A Mother's Secret (38 page)

At noon Cade arrived to take her back to the hotel for lunch, and over the meal of curried goat he told her of his plans to have Oliver moved to a hospital in Bombay as soon as he was fit to travel. ‘He’ll get the best medical attention that money can buy,’ he assured her. ‘And I’ve spoken to Colonel Fitzhugh about the possibility of buying Bailey out of the army. After everything he’s been though, I think the boy should return to England with us. There’s no doubt that he saved Oliver’s life, putting his own at risk in the process.’

Cassy stared at him with her fork halfway to her mouth. ‘But I’d assumed he would come with us anyway. I didn’t think they’d make him return to active service when he’s been so ill.’

‘He’s a soldier, my love. He can’t come and go as he pleases, but I’ll do everything I can to purchase his release.’

It had never occurred to Cassy that they would go home without Bailey. She could hardly believe that the army would be so rigid in its rules that it would make a sick man return to duty. The prospect of losing him for a second time made her feel quite desperate. She had not realised how her feelings towards him had changed, and how much she loved him, until she thought she might never see him again. How could she have been so blind as to ignore the truth that her heart had been telling her? For a while she had been dazzled by Ollie. He was undeniably exciting and fun to be with, and when he kissed her she had been lost in the thrill of his embrace, but it was only now that she realised the feelings she had for him did not consume her body and soul. She was desperately sad to see him laid low by his injuries and she willed him to recover, but he was not her reason for living. She hoped he would understand.

She continued to spend as much time as possible at the hospital and Bailey’s condition gradually improved. He was allowed out of bed, although still very weak. In the mornings, before the sun was high in the sky, they took short walks in the hospital grounds or sat for a while beneath the banyan trees watching the monkeys skittering about amongst the branches. Although he never spoke of love, she was certain that Bailey felt the same as she. Words were unnecessary when two souls were inexorably entwined. The look in his eyes and the touch of his hand told her everything she needed to know.

It was still the wet season, and when the skies darkened and the monsoon rains drummed on the roof, sending up sprays of water and clouds of steam as it hit the ground, she sat with Oliver and held his hand. It was over a week since their arrival in Deolali and he had not regained consciousness, but on this particular day he had been restless and Cassy had stayed with him longer than usual. She bathed his brow with a damp flannel and had turned away for a moment to replace it in the bowl of water when she felt a slight movement from the bed. Dropping the cloth she spun round to find Oliver staring at her.

‘Ollie,’ she whispered. ‘You’re awake at last. Can you hear me?’

His cracked lips parted in an attempt at a smile. ‘Cassy?’

She leaned over to embrace him. ‘Oh, Ollie. You’ve come back to us.’

‘What day is it?’ he asked faintly. ‘Why am I in bed?’

She laid her finger on his lips. ‘Don’t try to talk, my dear. You’ve been very ill and you mustn’t excite yourself.’

‘Where am I?’

‘You’re in the military hospital in Deolali. Bailey is here too.’

He made an attempt to raise his head and failed. ‘I – I can’t move.’ His lips trembled and his eyes were wide with fear. ‘Cassy, I can’t move my legs.’

‘Don’t try, Ollie. You’re weak, that’s all. I’ll go and fetch the doctor.’ Rising swiftly to her feet she backed away from the bed. ‘Don’t worry; everything is going to be fine now.’

It was not, and she knew it, but she must not let him see that she was scared. ‘I won’t be long.’ She hurried from the room and broke into a run as she reached the corridor. She almost barged into the young doctor who attended Ollie as he emerged from a side ward. She grabbed him by the arm. ‘Captain Davenport is awake, doctor. He spoke to me, but he can’t move. You must go to him right away, please.’

‘I will, of course, but it would be best if you weren’t present. I saw Corporal Moon in the dayroom earlier; you might like to wait there.’ He strode off, leaving Cassy staring after him.

Her first instinct had been to go with him but her second and more pressing need was to find Bailey. She ran the length of the corridor to the dayroom where she found him playing draughts with one of the other convalescent soldiers. He looked up but his smile faded when he saw her agitated expression, and he rose slowly to his feet. ‘Cassy, what’s wrong? Is it Ollie?’

She hurled herself into his arms. ‘He woke up, Bailey. He spoke to me.’ Halfway between tears and laughter, she clung to him as she had when she was a little girl in need of comfort. But the look in his eyes made her draw away and she was conscious of the soldier staring at them with a knowing grin. She felt the blood rush to her face. ‘I – I’m sorry. I was just so pleased that he’s come round after all this time.’ She fumbled in her reticule for a handkerchief to no avail. ‘I’m just happy.’

‘Of course you are,’ Bailey said, taking her by the arm and leading her out onto the veranda. ‘I’m glad too. He’s a good chap.’

‘But he couldn’t move,’ Cassy said urgently. ‘Bailey, I think he’s paralysed. He’ll end up in a Bath chair just like the men in the home. Poor Ollie.’

He took her by the shoulders, looking deeply into her eyes. ‘You don’t know that for certain, Cass. You’re jumping to conclusions. Wait until the doctors have seen him.’

‘Yes,’ she said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. ‘You’re right, as usual. We will just have to wait and see what they say.’

The medical men shook their heads and could give no explanation as to why Captain Davenport was paralysed from the waist down. As far as they could tell, the bullet had not shattered any of his vertebrae, but it was impossible to gauge the true extent of the internal damage. They could not say for certain if he would ever walk again, but they were not optimistic. It was left to Cade to break the news to Oliver. Cassy waited in the dayroom with Bailey and she could tell by the tense expression on her father’s face that it had been a harrowing time for both of them.

‘He took it well enough, all things considered,’ Cade said, mopping his brow with a handkerchief. ‘I told him that I’m making arrangements to get us all back home. As soon as we get back to Bombay I’m going to book tickets for the voyage.’

Belinda was waiting for them at the railway terminus in Bombay. Cade leapt off the train before it had come to a halt, taking the platform in long strides to sweep her into his arms in an embrace that made the other travellers stop and stare. Cassy watched from the train window and this time she was not embarrassed by her parents’ demonstration of their love for each other. She met Bailey’s eyes and he smiled. There was no need for words between them.

‘What’s going on?’ Oliver demanded. ‘What are you two staring at?’

Cassy turned away from the window. ‘I was just thinking how lucky my parents were to find each other again.’

‘They make a handsome couple,’ Bailey said with a nod of approval as he hefted the Bath chair onto the platform. He climbed back into the carriage. ‘Ready, Captain?’

‘As ready as I’ll ever be. I’m sick of being pushed round like a baby in a perambulator.’ Oliver hooked his arm around Bailey’s neck. ‘The doctors wouldn’t give me a straight answer, but I’m determined to walk again. I’ll do it, Cassy, I swear to God I will. With you at my side I can do anything.’

Bailey said nothing as he set him down in the chair. Cassy willed him to look at her but he walked away, calling for a coolie to take their luggage.

‘You’ll do it, Ollie.’ Cassy hoped that she sounded convincing. ‘You’ve done wonderfully well so far.’

He caught her by the hand. ‘I know I’m a wreck of a fellow but I love you with all my heart, Cassy. What I mean to say is, I don’t expect you to stand by me unless you really love me.’ He released her with a sigh. ‘I’m putting it badly, but I don’t want you to stay with me just because I’m a cripple.’

She met his anguished gaze and she knew that to tell him the truth would be the cruellest blow yet. She had allowed him to think that she returned his love, and now she must pay the price for her cowardice. She looked for Bailey amongst the milling crowd of passengers, station officials and coolies, and felt the unmistakeable tug at her heart as she spotted him standing by the entrance with her parents. He seemed to sense her intense gaze, as he looked round and waved to her. Grasping the handle, she wheeled the Bath chair towards the exit. She longed for a quiet chat with her mother, but consoled herself with the fact that there would be plenty of time to talk when they were settled into the hotel where they would stay until Cade had booked their passage to England.

Belinda broke away from Cade as they approached and she took Oliver’s hand in hers. ‘Ollie, my dear boy. How are you feeling?’

‘Never better, Stepmother,’ Oliver said, grinning. ‘You’ll have to forgive me for not rising to greet you.’

Belinda touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. ‘I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humour, my dear.’ She turned to Cassy. ‘Darling, you look tired. You must be exhausted.’ She wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her close.

‘I’m a bit tired, but how are you, Ma? Are you feeling better now?’

‘I couldn’t be better.’ Belinda’s eyes sparkled and a delicate flush coloured her cheeks. ‘You can’t imagine how happy I am to see you, and Bailey too. You’re both safe and that’s all that matters.’ She slipped her hand through Cade’s arm. ‘I have some very exciting news to share with you all, but it will have to wait until later when you’re all settled into the rooms I’ve booked for you at the hotel.’

‘Let Bailey push me, Cassy,’ Oliver said, holding up his hand. ‘I want you to walk beside me.’ He glanced up at Cade with a challenge in his eyes. ‘We had an understanding before I left England, sir. When I’m back on my feet I intend to ask you for your daughter’s hand in marriage.’

‘Ollie, not now, please.’ Cassy felt a cold shiver run down her spine as she met Bailey’s questioning gaze. She wanted to deny it, but they were standing in the middle of the busy station concourse and her mother was staring at her wide-eyed.

‘Is this true, darling?’

‘I’ll go and find a couple of carriages.’ Bailey strode out into the sunlight, leaving Cassy to face her parents.

‘I think we should discuss this later,’ Cade said, patting Oliver on the shoulder. ‘It’s early days yet, old man.’

‘What do you say, Cassy?’ Oliver demanded, twisting his head to look at her. ‘Come round here where I can see you properly.’

‘Pa’s right,’ Cassy said in desperation. ‘This isn’t the time or the place, Ollie. We’ll talk about it when we’re settled in the hotel.’

That evening at dinner in the grand hotel dining room, the atmosphere was tense even though Belinda kept up a stream of idle chatter. She gave an amusing account of life in Government House illustrated with vignettes of her experiences as a guest at some of the official functions. Cade watched her with an adoring look in his eyes, which made Cassy feel even worse about her relationship with Oliver. He was staring moodily at his plate, pushing the food around and eating very little although the meal was delicious. He had been obliged to put on an ill-fitting suit that the tailor had made for another client who had left it unclaimed with the bill unsettled, but it was the best that could be done at short notice. He was patently unhappy and although Cassy’s heart went out to him, she could not seem to shake him out of his depression. She stole covert looks at Bailey who was also looking uncomfortable, although she thought proudly that he looked extremely handsome in the evening suit that her father had insisted on loaning him. They were of a similar height and stature and the garments could have been tailored especially for him.

As if sensing her gaze upon him, he looked up and gave her a smile which made her pulses race. She had not had a chance to speak to him alone since they left Deolali, but he seemed intent on returning to his unit, and she was just as determined that he should come home with them. Pa could arrange it, she was certain. She had absolute faith in him.

At the end of the meal, Bailey suggested that Oliver might like to go outside to take the air, although the heat was still intense. Cade said that he had a box of excellent cigars that they might like to try, and that a fine cognac would accompany the Havana tobacco very well indeed, but Belinda linked her small hand through his arm, smiling sweetly. ‘I’m sure that can wait a moment, darling. I think this might be a good time to tell them our news.’

Chapter Twenty-four

A baby brother or sister; the news had come as a complete shock to Cassy. She had never considered that such an event was possible until Ma and Cade made the announcement, but they were so patently delighted and thrilled at the idea of becoming parents again that it would have been a hard-hearted person who could not share their joy. Oliver had congratulated them with obvious sincerity, and Bailey had slipped his hand beneath the tablecloth to give Cassy’s fingers a sympathetic squeeze. There had been understanding in his smile with no need for words.

She had done her best to be pleased for them, and she had been sincere when she told them that she was delighted at the prospect of having a brother or a sister, but even so, a small mean voice niggled away in her brain telling her that she was once again an outcast. Nothing would ever completely wipe away the stain of illegitimacy, but her sibling would not have that burden to bear.

She knew that she would not sleep. It was a hot night, and as she looked down from her window at the moonlit hotel garden she had a sudden longing to be out in the silvery cool where the scent of roses and jasmine blotted out the stench of the city. She could see a figure walking beneath a deodar tree, and her heartbeats quickened as she realised that it was Bailey and he was alone. Seizing her lace shawl, she wrapped it around her head and shoulders and crept out of her room, making her way downstairs and out onto the veranda. Sleepy-eyed hotel staff went about their business barely noticing her and she went outside unchallenged. Picking up her skirts she ran lightly down the wide marble steps, across a gravelled terrace and into the rose garden.

Bailey stopped and turned to face her as she ran towards him. ‘Cassy, what are you doing out here? It’s turned midnight.’

‘I had to speak to you,’ she said breathlessly. ‘We’ve had so little time to talk since we left Deolali.’

He was silent for a moment, gazing at her with a tender smile curving his lips. They were standing so close together that she could feel the heat of his body and the achingly familiar scent that was his alone, with just a hint of fragrant cigar smoke clinging to his clothes and hair. ‘What is it, Cass? What’s the matter? Aren’t you happy for them?’

‘Of course I am. It was a bit of a shock, but they’ll be wonderful parents. I just wish . . .’

He wrapped her in his arms, holding her close. ‘I know, Cass. Nothing can quite wipe out the memories of old Biddy and Three Herring Court, and it’s hard for other people to understand what we went through.’

‘But you do, Bailey.’ She slid her arms around his neck, looking deeply into his eyes. ‘You are part of me, and I can’t let you go. Please come home with us. Don’t stay here and risk getting killed.’

He stroked her hair back from her forehead with a gentle hand. ‘I’m a soldier and I’ve earned promotion on my own merit. I didn’t have a rich father to buy me a commission.’

‘And I’m proud of you,’ Cassy said earnestly. ‘I couldn’t be more proud, but I love you, Bailey. I want to be with you always.’

‘You’re still a child, Cass. I know you love me, and I love you and always will, but you belong to a different world. You were born to higher things and one day you’ll realise that.’

She stared at him aghast. Did he really think she was still a little girl, with a child’s feelings? How could he be so wrong and so stupid? ‘You don’t understand,’ she said angrily. ‘I’m not a baby. I know my feelings and I’m telling you that they’re completely grown-up. I love you. Do I have to spell it out?’

He shook his head. ‘Oliver loves you, Cass. He wants to marry you and he can give you everything that I can’t.’ He led her to a stone seat beneath a rose arch and sat down beside her, taking both her hands in his. ‘Listen to me, my darling girl. Oliver saved my life. He took the bullet that was meant for me and because of me he’s a cripple. When we were lost in that desolate place and before we went out of our heads with fever, all he could talk about was you. He said he was going to buy himself out of the army and return to England. He said that he was going to propose to you on your eighteenth birthday, and he was certain that you’d accept him.’

Aghast, she shook her head. ‘No, he was mistaken. I would never have married him because I love you, Bailey. How many times do I have to tell you?’

‘But you must have given him some cause to hope, Cass.’

‘I may have, but it was unintentional. He kissed me and it was romantic, but I didn’t mean to lead him on, you must believe me. I’ve always loved you and I want to be your wife.’

‘I do believe you, but it’s not for us, Cassy.’ He raised her hands to his lips. ‘I love you with all my heart and soul. You’re part of me and that’s why I have to let you go.’

‘Don’t I have a choice in all this? You’re so busy telling me what to do, Bailey, but I’m a woman now, and I love you.’

‘If only you knew how much I’ve longed to hear those words coming from your lips. How much I’ve wanted to hold you in my arms and kiss you, but that sort of love isn’t for us, Cass. I won’t drag you down to my level.’ He held her gaze, looking deeply into her eyes. ‘Do you honestly see yourself following the drum as a common soldier’s wife? You were born for better things and Oliver can give you the sort of life you are entitled to. Even if he never recovers completely, he’s an educated man and he has a private income left to him by his grandfather. He’ll be able to keep you in style, which is something I could never do.’

She wrenched her hands free. ‘Stop saying things like that. I won’t listen to you. You’re just being stupid.’ She leapt to her feet, staring down at him with anger roiling in her stomach. ‘Why are men such idiots? What do I have to do to convince you that I mean every word I say?’

‘You can’t, Cass. I wish it were any other way but I’m eight years your senior, and I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been in the army. I know the difference between officers and men, and that goes for their wives too. Can you imagine living alongside women who grew up in the gutter?’

Arms akimbo, Cassy glared at him. ‘I grew up in the gutter, and so did you. I don’t think anyone could sink much lower than Three Herring Court.’

‘But you weren’t meant for that sort of life, which is what I keep trying to tell you, my love. I don’t know who my parents were. Outside the army I’m a nobody, but in the regiment I have a place and I’m doing something worthwhile for my country.’

She stamped her foot. ‘You say you love me, but you don’t. You’re in love with the rotten blooming army. I hope it makes you very happy.’ Turning on her heel she stormed out of the rose garden, pausing at the foot of the steps leading up to the veranda to glance over her shoulder, half hoping that he was following her. But he was still sitting where she had left him, with his shoulders hunched and his head bowed.

Next morning when she joined her parents for breakfast, Oliver was there but Bailey was nowhere to be seen.

‘He left first thing this morning, Cassy,’ Cade said, following her gaze as she stared at the empty place at table. ‘I tried to persuade him to stay on for a while, but Bailey is a very determined young man, and he wanted to return to his regiment in Lucknow.’

Oliver nodded his head. ‘He’s a good chap; one of the best, and I’ll miss him.’

‘We all will,’ Belinda said, smiling. ‘He’s been like a brother to you, Cassy, especially in the early days. I’m sure you will miss him most of all.’

Cassy could not answer. If she relaxed for a second she knew she would break down and cry or scream out loud with anger and frustration. How cowardly of Bailey to run away without saying a proper goodbye. He might be a brave soldier but he was not man enough to stand up and fight for the woman he loved. She stared down at her plate and realised that she had broken a bread roll into tiny crumbs.

Cade put his coffee cup down, wiping his lips on a starched white table napkin. ‘If you’ll excuse me, Belle, I’m going to the Peninsular and Orient office to book us on the next ship bound for London.’

‘I say the sooner we get home the better, and I know that Oliver agrees with me.’ Belinda’s lips twitched and her eyes sparkled. ‘I’m sure you do too, Cassy. Oliver told us that you two had an understanding, and last night he asked your father’s permission to propose to you. Isn’t it time you put us out of our misery and gave him your answer?’

Numb with grief and anger, Cassy turned to Oliver. ‘You should have spoken to me first.’

‘Perhaps, but I thought we had an understanding, Cassy.’

She met his earnest gaze and was immediately ashamed of herself. She had not meant to lead him on, and she struggled to find the words to let him down gently, but Oliver seemed to take her silence as confirmation. He reached across the table to cover her hand with his. ‘We’ve wasted enough time. This wretched condition of mine has made me realise that putting things off is never a good idea. I should have asked you to marry me before I embarked for India. We could have had many months together before I was turned into half a man.’

She withdrew her hand, unable to look him in the eyes. ‘Don’t talk like that, Ollie. You mustn’t say those things about yourself.’

‘You have our blessing, both of you.’ Cade said, rising to his feet. ‘We’ll get you the best medical treatment that money can buy, old chap. And if you find a quarter of the happiness with my beautiful daughter that I have with her equally beautiful mother, then you’ll be a very lucky man no matter what the future holds.’

‘Well, Cassy, darling?’ Belinda angled her head. ‘Are you going to put the poor boy out of his misery? Or is your answer a foregone conclusion?’

She was trapped. Cassy glanced at the expectant faces of the people she loved and she knew that there was no way out. Oliver was watching her closely with hope in his eyes, and she could not bring herself to tell him the truth. She had thought she loved him on that cold winter’s afternoon in the parlour at Pedlar’s Orchard, and now she was paying for her youthful folly. She had lost the one man she truly loved. Despite her pleas, Bailey had walked away from her, making it clear that there was no future for them as man and wife. Now she was about to promise herself to the hero who had saved his life. It seemed like a cruel but poetic justice.

‘Well, Cassy,’ Cade said. ‘Don’t keep us in suspense.’

Slowly she nodded her head. ‘Yes,’ she murmured. ‘I will marry you, Ollie.’

The passage home took six weeks, giving Cassy time to get used to her new status as a young woman officially engaged to a wounded hero. Oliver had bought her a huge ruby and diamond ring before they left Bombay, but the deep red stone sat on her finger like a drop of blood. Try as she might, that was how she felt. Her heart’s blood was being shed to pay for the life of the man she loved, and every nautical mile they travelled drew them further apart. Oliver’s condition improved greatly during the sea voyage. Each day Cassy pushed him round the deck in his Bath chair, or else they sat side by side, enjoying the sun and sea air. They saw little of Cade and Belinda, who were absorbed in each other’s company like any young couple on their honeymoon.

‘We’ll be like that once we’re married,’ Oliver said, taking Cassy’s hand in his. ‘When I’m cured by those damned clever doctors in London, we’ll do the grand tour of Europe.’

‘Yes, Ollie,’ Cassy said dutifully. ‘That will be wonderful.’

It was early November when they arrived back in London and winter had claimed the city in its chilly grip, which made the warm welcome that Mrs Wilkins had prepared for their homecoming even more pleasing. The servants were waiting to greet them, together with Jack and the more able-bodied of the men from the soldiers’ home. There were fires in every room and each small detail had been attended to, down to vases of bronze and gold chrysanthemums filling the air with their spicy scent. Word had been sent on ahead and the breakfast parlour on the ground floor had been converted into a bedroom for Oliver.

Within a fortnight of their arrival, he had begun treatment at the National Orthopaedic Hospital in Hatton Garden. He was convinced that he would be cured and able to walk again, and at times he was filled with optimism, but at others he was flung into the depths of despair. Everyone did their best to accommodate his moods, but it was like walking on eggshells. Seeking a means of escape from a difficult situation, Cassy threw herself into preparations for the opening of the shop. During their absence it had been fitted out with a counter, shelves and display stands which were now ready and waiting to be filled with the men’s handicrafts and Jack’s paintings. She was on the premises one morning, going over the arrangements for the official opening with Jack, when she looked up and saw her father’s carriage pull up outside. It was Ollie’s day for treatment at the hospital and she hurried to the door, wondering why the coachman had stopped here instead of further along the street in Lemon’s Terrace.

The groom climbed down from the box and opened the door, pulling out the steps and for a wild moment Cassy thought that a miracle had occurred and that Ollie was about to walk down them unaided, but to her surprise it was Lottie who was the first to alight. She stood aside while the groom lifted Oliver from the seat and carried him across the pavement.

Cassy wrenched the door open and ran out to greet them. ‘Lottie, what are you doing here?’

‘I’ve had warmer welcomes.’ Laughing, Lottie threw her arms around Cassy and gave her a hug.

‘Take me inside, man,’ Oliver said irritably. ‘I don’t want the world to see me like this.’