A Long Distance Love Affair (34 page)

And I'm being kept busy on the private front with hundreds and hundreds of new suitors!!  Oh the choice!!  None of them though can hold a candle to you.  You've set a high bar.  I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop wanting you.

Anna

Was't not enough that thou did’st dart thy fires

Into our bloods, inflaming our desires,

And made'st us sigh and glow, and pant, and burn,

And then thy self into our flame did'st turn?

Was't not enough, that thou did’st hazard us

To paths in love so dark, so dangerous:

Have we not kept our guards, like spie on spie?

Had correspondence whilst the foe stood by?

Stol’n( more to sweeten them) our many blisses

Of meetings, conferences, embracements, kisses?

Yes you’re right

I think the poem probably does mean I still yearn for you.  I shouldn't have sent it.  But I came across it and it made me think of how lovely and exciting our times together were.  I'll always cherish them, and, no doubt, continue to yearn for you even beyond the grave!

Anna

Dear Propositioner

Very interested but unfortunately, due to personal circumstances related to my wished for future prospects, am currently unable to take up your offer.  I have no doubt (indeed I can testify) that I would be highly satisfied with the services you offer.  The difficulty for me is that your undivided attention, due to your current circumstances, can only be momentarily confined to the night of the service, whereas I would wish to have it 24/7 x 352 x forever. 

Hence the need to decline your most tempting offer.

Regretfully and sighfully still

Anna

You'll be thinking I'm trying to avoid you! (Well I guess I am!)  Sorry to miss you though.  I hope you had an enjoyable stay down there and glad it was a lovely sunny day which I find hard to conceive of in August in Melbourne!

Your call made me think of our meeting in Melbourne - that first time - when we met at the pub on the corner (and you kissed me on the lips and I thought - God!!!!) and then I took you over to Walter's Wine Bar on the Yarra and you swept me completely off my feet.  Those were the days!!  One of the loveliest memories I have is of our hands finding each other's across the table.(Feeling sad twinges just now......)

I hope all your meetings went well for you and that there are wonderful prospects arising from them.

I am well and happy.  Keeping busy.  Can pick out a tune on the banjo now without the dog leaving the room.  Hoping to be able to transition from G chord to C before I die.

Would love to be sharing a glass of champagne down there with you.

Sigh and sigh again.

Your erstwhile lover Anna trying hard to transition to your close friend.

You wicked tempter you....

Opportunities lost?  That was our major problem...the logistical difficulty of opportunities to be gained.   And I suspect things are even more difficult now.

And I can't do with just a brief encounter with you and then months and months of nothing.  You are too delightful, too satisfying, too beautiful, too delectable, too desirable.  And I end up wanting you too much when I can't have you .....Oh it's all too cruel!!!

I am so torn. My body would love to delight in you but I know the cost to my soul would be terrible.

Your very Scottish Chariette

Handsomeness

I'm missing things about you too - your beautiful face, those cheekbones, that warm smile, those sexy eyes, your lovely hair, your beautiful firm flesh, your sexual prowess.  Ah if only....

I would love to see you again sometime - if only to have a coffee! Do you think you could escape your domestic clutches?

Chariette

James dear one

Thank you for this lovely email.  I really appreciate it.  Message understood and filed away should my resolve crumble.....

We both should try very hard to behave.  You are right we are not helping each other unless we do.  This transition period is certainly difficult but it must be done. Our various needs, wants, life circumstances are not on the same trajectory unfortunately and I just can't return to the life of loneliness of 'the woman in waiting'.....gorgeous, sexy, desirable, attractive and every other wonderful adjective though you are.  However the most important one is missing - and that is -
available....

Wishing you were, knowing you can't be, I remain your good and loyal friend who had the best and most delicious love affair with you.

Anna

James Darling Boy

Thank you for your beautiful phone call this evening.  I was really moved by it.  I understand your situation completely and have done for a long time.  It's just such a shame for both of us really - a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions! I am truly sorry you are suffering.  I wish with all my heart it could be different, or that we had met under more propitious circumstances.  Our timing was really bad eh??  I feel such a deep aching sadness that I can't fill your life with the love and adoration I have for you - sad for both of us because you so deserve to be loved and adored and pampered and delighted in.

Oh but I've loved the time we've had together.  You're the one for me. And I'm the one for you, but our lives have to be travelled on different paths and we'll just have to cope with that.  I just can't waste what's left of my life in a state of perpetual longing for someone I can't have and be with and share with and cherish.  It's just too much to bear.  The alternative path I've embarked on is not much of a better state to be in and I have really struggled with it, but I must continue with it.  I'm hoping that the longing and sadness will ease at some stage (before I die!!)

But you are the love of my life.  You are the standard no other can reach.  You will always be a part of my soul and I suspect that I will never feel the depth of passion for anyone that I have felt for you.

You have ruined me (if that's any consolation to you!)

Your sad, loving, longing, wistful ruined one

Anna

Beautiful One

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down.  I feel so guilty....

Thank you so much for opening up to me.  I'm here for you. Don't hesitate. It's nothing to be ashamed of.  It makes you the whole man, with a deep and meaningful inner life.  The great thinkers and philosophers of the world all talk about these feelings because really without them we are nothing.

If you were here I would hold you and kiss you.

What's happening to you now is to be expected given the pace you lived your life before and how packed to the brim it was with things to be done.  The busy-ness of life and the adrenalin chemicals will take a while to get out of your system.  I can't advise you strongly enough now to do some really deep thinking about what it is that would bring you the most happiness and satisfaction in this next stage of your life and really going for that.  This flatness you feel now is telling you that things are not right for you and you need to discover what it is that will bring you a feeling of completeness and satisfaction.  When you've been overseas have you thought 'if I had the time I would really like to....'  Try to think of the times you've thought that thought and where you were and what you wanted and then make plans to actually do it.  The important thing is to be courageous now in standing up for what would make you happy.  Don't let anyone or anything stand in your way.  It's your turn now.

Keep exercising your body - this helps.  Keep talking to me.  I'm on your side

Love Anna

Dear James Lovely One

Thank you for your calls.  It's always so wonderful to hear your voice.  Thank you too for your interest in my trip.  How lovely it would be to really share it with you.  I would delight in your company (and you would delight in mine).  And then the nights of bliss and the mornings of sexual delight to start each new adventure each new day would bring us.

I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do just now.  I know how you feel.  The years I spent wanting you and wanting you and not being able to be with you was torture really.  I don't know what I can do to help you just now.  But I am very sorry you are feeling like this.  All I can say from my own experience is that action of some kind will make a difference.  You do have choices in life you know!  Choose to alter the circumstances that are making you unhappy - even if it's one small thing, it doesn't have to be a grand life changing gesture - and you will start to feel better.

Wishing so very much you were here....

Anna

Silver Fox

Here I am struggling not to succumb to my overwhelming desire for you and you wickedly tempt me - how's a girl supposed to cope??

I know what a massage would lead to, in fact I expect the leading to would happen before the massage, given our past mutual enthusiasms.

But I've got to stop thinking about this - it's too cruel!  Why couldn't you be all gnarled and horrible with a squeaky voice instead of the much too desirable creature you are!!

I am resolved on my new pathway like an alcoholic going to AA meetings.  I need to go to James avoidance meetings.

We are both wasted really....

Love