A Matter of Choice (15 page)

He stepped closer until he was so near she could smell his masculine scent, feel the heat from his body. It seemed strange to stand so close to him wearing nothing but her thin silk nightgown. She felt naked because she knew he was aware she wore nothing beneath it. “What else did your sisters tell you?” He touched his hand to her face and cupped her cheek.

“Mary said that I shouldn’t open my eyes until it was over, although I’m not quite sure what ‘it’ is.”

He smiled. “She did?”

“Yes. She said it wouldn’t seem so…that it would be better if I didn’t look.”

He rubbed the pad of his thumb against her lips, then lowered his head and gently pressed his mouth to hers. The first kiss was light, like a gentle breeze. Her head buzzed, her blood roared against her ears.

“What else?” He brushed his lips against hers again, but this kiss was just as light and chaste as the kiss before, leaving her wanting more.

“That I shouldn’t be afraid.”

“Ah. A beacon of hope,” he said, pressing a kiss to the center of her forehead. “Which of your sisters told you that?”

“Phoebe. She said it was only painful the first time and after that, it was just uncomfortable.”

His eyebrows arched. “I see.”

“She said it would help to think of something else until it was over.”

“No wonder their marriages are such disasters.” He touched her lips lightly then left them again. “Were there any other pearls of wisdom your sisters felt it necessary to impart?”

“No,” she whispered on a ragged breath. “Except that
this
part of being married...” she glanced down at the bed, “...isn’t very important and that after awhile you will tire of it.”

He threw his head back and laughed.

“Was that funny?” She didn’t understand what struck him as so amusing.

“You have no idea,” he answered, then pulled her into his arms and kissed her with more fervor. Every inch of her body tingled. “No wonder their husbands have mistresses.”

“What does that have to do with it?” She was confused about more than just his words.

He kissed her again. “Every man needs not only a wife, but a mistress. It’s a rare wife who can become both.”

The breath caught in her throat as she considered his words.

He deepened his kiss and held her close. “I’m sure you will make a fine wife, my lady. Now, I will teach you to be an excellent mistress.”

He kissed her again, then again. Until she was desperate for something more.

She knew he intended to take his time, to teach her what to do without frightening her but he’d teased her enough. She wanted him to kiss her like he’d done before.

When she couldn’t control her desire any longer, she moved against him, urging him without words to kiss her with that certain possessiveness she’d come to anticipate.

He angled his head and deepened his kiss, then moved from her lips to her cheek, then to a spot just below her ear.

She sucked in a breath. Oh, she couldn’t think when he kissed her there. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making love to you, and attempting to prove that every piece of advice your sisters gave you was a lie.”

He kissed her there again, just beneath her ear, then moved his attention lower, down her neck and to the front.

She gasped for air. With a finger beneath her chin, he tipped her head back and to the side and kissed the hollow spot at the base of her throat.

She sucked in a breath and reached out to clasp her hands on the silky material at his shoulders. Soft little whimpers echoed in the darkness. They were hers and she couldn’t stop them. Then he lifted his head and covered her mouth with his lips.

His kisses were long, and deep, and demanding. He pressed his lips against hers then opened them, touching her lips with his tongue. His message was clear. He wanted her to follow his lead, wanted her to meet his demands and answer them with demands of her own. She did.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered in her ear.

“I’m not.” She tried to say the words with confidence, but couldn’t. “I don’t want to be,” she finished.

“I’ll take care of you.” His voice was a raspy whisper, his breathing uneven and labored. “Always, Allie. I promise.”

She looked into his eyes, struck by the concern in his gaze, the gentleness in his voice, the tenderness in his touch. She answered the only way she knew. “Love me. Please. Show me what to do.”

He breathed a heavy sigh and pulled her back into his embrace.

With slow intensity, he kissed her until she feared she might drown. He ran one hand over her body, while the fingers of his other hand worked at the buttons on her gown. When the placket was open nearly to her waist, he lifted his mouth from hers and pushed the material from her shoulders. Cool air hit her flesh but she welcomed it. Her flesh was on fire.

With his gaze locked with hers, he placed his hands on her shoulders and slowly let his palms move downward.

This was not what she’d thought it would be like. Not the torture her sisters had led her to believe.

“Look at me, Allie. Don’t close your eyes. Watch me as I love you.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

“What we share as husband and wife is beautiful. There will be no shame or embarrassment between us.”

With her gaze locked with his, she gave in to his lovemaking.

Joshua thought he was going to die
when she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave herself to him. He’d never wanted a woman like he wanted her, a thought totally alien to him. Was it just because she was his? His wife?

With his lips still pressed to hers, he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

She was lighter than he expected, smaller, more delicate. That realization shocked him. He hadn’t thought of her as fragile. She’d seemed stronger somehow, more forceful. Perhaps it was because of the way she carried herself. Her self confidence. Her inner strength.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, lifting his mouth from hers.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you.”

He laughed as he lay down beside her. “Men are not beautiful, wife. They are handsome.”

She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek, letting her fingers roam over his cheekbone and down the side of his face. With tentative movements, she traced the cut of his jaw then outlined the shape of his lips.

“You are beautiful,” she said, then wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers.

He kissed her thoroughly, then lifted his head. “Do you know what will happen between us?”

“No.”

“Then I will teach you.”

“If I do something wrong—“

“You won’t do anything wrong. You will make love to me as I make love to you, giving as much of yourself as I intend to give to you.”

“I don’t want to be a disappointment to you.”

“You won’t be.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because it will be my fault if you are. It will mean I was not an adequate lover. And I assure you, I am.”

Before she had time to realize what he’d meant by his boast, he covered her mouth again and kissed her with wild abandon. While his mouth paid homage to her lips, his hands moved over her body, touching her, caressing her, stroking her until she writhed beneath him.

“Please,” she moaned. She clamped her fingers down on the muscles of his shoulders and held him.

“Please, what, Allison?”

“I don’t…know. Just…please.” Her breathing was as ragged as his, her eyes glazed with passion.

Joshua dropped the robe from his body and lowered himself onto her. He braced his elbows on either side of her and made love to her.

+++

Allison had no idea it would be like this. She thought she might die if he continued. Was certain she would die if he stopped.

He kissed her again, and even though she tried to lie still like Mary had warned her to, she couldn’t.

“Now we will make love,” he whispered against her neck and began the movement she’d craved without knowing she craved it.

The expression on his face was strained, his eyes as black as midnight, the creases at his forehead deep, giving him such a concentrated look.

She lifted her hands and let her fingers run up and down his arms. He was beautiful. As perfect as anyone God had ever made. And he was all male. The muscles across his shoulders rippled beneath her touch, the hair on his chest coarse, yet soft, the skin at his waist and lower firm and taut.

This was not at all like she’d imagined. She could not think, could not concentrate on anything except what he was doing to her. How could Phoebe think of a new dress or bonnet? How could she think of anything except the riot of wild emotions raging through her? How could she do anything but cling to the man carrying her to the stars and beyond and race along with him? How…? Why…? Oh…

“Oh…!”

“Yes!”

“Joshua!” she cried as her body trembled then shattered like a fireball that rocketed through the starlit sky. She soared through the heavens like an exploding comet, surging from darkness into blinding sunlight. With arms open wide, she plummeted toward earth, leaving behind the trailing glow of a falling star.

He followed behind her.

He collapsed against her, his wonderfully heavy weight pressing her deep into the mattress. His harsh, ragged breathing brushed hot against her flesh, the thundering of his heart pounding against her breast, his muscled body a cocoon surrounding her, protecting her, holding her safe. She had never felt so perfect, so complete.

For several long minutes he lay there, not moving. She let her fingers trail along his arms, across his shoulders, and down his back. His flesh was covered with a light sheen of perspiration.

How could her sisters have said the things they had? Given her the warnings they had? What she’d shared with her husband had been wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing.

A shiver raced up and down her spine. Perhaps she’d done something wrong. What if this was not the way a proper lady acted? What if her behavior had shocked him? What if she’d let him do things to her a respectable lady would never have allowed? A cold chill caused her to tremble.

She’d done none of the things her sisters had told her to do. She hadn’t kept her eyes closed. She hadn’t thought of a new gown or bonnet. She hadn’t lain still until it was over, but had touched him, and kissed him, and… What if she’d behaved no better than a common trollop? Suddenly she had to know.

“Are you all right?” he asked, still nestled against her. His breathing was calmer than before, but not much.

“Yes. Are you?”

He laughed, his breath warm against the side of her neck. “I’m not sure yet.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Yes.” He tried to lift his head.

Allison held up her hand to stop him. “Please, I don’t want you to look at me.”

“Very well.” He kept his head nestled in the crook of her shoulder, but shifted his weight off her.

“Is it always like this, my lord?”

She felt him stiffen. “I’m afraid you’ll have to explain.” There was a wariness in his voice. “Like what?”

She felt her cheeks turn hot. “Please, don’t be angry with me.”

He lifted his head but she was not fast enough nor strong enough to stop him.

“I’m not angry,” he said, but the frown on his forehead indicated otherwise.

“Very well. I would like to know if this is the way it always is.”

“Didn’t you like it?”

She turned her gaze away from him. “That is not the point.”

“Then what is?”

“I need to know if it is this way with the other women with whom you’ve slept.”

“You would like to compare notes?”

“No. Not that. I just want to know if you found me…”

She heard a chuckle and felt him smile. “What are my choices, Allison? Unbelievable? Fantastic? Incomparable? Remarka—“

“No! Wanton. Did you think me wanton?”

He lifted himself up and looked down on her. “What?”

His eyes seemed darker than usual and his gaze locked with hers as if he found her inquiry an inappropriate question to ask.

“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling the need to apologize, “but I need to know.”

He placed his finger beneath her chin and kept her from looking away from him. Her eyes filled with tears the moment she looked at him. Blast! This was not the way she wanted to react at all. She did not want to cry, not when what they’d shared had been so wonderful, yet tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

“Why would you think your behavior wanton?”

She clenched her hands in the covers and squeezed. “I didn’t do any of the things they told me to do. I didn’t keep my eyes closed, and didn’t lie still. I didn’t—“

“Hush.” He placed his index finger over her lips. “How dare they,” he whispered, then turned with her in his arms. He wrapped her in his arms and held her. “I do not think you wanton. I think you are nearly the most perfect lover imaginable. If any of your sisters would be half so perfect, their husbands wouldn’t have to take their pleasures in another woman’s arms.”

“You do not think I was too…forward?”

“Quite the opposite. In time you will learn not to be nearly so shy and reserved.”

She looked at him in surprise, then sighed in relief when he laughed. “Perhaps then we could practice again so I improve?”

“Perhaps,” he whispered as his mouth came down on hers.