A Newfangled Christmas (2 page)

But now I had another problem. The kids were
asking for toys I’d never heard of. Baby dolls that grow from
infant to crawler to toddler before your very eyes! Animals that
move and make sounds without batteries! Action figures that did
what you told them to do. Walking, talking robots! I have to tell
you, it was scrambling poor old Santa’s brains. Almost every child
wanted toys that were electronic! Do you know what that means to an
old fashioned kind of guy like me?

Stuffed Teddy Bear requests were down
seventy-two percent. Raggedy Anne doll requests were down
fifty-nine percent. Of course there were seven giant stuffed E.T.
orders so far. And I did get a few orders for squishy Spongebob
dolls I could handle that. But how were the Elves going to make
electronic spiders?

Suddenly I knew I had to call a conference
with the Elves. And do it soon. Like immediately.

I hot-footed it as fast as I could to the
workshop. I zipped right by The Missus in the parlor without
telling her where I was going. I didn’t have time to stop and
explain. THIS WAS AN EMERGENCY!

I stomped out the door and headed down the
back steps. I ran down the hill so fast that snow melted under my
feet. Scurrying past the reindeer barn, past the take-off and
landing strip for the sleigh, I made a bee-line for the workshop in
the field by the woods. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath.
Then I flung open the door and hurried inside.

The workshop looked the same as it always
had. At first, that made me feel good. I leaned against a stack of
boxes and looked around. Near the door, half a dozen Elves sat
around a table, each painting the face of a Barbie doll. I smiled.
We always needed lots of Barbie dolls. I already had more than
fifty orders.

Farther back was a skate board assembly-line.
One Elf sanded the wood. The next Elf put on the wheels. The next
one painted on a design. And on and on until the skate board was
ready to be delivered on Christmas Eve.

All over the workshop my faithful little
Elves were busily assembling toys. The old fashioned way. Nowhere
was there a Heather Hoola swinging a hoola hoop around her waist.
Or an electronic Whack-A-Mole game that frantically beat moles over
the head with a bat. Or electronic puppies barking to be petted. Or
a Superhero waging war against the enemies of Earth. Everything was
quiet. Too quiet, I suddenly realized. I shook my head in
sadness.

How could I break the terrible news to the
Elves? I wondered. I couldn’t. Not now at least. They wouldn’t
understand. Even worse, they’d think I’d gone wacko. No, I’d have
to come up with a plan, I thought, as I silently backed out the
door and headed up the hill toward the house again.

My heart was heavy as I trudged along. I love
all the boys and girls in the world and want them to have the
merriest Christmas ever. It will break my heart if they don’t. I’m
also an old fashioned kind of guy with a bunch of old fashioned
Elves who don’t know any more about tockniligy or takquoligy than I
do. How could I possibly make this Christmas have a happy ending?
What on earth was I going to do?

She gave me a smug look. “A techie,” she
began in her best school teacher voice, “is a person who
understands technology.”

“Can he make toys? That’s what I need,
someone who can make those dadblasted electronic toys that grow up
right in front of your eyes and bark to be petted and twirl hoola
hoops around their middles.” I grumped. “Can your techie do
that?”

“He can do better than that,” she said. “He
can teach the Elves to do it.”

“Hmpf,” was all I answered, but I was
thinking it over. It might be worth a try. If he really could teach
the Elves the way she said he could. I walked over to the fireplace
and warmed my hands over the fire. I just couldn’t imagine MY Elves
turning out such far-fetched toys. But, of course, I couldn’t
disappoint all those boys and girls. They were depending on me.

“So where could we get one of these...these
techies?” I asked.

The Missus patted my cheek and handed me a
mug of hot tea. “You just let me handle it, dear,” she said with a
reassuring smile.

I smiled back. I can’t tell you how good it
felt to have someone else solve that particular problem. I had been
afraid I couldn’t. And then what would I have done?

Of course, there aren’t many problems that I
can’t handle, I reminded myself and sipped my tea.

The next morning when I got down to breakfast
a young man was sitting at the table with The Missus.

She brightened when she saw me come into the
room. “Santa, dear, this is Nerdly, our techie. He can’t wait to
meet the Elves.”

“Er...um...well, hello, Mr. Nerdly,” I said
as I looked him up and down. He was tall and as skinny as a buggy
whip. He had four or five earrings in each ear lobe and a brown
pony tail hanging down his back. He wore blue jeans and a scraggly
sweat shirt.

“It’s a pleasure, SC,” he said. “I’ve heard a
lot about you.”

So this is what a techie looks like, I
thought in amazement. He didn’t look much over twelve, if he looked
a day. I could probably still find his name in my ledger Must have
been only a couple of years since I delivered his toys.

The Missus was beaming. “Nerdly is not only
my computer teacher, but he knows all there is to know about
electronic toy making. Why, he’s a graduate of The National Academy
of Robotery and the Wizard’s Electronic Institute, just to mention
a couple of the schools he’s attended. Isn’t that right,
Nerdly?”

“That’s right, Ma’am. And I’m also a member
of MESS,” the techie said proudly.

“MESS?” I sputtered. “What the dagnab does
that mean?”

“Why, that’s Masters of Electronic Structural
Success. It’s a very important technology organization. There are
over two-hundred thousand member worldwide. It’s an honor to be one
of them.”

My mind was spinning. I felt as if there was
a tornado loose in my brain. A twelve-year old boy who belonged to
MESS!

Suddenly the idea struck me funny. I felt a
big guffaw of a laugh building up in the back of my throat. It was
threatening to explode out my mouth any instant. I swallowed it
down the best I could and high-tailed it for the back door.

“I’ll go tell the Elves you’re here,” I
called back over my shoulder as I disappeared through the door.

My laughter didn’t last long, though. As I
tramped through the snow toward the workshop, a sobering question
was flashing in my mind like a neon sign. How was I going to
convince the Elves to let Nerdly teach them how to build newfangled
toys? They’re like me, old fashioned kind of guys. A couple of them
are over four-hundred years old! They’re not going to let some
whipper-snapper like this Nerdly fellow teach them new tricks.

It never fails, I thought with a sigh. Just
when I think things are finally working out, I’ve got a whole new
predicament to deal with.

I crept over to the window and looked in.
There they were, all seven-hundred twenty-two of them, working
away. There were Elves at assembly lines making bicycles and
scooters and red wagons. There were long tables filled with sewing
machines where Elves sewed clothes for Barbie and blankets for baby
dolls. In the upstairs loft, I could see Elves stuffing cuddly
bears and attaching riding sticks to horses’ heads. It broke my
heart to see how happy they all looked.

Am I making a mistake bringing in a techie? I
wondered. But in my heart I knew I wasn’t. If the Elves couldn’t
make the toys that kids wanted, the days of Santa Claus would be
over. The reindeer would have to be turned out to pasture. The
Elves would have to be laid off. And The Missus and I would have to
retire!

I took a deep breath and headed for the door.
It opened with a loud squeak, but the Elves were too busy with
their work to notice. Some bent over their toys, concentrating on
getting them just right. Others scurried around the room carrying
arm loads of puppets and buckets full of rubber snakes. I took a
deep breath. Sawdust and paint smells were in the air, the same as
always. I listened to the familiar pounding of hammers and buzzing
of saws and wondered how different the workshop would become when
the Elves started making electronic toys.

I cleared my throat and then did it a second
time, more loudly. Not a single Elf looked up. Talk about
dedication to the job, I thought. There was nothing to do but ring
the bright red dinner bell that I had hung by the front door years
ago to get their attention.

BONG! BONG!

Instantly hammers stopped pounding. Saws
stopped buzzing. Sewing machines stopped whirring. And faces popped
up all over the workshop and looked at me. Then they broke out in
smiles.

I waved and said warmly, “Hey there,
everybody. Sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got something important to
talk to you about.”

Each Elf left his work station and crowded to
the front of the shop. There were Elves of every size and shape.
There were some that were tall and thin. Some that were short and
fat. Then there were tall and fat ones. And short and thin ones.
Some had long beards. Some had goatees. Some had mustaches and
mutton chops. Some were clean shaven. But they all had one thing in
common: they were master toy makers.

When they had all assembled, I cleared my
throat to speak. The trouble was, I still didn’t know exactly what
to say. They had such happy faces and eager eyes. What I was going
to tell them would change their lives forever.

There is nothing to do but begin, I told
myself. They would just have to understand. To adapt. To get up to
speed with the times. Yes, siree!

I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.

“What is it, Santa,” asked Edgar. He was
four-hundred seventeen years old and the spokesman for the group.
“Is something wrong?”

The smiles on all of the Elves faces had
turned to quizzical expressions. Some even looked worried.

“Oh, no,” I said, hurriedly shaking my head.
“It’s just that...” I still couldn’t find the words.

Suddenly the door burst open and Nerdly
rushed inside.

“I couldn’t wait any longer to meet the
workers,” the techie said to me in a half apologetic voice. Then
turning to the Elves, he went on excitedly, “I’m Nerdly, your
techie, and I’m going to teach you to make electronic toys.”

The Elves mouths dropped open so far that
their chins bumped against the floor all at the same time. I knew
that there was no turning back now.

Nerdly still wasn’t paying any attention to
the Elves, who by now had gone into a huddle. Their voices were
getting louder. And angrier.

I couldn’t understand what they were saying
because they were all talking at once. All I knew was, they were
plenty hot under the collar. I started pacing back and forth. What
was I going to do?

Finally Nerdly was ready to speak. “Excuse
me, Elves. May I have your attention, please,” the techie shouted.
He had an eager grin on his face as if he couldn’t wait to get
started.

The Elves ignored him. They stayed locked in
their huddle, ranting and raving to each other. Fists rose in the
air. Heads shook in anger. Now and then an Elf would look up from
the huddle and frowned straight at me. Then he would bury his head
in the huddle again and continue to rant.

“Excuse me! Excuse me!” Nerdly shouted a
little louder. He looked less optimistic than he had a moment ago.
I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t figure out what was going on,
either.

Not one of the Elves looked up.

I swallowed hard. This wasn’t like them. They
were the greatest bunch of guys I’d ever known. I mean, I
understood where they were coming from. Starting to use my computer
hadn’t been all that easy. But why couldn’t they just be polite and
listen to what Nerdly was going to say?

“Elves, will you please turn around and
listen up!” he screeched. By now he had completely lost his cool.
His eyes bulged out, and he was chewing on a strand of his pony
tail. He threw me a frantic glance. “SC? What am I going to
do?”