A Natural Born Submissive (12 page)

He walked her to her car and opened the door for her.  "I love you so much, Alice," he said.  With that he was gone.

As Alice sat in her car and watched him drive away, she didn't know what to do.  She decided to go home, recharge her batteries, and think about all that had happened over the weekend.

Chapter Nine

"Another night out." Alice's mother commented.  "And me wondering if you were dead or alive.  I'm just saying."

Alice rolled her eyes and stomped up the stairs.  She had no intention of accounting for her whereabouts or telling her mother about either Victor or how things were going with Ray.

 
I really need to get my own place,
she thought. 
It's time.

She started a load of laundry, plugged in her dead cell phone to recharge, and freshened up, then headed back downstairs to make amends with her mother.  She found her in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry if you lost sleep over me, Mother.  I can imagine it's frustrating, but you just have to not worry about me, okay?  I always show up the next day, don't I?

"It's none of my business, dear.  You're a big girl, and it's your life," Doris said primly, walking away.

"It's okay to worry about me, you know." Alice said gently, following her into the living room.  Her mother spun around and came back to sit with her.

"I am concerned, Alice.  You married very young, and you hadn't really done much dating before that.  It's quite different dating mature men than it is dating teenage boys."

"Yes, Mom, you're right.  And I'm sorry, but I can't talk about this anymore.  It's just that I'm very confused and am trying to sort a lot of things out."

"Well dear, if you need to talk, you know where to find me.  I'm not going to judge or lecture you.  I can just listen, if that's what you need.  I just hope that you're being careful, using protection, and not falling too hard too fast for some fellow you may not know very well.  Perhaps you could invite your young man over and I could start to get to know him?"

"Thanks, Mom, I really do appreciate that, but I'm not ready to have you meet anyone just yet," said Alice, glad that her Mom had gotten up to walk back to the kitchen so she wouldn't see gathering tears.  She would love to talk to her Mom, but she knew she'd encourage her to get back together with Ray; she couldn't add that extra pressure to the situation right now.

And she was so relieved she'd never breathed a word about Victor.  Her mom might have figured out that he was the owner of The Beaten Path, which would have led to a whole new set of parental concerns.  Besides, Alice was a big girl now, and she had to put on her big-girl panties and deal with heartbreak and betrayal, ex-husbands and strange suitors, and all the other joys of grownup dating.  She sighed; life certainly was simpler when she was married.  She got up and went into the kitchen where she found her mother cooking dinner.

"I haven't heard from Ray today.  He usually comes over for dinner on Sundays." Her Mom said, looking concerned.  Alice decided that there actually was something she wanted to talk to her Mom about—unfaithful husbands.  Before she asked the question on her mind, though, she stopped and asked herself whether she was ready to hear the answer.  She decided that she needed to know and so she spoke up.

"Mom, speaking of Ray — was Dad ever unfaithful to you?" 

Doris turned and looked at her daughter.  She'd never wanted to besmirch her dead husband's reputation to his daughter; they had been a very close duo.  She knew that Alice had idolized him, and she'd done what she could over the years to protect his image.  But she realized that it was time for a woman-to-woman talk.  Alice wouldn't have asked the question if she weren't ready to hear the answer.  She set the lid on the crockpot, rinsed off her hands, and sat down to talk.

"Dear, your dad was a very good man in his own way.  He always came home at night, was a good provider, he didn't drink or gamble too much, and didn't have much of a temper.  Back in those days, that was the definition of a good man.  In reality, he had his faults and his demons just like everyone else.  In answer to your question, yes, there was a time when I found out he was cheating."  She sat down in her chair and began to reminisce as Alice fought to keep from showing her shock.

"Once he belonged to a bowling league.  One of the other wives came and got me one night and insisted I go with her to watch the men bowl.  We sat in the back, and I watched the cocktail waitress, and when I saw how she acted with your dad, I realized the real reason my friend had brought me there.

"What did you do?" Alice asked, shocked.

"I did what the experts told us to do back then—I looked to myself to see how I could improve, how I could be a better wife in and out of the bedroom.  Oh, and I also insisted he quit the league."

Alice laughed, "Wow, I guess that's how it was back then.  You never thought about leaving him?" 

"What would that have accomplished?  We'd have lost our home, and I'd have had to go to work.  He would have gone off and started another family and forgotten about us.  You and I would have had to struggle along.  Perhaps I would have remarried and then have to worry about the behavior of another husband who wouldn't even have been your father.  No, I didn't want to put you through any of that.  Plus, there was more of a social stigma back then about being divorced.  All I could see was what I'd lose, not what there was to be gained."

She looked at Alice as she continued.

"Was Ray unfaithful to you?" she asked.

Alice nodded.  "Yes, mama.  He was."

"Oh, dear …."

"Please don't say anything to him," Alice said.  "I've kept a lid on it, mostly for the girls.  We agreed not to tell them.  For all he's put me through, he's a good dad.  And I've had to work this out on my own."

"You're luckier than I was," Doris said.  "You have a college education and a career, plus your children were nearly grown.  I admire how you dealt with your situation.  You didn't put up with his nonsense.  You found out about his infidelities, and you left.  But that doesn't mean you can't try again if he's truly sorry.  Has he told you he is?"

"Yes," Alice said.  "But it's hard to believe someone who cheats."

Her mother nodded. "Well, he's as good as any other man.  And at least he acknowledges he hurt you."

"What about other things, Mom, like exploring your sexuality and finding fulfillment, rather than just playing it safe with Dad?  Do you regret not having done any of that and just being married to the same man all your life?"

Doris looked amused.  "I'm not dead, dear.  I'm having plenty of fun these days.  For example, my salsa group—there are men and women in the group, and sometimes we do more than just dance."

"Mom!" Alice said, allowing herself to show her shock this time.

"And, I'm thinking of taking up ballroom dancing.  A whole new group of men to get to know—fresh meat, as it were."

"Mom!" Alice said, covering her ears and laughing.  "You are a wild woman!"

"And speaking of exploring my sexuality, Carol and I went to a lesbian bar last week."

"TMI, Mom, TMI — way too much information." Alice gasped, giving the time-out signal with her hands.  It occurred to her that her Mom was probably a really fun person to hang out with.  No wonder she had so many friends.

"But seriously Alice, the point is that if I wasn't a widow, I would still be married to your father because that's just who I am.  Would I be as happy or content?  I honestly don't know, but I like to think that I'd have found my happiness in whatever small ways I could, no matter what my situation was.  That's my story and you can take from it whatever you want.  I guess what I'm trying to say, dear, is that I hope you find your happiness however your life unfolds from this point on.  But now let's get back to day-to-day reality; Thanksgiving is in another two weeks.  Are the girls coming home?  Should I buy a big turkey?"

"I'll check and get back to you about that, Mom," Alice said, stalling for time.

My happiness
, Alice thought, dwelling on that foreign concept.  What would make her happy?  She trudged back upstairs to take a nap.  She hadn't slept that well with Ray snoring in her ear; she had forgotten that fun part of married life.  She snuggled into her pillow.  Maybe the answer was that she didn't need a
ny
man.  It just made life too complicated.

She slept for a couple of hours, and when she awoke, her cell phone had charged.  She looked at the screen.  Her Mom had tried to call her during the night.  Katt had texted in the morning, wondering what was wrong.  She checked her voice messages.  There were several from Victor.  Just listening to his deep, gentle voice made her want to start crying again.

She listened to the messages: 
The bouncer told me you'd stopped by the club. Why didn't I see you?  Why did you leave?  Are you all right?  Please call me back.  I just realized I do not know where you live. 
Was that loving concern she heard in his voice?
 
Alice held the phone to her chest and tried to imagine Victor showing up at her front door.  She shuddered at the thought of her mother answering the door and seeing the owner of The Beaten Path standing on her front porch.  She had to decide what she was going to do and let her Mom and Ray know; the holidays were almost here.

She got up and moved to the window seat.  She tried to imagine Victor sitting at Thanksgiving dinner with her Mom and the kids.  There was a loneliness about the man that touched her deeply.  How would she explain to the girls who he was and what he did?  She imagined introducing him to them. 
This is Victor, a local club owner.  I met him through work. He's a widower with grown children who moved here from Europe. 
That really wasn't too bad; it was perfectly respectable to be a local business owner.  But would he even be interested in ever meeting her children?  And if so, was she ready for her two divergent worlds to collide?

She heard the doorbell ring and then her mother calling up to her, "Alice, Katt is here!"

Katt?  Oh yeah, last she'd heard from Alice, Alice had left a message crying hysterically on the phone.  She felt guilty for not returning her text and left her room to find Katt was standing at the bottom of the stairs, hands on her hips, looking perturbed.

"Are you all right?  You left this hys …," she started to say.  Alice held her finger up, shushing her.  She didn't want her Mom to hear that she'd been upset the previous night.

"Come on upstairs."  Alice grabbed Katt by the arm and pulled her to her room.

"Ooookay," Katt said, looking around, and Alice was suddenly terribly embarrassed.  Her room hadn't changed much since childhood.  She still had a Barry Manilow poster from the '80's on the back of her door, and her stuffed teddy with the missing eye was winking at them from the bookcase.  Her Mom had kept it intact—like a shrine to her childhood—and she hadn't had the time or energy to bring it into the twenty-first century.

Katt walked over and poked the teddy bear in his missing eye.  "Alice, you need to get a place of your own.  It's time.  And leave Teddy here."

"Well, I can't argue with that." Alice said.

"Victor left about a hundred messages on my phone.  What is the deal between you two?" Katt asked, turning towards her.

 "I called you last night because I went by the club to see Victor.  He was … he was …"  She stopped, knowing if she kept talking, she was going to start crying.

"Let me get this straight," Katt interrupted her, impatiently.  "You dropped by the BDSM club your boyfriend owns and saw him … what?  Spanking someone?  Being a Dom?  Doing what it is the man does?"

Her sarcasm was wasted on Alice, who started to sniffle.

"He was doing a scene.  He was spanking this girl and he … he …"  Now she was sniveling, her nose turning red, her eyes watering.  "And my father was unfaithful to my mother!" she wailed.

Katt shook her head, and tried to bring some sense back to the conversation.  "Tell me exactly what you saw.  Blow by blow."

"He was wearing his cape—Victor always wears a hooded cape when he's doing a scene—and he was standing behind a naked girl who was strapped on a spanking bench.  He tossed his cane down on the ground.  Then his hood fell back and I saw his curls, and then I knew for sure it was him.  Then he was leaning over the girl comforting her and then the girl moved forward and screamed.  He was f-f-fucking her, Katt!"

"Well, I don't think a jury would convict the man based on your testimony," Katt pointed out.  "All you saw was a guy who might or might not have been Victor, possibly doing something he might or might not actually have been doing.  What you just described doesn't constitute fucking."

"God, Katt—you should have been an attorney."  Alice blinked at her as she dabbed at her tears.

Katt sat down on the bed next to Alice.  "Look, I should probably go with this and encourage you to get out of this ridiculous relationship, but the truth is I can tell that he has real feelings for you.  That's been obvious from the get-go.  He deserves to have you talk to him about what it was you thought you saw.  Give the man the chance to explain."

"But, if it was what I thought it was—what then?"

"Well, then you have to decide what you want, Alice.  I'll tell you a secret about how Doms think.  A Dom would never go into any situation or even just a conversation without knowing exactly what he wants to get out of it.  If it would bother you to have Victor doing scenes with others, then you need to set that boundary.  If he respects your boundaries, great!  If he doesn't, he's out."

"It's that simple?"

"It is.  You need to be clear about what your expectations are, especially with men—and children, and dogs too, for that matter."

Alice smiled.  "So, are you seeing Sierra?"

Katt nodded.  "More like
doing
her.  A tasty little morsel, but fodder for a relationship?  That remains to be seen."

"Is that what you were doing last night?"

"No, it was
who
I was doing.  I must have been upstairs in the Voyeur Area when you made your brief appearance."