A Navy SEAL's Surprise Baby (14 page)

“Knowing all that, then seeing the woman you are today?” He shook his head. “Hell, I admire you. Sure, I still have a lot of questions, but mostly I just kick myself for letting you get away.”

*

W
HILE
WAITING
IN
the Social Services lobby, Pandora couldn’t get Calder’s words from her head. Was he sincere? Or was he panicked over not having her around to help watch Quinn? He’d mentioned still having questions. Once he learned her ex could one day be eligible for parole and occasionally sent letters begging to see Julia, would Calder want nothing to do with her all over again?

She might have a squeaky-clean new life on the outside, but on the inside, even she knew she had miles to go before being fully healed. For that matter, did anyone ever fully heal from an addiction?

With still twenty minutes to go, she folded her arms and paced. She was always excited to see her little girl, but even more so today. She couldn’t wait to tell Julia about her bedroom. The way sunshine would be her new alarm clock.

Calder? Where does he fit in? And Quinn?

Hands to her temples, she almost wished Calder had never entered her life. He’d made her yearn for the kind of Ward and June Cleaver normalcy she’d only dreamed existed. It wasn’t practical for her to believe magic could strike twice.

“Mommy!” Julia entered the building with her foster parents, but from her first sight of Pandora, she released Cindy’s hand and made a beeline for her.

Heart swelling with happiness, Pandora crushed her daughter in a hug. “You smell good. Like sugar cookies. Been baking?”

“Uh-huh!” She looked to her foster mother. “Mom Cindy got new cookie cutters and we practiced for Thanksgiving. I made a turkey!”

“That’s awesome!” Pandora rewarded her clever girl with another hug.

“Ready?” asked the social worker who supervised Pandora’s visits.

“Where’s Quinn?” Julia asked when they settled at a table to color the new princess coloring book Pandora had brought her.

“He’s with his dad today.”

“Is he nice?”

“Quinn’s dad?”

“Uh-huh....” Julia concentrated so hard on staying inside the lines that she’d drawn her lower lip into her mouth.

“He’s very nice.”

“My dad scared me. He was mean to you.”

Where had that come from? “Yes, sweetie, he was. I’m sorry.”

“Mom Cindy’s husband is real nice. He fixed my bike tire and learned me how to climb trees.”

“You mean he taught you?” she corrected, smoothing Julia’s ponytail.

“Yeah. It was fun. I didn’t know dads could be fun. I thought they were all scary.”

A too-familiar knot formed at the back of Pandora’s throat. Honestly, until meeting Calder, she hadn’t known, either. But she was learning....

“Done!” She held up her completed princess picture.

“It’s beautiful,” Pandora said. “Could I please keep it to put on my new fridge?”

“Only if I get to keep yours to put on
my
fridge!” Julia hopped and clapped after her request, reminding Pandora of the lighthearted banter they’d occasionally shared when she’d been very young.

“That’s a deal.”

As usual, two hours passed way too fast, but when the social worker asked Pandora if she’d like a special Christmas visit, Pandora felt she was definitely on track for winning her March case.

*

“
D
UDE
,
SERIOUSLY
?” Calder was already having enough trouble following his mom’s recipe. Not only couldn’t he read her handwriting, but he’d bought the wrong tomato stuff. Who knew there was a difference between paste and stewed and just plain old sauce? It all looked the same to him. Now Quinn had helped himself to Pandora’s lower cabinets, tugging out all the pots and pans, laughing and squealing with each clang. “Sorry, but this isn’t going to work.”

Calder made a makeshift baby corral from the sofa cushions and coffee table, then set Quinn in the middle with a few toys from his diaper bag.

He’d barely made it back to the kitchen before his son let loose with a wail that sounded as if he’d been stabbed.

Calder ran back in, picked up his bawling son. “Don’t you want me to impress Pandora with this fancy dinner?”

Quinn answered with more ear-piercing screams.

What to do? What to do?

The usual panic set in when Calder couldn’t calm his son. He was hardly ever fussy with Pandora, but he had been with Gloria. What had Pandora done to appease him?

Remembering her pacing and singing with the occasional rocking motion thrown in, Calder tried cradling Quinn close to his chest.

“I’m not Sinatra,” Calder said, “but here goes...”

As best as he could, fudging at least half the words, Calder sang and rocked his son.

*

P
ANDORA
TRIED
SQUELCHING
the seed of excitement growing inside her when she saw Calder’s car still in her driveway.

With Julia’s picture and her purse in hand, she locked up her car and climbed the stairs leading to her apartment. At the top, instead of slipping her key in the lock, she stopped to listen.

Was Calder singing?

Peeking through a part in the curtains, she found him not only crooning to his son, but on his knees, holding Quinn’s hands, dancing with him. The best part was that Calder wasn’t even going with a nursery rhyme, but vintage Journey.

Judging by the smile on Quinn’s face, he loved it.

She soundlessly opened the door, wanting to view more of the adorable scene, but Quinn caught sight of her and dropped to his knees, crawling her way. “Hey, cutie!”

Grabbing onto her slacks, he raised himself upright, pinching for her to lift him.

“How’d it go?” Calder asked. Was it her imagination or was his face a shade redder from getting caught being a not-so-manly SEAL? What he didn’t know was that she found this softer side infinitely more attractive—not a good thing, considering her intent to remain man-free.

Chapter Fourteen

Fanning herself from the heat just looking at Calder raised in her cheeks, Pandora asked, “Do you have the oven on?”

“No. Why?”

“I’m warm.” She removed the hat and gloves the blustery day’s temperature had called for, set them on the nearby kitchen table then picked up Quinn. “Did you have fun exploring?”

“Gaa! Baa!”

“Well, that sounds interesting,” she teased.

“How was your daughter?” Calder asked.

“Wonderful.” She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, remembering her little girl’s smile. “I know that old saying about not wishing your life away, but in this case, I’d give anything for it to already be March.”

“Is your hearing early March or late?” He picked up sofa cushions from the floor.

“Early. What happened?” She nodded toward her pillaged couch.

“Thought I might outsmart my Tasmanian devil by corralling him, but turns out he’s way smarter than me.”

“I know the feeling.” She kissed the infant’s nose. “So where’s this fabulous meal you promised? I’m starving.” Walking the ten feet to the kitchen, she explored the stove and oven.

“Um, yeah... Have you ever tried cooking while a Tasmanian devil circles your feet?”

“As a matter of fact, I have. Welcome to my world.”

They shared a laugh, which surprised Pandora. When Calder sent her away, she’d honestly feared never laughing again.

Neither of them had the energy to figure out where Calder’s sauce had gone wrong, so he ordered a pizza and Pandora scrambled an egg for Quinn to go along with his bottle.

After eating, the baby drifted off to sleep, leaving Pandora achingly aware that she and Calder were alone. The sensation reminded her of their nights back at his house. How sometimes they’d watch a movie or just hang out in the living room reading. What they hadn’t done was spend a lot of time talking—no doubt largely because of her unwillingness to open up about her past.

“Here we are again.” Calder shot a slow grin her way. “Seems like we always end up just sitting.”

“Sure sign of parental exhaustion—not that I’m Quinn’s parent, but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” After a few more seconds’ silence during which she wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, he asked, “If it’s not too personal, tell me about your ex.”

“Wow...” She shook her head. “Talk about jumping straight from the shallow to the deep end.”

“You don’t have to answer. Guess I feel like I know you better than anyone else, yet when I really think about it, I hardly know anything about you.”

“Feeling’s mutual.” She reached across the sofa to jab his shoulder. He was all muscle to the point his skin hardly had any give. Eyes briefly closed, she struggled to forget the sight of him doing a towel-wrapped shower dash to his room. His bare chest still glistening from the water.

“All right, ask me anything. I’m an open book.”

Where did she start? Careful to avoid any more thoughts of his pecs—not to mention those six-pack abs—she asked, “Why is a guy like you still single?”

“I assume you mean such a handsome man?” There he went again with the grin that never failed to stir needs she’d believed long gone.

“Among other things.” Squelching the familiar urge to fan herself, she said, “I’m serious. You’ve got a great job. You seem reasonably smart—except when it comes to caring for small children....” She winked.

Now he was jabbing her. “Watch it. I resent that statement.” He rubbed the back of his neck, then groaned. “Where do I even start? When I was in North Carolina, I had a great talk with my stepdad. Mom, too, but it was Harold who unwittingly lit a lightbulb in my head.”

“Oh?” Intrigued, she kicked off her loafers to sit with her legs tucked beneath her, angling to face him.

“My folks split when I was eight. Dad cheated, but oddly enough, there wasn’t much fighting. I think I was more upset than my mom. He moved to Nebraska and on school breaks I was required to stay with him. Seems like every time I went, he had a different wife who made a big deal out of being my stepmom. By the time I was in high school, it was ridiculous.” He shrugged. “I didn’t understand the point of marrying someone—or even being in a relationship with her—if it would only end badly. Easier to avoid the issue altogether, you know?”

“Interesting....” She couldn’t help but draw comparisons to their lives. “Even though I watched my mom live in a horrible marriage, after she died, I wanted my own marriage so badly that right after high school I ran off to get married—to a man who treated me worse than my father. You, on the other hand, did the opposite of what you’d seen as a child. Maybe a few years from now I’d like to take a few online college psychology courses.”

“You’d probably be good at psychology. Since you’ve experienced so much, I think you’d be able to help a lot of people.”

“Really?” No one had ever said something like that to her before—that she might be good at something. Oh, sure, Natalie told her all the time she was good with kids, but this was different. Her interactions with children felt more like play than a job.

“Of course.” He edged sideways to better face her. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Now that I realize you’re the real deal—you actually beat the kinds of addictions that haunt people their entire lives—even kill them—I’m impressed.”

“Thank you.” Fairly glowing from his kind words, she found herself not wanting the night to end. How differently would things be between them now if she’d been open with Calder from the start? Would they be holding hands? Kissing?
More?

She snatched a magazine from an end table, back to fanning flaming cheeks.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Really good.”

“Me, too.”

He smiled.

She smiled. “There’s a swap meet at the fairgrounds tomorrow. I thought I might go. Pick up a few things for the apartment. Think you and Quinn would want to tag along?”

“Sure. What time?”

“It starts at ten. Is that all right?” Her heart galloped while awaiting his reply. Would she ever feel normal around him? Did she even want to?

“Perfect. Quinn and I will pick you up. In the meantime...” He looked to his son. “Guess I’d better get this guy to bed.”

After helping Calder gather Quinn’s baby gear, she walked him to the door.

For the longest time Calder just stood there with his hand on the knob. He acted apprehensive, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t quite make the words come. “Well...”

She flashed a nervous smile, willing her runaway pulse to slow. Why, when he’d hurt her so badly, would she have given anything right now for him to kiss her?

“Guess I’ll see you in the morning.” He tried hugging her, but with Quinn’s carrier bumping their knees, much to Pandora’s everlasting regret any closeness proved impossible.

A good thing? Pandora honestly didn’t know.

*

“A
GAIN
?” Q
UINN
HAD
slept the entire ride home, only to now be wired. “I’ve got to get you on a schedule, bud.”

“Gaaaaah!”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Calder bathed his son, having a little too much fun with Quinn’s impressive boat collection. After drying him, just as he’d seen Pandora and his mother do, he rubbed lotion on Quinn’s bottom, then diapered him, concentrating extra hard on keeping the adhesive tabs even.

“Hungry?” he asked.

“Goooooo bah!”

“Dad-dee.”

“Gaaaaaah bah!”

“Dad-dee.”

Instead of speaking, the kid blew a raspberry containing enough drool to send them back to the bathroom for a fresh face wash.

For the life of him, Calder couldn’t remember if Pandora and his mom fed Quinn right before bed or not. Personally, Calder was always sleepy after a big meal, but maybe that wasn’t the case with kids.

How was it possible that he’d had Quinn since summer and he still didn’t have his schedule nailed down? Was that what his mom meant about forcing him to get to know his son?

“How about we both get a snack?”

In the kitchen, he foraged. He found plenty for himself, but he wasn’t sure about feeding a protein bar to a baby.

“I’ll sure be glad when you can just say what you want.”

“Bah!”

“You want a bottle?”

“Dah!”

“Dad-dee?”

“Goooo dah!”

“You do know you’re making me feel crazy?”

Quinn grabbed his father’s nose and squeezed.

Calder was exhausted, but considering a certain hyper infant showed no sign of sleeping any time soon, Calder popped the original
Total
Recall
in the DVD player, settling in for a long night.

“What do you think Pandora’s doing?”

“Paaaah?”

“Pan-dor-a.”

“Pah hor!”

“Pan-door-rah.”

Though his favorite movie played on TV, it’d become much more entertaining trying to get Quinn to say Pandora’s name.

*

W
HEN
C
ALDER
YAWNED
for the tenth time in five minutes as they strolled the bustling flea market and Quinn slept soundly in his stroller, Pandora asked, “What’d you two do last night after you left?”

“I wanted to go to bed, but Mr. Party Animal refused.”

“I had him on a great schedule. What happened?” The moment she asked the question, Pandora regretted it. What had happened was Calder sent her on her way. Despite bright sun and the party atmosphere provided by a local swing band, her mood plummeted.

“We both know I screwed up.” He sidestepped three boys wielding squirt guns. “You don’t have to rub my nose it.”

“That wasn’t my intent—even though that is what happened. And for the record—” she veered the stroller toward a towering oak, its shade protecting a picnic table “—I understand why you sent me away. If our roles had been reversed and I’d hired you to watch Julia, I’d have done the same. Bringing up the schedule was an honest mistake. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

He’d shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. “While we’re talking about issues probably better left alone...” He sighed and picked at the bark on a nearby oak. “In retrospect, I’m not entirely sure my reaction was all about you. Your past.”

“What do you mean?” She brushed crumbs from the table’s bench, then had a seat.

“I don’t even know how to say this.” He looked to the cloudless blue sky, then to her.

“Good grief, Calder, whatever it is, spit it out. Lord knows I’ve spilled enough of my dirty secrets.”

“Looking back on it, your news relieved me. What I felt for you—” he sat beside her, easing his fingers between hers “—it happened too fast. My whole life I shied away from anything real, yet there you were. You scared me. My own feelings scared me.”

He straddled the bench, cupping his hand to her face, brushing her cheek with his thumb. Though the crowded sale went on around them, Pandora felt sheltered on an island created by Calder’s confession. He cared about her.

“Hell...” He chuckled, leaning close enough to send her pulse deep into the danger zone. “I’m scared right now, but apparently not smart enough to run.”

“Maybe it’s time to stop running?”

He kissed her deliciously slow and sweet. He kissed her until she was tilting her head to allow him deeper access and closing her eyes with a sigh.

“Pandora? Is that you and little Quinn?”

Still in a kiss-induced fog, Pandora glanced up to see Lila with her husband in tow.

“I told her to leave you two alone,” Martin grumbled.

“Oh, hush.” Lila gave her husband a swat. “I haven’t seen you in forever, and you missed last week’s beautification meeting.”

As high as Pandora had been moments earlier, she was now that low. What did she say? Lila knew nothing about her past.

Calder settled his arm around her shoulders. “Quinn and I are so proud of her. She landed a great new job at the day care her agency runs. Quinn starts there Monday.”

“How exciting.” Lila gave her a quick hug. “But does this mean you’re no longer living in the neighborhood?”

“No,” Calder again answered for her, “but, hopefully, she’ll be over for lots of visits.”

Lila hugged her again, and after more small talk, the elderly couple ambled on.

“Thanks,” Pandora said to Calder. “I didn’t know what to say.”

“Like you once told me, there’s really nothing to say. The past is past.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Let’s keep it that way.”

*

T
HE
NIGHT
BEFORE
Thanksgiving, Calder coached his son during bath time. “Pan-dor-a.”

“Paa gah!”

“Pan-door-rah.”

“Ah gah roo!”
Splash, splash.

Calder rocked back on his heels. “Dude, you’re killing me. Do you know how much it would mean to Pandora if you said her name?”

“Goo goo goo!”
Quinn was too busy with his boats to pay any more attention, and to be truthful, this had also become Calder’s favorite part of the day. Though he now
played
with boats of a much larger scale, he’d forgotten how much fun small boats could be.

As frustrated as he’d been with his mom for abandoning him to care for Quinn on his own, Calder was now thankful. He’d mastered almost every aspect of infant care, though he still struggled with the tiny snaps now and then.

He gave Quinn a good scrub, then readied him for bed.

Back on the schedule Pandora had written for him, Quinn now had a small bottle before bed, then Calder cleaned his son’s teeth before settling him into his crib.

While Calder liked the feeling of accomplishment caring for his son all on his own gave him, he also sorely missed Pandora being with him in the evenings after Quinn drifted off to sleep.

Never in a million years would he have thought he’d envy his friends Deacon and Garrett, but he found himself wanting to share his time with Quinn with Pandora—not because he expected her to perform any of the work, but because he missed sharing small milestones he knew she’d enjoy.