A Man of Honor (A Young Adult Paranormal Romance) (The Honor Trilogy) (5 page)

Though Ethan and Tamlin return to school after missing the last two days to be with Honor, I take another day off. It’s Friday anyway, and it’s not like I haven’t graduated high school already. Plus, I really need to see Honor without my loser brother busting in.

A gleam of burnished gold
shines over her pale blond hair, causing an ethereal image that sends bursts of heat throughout my chest and limbs. She is beautiful.

When I finally get strength back in my knees and air back in my lungs, I tap on her hospital room door frame. “Hey,
princess.”

She looks up, and her face is flush from the warm morning sun. “Storm,” she marvels, as if m
y visiting her is unheard of. “What are you doing here?”

I sit at the edge of the bed, facing Honor. “I wanted to catch you before you went home.”

Her smile lights up my heart. “You could visit me at home you know.”

“Yeah, but then I’d have to contend with my precious little brother.” I smirk.

Honor shrugs, but her smile disappears.

“I’m sorry,” I say, shifting on the bed, because suddenly I’m uncomfortable. “I guess you don’t like my berating him all the time. Understandable.”

She tilts her chin into her shoulder. “It’s okay. I know he’s not your favorite person.”

“No. Not at all. But I shouldn’t bring you into our problems.”

Honor straightens her back and sits forward on her chair. “So…Tamlin said you kissed her.”

I knock the side of my fist to my mouth while I compose my thoughts. “Uh, I did.”
So not what I wanted to say.

“You like her?” she says with an edge on her voice.

“Well she’s nice and all…” What am I going to say? Tamlin’s her best friend. I can’t be cruel and say no, but I’m a guy, and I need the touch of a girl…now that I can finally get close to one without her dying.

“Why’d you kiss her?” Honor’s frowning, and I’m thinking I know why. I’m
hoping
I know why.

“You’re jealous.” I smirk. I try to hide my grin, but I cannot. Honor’s jealous. I can tell.

“What?” Honor asks, sitting back into her chair and shaking her head. “Jealous?” She crosses her arms in front of her chest. “I am
not
jealous,” she insists, turning her head away from me.

“
Mmm,” I mutter, enjoying immensely, watching her squirm.

“I’m not,” she asserts again, but the corners of her mouth quiver. She’s trying not to blush.

“I believe you,” I lie, unable though to remove the smile from my face.

Honor sighs.

“Hey, princess.”

She looks up at me.

“There’s nothing to be jealous of.”

I watch the corner of her mouth curl.

“Can I ask you something?” she asks quietly. “How? I mean, I thought you can’t, like, touch anybody for too long.”

Crossing and uncrossing my legs, I settle on standing and leaning against the wall, my arms shoved deep in my pockets. “That’s just it. I’m not sure, but I think when you brought me back to life, you healed me.”

Honor opens her mouth to speak, but instead, she says nothing and leaves her pretty mouth dropped in awe.

“I also think you cured me of being an empath. I feel nothing anymore… and for that,” I bow to Her Highness, “I thank you.”

“Really?” she smiles.

“Really.”

“Like,” she tugs on her bottom lip with her teeth, “is it just with Tamlin or like…everybody?”

“Um, you volunteering to test it out?” I raise my eyebrows, really hoping that is exactly what she’s suggesting.

She denies it with the click of her tongue and the shake of her head.

I take a step toward her.

“I’m not volunteering…uh…is your hair darker?”

Another step closer, and my eyes are only focused on her mouth as she curls her bottom lip inside it. “Probably…’cause I’m not an empath anymore, there’s nothing to drain me of my color.” Taking another step forward, I think,
wow, that explains my sudden tan.
“Hey, you’re changing the subject.”

Honor rolls her violet eyes. I’m now close enough to touch her.

I do.

Picking her hands up off her lap, I lift her from her seat. Her soft hands inside mine tease me. While she unknowingly seduces me with the tender touch of her hands, I move to slide my right hand up her arm.

“Am I hurting you?” I ask, staring directly into her eyes.

She takes a swallow and moves her head back and forth.

My eyes linger on hers for a few very intense moments before both my hands are cupped just behind her ears.

“Anything?” I purr, unable to speak in my normal voice, due to my breathlessness.

Her breathing picks up and she shakes her head, almost imperceptibly.

I move my gaze to her parted lips, tempted to taste her. When her tongue darts out to skim the edges of her two front teeth, I lose all restraint. With a gentle tug of her head, and a trepid hand, I pull her lips to mine. Tiny tremors race through my veins when our tongues meet. Her hands wrap snugly around my waist, and I tangle her silken hair in my hands. A guttural groan escapes me, and I want to pull her inside of me. I want her to become part of me. I want to become part of her.

Her tongue, still dancing with mine, assures me I am not hurting her. Not draining her of life. I know now with complete certainty that I am not the murdering empath I once was. Honor has cured me of that. For the first time in my life, I can love someone physically…and possibly be loved in return.

Too bad it cannot be Honor.

In a mutual burst of verity, Honor and I separate.

“Oh my god,” she breathes, plopping back down in her chair.

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” I ask, wondering, even though I know it was the reality of kissing her boyfriend’s brother that has her flustered.

She drops her face into her hands. “No. You didn’t hurt me,” she says, her words muffled by her hand-covered mouth.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, I touch my hand to her arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Honor doesn’t move.

I stand from the bed and glide my hand down the length of her golden hair. “I won’t do that again. You have my word.” I kiss the back of her bowed head and walk away, sensing she needs to be alone.

In the empty elevator down the hall, I ban
g the back of my head against the wall and curse myself. Now I’ve risked her friendship. For what? A minute in her arms? Sixty seconds kissing the sweetest girl in the whole world? Though it was the best sixty seconds of my twenty-two years, it was not worth ruining our friendship and possibly never speaking to her again.

Though the elevator door opens on the lobby level, I press the button back up to Honor’s floor. Walking away now, I fear, will only sever the friendship further. It must be resolved before this gets worse. My breath hitches and my stomach clenches, but plodding forward anyway, I reach Honor’s room in slow motion.

Her back is to me when I get there. She’s staring out the window. The way the blond hair floats down her back and reaches her ass causes a falter in my step. Grabbing the door jamb helps me compose myself before walking in.

“Honor,” I start, clearing my throat before continuing.

She takes hold of the chair’s back when she stumbles turning around. “St…Storm,” my name gets caught in her throat. Her cheeks are wet.

Each step I take feels like ten pound weights are bound to my ankles. “I…I’m sorry. I had to come back.”

Instinctively, my hand reaches for hers, but I drop my arm awkwardly, avoiding the touch of her skin. Tears slip into her mouth when she smiles, and her tongue darts out to lick them.

“I
am
sorry I kissed you, princess. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. Please. Please still be my friend. Please.” I shake my head and catch my breath. “You’re the reason I get up in the morning. The reason I stay here in Jefferson. I know you love my brother. I swear, I will not let my feelings get in the way of our friendship. I just. I can’t. I cannot. I need you. To be my friend. Please.”

“Really?” she asks, licking her lips again and wiping her cheek with her sleeve.

“Really what?” I wonder.
She doesn’t think we can be friends now?

“You really feel…that way?” she questions quietly.

“That I want you to be my friend? Of course I do.”

While she bites her lip, her hand cups her stomach. “No. I mean…about…you staying here…in Jefferson.”

As if my heart weren’t strained enough, just thinking about repeating my declaration makes it feel as if it were going to explode. “Um,” I nod. “Yes. You. Are. The reason. I’m here.” Though a smile creeps up my face, there’s no happiness behind it, only irony – declaring my love to someone unable to accept it.

Honor’s hand moves from her stomach to her mouth, where she slowly starts tugging on her bottom lip with her fingers. “I had no idea.” Her words come out so slowly and so softly that I have to ask her to repeat it.

“I had no…idea…that you felt that way,” she says, still just above a whisper.

“Yeah. Well. I do.” My neck cracks when I stretch it sideways and backwards. “But please. Don’t worry. I won’t kiss you again.” I smile despite the breaking of my heart. I silently curse myself for having fallen in love in the first place.

Honor uses her sleeve again to wipe her tears. “I’m sorry. It’s all just so…complicated.”

“I know that.” Taking a breath before each thought helps to drive away my own imminent tears. “That’s why I’m sorry.” Inhaling her scent
, while trying to calm myself, exacerbates the pain in my chest. “I should have known better.”

She smiles. “Me too.” Reaching for my hand, she’s surprised when I stick it in my pocket. “Storm,” she says, tilting her head. “Forget about this. Let’s move past it.”

My brain is saying,
“Sure, let’s move on,”
but I can’t form the words, so I nod.

Honor glances down at the floor then out the window, and it seems she’s uncomfortable, so I switch the subject.

“So what’s with your boyfriend? Why doesn’t he just heal you so you won’t have this heart problem anymore?” Probably not the best subject to divert the tension, but it’s been on my mind.

Her big violet eyes grow bigger. “Storm. Stop. I don’t want him to heal me. Why should he?” She sits back on her chair and bites the inside of her mouth.

I move back onto her hospital bed and adjust the settings, propping myself against her pillow. Clasping my hands behind my head, I cross my legs at the ankles – looking cooler than I feel.

“I just think if he loves you the way he says, he’d
wanna take your pain away.” My smirk is smug, but my heart is heavy, wishing I could be the one to take away her pain.

“He loves me,” she snaps. “I just…I told him I don’t want him to heal me. I’
d just heal him back, and then we’d just…never stop. It’s crazy.”

I drop my hands from behind my head and sit forward. “It’s
crazy
that he doesn’t try. What if he could heal the empath right out of you? Then you could be done with this bullshit for good.”

She returns her gaze to the window, avoiding looking at me and facing the truth about her loser ass boyfriend.

“You know I’m right, princess. He should be at least trying.”

“No.”

Watching her shake her head in denial is more frustrating than I thought. No longer can I remain nonchalant on the bed. I hop off and pull her up out of her chair. “He has to try, Honor. You’re dying. Your heart can’t take much more. He has to,” I demand, feeling like a crazed lunatic, my voice is so loud.

“No. He doesn’t. He…he doesn’t like to do that. He…he’s learned to shut out…others. You know…because of his parents dying so young.”

“His parents? That’s bullshit.”

“Storm. Really. He’s healed the little things…like when I’m sad and stuff. He just…”

“He what? Oh c’mon, Honor. He makes you not sad anymore?” I mock, disgusted by my little brother’s behavior.

“He’s just scared about being vulnerable. I…he’s closed his heart, his feelings…to people.”

“Then why you with him?”

“What? He loves me. I love him.”

“Yeah. How can he love you if he’s closed his heart? You’re not making any sense, Honor.” My teeth are clenched, and my body is tense. It is maddening to hear her talk about him like this. She doesn’t see how selfish he is.

“Look, Storm. I don’t
want
Ethan to heal me. He
knows
that. And as for healing the empath right out of me, I’m staying the way I am. Even if I have to die young.” Her voice catches when she says this, so I know she doesn’t really mean it.

“Checkmate? Fine.”

Honor only nods, and I see her eyes grow wide. She’s trying to prevent tears from escaping.

“You got a ride home?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

I blow her a kiss. “See
ya around, princess.” With a heavy heart weighing me down, I leave the hospital…barely aware of who I am anymore. Once collected and cocksure, at least on the outside, I can no longer hide my emotions. I cannot even fool myself anymore.