A Memory Unchained (7 page)

His eyes were glowing. It was a look she had not seen for a long time!

“My beach house is just up the road, in Back Bay Har-

bor,” she said softly.

“Sounds wonderful, let’s go,” he was quick to answer.

“It’s been closed up, for a long time,” she paused. “The

view from the patio is breathtaking,” she added.

Her voice trailed off as she said, “I’m just not sure I’m ready to go!”

Jeff didn’t act like he heard the last comment. He was

busy gathering up the check and retrieving her coat.

When he returned to their table, Pamela had a distant

look on her face. He stopped and watched her.

“You alright?” His tone commanded her attention.

She jumped.

“Where were you? Somewhere besides here,” he

joked.

“I’m sorry, forgive me. This coastline holds a lot of

memories for me.”

“Your forgiven, let’s go,” he said, helping her into her

coat!

As they continued their drive along the coastline, Jeff

motioned for her to move closer to him.

She scooted next to him, thinking how she felt as she

did on her first date, so long ago!

“You’re smiling, why?” he asked.

“Just reminiscing about my girlhood!”

“Kinda funny how things all come around again, isn’t

A Memory Unchained___________ 61

it?” he smiled, putting his arm around her.

Pamela knew at that moment she had to do some

explaining about Back Bay. She hesitated, and then tried

to begin.

“This place, my beach house, it’s very special to me,”

she paused again.

“I guessed that,” he said.

“But it’s full of memories, beautiful memories,” she

paused, hoping at that moment he would turn the car

around and head back to Boston.

“I’m not afraid of memories,” he said. “I have some but

they are in their proper place, ‘forgotten,’ where memories should be.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t agree. Mine are still very close. I

haven’t been back,” she hesitated, “since..” Her voice

trailed off.

“Don’t worry. You’ll relax and forget. Wait and see.”

His eyes sparkled.

Pamela suddenly felt uneasy. His answer was not exactly

what she wanted, but the look in his eyes seemed to show

understanding.

She moved back into his arms. The warmth of his body

felt good and secure to her. She was meant to be one man’s woman, to be needed and wanted. To share her love and

faith with one special man again.

Pamela was not ashamed of those feelings. God had

given them to her, hadn’t he?

He kissed her softly on the cheek. Pamela wanted this

relationship to be right. Did he understand? She won-

dered, trying to convince herself he did. She was relying on her impatient feelings, instead of leaning on God to

62 __________________Gloria Graham

guide her.

The Paris sky was full of stars, no wonder it reminded

her of Back Bay Harbor. Same moon, same stars, she re-

minded herself. Suddenly she wondered where Jill was this night. She missed her so. She couldn’t keep her memories

tucked away; they spilled forth, Back Bay, Jeff, that night at the beach house.

“Ahh,” Jeff had expelled as Pamela opened the sliding

glass door revealing a view of sparkling Back Bay Har-

bor.

Perched majestically on the hill across the small cove,

stood the Community Church. It’s white spire distinguish-

able for miles. She pointed. “My church,” She smiled.

“Yours? Oh,” he laughed, “you own the place?”

“Silly,” she admonished, and added, “I attend when

I’m in Back Bay.”

“Oh,” he said flatly with no other comment.

She had hoped he would make some kind of statement

about his faith. He didn’t.

“It’s just like a painting, a beautiful masterpiece.” He

leaned over the railing slightly, catching sprinkles of salt on his lips from the breaking surf below.

“Do you really like it?” she whispered. He whirled

around, pulling her swiftly into his arms and kissed her.

“Do I like it? I love it like you do!” he smiled.

Jeff’s kiss had taken her by surprise. She caught her

breath and began a nervous outpour of words. Somehow

the situation, alone, together, made her uneasy.

“Look,” she pointed. “The crest of each wave looks like

it has a million tiny diamonds riding on top.” She sighed.

“It’s so beautiful.”

A Memory Unchained___________ 63

The moonlight cast its irredescent glow over the water

below.

“Yes, beautiful,” he whispered, “like you.”

He pulled her close again and kissed her lovingly. She

didn’t resist. She wanted his kiss.

“We can leave anytime you say,” he assured her.

He held her close. The moment was real, yet, as if a

dream for Pamela. Her desire to love again surpassed her

good judgment.

His firm hands slid slowly, but softly, down her back,

resting in the very small indentation of her waist.

Her breath came faster. She was enjoying his touch.

Her skin tingled, like millions of tiny pins piercing gently all over.

The moonlight caught his glistening blue eyes. He

pulled her closer into his strong, warm body.

A warning signal reeled through her body. Pamela

was torn between wanting to submit to Jeff and her con-

science.

This was not the way she wanted to find romance again,

recklessly, without the commitment of true love she wanted to share with the right man.

She stopped at the doorway.

Jeff’s arms were around her leading her to the bedroom

she and Tom had shared.

Her eyes filled with tears. She began to shake.

“I can’t,” she cried. “I thought I could, but I can’t.”

Jeff looked shocked. His smile had vanished.

He grabbed Pamela roughly, turning her to face him.

“Don’t pull that on me now!” he grumbled. “You’re a

big girl. Didn’t you suggest we come here?”

64 __________________Gloria Graham

She stood speechless. What had happened to the un-

derstanding he had shown earlier. He grabbed her. His

eyes flashed. He was angry. Pamela tried to pull away.

He pulled her viciously to his chest and kissed her on the mouth. Pamela pushed him away from her.

She felt like someone had pierced her heart. She wanted

him to understand, to be the man she prayed he was. Tears welled in her eyes.

“I don’t like playing games!” he said. And added, “I

should be used to it by now! You women are all alike!”

Jeff turned away from her.

How could she have been so mistaken about him? Pa-

mela watched as he walked slowly to the cottage door.

“I’ll take you back to the city,” he said curtly.

Pamela gathered her coat and as she started to shut off

the lights and close the door she gazed at the window and the lights sparkling on Back Bay. She said a soft, silent prayer. “God help me. I’m so vulnerable now.” The door

closed solidly behind her.

The silence between them was awkward. Pamela knew

she had disappointed him. She had hurt his pride.

He had disappointed her too. She had hoped their

relationship would grow.

Jeff pulled up in front of her apartment. She wondered

what he would say.

“Can I see you again?” He had been deep in thought

the entire drive back.

She was surprised.

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t understand it, but I do.”

“Maybe you just don’t like losing?” she asked.

A Memory Unchained___________ 65

“It’s something else. Can’t explain it, but I sincerely

want to see you again.”

“Of course, call me, we’ll try again.”

Jeff was watching as she walked to her door. She could

feel his eyes on her. When he smiled, all the pent up feelings and emotions of the woman inside her stirred.

Pamela burst into tears the moment she shut the door.

Sobbing her disappointment to the Lord, she confessed she had been too eager to have a relationship. It had backfired.

She felt silly, like a child again. Then a verse from the Bible came slipping into her thoughts, “Unless you become a

a little child you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Pamela stopped crying. She was just a child again, in the world alone. She thought of Jeff again. The verse kept

repeating in her mind.

He had seemed so quiet, so understanding. What had

happened? Had she given him the wrong idea? Was he re-

ally the playboy the gossip columnists portrayed him as?

Pamela remembered how frustrated and depressed she felt

that following day.

She opened her eyes to view the Paris sky again.

She thought of her beautiful day she had spent in Paris,

with Rex. She closed her eyes again. He brought only happy feelings to her heart.

The pool area was deserted now, only the sound of

television sets in the distant hotel rooms broke the quiet.

She smiled. It sounded like a calliope – a whistling,

turning calliope.

She held her forehead tightly. “Oh God, will I ever for-

get Tom? How long will it take, will I ever?” She thought again. “Forgive my impatience Lord, but,” she listened to 66 __________________Gloria Graham

the calliope sound again.

Her mind reeled with memories of a very special time

with Tom.

The calliope on the merry-go-round. He had teased her

until she agreed to ride with all the children. She could see him laughing as she made each bobbing circle. She had

gotten sick. She was going to have a child.

Tom had been overjoyed and that night had been very

special. His warm and tender kisses were loving and pas-

sionate.

She belonged to Tom, completely, honestly faithfully.

They shared their love and their faith.

She had remembered lying in bed next to Tom that

night with Tom and the echoes of the merry-go-round and

its mystic whistling organ sound replaying in her head. Her dreams were strong, filled with brightly colored horses as she came closer to reaching the brass ring.

When she snagged the ring, grasping it tightly between

her fingers, the brass ring was hers and so was Tom!

It was still quiet beside the pool. A quiet voice startled Pamela, “Pardon Mademoiselle.” She jumped. She had a

moment of fear grasp her heart.

He said again, “Pardon.”

Pamela looked up to see the bell captain. She was sur-

prised to see the lights around the patio turned off. She felt uneasy until the captain spoke again.

“You were asleep? Oui?”

Pamela felt warmth in his voice.

“Oui,” she said.

“It is not good for a pretty lady to be alone at night in this part of the city.” He smiled.

Pamela immediately felt his concern for her. She smiled

and thanked him.

She turned to wave to him again as he watched her

enter the hotel lobby safely.

Pamela felt shaken. She realized if it

hadn’t been for the concern of the bell captain, she would have been locked out of the hotel for the night. She called Rex, her friend, for consolation. When she told him of the incident by the pool, he was upset.

“I don’t like it Chéri, you must be in a safer place!

Perhaps Mr. Orland didn’t know about your hotel’s loca-

tion?”

“The incident was my fault. I should have been more

careful,” she insisted. “Besides, nothing happened, thanks to the Bell Captain.”

Rex sighed, “Get some rest now and I’ll pick you up

early.”

Pamela felt better after talking to Rex. She realized how 68 __________________Gloria Graham

lonesome she would be without his comforting voice. The

incident had disturbed her.

She couldn’t sleep so she pulled out her list of things she wanted to do in Paris. Rex made sure she saw every interesting spot in Paris. Tomorrow would be no exception.

Her prayers were filled with thank yous! Pamela found

herself confessing her frustration over Jeff.

Tears streamed down her face again. She wanted God’s

help! Now! Patience was not her virtue. She suddenly realized she was saying the wrong words.

“If it be thy will,” she added almost apologetically.

The harder she tried to go to sleep, the wider-awake she

was. “Count sheep,” she advised herself. It didn’t work.

She was overcome with memories again. She began

remembering.

It had been a lovely Friday night when his call came.

Jeff’s voice caused her heart to flutter. “Let’s go somewhere tomorrow,” his soft voice insisted. Pamela thought instantly about their last outing and hesitated.

“Please, I need company,” he begged.

She felt his need and finally agreed.

“Alright, where are we going?” she said sweetly.

“How about a picnic at the beach?”

“Sounds great. Shall I pack a lunch?” she asked.

“Perfect. I’ll be there early.” He sounded excited. Pa-

mela had wondered if he would ever call again, much less

in one short week.

She felt that same old excitement welling up inside

her. She found herself praying again, “God, help me! This man has some kind of power over me. Help me! I can’t

say no.”

A Memory Unchained___________ 69

The morning had gone beautifully. Jeff fished from the

shore and Pamela watched. She loved the salt air and the

crisp breeze off the crashing waves.

“Come on and fish,” he yelled again at Pamela.

“Not me, I hate fish!” she smiled breathing in the fresh