A Missing Heart (19 page)

Cammy places her hand over her heart. “Of course. I contacted them right away. I have temporary permission from the state she was living in to sort things out and make a decision.”

“Make a decision?” I ask.

“On whether or not I will pursue re-adoption—take her into my custody.”

“What about me, Cam?” I ask, swallowing the knot in my throat. I will not lose her again. No way.

“One thing at a time, okay?” she says softly.

I inhale all of the air surrounding me until the beat of my heart slows a touch. Waiting the long second for her to unlock the hotel room door, I’m not surprised when the open door reveals a large suite with ceiling-to-floor length windows that cover the entire far side of the room. The main area seems to open up into two other rooms, as well. Putting the greatness of the room aside, it takes me what seems like forever to scan the room before I set my eyes on a girl slouched into the couch with her arms crossed over her chest.

She sits up straight when Cammy addresses her. “Ever,” she says, gently. “Where is Casper?”

“Watching TV in the other room,” she says tersely, annoyed.

Cammy releases a sigh but shakes away her annoyance as she backs away to stand beside me. “Ever, this is AJ, your—”

“I was told I didn’t have a dad,” she says. If it wasn’t enough to hand this little girl over before she was an hour old, this stab to the heart feels almost as bad. All I wanted was for her to know she had a dad, one who loved her.

“Well, you do,” Cammy says, sternly.

Ever looks angry and upset, and I hope I’m not causing this. Though, by the looks of the way she’s dressed, she isn’t a happy, chipper person, in general. Feeling nervous, I walk over and sit down next to her on the couch. “Happy birthday, kiddo,” I tell her. “Today’s the big day, huh?”

“How do you know?” she asks with a small snarl.

“I would never forget. Plus, every year on your birthday, I buy a cupcake, light the candle, and make a wish for you.” I look up at Cammy while saying this, wondering if she has done anything every year on Ever’s birthday. Whether she has or not, I don’t know, but her hand is cupped over her mouth and tears are welling up in her eyes again. She turns and walks toward one of the adjacent rooms and closes the door behind her.

“You do that?” Ever asks me.

“Every year,” I tell her.

Looking at me for a long moment, I watch a range of emotions pass through her eyes. Then she leans back into the couch and utters, “That’s lame.”

“Maybe,” I snap back. “But I’ll do it for the rest of my life.”

“Whatever,” she says.

It’s not hard to tell Ever’s going through a lot of shit right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to sit here until I can get her to smile, even if it’s a tiny smile. I need to see her smile. She has jet-black hair, like me, and like Cameron said, my eyes. She has Cameron’s pouty lips and fair skin. Ever looks a lot younger than thirteen, but she’s dressed like she’s eighteen and miserable. With black leggings and a matching black shirt lined with some kind of silver studs, I’m having trouble imagining that those prim and proper people who adopted her allowed Ever to dress this way. She has dark red lipstick and thick eye makeup, nothing a thirteen-year-old should be wearing. And the piercings in her ears and nose are too much.

“Is your favorite color black?” I ask her.

“Obviously,” she snaps back.

“Do you like pizza? Because that’s my favorite food, and I was wondering if that was a genetic thing.”

“Who doesn’t like pizza?”

“Hunter, my brother—that weirdo doesn’t like pizza.”

In response, I get a raised brow and a spiteful smirk.

“What do you think about Connecticut?” I ask her.

“It’s boring.”

“I know, right?” I relax into the couch and put my foot up on the coffee table.

“Look, I get it. You’re making small talk so you can learn all about the daughter you never knew you had. It’s nice, really, but you don’t owe me anything, and you don’t need to make such an annoying effort to know me.”

I clear my throat in order to swallow the anger re-rising in the pit of my stomach. “So, I knew about you, like I said. I wasn’t lying about the cupcake on your birthday. I actually already have one in my fridge at home waiting for me to light tonight. I pretty much dreamed of the day I’d get to see you again and ask you all of these lame questions, so you’ll have to excuse my attempt to get to know you, but it’s something I have to do because I’ve wanted to since the day you were born.”

“If you wanted to ask me these questions, why didn’t you ever try to find me?”

“I wasn’t allowed to, Ever. That’s how adoption works.”

“Why did you give me up?” She isn’t holding back, and I can’t say I blame her.

“I was only four years older than you are now when you were born. I had no money, no job, no way to raise you.”

“That’s what she said too,” Ever nods her head to the other room.

I grab the remote from the coffee table and power the TV on. I flip through a few stations until I come across one of those home-movie blooper shows and I settle back into the couch, matching her disposition while keeping my focus set on the TV, in order to give her the minute to breathe she must need.

The entire time she’s watching, I keep my focus on her through my peripheral vision. I won’t waste a second of this opportunity to take her all in. As hard as it is to comprehend, this little girl who I haven’t seen in thirteen years, who I know almost nothing about, is surely the missing piece of my heart because right this second, my heart feels full, it feels whole and more alive than it’s ever felt. Even if she wants nothing to do with me, even if she just wants to hate me, I will let her, as long as I can be a part of her life in some way. Maybe I’m the only one of us who feels a connection, but it’s there and it’s strong, and it’s the most amazing thing in the whole fucking world to me.

A few minutes go by when my phone buzzes in my pocket, bringing me back to the fact that life exists outside of this hotel room. I look at the display, seeing Tori’s face show up, then I look at Ever for a brief second, who’s looking at me and probably wondering why I’m looking at her. This must be such a confusing situation for her.
God, what a mess.

I stand up with the phone and tread to the other side of the room briefly.

“Hey,” I say quietly. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Tori says. “Is there any chance you could grab Gavin from daycare today?”

“Daycare?” I question, looking down at the date on my watch. “It’s Tuesday, though.” He only goes to daycare on Mondays and Fridays.

“Yeah, a few things came up today so I brought him in. They said it was fine,” she continues.

“Yeah, babe, but we can’t afford daycare for more than two days a week, remember?” I whisper the last part into the phone so neither Ever nor Cammy will hear me.

“Yeah but—why are you whispering?” she asks.

I look over at Ever, who is staring attentively at me. “I’m at a job site and the clients are here. Look, we can talk about this tonight, but yes, I’ll pick him up.”

“Thanks,” she says before hanging up.

I should have known today wouldn’t go smoothly with her. It’s not like there’s something in the air that happens on this particular day, but she seems to be a fan of repetition. I can always predict her moods by the times of the year, the days of the week, even the hours of the day. I’ve been left wondering if it could be considered bi-polar, but when I’ve mentioned it, it hasn’t gone well.

“Who was that? Your wife?” Ever asks. “Do you have another child?”

I sit back down next to her and chuckle through nerves. “Yes, that was my wife and yes, we have a child. His name is Gavin, and he’s one.”

“So, technically, I have a brother?” Her face illuminates with something I can’t consider to be a smile but something that doesn’t look like disappointment either. “I’ve always wanted a brother or a sister, but Mom and Dad said it was a lot of work just adopting me.”
I’m your dad. Me. That right was never given to me.

“You know, I have a big brother and he’s a pain in the butt, but I’m glad I have him. Although, I never did get all of that attention to myself,” I explain to her.

“I’ve had all of that attention to myself for thirteen years, and I’m over it.” She takes the remote from the coffee table and starts flicking through the channels.

“So, you’re probably not enjoying all of this attention from Cameron and me right now?”

“Nope,” she says.

“What about Casper, the ghost? Does he pay any attention to you?”

Her head snaps to the right, looking at me with a “How dare you say something like that?” face, and I’ll be damned, the girl is smiling. There it is…she has my fucking smile too. When she takes the moment to go through the motions of removing the smile from her face, she continues, “No, he doesn’t like me very much, and I’ve only been around for a week.”

“Well, I don’t like him either,” I mutter into her ear.

“You haven’t even met him, have you?”

“Don’t want to.”

“You still love her, don’t you?” Ever asks me.

“Say what, kiddo?” I pull back with a questioning look.

“Cameron. You still love her, don’t you?”

“You pretty much saw us both in the same room for less than thirty seconds. What in the world would make you say something like that?”

“You watched her walk away. That’s what happens in the movies. The guy always watches the girl he loves walk away.” This conversation seems to have sparked some kind of thrill within her, and as much as I don’t want to squash it…

“I haven’t seen Cameron in almost thirteen years. I haven’t spoken to her at all. After you were born, we did what we promised each other we would do, and made ourselves successful in case we ever saw you again, so you could be proud of us. Unfortunately, that meant we had to go our own separate ways. But, yeah, we loved each other, a lot.”

“Must have been a lot, you know, for you to forget to use a condom,” she says, looking back at the TV.

I take the remote from her hand and shut the TV off. “Okay, I get it. You’re pissed. Your parents died. I’d lose my mind if that happened. But we never meant to hurt you. We wanted you to have the life you deserved, and I’m sorry it turned out the way it did, but I promise you if there’s anything I can do to fix whatever is broken, I will. Ever, I promise you.”

A shuddered breath breaks through her as Cameron reopens the door she had walked through ten minutes ago. “Everything okay?” I mouth.

She forces some pitiful fake smile and nods her head. “AJ, I know I pulled you away from work this morning. Am I keeping you?” Hunter can assume I’m dealing with something important after Cammy’s sudden reappearance.

“Did you tell my parents what—”

“Oh my gosh, no. That’s not my place.”

“I can tell them if you’d like,” Ever says, grinning. Ugh, that grin. It’s mine!

“Oh yeah? And how exactly would that go?” I play into her threat.

“Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Cole, yeah, your son knocked up this pretty lady here almost fourteen years ago, then bam, I appeared, and disappeared the very same day. My adoptive parents just bit the dust, and now I’m back. So what do you say, Grams and Gramps, have room for one more?” Holy mother of God, where did this kid come from? She sounds like I did at thirteen. Doesn’t fit her current appearance, which is on my list to discuss, but I never thought she would turn out to be just like me.

“Oh my goodness,” Cameron says. “You are just like AJ. And no, we’re not going to be doing that.” The three of us laugh, and it’s a moment I will store in the back of my head for the rest of my life.

“What are you plans, Cam?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure how long we’d be staying out here. I really had no clue how you might react, but seeing as this is going as I expected and hoped, I want to stay here until we have a plan and make decisions that are best for the three of us.”

“What about the ghost in the other room?”

A clearing of a throat abruptly sounds from the doorway near the TV. “Nice to meet you too,” the tall, not so dark, and…eh, says as he makes his way across the room.

“Couldn’t help myself. Sorry, man. Is that really your name, though?”

“I have some briefs to get through this afternoon, so I’m going to stay put. I’ll see you for dinner, Cameron,” he says. Got to love a man in slacks, a dress shirt, and paisley socks who works from a hotel room. Did they drive here dressed like this?

“When did you guys get into Connecticut?” I ask.

“This morning. We left after midnight last night. I wanted to make sure we were here for Ever’s birthday,” Cameron says, trying to hide a smile at the same time.

“You didn’t have time to change out of your work clothes last night?”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

I look at Ever and share a look. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

“So, how does lunch sound?” Cammy—Cameron asks Ever and me.

“Good,” Ever says quietly. Her mood went back to dark almost the second the ghost graced us with his appearance. I could be onto something here.

“You said you have some briefs to go through?” I ask Casper.

“Yes,” he answers simply.

“I was never really a briefs guy. I sort of prefer boxers, and I’m not very picky about them, but I can understand why it’s important to go through what you have and sort them out.” I know what kind of briefs he’s talking about; I just sort of want to be a dick right now.

Casper rolls his eyes and heads back through the open door. “Not such a friendly ghost,” I mutter.

“Screw you,” he says, slamming the door.

“Well, I think that went well,” I tell the girls.

Cammy’s eyes are bugging out of her head as she grabs my arms and pulls me toward the door. “Come on, Ever,” she says.

Ever stands from the couch, laughing softly as she joins us.

All of a sudden, I feel like I’m living a double life. I’ve heard stories about people like that and always wondered how it might have come about. Considering Tori has no clue that I had a daughter, and even less of a clue about Cammy, I am most definitely living a double life at this moment.