an image of the smile on Penny's face as she accepted the doctor's proposal. He grimaced and gulped down the liquid in one gulp, feeling a satisfying burn down his throat. His aunt was wrong, Penny did not love him, she had said so to the doctor.

"Perhaps if you allowed yourself to love her in return, pain and misery can be a thing of the past." Elise settled in a chair close by and gave her nephew a pleading look. "Phillip, have you ever considered that the real reason she denied loving you was because you had never given her cause to believe her affections may be reciprocated? Every woman wants to know the man she is in love with loves her too, Penny is no exception."

He scowled at the fireplace. "I told her I..." he let his words trail off. He couldn't very well tell his aunt he had confessed his lust to Penny or that he had almost taken her virtue in a carriage of all places. Good god! He groaned inwardly, could he really sit back and allow Penny slip from his fingers? Ever since that night in the garden, he had not had a moment free from thoughts of her...those eyes and the warm passionate woman she was capable of being.

Phillip forced himself to admit Penny was the only woman with whom he had been able to have more than a single conversation without becoming unbearably bored. She challenged him as no other woman and certainly very few men had ever done, and she kissed like an angel. For the first time, Phillip allowed himself to entertain the notion that Penny could find some measure of happiness with him...he wanted her, body and soul...and he was a fool to have let her slip away...bloody hell...he needed Penelope Inglewood. But it was already too late. She had pledged herself to another man

"I am a blithering idiot." he murmured in defeat, slumping back against the chair. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair, grimacing at how sticky and unkempt his usually pristine hair had become. "I have lost her. I have lost the only woman I..." He swallowed back a sudden lump in his throat, loss and guilt sweeping through him in waves.

Aunt Elise sighed in relief and leaned forward to pat his hand fondly. "My dear boy, all is not lost yet. Not until she says her vows."

Phillip stared at his aunt in confusion and she gave him a knowing wink. Suddenly he understood and bolted to his feet. He bent to place a quick kiss on her soft cheeks and ran from the room, calling out for the butler.

Five minutes later, mounted on his fastest horse, Phillip rode hell bent towards Millcote, the setting sun casting an eerie glow over horse and rider.

Penny sat in her room and stared at the bare walls and wardrobe, her possessions now neatly packed away in the two huge trunks waiting in the corner. The single candle cast long shadows over the floor and walls, banishing the predawn darkness. In a few hours, Alasdair would arrive in his sister's carriage to convey them to Scotland, and to her new life. The thought that she would be leaving behind all she held dear hit Penny and she shut her eyes against the grief that welled up within her. She bit her lip hard, determined not to give in to the crushing agony. This was her life and she had chosen this path, a path she intended to follow regardless of whatever pain it might bring.

Thankfully, she would not have to worry about her father as he had announced this morning that he would be embarking on yet another expedition as soon as she was married, he was going to India leaving the house to Edward and Jane.

"All's well that ends well." she whispered, the sound echoing in the empty room. Penny took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She would learn to love Alasdair, her marriage would be a happy one, comfortable...so different than what she would have had with Phillip...

"Stop this at once Penelope!" she admonished herself sharply. She would not allow thoughts of Phillip to cloud her existence for one second longer, today was the start of her new life and by heaven, she would put him firmly away.

A tentative knock sounded on the door and when it opened, Edward peered in, giving Penny a wide smile. "Hullo sis. Are you ready?" he came into the room and sat beside her on the bare mattress, reaching out to clasp her left hand in his own. "Alasdair should be here shortly."

Penny returned the smile and squeezed his hand. "I am all packed and ready to go." she said, nodding towards the trunks. "Is Papa awake?"

"Yes, he is in his study, I heard him moving about when I woke up." Edward replied, turning to look directly at his sister. "Thank you Penny, for everything."

Penny laughed and leaned over to playfully ruffle his fair hair. "Whatever for Eddie?"

He grinned and swatted her hand away. "For being mother, sister and even father to Lucy and I. Even when we least deserve it, you have sacrificed so much for us time and time again. I am glad you finally have found happiness of your own. I love you Penny and I will miss you terribly."

Penny felt her eyes fill with tears and she impulsively threw her arms around her brother. "Oh Eddie, I love you too. I will miss you so much."

The two siblings held each other for a few more moments, then Edward pulled away and sighed.

"May I ask a question?" Edward said, running a hand through his hair. Without waiting for her reply, he continued. "What happened with Lord Farnsworth? I assumed he would go through with the duel but he has said nothing of it to you?"

At the mention of Phillipp's name, pain filled her heart.

Was this how it would be?
She wondered in silence,
would every mention of his name cause her heart to constrict in this unbearable pain? How could she possibly live if that was so?

Penny sighed and shut her eyes to stem the tears threatening to fall. She must put this utter ridiculous behind her and focus on forming a future with her betrothed.

Outwardly, she shrugged. "I have no idea Eddie." She replied softly. "I assume he has grown tired of threatening our lives and has found other means of amusement. He has certainly said nothing to me."

She could hear his audible sigh of relief. "I do hope he has forgotten..." He mused, rising to walk over to the window, staring out at the dark night beyond.

"I hope so too." Penny replied.
Just as he has forgotten me
.

"Do you hear that?" Edward leaned on the window sill and peered out, his brow wrinkling in a puzzled frown.

Penny looked at him askance. "What is it? "

Edward shook his head and leaned out the window. "I hear hoof beats, like someone is coming."