A Miracle of Hope (The Amish Wonders Series) (26 page)

He shrugged.

Lindie shuffled down the hallway toward the bedrooms.

Josiah closed the firebox, then went outside and led Molly to the barn.

He jabbed a forkful of hay and tossed it over the stall’s half wall. This simple task caused him to break out in a sweat. He lowered the pitchfork and leaned against it as he pulled a hankie from his pocket. Josiah wanted to believe he had overexerted himself, but that wasn’t the truth. As soon as he wiped his forehead, more perspiration accumulated. The back of his shirt clung to his skin. Chills racked his body. If the doctor had not quizzed him so hard, he would guess this was the flu. Still, he refused to accept it was something more serious despite what looked obvious.

When the barn chores were completed, Josiah returned to the house. It didn’t take long to warm up the meal. He set a plate for Hannah at the table, then took another into the bedroom for Lindie.

She sat with her back resting against the pillows. Her eyes followed him as he crossed the room. “Are you feeling all right?”

He handed her the plate of food. “
Jah
, why?”

Her bright-blue eyes studied his. “You look pale. Sickly.”

He touched his forehead. Moist. “I’m fine.” He pointed to her plate. “You need to eat.”

“I’m worried you’ll get run-down if you keep trying to do everything. Please, stop being so protective. I don’t need to stay in bed all day. Let me help.”

He shook his head.

“I know you’re worried that I’ll miscarry too, but I’m not Caroline.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and faced her. “Caroline lost two
bopplis
. One the year after Hannah was born and the other two years later.” He didn’t tell her that he blamed himself. The doctor had warned them about potential infertility issues associated with his chemotherapy treatment. So when Caroline became pregnant, they were shocked and overjoyed at the same time. The stillborn births were difficult on Caroline. It tore him apart. He was haunted by the idea that she’d lost the babies because of him.

Lindie reached her hand out and touched his arm. “I’m sorry.”

We’d talked about having a houseful of children
.

“You should get some rest too,” Lindie whispered.

Josiah agreed and stood. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Perhaps a short nap would help. His muscles ached. As hard
as he tried to push it from his mind, he couldn’t help but compare the symptoms to those he had when his lymphoma was first diagnosed. He had tried to convince himself otherwise but he couldn’t ignore the unexplained bruises—or the fever and fatigue. But he hadn’t found any lumps and they had been a significant factor in his diagnosis.

Hannah curled up in bed beside Lindie with her drawing pad and pencils and began to sketch. Lindie snagged her own drawing set from the side table next to the bed and joined her. While Hannah worked on a picture of a horse, Lindie drew the view of the livestock barn outside the bedroom window.

Hours passed and the shadows shifted with the falling sun. Lindie’s weighted eyelids drooped closed. She wasn’t sure how much time had elapsed when she opened her eyes and stretched her arms out from under the covers, but it was dark outside.

Hannah was gone, and her art supplies too.

Lindie kicked back the blanket and bounded out of bed. Her heart thumped hard against her chest as she sped down the hall. Not finding the child in her bedroom, she hurried to the kitchen.

Hannah looked up from her bowl of cereal and smiled.

Lindie sighed with relief. She signed, asking where her father was, but Hannah shrugged. Not sure if she signed the question correctly, she asked if Josiah was in the barn.

The girl shrugged again, then set her spoon down and said with her hands that she hadn’t seen him all day.

Lindie looked out the window, but it was too dark to see if his buggy was parked under the lean-to. If he was working in the barn, his lantern would give off some light through the windows.
The barn was dark. Simon wasn’t around either. Although Simon often preferred to eat something simple in the
grossdaadi haus
. It wasn’t like Josiah to not make supper. Especially since he was the one so adamant about her staying in bed.

Lindie tiptoed down the hallway, then eased Josiah’s bedroom door open and peeked inside. A steady purring snore came from the bed. Lindie smiled. Josiah had looked exhausted earlier. She was glad to know he was catching up on his sleep.

Returning to the kitchen, Lindie grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and joined Hannah at the table. The oatmeal looked stiff. Hannah must have eaten what was left over from breakfast. At least she had taken the initiative to fix her own meal. She hoped in time Hannah would demonstrate more independence.

Hannah tapped Lindie’s arm. “Did you sleep good?” she signed.

Lindie lowered her spoon. She wanted to give Hannah her full attention since this was her first time starting a conversation. She signed, “Yes,” then asked Hannah if she finished her drawing.

Without responding, Hannah pushed back her chair and left the room.

Lindie’s shoulders fell. Apparently her communication skills still weren’t adequate.

A few moments later Hannah reappeared, toting her artwork. She lifted the paper for Lindie to see.

“Wow.” She quickly held up three fingers to form
W
s and opened her mouth wide to form the
O
.

Hannah smiled.

The drawing of the horse pulling a sleigh was the best work she’d ever seen. She had even drawn an Amish family riding in the sleigh and snow falling.

Hannah flipped the page. The next drawing was of a deer drinking water from a pond. Her picture contained rich details as though the deer had literally posed for the drawing. Deer especially seemed to have an innate ability to sense when a human was close and would run away. It made Hannah’s drawing even more compelling.

“I see them,” Hannah signed. “Sometimes I feed them. In the woods.”

“Feed them? Out of your hand?”

Hannah nodded.

“You are special.” Lindie smiled.

“That’s what God tells me too.” She pointed to her head. “I hear him. He calls my name.”

The hairs on Lindie’s arm stood on end. Though Hannah hadn’t always communicated with Lindie, and even Josiah at times, the girl was listening to God. Tears welled in Lindie’s eyes.

Hannah shook her head. “Don’t be sad.”

“These are tears of joy.”

Hannah’s face crinkled.

“Gladness.” That didn’t change the girl’s expression, so Lindie signed, “I’m happy,” while smiling so large her face hurt. “Did God tell you to lay your hand on the deer that was shot?”

Hannah nodded. “I prayed too.”

“And the doe was healed.” Lindie spoke slowly so Hannah could read her lips.

“God said it was.”

She had never seen such a miracle as when the deer rose, and to know that God told Hannah to lay hands on the animal warmed Lindie’s core.

After finishing her oatmeal, Lindie demonstrated how the shading changed depending on what angle she held the pencil.
There really wasn’t any other technique she could teach Hannah, she had such natural ability. Even so, the child seemed receptive to the attention and that thrilled Lindie.

While interacting with Hannah, Lindie lost track of the time. The wall clock indicated it was past the child’s bedtime. She hated to stop their time together, but Hannah needed her sleep. Lindie also wanted a few minutes alone to sketch a doll pattern. With the material Margaret had sent, Lindie wanted to sew Hannah a doll for Christmas, which was only four days away.

After she tucked Hannah into bed, Lindie returned to the kitchen to start working on the pattern. Having made several in the past for her nieces, it didn’t take long to complete the sketch. She opened the drawer and removed the scissors. She never liked to cut paper and material using the same shears, but she would have to make do with the only pair she could find.

She had most of the pieces cut when a noise startled her. Adrenaline surged. She spun around, her scissors raised defensively.

Josiah grabbed her wrist.

She exhaled her pent-up breath and unclenched her hand. “I’m sorry. You frightened me.”

“I noticed.” He took the scissors from her hand and placed them on the table. “What are you doing up?”

She motioned to the material. “I’m cutting out a doll pattern I want to make for Hannah.”

He cocked his head to one side and grimaced. “Lindieee.”

“Please don’t be upset. It’s a Christmas gift and I don’t have much time to get it done. Besides, I got a long afternoon nap so I’m not tired yet.”

He groaned and squinted at the clock, then ran his fingers through his hair as he looked out the window.

“Is something wrong?”

He looked at the clock again, then at her. “It’s late.”

“
Jah
. Are you okay?” He was acting disoriented. He needed to eat.

“I feel fine.” He rubbed his jaw. “I guess I was really tired.”

“And probably hungry.” She remembered a time when one of the ministers in her district had acted similarly. The minister didn’t get better until after he’d eaten something. She heard later that his bewilderment was from his blood sugar dropping too low. “There are sandwiches left over from church.” She placed one on a plate and handed it to him.

“Denki.”

Lindie filled a glass with water and brought it to the table. “What about Simon? Should I take him something to eat?”

“I spoke with him before I laid down. He was going to warm up some soup at his place.” Josiah ate a few bites and washed it down with a long drink.

“Did he mention anything about me being pregnant?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t bring it up either.”

She picked up the scissors and resumed cutting the material. Josiah’s reply, though honest, hurt. Why did she think he would be up front with Simon? She tried to concentrate on the pattern but felt his stare. “What—why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re beautiful.”

She leaned back, startled by his words. He was disoriented.

Then, as if he realized what he had said, he shook his head. “Lindie, go to bed. Please.” He drained the water, set the glass on the table, and stood.

“I need a flat surface to make
mei
cuts.” She snipped around
a corner, but she couldn’t concentrate on staying on the line. She hadn’t ever been called beautiful before. Even Moses had refrained from complimenting her physical features.

He appeared to acknowledge his unusual behavior and shook his head. Perhaps the late hour had something to do with his unbridled words. She wished there was truth in his statement, but most likely it was a slip of the tongue.

She shifted her thoughts to what she would use for the face and hands of this doll. The navy-blue material was fine for the dress and apron, but she needed something different for the flesh tones. Tomorrow she would look through her clothes. A dishtowel would work. The off-white muslin would—

Josiah came up beside her, his arm rubbing her shoulder as he reached for her hand doing the cutting.

Their eyes locked and she released the scissors to him.

He dropped them on the table without breaking eye contact with her.

She swallowed hard.

Josiah cupped her face in his hands, lowered his lips to hers, and kissed her softly.

She trembled as his mouth moved over hers. Placing his hand on the center of her back, he drew her against him and trailed kisses along her cheek to her ear. His breath, warm against her skin, raised the hairs on her arms.

“Lindie, I never thought I could feel this way again,” he whispered, then moved down her neck with kisses.

She closed her eyes to block out the horrific memory of the
Englischer
and that awful night. The man’s putrid stench was embedded in her senses, forcing a mental replay of his raspy demands.
Don’t fight me
.

“
Nay
. Don’t touch me.” She pressed her hand against Josiah’s chest and shoved him hard. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m sorry,” Josiah said quickly. “I just assumed—”

“That wasn’t our arrangement,” she choked out and then fled the room.

Chapter Twenty-One

J
osiah lifted his head, punched the feather pillow, and plopped back down. He couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he envisioned Lindie wrapped in his arms. He should have told her his feelings had changed and not assumed hers had too.

That wasn’t our arrangement
.

Her words had cut him to the core.

He entered this marriage expecting difficulties, and it had been difficult being married to someone he didn’t love. But it wasn’t nearly as hard as being married to someone who didn’t love him in return. He should have kept his distance. They were doing fine before he . . . fell in love.

So much for following Simon’s advice. She didn’t want to consummate the marriage. Far from it, she had a look of terror in her eyes when he touched her.

Oh, Lord, what a mess I’ve made of this. I need help. How am I going to keep the agreement we made?