A Necessary Sin (7 page)

His palms glide up and down the sides of my body as he studies every inch. “I knew you’d be perfect.”

I’m self-conscious again, even more so now that I’m stark naked. I shake my head. “I’m in no way perfect.”

He grasps my nape and brings me closer to kiss the side of my neck. “You are to me, Bonny Bleu.”

He moves his hands to my waist and tugs while scooting backward on the bed. “Come up here and join me.”

We lie on our sides facing one another and he hikes my leg over his thigh before possessing my mouth again. It must be instinct taking over because without any thought at all, I wrap my leg around Sin’s waist and begin moving in a rocking motion. He grasps my cheeks in his hands and pulls my body hard against him. “I acted an arse when we met but I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you at Duncan’s.”

Rule number nine: say or do whatever’s necessary to sell it. “I’ve wanted you since I realized you took the photograph of me from my flat.”

He stops kissing my throat and looks at my eyes. “How long have you known?”

“I noticed it missing right after your first visit inside my flat.”

He’s smiling so he must like my answer. “Then that means you’ve wanted me for a while.”

“What did you do with it?” I ask.

“It’s on my desk in my office.” Liar. I don’t believe that for a second, but I’m not calling him out on it. Things are going too well.

“Good.” I entwine my fingers in his hair and pull his face closer so our lips brush.

He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and lightly tugs before releasing it. “I don’t kiss.”

That’s not true. I recall several times he’s kissed me.

I skim my fingertips over his lips. “I beg to differ.”

He shakes his head. “What I mean is that I don’t kiss other women. This compromise is only for you.”

“Never?”

“No, never.”

Hmm … He’s quite good at it. “Why am I the exception?”

“You asked me to make love to you. I can’t imagine doing that without kissing.” Good answer.

“Whatever the reason, it pleases me.”

“I haven’t even begun to please you.” He moves his hand around and down to touch me between my thighs. I involuntarily jerk because my body is hypersensitive. “Someone’s jumpy.”

“I’m feeling a little extra responsive right now.” God, did that sound stupid? Yes. I think it did.

“I like responsive, but your body is too tense. Relax and breathe. I want you to enjoy this.”

I do as he says. I inhale deeply through my nose and then blow it out slowly through my mouth.

“Keep breathing in deeply and then out slowly. In and then out,” he says as he slips his fingers inside me. I tense again but he reminds me, “Don’t forget to relax and breathe.” He moves his fingers in and out in a torturously slow motion.

I grind against his hand because it’s not enough. I want more of what he’s doing. As though he reads my mind, he moves his fingers faster but this time adding another one—his thumb, rubbing my clit.

I’ve never had penetrative intercourse with a man but I’m not ignorant to the act or how one achieves an orgasm. I’ve simply never had anyone else do it for me.

But he’s about to, and soon.

My eyes are squeezed shut, my mouth open and panting as I grind against his hand. “Look at me. I want to see your eyes when you orgasm.”

I open and look at him. “Why?”

“Watching you come apart is my reward for making it happen.” He smiles.

My panting increases. “Omigod.” Here it is. “Ohhh … ”

It feels like rhythmic contraction squeezing low in my pelvis. Warm bliss spreads throughout my body and pulsates through my limbs down to the tips of my fingers and toes.

“Fire, meet gasoline.” He kisses me quickly. “You have a beautiful come face.”

He rolls away and reaches into the nightstand drawer to take out a condom. He tears it open and I watch him roll it on because I’ve never seen a man do that … at least not in real life and certainly not so he could use it on me. It’s enthralling. And stimulating in a way I never imagined.

Sin rolls on top of me, his body nestling between my legs.

I’ve known real-life monsters existed since I was seven years old so I thought nothing in this world had the power to ever scare me again. That clearly isn’t true because I’m terrified.

I’m giving my body—and a piece of myself—to this man. We are about to join and become one. This is far beyond the physical act I expected. I’m handing over a part of … my soul. I didn’t know being with him would feel like this.

I can’t recall ever wanting anything so much in all my life, but I’m simultaneously fighting an urge to push him off so I can run.

I don’t have long to fear the unknown because he enters me in one fluid motion and I feel a ripping pain when he pushes through my virginity. He has no idea I’ve never done this, so his first thrust isn’t gentle. The tearing is sudden and sharp and unexpected. I grasp the sheet beneath me and twist it violently.

I thought I’d be able to hold my response inside but I can’t. My gasp is loud. I turn my head to the side and cover my face with the fisted sheet so he can’t see the pain there.

He goes completely still. “Did you feel that?”

Umm … hell yeah, I felt my hymen being shredded into pieces. “Yeah.”

“What is it?”

This is it—the part where I either instill a desire for him to want to keep me to himself … or he freaks the fuck out. “My virginity.”

“Virginity? What the hell are you talking about?”

I look at him quizzically. “I don’t want to talk right now.” I reach for the back of his neck and pull him down for a kiss. “I’d much rather finish what you started.”

He pulls away so he can see my face. “A virgin?”

“Yes.”

He’s shaking his head, as if to make sense of the whole thing. “What was all that bullshit about demanding I pleasure you?”

“It’s not bullshit. It all stands, and right now I demand that you properly fuck me.” The pain has subsided while he’s been busy trying to carry on a conversation, so I rock my hips against him. I’m ready for this now. “Don’t tell me you don’t like the way this feels because I know I do.”

He growls when he pushes my legs back and starts rocking back and forth inside me. “Oh, fuck, you’re so wee. And wet.”

I can’t lie. I like hearing him say those things. I want to be the best he’s ever had. It ensures he’ll keep me around longer. “Am I worth the work and the wait?”

“Hell.” He thrusts between words. “Yes.”

“I told you when it’s good, it’s very good.”

“It’s pure magic,” he groans. “The best ever.”

I smile against his neck. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.

Giving him my virginity hasn’t been for nothing. Everything is going according to plan.

I
’ve gotten
off plenty over the last six years but I’ve missed sharing a bed with a woman. Having Bleu here with her bare, sweaty body pressed to mine while I move inside her feels amazing. I’ve been robbing this luxury of the recognition it deserves. It’s incredible and Bleu is the only woman I’m willing to risk this with. She has no ties to anyone in The Fellowship—or rival cartel. She’ll keep this to herself because she has nothing to gain and everything to lose by opening her mouth.

I can’t believe how good she feels. I move slower. I want to make this last as long as possible but decreasing my pace doesn’t help. The tight grip of her body around mine is going to push me over the edge soon.

I tense and clench my teeth as the bliss approaches. I thrust into her deeply with the onset of the rhythmic spasms. I know I should—and I always do—but I cannot pull out. I’m greedy. I don’t want to give up a second of this pleasure.

I’m completely spent and empty when I crumple over Bleu. Our bodies are wet and sticking to one another. She probably prefers me anywhere but the place I am—on top with my weight pressing against her—but I don’t roll away. I love the sensation of her soft skin touching mine.

She’s gone lax beneath me, her limbs outstretched on the bed. My mouth is pressed to her throat and I can feel the pulsation in her neck against my lips. Her heart races.

She brings both hands to my back and the tips of her fingernails graze my skin as she drags them up and down. Chills erupt all over my body. “I hope it was good for you.”

Good? Is she kiddin’ me?

I lift my head and look at her face. “Seriously … it was the best ever.”

She blushes as her mouth curls into a large grin. “Really?”

“Unquestionably.” I kiss her quickly before rolling onto my back to lie next to her.

“Is this a one-time thing?”

I don’t think I can bear it if this only happens once. “You’re asking, so does that mean you’re open to a second time?” And a third. And so on …

“I think I am.”

“Good. I’m very open to it again.” Do I dare to do this? Start a relationship, even if it’s only sexual? I’ve never been in any kind of an arrangement like this with a woman. “You should probably be aware of something. I might not know how to treat you. It’s something I’ve never learned.” She should understand my ways early on so there are no surprises later. “I only know how to use fear and violence to make people behave the way I want them to.”

“You should probably understand now that I won’t allow you to control me with threats.”

“Then we should be an interesting couple.” I laugh. This is going to be fun.

“We’re going to be volatile. We should prepare now for this to end badly.” She couldn’t be more right.

“We’re damned from the start,” I say. “The odds of us working out even for a short time are unfavorable.”

“You shouldn’t expect much from me.”

“I’m going to put your worries to rest right now. I expect nothing from you.” That’s good. I doubt I’ll give her anything more than a good heartache.

I reach to remove the condom and see the blown-out tip. “Aww … fuck!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Your virginity shredded the condom.” She lifts her head and stares at the busted rubber on my cock. “Please tell me you’re taking birth control.”

“We probably should’ve discussed this before you came inside me through a broken rubber.” That’s a no.

She was a virgin until five minutes ago, so that means she has no reason to be on any kind of birth control. “When is your next period due?”

“My body doesn’t work like that.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t have periods like normal women. There’s no need to go into details about something you care nothing about. Just know that you’ll never have to worry about a baby with me.”

She can’t get pregnant. Bleu’s pro list is growing. I wonder what’s going on with that. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to talk about it, so I’ll respect that boundary for now.

“A pregnancy isn’t a possibility, but I still have to worry about infected penises giving me diseases. When’s the last time you were tested and how many women have you been with since?”

I just had a quarterly check. “I was tested last week. Everything came back clean. I haven’t been with anyone since. Except you.”

“Good. Make sure you keep it that way.”

I
was
fifteen years old when my father told me to never fall asleep next to a woman, especially one I’d just fucked. He said I couldn’t trust her to not kill me in my sleep. I figured Dad knew what he was talking about, so I’ve never taken the chance. Although I once brought women into my bed, I never allowed any of them to spend the night—until now.

Bleu promised it would be a night of firsts, and it certainly has been.

I watched her sleep for a while before I turned off the lamp. It had nothing to do with worry or fear she’d kill me while I was sleeping. I simply wanted to enjoy seeing her in my bed.

I think she had nightmares. She was restless and often mumbled incoherently. Her sleep became so fitful at one point, she screamed. She looked like a frightened animal ready to sprint when I woke her. I encouraged her to tell me what it was about, but she wouldn’t. Instead of talking, we made love again.

I’m lying on my side with my elbow pressed into the bed and my head propped in my hand when Bleu wakes and looks at me. She smiles and rolls onto her side to face me. “Good mornin’.”

I grab the bed sheet and give it a yank so I get a peep show of her tits. “Good morning to ye, girls.”

She playfully slaps my shoulder and pulls the linen up to cover herself. “You live up to your name very well.”

“Aye, as I should. My sins are very well practiced.”

“They were very well practiced last night.” She’s grinning, her cheeks blushing.

I move to get on top of her so I can practice some more, but she puts her hand to my chest, stopping me. “Are you sore?”

“Not terribly.”

“Then I didn’t do my job well enough.”

“You did a fine job.” She crinkles her nose. “But I think my virginity has ruined your linens.”

I kiss the top of her hand. “I genuinely enjoyed ruining them.”

“I’ll put them in the wash when we get up. Maybe they’re salvageable.”

“You don’t have to do that. Agnes will take care of them.”

“Who’s Agnes?”

“My neighbor. She comes in a couple times a week to straighten up and do laundry. She’s disabled—has a bad knee from a fall. She’s unable to work so it helps her out with a little extra cash.”

She’s making that face, the one generally followed by an “aww.” “That’s really generous.”

“Not really. She gets the funds she needs for her bills and I get a clean place to live. It’s a good partnership.” As this one will be as well.

She sits up and crisscrosses her legs. She still has the sheet tucked under her arms and I’d like to give it another yank. “Will you be taking me home on your way to the firm?”

I forgot to tell her. “I worked late the past two nights so I could have today off. I was hoping you’d want to spend it with me.”

She’s all smiles. “I’d like that very much, but I need a change of clothes.” She crinkles her nose again. “And a toothbrush.”

The toothbrush is an easy fix but everything else could be a problem. “We’ll go by your place and pick up an overnight bag.”

“An overnight bag as in the one I should have had for last night, or one for tonight?”

“Both.”

I
wait
on the sofa while Bleu gathers her things. “Do I need an outfit for going out tonight?” she calls from the bedroom.

It’s the third time she’s yelled to ask me a question so I get up and go to her bedroom. “Do you want me to take you out?”

She jerks around and yelps. “Shit! I thought you were still in the living room.”

I laugh. “Do you want to go out?”

“Maybe.” She shrugs. “Dinner and dancing?”

“Sure, if it’s what you want.”

She takes out a black dress and holds the hanger at her shoulders to display how it might look on her. “Do you like this one?”

It looks really short. “Aye. I bet you look great in it.”

She tosses it on the bed next to her bag and packs a pair of tall, red heels to go with it.

“Where do you keep your bras and knickers?”

Her brow lifts and she points toward a small chest. “Top one.”

I open the drawer and go through her intimates, choosing the ones I like best. I hold up a red lace G-string with matching bra. “You have some exceptionally sexy garments for someone not having sex.”

“I like the way they make me feel. Would you prefer I wear granny panties?”

“I don’t know what granny panties are.”

“Never mind.” She laughs. “You don’t want to know.”

I hold up a satin bra I don’t particularly care for. “I’d like to take you shopping so I can choose sexy things for you to wear.”

“Do you have any idea how overbearing that sounds?”

I don’t care. “I want you to have pretty things.”

“I have plenty of pretty things.”

“You do.” But she deserves quality pieces. These items were bought on a photographer’s budget. “I think we can do better. And it’ll be fun.”

She’s frowning. “I’ll feel like I owe you.”

“You won’t owe me.” I move toward her and push her back against the wall. I encage her within my hold, pressing my hands against the wall on each side of her head. “If you belonged to me, it would be my job to give you everything you need. And want. I’d very much like to claim you.”

“What does that mean? To claim me?”

“It’s me saying you’re mine and no one else’s. I take responsibility for you and your well-being. Physically—I’ll keep you safe. Financially—I’ll take care of everything you need and want. You won’t work because I’ll see to all your expenses.” She gave me her virginity. I’m the only man to ever have her. I plan to keep it that way. “Sexually, we’ve already worked that one out. I’m the only man you’ll give yourself to and vice versa. I won’t be with other women.”

“It sounds like a formal arrangement. Is this a well-known practice observed by The Fellowship?”

“Yes, but ours would be a little different. You’re an outsider so you wouldn’t be an acceptable consort for me to claim. We’d be forced to keep it a secret from the brothers, except for Jamie and Leith.”

“I’m feeling very discriminated against right now.”

“It’s a rule put in place to prohibit us from going outside the conglomerate to find romantic relationships. It’s necessary to enforce, but I know your intentions. The Fellowship need not fear you.”

“I suppose I’m not very threatening.” She laughs.

“Not so much.”

“You said you’d protect me? Is there a reason I need protection?”

“I recall you having an issue with grabby hands and I resolved that for you.”

“We solved that problem together.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that one.”

“Financially. I might have a problem with that one. I don’t like feeling like I’m not making my own way.”

“Then you can do some freelance photography if you like.”

“You mentioned taking care of me sexually. It’s part of claiming?”

“I enjoy having you in my bed. I’d like you to be in it every night.”

“That sounds like you’re asking me to move in.”

She catches on quickly. “I am.”

“We’ve spent one night together.”

“I don’t care. I want you there.”

She’s silent.

“Say yes.”

“I don’t know. What if I snore or do things that irritate you?”

“You won’t.” I kiss the side of her face. “Say. Yes. Bonny Bleu.”

“I love hearing you call me that.”

“If you move in, I’ll call you bonny every night.”

“I may only be here a few more weeks if things are wrapped up with Aunt Edy’s estate.”

“Then spend those remaining days with me.”

She bites her lip and squeezes her eyes. “You’re being very persuasive.” She begins nodding. “I guess we can give it a try. Maybe we won’t kill one another.”

“Perfect. Pack what you need for tonight and I’ll send Sterling for the rest of your things tomorrow.”

“You never told me what we were doing today.”

“We’re meeting Leith and Jamie at the gym.”

She puts her hands on her hips. “You want to take me to work out?”

Bleu has an incredibly fit body. “Definitely not. The three of us box, been doing it since we were lads. I thought you might enjoy watching.”

“Nice. I wouldn’t mind seeing a little friendly battle of swinging fists. I might even join in.”

I hope she’s kidding. “No way I’m letting you in the ring with those dickheads.”

She’s grinning. “You think I’ll get hurt?”

I think Jamie and Leith would be too damn scared to touch a hair on her head. “No, it’s not fitting to put a woman in the ring with a man.”

She looks offended. “Really?”

“There’s no match. You’re at least sixty pounds lighter than any one of us.”

“I can throw a pretty fast punch. My opponent never sees it coming.” She sounds as though it’s something she does on a regular basis.

“Today, you observe.” I say it as though I might let her get into the ring at some point in the future, but that’ll never happen while she’s with me.

She grins as she folds a blouse and stuffs it into her bag. “We’ll see.”

J
amie and Leith
are already in the ring when we arrive. They stop midfight to ogle us. This should be fun.

Jamie and Leith know there are things going on between Bleu and me, but I expect both to be completely shocked when I tell them I’ve claimed her.

“Hello, boys,” Bleu calls out as we walk past. She grins up at me and whispers, “You haven’t told them we’ve been spending time together, have you?”

“No.”

“Then this shouldn’t be at all awkward.” She looks at Leith and then back to me. “Are you planning to tell Leith about us while you’re in the ring together?”

Ah. I think she at least suspects he’s into her. “Aye, and I’m telling him I’ve claimed you as well.”

“Why would you do it like this?”