A Love Forbidden (17 page)

“Yes, I’ll stay for a few days,” he said. “Though I think you’d get a lot more comfort from your kin than you ever would from me.”

Gratitude glowed in her big, tear-bright eyes. “Don’t sell yourself short, Jesse Blackwater. You’ve always been a very special friend of mine, and you always will be.”

A very special friend indeed, he thought wryly, recalling their brief but heated kiss that day in Carbonville. A very special friend who, in spite of everything screaming at him not to do it, wanted to be so very much more.

They must have seen them riding down the road to the main house. By the time Shiloh and Jesse pulled up before it, her stepbrother Cord was just wheeling their older brother Nicholas out onto the front porch. Sarah, Cord’s young wife in her fifth month of pregnancy, stood nearby with her little brother Danny. In her arms she held Jordan’s daughter, now a chubby, nearly eight-month-old.

As she and Jesse dismounted and tied their horses to the hitching post, Cord hurried down the steps and walked over to them. Shiloh exchanged a searching look with her brother, then stepped into his welcoming arms.

“I came as fast as I could,” she mumbled from the depth of his embrace. “Is . . . is Jordan okay?”

Cord released her but still kept his hands on her arms. “Jordan’s still alive,” he said solemnly, “but we don’t know how okay she is. She was unconscious for almost two days and even now can just barely take in enough water and broth to sustain her. And she’s yet to speak a single word.”

“Unconscious? Can’t speak? But how? How did that happen?”

Shiloh’s gut clenched. Her relief at hearing that her sister still lived was almost immediately extinguished by the news that she’d been so debilitated for so long.

Her older brother’s expression darkened. “Robert beat her so hard that it fractured Jordan’s skull. If Doc Saunders hadn’t been a Union surgeon during the war and had experience with removing skull fragments, Jordan wouldn’t even be alive today.”

“Robert . . . Robert beat her?”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. True, Jordan’s husband was a possessive man, but her sister had never mentioned him ever hurting her. It was almost too much to comprehend.

“Seems he’d been treating her rougher and rougher over the course of their marriage,” her brother said. “She kept it hidden for a long while. Guess Jordan was too proud to admit she’d made a mistake in marrying him. And, once Cecilia was born, he soon resented the time she had to spend with the baby. When it got to the point Robert was threatening Ceci, Jordan had had enough. She took the baby and came home.”

Confusion filled Shiloh. “Then how did Robert get a chance to hurt her so badly?”

Cord sighed. “After a few days he came riding in all contrite, begging her to come back, swearing he was a changed man and would never lift a hand to her or the baby again. We tried to talk some sense into Jordan, telling her a leopard didn’t change its spots so quickly, but she wouldn’t listen. She said it was her duty to give him a chance, to help him mend his ways. And I think she still loved him, in spite of it all. At least enough to try and reconcile with him.”

“I didn’t know,” she murmured, feeling so heartsick and shamed that she and Jordan hadn’t been able to talk about such private things. “If I had, I would’ve tried . . .” She dragged in a shuddering breath. “Well, it’s too late to prevent what happened. All we can do now is take the best care of her we can, and pray she recovers.”

“Yes, that’s all we can do.” Cord gave her another quick hug, then pulled back. “I’m just so glad you could get here.” He paused, his glance sliding to where Jesse stood a few feet away.

“Who’s your friend?” he asked bluntly.

Shiloh turned toward Jesse, embarrassed that she’d all but forgotten about him. “Cord, this is my good friend Jesse Blackwater,” she said, glancing back to her brother. “He used to work for us. He now lives on the White River Ute reservation, and I made his acquaintance again when I started my job at the Indian Agency there. When I got word about Jordan, Jesse offered to escort me home through the mountains.”

She then turned to Jesse. “This is my brother Cord. He was already gone from home to attend college when you were hired here.”

Jesse hesitated, then moved forward to extend his hand. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Wainwright.”

Cord took Jesse’s outstretched hand and gave it a firm shake. “Likewise. I’m beholden to you for taking such good care of my little sister.” He shot her a teasing glance. “She didn’t talk you to death, did she, or try to order you around?”

“Not too much. After a while, I think she ran out of things to say.”

Her brother gave an incredulous laugh. “I find
that
hard to believe.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter much anyway,” Shiloh said, feeling a bit miffed to be an amusing topic of conversation between the two men. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to say hello to Nick and Sarah, then head inside and see Jordan. A cool drink would be nice too, after such a long ride.”

“Suit yourself.” Cord stepped aside and, with a mock bow and flourish of his hand, indicated for her to proceed ahead of him.

She turned to Jesse. “You come too. I’m sure you can use something to ease your thirst, not to mention someplace to sit down and rest a bit.”

“I’ll be along in a while,” he said. “First, I’d like to put up our horses and get them settled down with some fresh hay and water.”

“Okay.” She paused. “You won’t leave, will you? You said you’d stay a few days.”

“Yes, if it’s all right with your brothers, I’ll stay a few days.”

“Cord?” Shiloh glanced his way.

Her brother nodded. “Of course you can stay. Any friend of Shiloh’s is a friend of ours. Might have to put you up in one of the bunkhouses, though. Space is kind of tight in the ranch house, what with Jordan here, and now Shiloh.”

“The barn will suit me just fine. No need to put anyone out.”

“You won’t be putting anyone out. We’ve got a few empty beds in one of the bunkhouses. You can eat your meals with us, though, in the main house. We’d enjoy your company.”

“That’ll be wonderful,” Shiloh said, not giving Jesse a chance to back out of eating with them. “But be sure and return to this house after you’re done with the horses. I want to introduce you to Cord’s wife, Sarah.”

Jesse’s expression was less than thrilled, but he nodded his assent. “I’ll do that. Now, why don’t you go see your sister? She
is
the reason we made such a long trip, after all.”

She smiled in gratitude and deep affection. “Yes, she is. She is indeed.”

As still as death, Jordan lay in the bed in the bedroom she’d had as a girl. She was thinner than Shiloh had ever seen her, her head was swathed in bandages, and Shiloh couldn’t discern any evidence of her sister’s beautiful, long blonde hair. At the consideration that, due to Jordan’s injury, it might have had to all be cut off, Shiloh’s throat clogged with tears.

Ever so softly, she moved closer to the bed. It was then that she noted the yellowing bruises on her sister’s pallid face, the almost healed split lip, and the broken nose that had apparently been reset. Jordan, if she survived these brutal injuries, would always have a small bump there to mar her flawless profile.

One arm was also bandaged, and both hands bore evidence of old scrapes. Shiloh gently lifted the quilt covering her sister and found more yellowing bruises up and down her legs. She laid the quilt back down.

A fury she had never known before filled her. How could anyone, and especially one’s husband, do such things? She wished she’d thought to ask Cord what had happened to Robert after the beating was discovered. She couldn’t help herself. She hoped her brother—a professional boxer at one time—had given Jordan’s husband a taste of his own medicine.

Pulling up a chair close to the bed, Shiloh sat and took her sister’s hand. The long fingers were so cool and lifeless. She turned a bit so she could cradle Jordan’s hand between her own two hands. It wasn’t much, but Shiloh felt that if she could at least bring some warmth to her sister, it was something. Some contact, some act of life-sustaining comfort, some proof of her love.

At the action, Jordan stirred and her eyes opened to stare, unfocused, straight ahead. Shiloh’s heart gave a great leap, then commenced a rapid rhythm beneath her breast.

“It’s Shiloh,” she whispered, struggling to keep the tremor from her voice. “I came as quick as I could, once I heard that you were ill. And here I’ll stay until you’re better.”

Swallowing hard, Shiloh fiercely blinked back her tears. “I don’t know if you can hear me or not. But just in case you can, I want to tell you how sorry I am for the way I’ve always been with you. No matter what comes between us, you’re still my sister and I love you. Please forgive me. Please . . .”

She rose, lifted the quilt, and laid her sister’s hand beneath it to keep it warm. Then Shiloh leaned over and kissed Jordan on the cheek. “Get well, big sister,” she said, her voice hoarse with emotion. “I so miss our little squabbles.”

As she straightened and glanced down at Jordan’s pale, expressionless face, Shiloh’s breath caught in her throat. A single tear rolled from Jordan’s eye and trailed down her cheek.

11

Two days later, Emma Duncan, the housekeeper who had been with the Wainwright family for almost twenty years, was finishing up Jordan’s bath with Shiloh’s assistance when she gave a soft cry. “Land sakes, Miss Jordan. You’re awake! You’re really and truly awake!”

At the older woman’s words, Shiloh, who was busy pulling out a fresh nightgown for them to put on her sister, whirled around. Her heart pounding, she hurried over to the bed. Sure enough, Jordan was staring straight at Emma and appeared to be gazing at her in recognition.

“Jordan?” Shiloh took up one of her sister’s hands. “Jordan, look at me.”

After what seemed hours instead of just seconds, Jordan turned her glance to meet Shiloh’s. Confusion clouded her eyes. Her lips moved, but only a low moan escaped.

“Jordan,” Shiloh said, leaning closer. “Do you know who I am?”

She nodded, then a pink tongue escaped to lick dry, cracked lips. “W-water,” her sister croaked.

Emma was immediately at the bedside table, pouring a glass of water from a small pitcher and handing it to Shiloh. “Remember to raise her head,” the housekeeper warned, “and only give her a tiny sip at a time. Otherwise, she’ll choke on it.”

Shiloh did as instructed. After a moment while Jordan held the liquid in her mouth as if she didn’t know what to do with it, she finally swallowed. A few more sips, and Shiloh finally set aside the glass.

“That’s enough for now,” she said, smiling down at her sister. “But in a little while, you can have more.”

Jordan reached up and touched her sister’s hair. “Pr . . . pretty,” she murmured. “Shi . . . loh.”

“Oh, you do remember me,” Shiloh cried joyfully. “That’s a good sign, isn’t it, Emma?” she asked, turning to the other woman, who had moved around to the other side of the bed.

“Yes, it is. The fact that Jordan can speak, hold up a hand, and remembers you are all very good signs.” She looked down at Jordan. “Honey girl,” she said, using the nickname she’d always called her, “do you remember me?”

Jordan turned to her, blinked a few times, then closed her eyes. “T-tired. Sleep . . .”

Emma smilingly nodded, took up Jordan’s other hand, and bent to gently kiss her cheek. “Just let us get a clean nightgown on you, and then you can take a nice nap. Plenty of time later to talk.”

Working together, Emma and Shiloh soon had Jordan dressed in a pretty, white cotton nightgown trimmed with rows of lace down the top front. Then, after pulling up the quilt to tuck it beneath Jordan’s chin, Emma motioned for Shiloh to join her in exiting the bedroom.

Once outside with the door closed, Emma engulfed Shiloh in a big hug. “Oh, thank the Lord! Thank the Lord. Jordan has come back to us.”

Shiloh enthusiastically returned the embrace.
Yes, thank You, Lord,
she thought.
My dearest desire was for my sister to live, and that I might have the chance to tell her how much I love her. You are indeed merciful to a sinner such as I.

Then, disengaging herself from Emma’s clasp, Shiloh stepped back, grabbed up the housekeeper’s hand, and pulled her down the hall. “Let’s go tell everyone the good news. Then we’d better get started on a big pot of chicken and dumpling soup. I’m thinking it won’t be long and Jordan will be asking for a lot more than water and broth.”

A short while later, leaving the rest of the family happy, relieved, and talking excitedly among themselves, Shiloh threw on a shawl and headed outside. She had seen Jesse ambling off toward the barn about ten minutes ago and guessed he’d gone to check on his pony. She wanted to be the first one to tell him about Jordan’s return to full awareness.

As she entered the barn, however, she heard voices, and none of them were Jesse’s.

“Stinking ’breed,” one man scornfully said. “You’ve got a nerve, riding in all high and mighty with Miss Wainwright.”

“Yeah, like you owned her or something,” another voice added derisively. “I’ve half a mind to beat the living tar out of you.”

From inside the stall where the two ranch hands were standing just outside came Jesse’s calm voice. “You’re sure welcome to try. You’re going to need more than half of that mind of yours, though, to succeed.”

“Well, maybe I’ll just help Dan out a bit,” the first hand said. Hands fisted, he took a threatening step forward.

“That’s enough!” Shiloh cried, hurrying to join them. She glared up at the two hands, who quickly jumped back to stare at her with wide eyes.

“We—we didn’t mean no harm, ma’am,” the man named Dan stammered. “Stu and I, we was just fooling with him. He didn’t take it none too well, though. These ’breeds just don’t seem to have much sense of humor.”

“Well, neither do I, when I see a Wainwright guest treated so rudely by our hired help.” Shiloh didn’t break gaze with the hand. “And you can be sure my brothers will be hearing about it too.”

“Now, you don’t need to be telling them about this, ma’am.”

“Don’t I? Then maybe you two should make your apologies and make them quick.”

Stu and Dan exchanged a quick glance.

“Beggin’ yore pardon, sir,” Dan said.

“Yeah,” Stu added. “Beggin’ yore pardon.”

Shiloh looked to Jesse. “Is that sufficient for you?”

He gave a snort of amusement. “Sure.” He turned back to the hoof he was picking.

She shot the two hands a stern look. “Get on with whatever you were doing.”

Stu and Dan all but fell over each other scurrying to the door.

“Shiloh, I don’t need you always standing up for me,” Jesse said quietly, interrupting her troubled thoughts. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can.” She turned around to face him. “I just get so mad when I hear talk like that. They’re the ones so high and mighty, thinking they’re better than you.”

“I long ago ceased to care what people like that think of me. I’d have to value someone and his or her opinions before I’d let myself care.”

She knew he was right, but she still couldn’t shake off her anger. “The only way people like Stu and Dan are ever going to change is if people like us make them see what they do is unacceptable. We can’t just stand by and let them get away with it. By not hearing anything to the contrary, they’ll think that everyone goes along with them.”

Jesse released his pony’s hoof and moved to the next one. “True enough. But you also need to pick your battles. And have the sense to know when there’s a chance of winning and when there’s not.”

Shiloh considered that for a moment, then nodded. “Well, likely you’re right about that too. I just need more practice to know which battles are worth it and which aren’t.”

He finished with the hoof, put it down, and straightened. “I’d imagine you do. It’s not as if you’re faced with men like those two every day.” He grimaced. “Only when folk like me come around.”

“Folk like you can come around anytime they want. I much prefer your kind anyway.” She paused, reminded of why she’d originally come to find Jesse. “I’ve got some good news. Jordan opened her eyes just awhile ago, looked at Emma and me like she knew us, and even said a few words.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He walked over to stand before her. “It must be quite a relief to you and your family.”

She gazed up at him, thrilled by his nearness even as she fought to keep her focus on the subject at hand. “Yes, it is. The Lord has heard our prayers and brought our sister back from the edge of death.”

“I’d wager Doc Saunders’s medical expertise and all the good nursing care had a lot more to do with it than God,” he said as he walked over to a water bucket and washed his hands, then shook them dry.

His cynical words muted a little of Shiloh’s joy. It pained her that his regard for the Lord was about as high as that for most whites. Which, in truth, wasn’t very high at all.

“Reckon that means I can head back home now,” Jesse said, wrenching her from her troubled musings. “Now that I know your sister’s out of the woods and on the road to recovery.”

“So soon?” She laid a hand on his arm, her heart twisting within her. “You’ve only been here a little over two days. Stay a few more days at least. Emma’s good cooking will put a little more meat on your bones, and a bit more rest will only strengthen you for the trip back.”

“I can manage the trip back just fine.” Jesse covered her hand with one of his own. “I only stayed this long because you asked me, so I’d be here for you if something . . . something happened to your sister. But now that she seems to be on the mend, there’s no sense me hanging around. I’m of no use here, save for showing up for three squares a day and taking up space in the bunkhouse.”

Guilt filled her. She’d been so worried about Jordan and so involved in her care that she’d given little thought to what Jesse did much of the day. She’d expected him to remain at her beck and call, and then she’d hardly spent time with him except for meals and a brief visit or two each day.

“Oh, Jesse,” Shiloh exclaimed on a remorseful breath. “Please forgive me. I’ve been so selfish and gave you so little thought these past few days. I imagine you’ve been near to going out of your mind with boredom.”

He smiled ruefully. “Well, I spent a lot of time down by that little creek, dozing in the sun. But I didn’t begrudge you that. I understood where your attention had to be. And my job was just to be there if you needed me.”

His generosity of spirit touched her deeply. “As I’ll always be there for you, if you ever need me. Oh, Jesse,” Shiloh said, impulsively moving to hug him, “you’re such a good man and a wonderful, wonderful friend!”

For a long moment, he just stood there, arms at his side. Then with an anguished groan, Jesse wrapped his arms about her and pulled her even more tightly to him.

“Shiloh,” he murmured, his lips nuzzling the top of her head. “This isn’t right. And you need to stop tempting me like this.”

His words gladdened her more than she could say. Shiloh leaned back against the circle of his arms and smiled. “But that’s where you’re wrong. If we both want it, it
is
right.”

The sound of a throat pointedly clearing behind them wrenched them back to reality. Immediately, Jesse released her and stepped back. Shiloh whirled around to find Cord and his wife Sarah standing there. From their garb, they looked like they were headed for town.

Her brother’s dark gaze swung from Jesse to Shiloh, and she cursed her easy propensity to blush as the heat flamed in her cheeks. She took a step forward, her hands lifted in supplication.

“Cord, it’s not what you may think—”

“And what exactly would I be thinking, little sister?” he demanded curtly. “That this man seems to have a taste for secret meetings in the barn with both of my sisters? Meetings that always seem to end up with him taking inappropriate liberties?”

Exasperation filled Shiloh. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, Cord! I was only giving Jesse a hug of thanks for all he’s done for me. I hardly think that’s an inappropriate liberty.”

“And, because he was too polite to hurt your feelings, he was hugging you back, is that it?” Cord gave a disgusted snort. “Come on, Shiloh. You’ll have to do better than that.”

She scowled and fisted her hands. “Whether it was or wasn’t what you thought it was, what does it matter? I’m a grown woman and can hug whomever I choose!”

“Not as long as I’m your brother, you can’t!” He was making a move toward her when Sarah grabbed his arm.

“Cord, this isn’t the time or place for a discussion of this sort,” his pretty blonde wife said. “And besides, Shiloh’s right. She’s a grown woman now, whether you want to accept it or not. She’s old enough to know what she’s doing.”

Her husband turned and glowered at her. “Maybe that’s what
you
think, but I’m not so sure about that.”

“Oh, well, thanks a lot for that compliment!” Shiloh’s fists settled on her hips. “So nice to be considered so highly. And by my own brother, no less.”

“Look,” Jesse said just then. “I hate to break up such a tender family get-together, but for one thing, I’m getting tired of being maligned in the third person. And, for another, I’ve fulfilled my obligation to Shiloh and am heading home. So, you don’t have to worry about me and my dubious intentions anymore.”