A Path Toward Love (36 page)

“Yes, I've come to decide I should pray about all the important decisions in my life.”

“And the Lord told you I should be your suitor. I'm right, aren't I?”

Not exactly
. His light tone mocked her a bit, but she ignored it. She looked deep into his dark eyes. Instead of seeing hope and affection, she found anxiety, maybe even fear. Katherine paused. Such undercurrents didn't mesh with Randy's normal lackadaisical personality. Was his love for her so strong he couldn't abide a rejection? That idea was laughable. He cared for her, but not in any deep, selfless way.

“Well, Katherine, you've kept me in suspense for weeks. It's high time you answer. May I court you?” The edge in his voice gave her pause. Why did her answer make him so tense?

She tried to add a dash of levity by smiling, but she could barely curve her lips. “Yes, you may.” Horrified at the flat tone in her own voice, she broadened her grin. Her acceptance relaxed her own tight muscles, but unfortunately, not a bit of peace or joy flowed to her heart.

His frown vanished, but his emerging smile seemed almost grim. “Splendid. I'm sure we'll make an excellent couple. We'll be quite happy, I'm sure.”

“Yes, of course we shall.” Hadn't their mothers reminded them of their suitability often enough? But why didn't he say he loved her? Maybe the thought never occurred to him. Of course she didn't love him deeply either, so she shouldn't expect more from him. Only she did. She wanted so much more than friendship.

She yearned for love, just not the passionate, reckless kind she once felt for Charles. She wanted the sort of love that would sustain her over a lifetime. But who actually experienced such lasting joy? Aunt Letty and Uncle Norman perhaps, though they were exceptional. And maybe Mama and Papa. Who was she trying to deceive? Herself? The overwhelming feelings pushing her toward Andrew were definitely more than tame affection. They were passionate, with a force she'd never encountered before.

But this is right,
she told herself.
This is what I must do. For the sake of us all .
. .

Randy leaned over and planted an unexpected kiss on Katherine's cheek and then brushed his mouth against hers. Cold and disagreeably moist, she shuddered at the feel of his lips. Gently, she moved her head away and rose.

Instinctively she knew they both felt disappointed. She'd hoped kissing him, when it happened, would kindle a fire inside her, a love she didn't expect. Even a spark would encourage her to hope that, in time, their lifelong affection would blossom into real love. But instead, nothing happened. Nor, she admitted to herself, would it ever.

Randy was still only her childhood friend. Was taking this step toward an engagement, and ultimately marriage, another disastrous mistake she'd learn to regret? But wasn't it worth sacrificing for Andrew? He'd marry her without considering all he'd lose in the bargain. She couldn't let that happen. He was much too dear to her.

Randy pressed her hand. “Shall we go inside and tell our families?”

“In a few moments. I have something I should tell you. It's a bit difficult, I'm afraid.”

“Tell me about it, Katherine,” he urged.

She wondered if it might be a mistake to share the secret about Harriet and Charles, but even as a suitor, he ought to know about the aspects of her marriage that still affected her life. “All right, but please don't repeat any of this because it's very personal.” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “While Charles and I were married, he had a love affair with a woman named Harriet. They had a son. I've heard from her recently because now she and her child are short of funds. Harriet wants me to help support the boy.”

Tugging at the corner of his bristly mustache, Randy leaned back. “You don't say. I'd never have thought. My goodness, Katherine, are you sure you're right?”

She nodded. “I'm not mistaken. Anyway, I'm waiting to hear from her.”

“You mean you're writing to the woman? You ought to ignore her demands. She has an unbelievable nerve asking you for money after what she did. She's getting exactly what she deserves—poverty for her sin.”

Surprised to hear Randy speak of sin, she wasn't shocked that he advised her to ignore the woman's plea. “It's the boy I feel sorry for, not the mother.” Maybe she should feel some compassion for Harriet, but she couldn't. Fulfilling her Christian duty was the most she could manage.

Randy sounded exasperated. “Yes, of course you feel sympathy for their plight, but he's not your responsibility. There are charities to take care of the poor and indigent. You needn't worry. Once you give her even a small amount, she'll come back and demand more. She'll drain you dry in no time.”

“Maybe you're right, but I'd like to give her something to tide her over until she gets a job.”

Randy touched her hand. “You're so generous and kind. Too kind, I'm afraid.” His dark eyes narrowed to slits. “What do your parents suggest you do?”

She gulped. “Actually, I haven't spoken to them. I thought I'd handle this myself.”

“Hmm.” He frowned and squeezed her hands with too much pressure. “You should reconsider. They both have good sense. They wouldn't lead you astray.”

They'd insist Papa handle the situation. He'd subtly pressure Harriet to give up her claim, or maybe he'd buy her off with a few dollars. Either way, she'd never meet the woman and her son. But for some perverse reason, she wondered if meeting them would finally end the ugly chapter of her life. Still, the idea of meeting Harriet in person was more than she wanted to face. Fortunately she didn't have to. Andrew promised to take care of it for her.

“Well, of course I'll think about telling Mama and Papa. But I have to consider how this news will upset them. I'll have to wait for the right time.” Regret slithered through her. She should've solved this on her own without breathing a word to Randy.

“Shall we go tell our families the good news?” he asked. “They'll want to know we're courting.”

She forced a smile. “By all means.”

Taking her hand, they strolled back to the chalet without saying a word.

That evening at dinner the Wainwrights let it be known that Randy was courting Katherine and intimated that an engagement was in the offing. The merriment grew boisterous. From the smiles of approval all around, nobody seemed to question it.

But Andrew wanted to slip away from the celebration. He was tired of grinning and pretending good wishes to a couple with little real interest in each other—at least not the kind that sustained a lifetime together. Yet he knew he was already on tenuous ground with his boss. Mr. Wainwright would not look kindly upon any action that diminished this moment.

Both Katherine and Randy held stiff smiles throughout the meal. Andrew lost his appetite for the delicious beef Wellington, and he couldn't finish the custard tart they served for dessert, though any other time he would dig right in. When the ladies departed for the lodge, the men lingered for cigars and brandy. He didn't smoke, and the thick smell swirling toward the beamed ceiling threatened to choke him, but he stayed at the table and made an occasional comment about business matters, which normally held his attention. Tonight they seemed trivial and irritating.

As soon as the group rejoined the ladies for a few hours of entertainment, Andrew was finally able to plead a headache and excuse himself. He threaded his way through the lounge and before climbing the stairs noticed a group had gathered around Katherine and Randy at the piano. They sang with good spirit while she tapped out one popular song after another. No one seemed to take any notice of him as he climbed the stairs to the second floor.

Two hours later he gave up reading and tossed his book onto his bed. He hastened down the back staircase and outside into the dark night. A cool breeze blew from the lake and whistled lightly in his ears as he started across the darkened yard. He took care not to trip over branches and old pinecones that intermingled with clumps of grass.

Moonlight cast a silvery net over the water. Stars flickered like candle flames across the black sky before wispy clouds blocked them from view. The music drifting through the screened windows of the lounge faded as he drew closer to the bridge leading to the gazebo.

For a long time he sat on a bench and watched the inky waters wash toward shore, gurgling as they lapped over the gritty sand. At the sound of footsteps, Andrew turned his head. Gliding across the yard was a slender figure in white.

Katherine.

Heart pounding, he cleared away his gloomy thoughts and rose. A few seconds later she was at his side. Shivering, she wrapped her shawl tightly around her shoulders and chest.

Why was she venturing out in the night without some sort of chaperone? Surely Randy would notice her absence and come looking for her. But try as he might, Andrew couldn't find the gumption to send her away.

“I'm glad I found you.” She dropped onto a bench beside him. “I wanted to ask how you're feeling.” She glanced down at her hands.

He made little effort to suppress a grimace. “Obviously I'm not thrilled my cousin has won his bid to court you, but I accept your decision and wish you the best.”

The temptation to reveal Randy's true reason for starting a courtship lay on the tip of Andrew's tongue. Randy didn't want to work for his father so he did what his mother urged him to do. It was as simple and as complicated as that. But he couldn't bring himself to betray his best friend and cousin.

But was he betraying Katherine by keeping silent? Maybe he shouldn't hide information that might alter her decision. He sensed it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

He reined in his feelings. “I was probably the only one in the dining hall who wasn't thrilled by the news.” He couldn't help the downward twist of his mouth as he waited for her to speak. “You're doing what you think you have to do, but I can't say I understand
why
you're doing so. Not when there's another option.”

Her shoulders slumped, all resistance gone. Feeling emboldened, he asked, “Why didn't you refuse your parents?”

Katherine's gaze searched his face as if she were trying to decide whether to open up to him. She sighed wearily. “It's complicated, Andrew.”

“Tell me.”

“I'm sorry, I can't explain, except to say the pressure is simply too great to do anything else.” She paused. “But, Andrew, Randy and I are only courting. There may never be an engagement or a marriage.” Her eyes slowly met his.

What was she trying to tell him? He ran his hand across his cheek. “Then why are you going through with this charade? Just tell your parents the truth. You're not interested in him. Surely your father doesn't expect you to pretend affection where there isn't any.”

Katherine shook her head without hesitating. “I doubt he's fond of the idea. But he'll go along with Mama as he always does. He'll sympathize with me. Yet in the end, he'll do her bidding.”

“That's appalling,” Andrew muttered. He hated to picture his mentor as a man ready to hurt his daughter rather than fight his wife's selfish agenda. “You're so courageous, Katherine. You've come through so much. But now you're bending to the pressure. I wish there was some way for me to help.”