A Little Broken (17 page)

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, love,” came a husky voice from behind her, causing her to startle on her stool. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it belonged to, knowing the voice well, but she turned anyway to see his bright face. He smiled happily down at her before kissing her on the cheek.

“Sorry for startling you,” he whispered next to her ear. She shrugged, smiling, pleased at his unexpected arrival.

“Hey-di-hey, Dominick,” Toni said happily around a mouthful of food, grabbing her purse from beside her and rifling through it for a moment before sliding something across the counter to him. “I believe this is yours – thanks for the fun we had with it! It was a blast!”

Jessie realized it was his credit card, and she tried to glare at them both about it, but failed, relaxing into Dominick when he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“Oh that looks great, I want one. Where’s my uncle?” he asked, sidling up on the other side of her at the counter, his eyes searching the diner.

“Don’t bother him - here, have mine, I’m full anyway,” she said, pushing the plate to him. Even she could hear the morose and disappointed tone in her words.

“Nope, wait a few, you’ll get hungry again.” He pushed the plate back to her, and continued his visual search for his uncle.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were working overtime, which was why we had a late dinner date planned,” she asked him, watching him as he waved to her boss, pointed to her plate, then himself. Mr. C nodded from a distance and Dominick turned back to face her.

“I was hungry,” he said, his shoulders rising and his voice sheepish.

“Dominick, you work on the other side of town – in traffic that’s a good forty-five minutes away,” she said suspiciously.

“Fine. You’ve caught me. I decided that since you haven’t seen The Matrix, one, two or three, that you and me have a date on my couch. I’ve got the provisions in my car; don’t worry; I stocked full of really awfully bad yummy stuff for us - it’s gonna be great.”

“You took the rest of the day off of work to have a movie marathon date? That’s so sweet! Do you have a brother?! Wait…forget I asked that,” Toni said, gushing, though she quieted quickly at the mention of his brother. Raising an eyebrow, Jessie gave her a look, letting her know plainly that she couldn’t wait to get ahold of her when they were on their own. She
had to know what that the look was about, and she had a feeling it was a juicy story.

“Hmm…alright sounds like fun,” Jessie said, directing the conversation back to Dominick and taking another bite of her omelet. “We have to make a stop first, though.”

“We do? Where at?”

“I need to get a cell phone.”

Another long silence came, and she glanced at Dominick, his face scrunched in a big smile.

“About time you decide to join the new millennium – geez, if I had to hear the ‘insert another fifty cents’ voice during a call from you, I was going to go crazy,” he said playfully, laughing as she gently pushed at his shoulder.

Dominick’s uncle placed his plate in front of him and the four of them fell into an easy conversation. Jessie found herself laughing at Mr. C’s recount of a story from when Dominick was little, when he had gotten into the flour and tried to make snowmen, sans the snow. Even though her stomach hurt from laughing so hard, it felt nice, companionable, and she really enjoyed it. Her boss’s eyes twinkled every time they caught hers, and she could tell that he was truly happy with the change in her.

By the end of the meal, Jessie was surprised to find that she’d actually eaten almost her entire omelet, leaving only a half-dozen bites on her plate. She was full – of life, of food, and good friends. It was definitely a sun-shiney day in Florida.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“Damn it, Jessie!”

Dominick’s bellow was loud in the quiet of the darkness of his bedroom. She’d never heard him raise his voice before, and she wrapped her arms around her legs, holding them tightly as if to hold in her emotions.

The pair had fallen asleep after the second Matrix movie, curled together like they usually did. And, like the previous four nights, she’d woken in a panic, shaking him awake to be sure he was still alive. Jessie knew that it was ridiculous, and she was ashamed of herself every time it happened, but she couldn’t help it. Regardless of the amount of progress she was making, when she slept she couldn’t keep the dreams at bay. Now, the memories of her past merged with her thoughts of the present, usually morphing somewhere in the middle of the nightmare to something unthinkable for her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said softly, burying her face against her knees. It was true, sort of. She didn’t mean to wake him, but each time he jolted awake, her hyperventilating eased and she could breathe again.

Dominick sighed loudly, and she waited for the other shoe to drop. She knew it would now; he’d been so patient for the past few months, but everyone had a breaking point. All she could do was hold her breath and try to keep from falling apart.

“I think…I think it’s time you saw someone, Jessie. I’m not saying that to be mean, but this,” he said, waving his arms to signify the situation, “this has to stop. You can’t keep going through this, and you can’t keep waking me up in the middle of the night just to make sure I’m still alive. I’ve been patient, but I’m just not equipped to help you completely heal from this. You need professional help, someone who you can talk to, who can hold your hand down the winding road and teach you to cope. Everyone can see how much you’ve changed, and I’m glad if I’ve been the major part of it, but I don’t want you worried about my passing away every single day; that’s going to eat you up inside, baby, and I don’t want that for you.”

His tone had eased as he spoke, turning from frustration to his usual comforting mien. Realistically, she knew what he said to be true, and not from a bad place in his heart – he truly meant it when he said he wanted her to heal and that he didn’t think he could help her. Didn’t he see that he
had
helped her? It wasn’t her fault that the nightmares came when she slept.

“I don’t
need
help,” she spat back, unable to control the temper in her voice. Anger was easier to control than the hurt of hearing the man she loved – yes, she realized, she did love him - tell her she needed professional help. It cut like a knife, straight to her heart, the pain overwhelming in its intensity.

“Baby,” Dominick started, “I’m not trying to hurt you. I want you to be healthy and completely happy; whole.” He tried to pull her into his arms, to hold her, but she fought against his strength. If he held her, she would lose it, she could feel it. She stayed rigid, her arms locked in place to keep her immobile. “Don’t be like this, Jessie, please. You need this, you do and…if you don’t at least try…our relationship is going to change, and I don’t want that, at all.”

Jessie’s head snapped up to look at him.
Change? Change how
? she thought. Had he just said he was going to leave her if she refused? Panic flooded her and she started to shake.

“Are you saying…” her words trailed off as she swallowed painfully. “Are you saying you’ll leave me if I don’t see someone?”

“I don’t know… Maybe…maybe not, but I can’t continue living like this either,” came his response.

“But…but you said you loved me. You said anywhere I was, was where you wanted to be. That you’d never leave me,” she sobbed, unable to keep the lid on her tears. She wiped at her eyes with her hand, but it was no use; the tears were like a waterfall, completely unstoppable in their force, and they continued to trail from her face, dripping onto her legs.

Grabbing her hand and squeezing it, Dominick dropped his head to level with hers.

“I don’t
want
to lose you, baby, I don’t. This is killing me, you have no idea. I
do
love you…and the thought of even a day going by without seeing you hurts my heart. You need to get healthy though, and if this is what it will take to get you to see someone, I’ll do it. If you really want to be with me, you’ll do it. Not for me, but for you.”

“B-b-but, I love you. I didn’t want to, it’s too hard to love someone knowing they could be gone in the blink of an eye…and here you are, threatening to be gone. Why are you doing this to me?”

Overwhelmed, Jessie climb out of bed, holding onto the side table to keep her balance. She didn’t have a real plan; she only knew she had to get out of here. She’d finally told him she loved him, and it didn’t matter, she saw the truth in his eyes – he wouldn’t budge on this. She couldn’t stand to have the memory of him leaving her, she just couldn’t. Feeling lost and confused, she rifled through the pile of clothes on the floor, looking for her jeans and shirt. Spotting them, she scooped them up and ran from the room, awkwardly dressing as she went.

“Jessie! Where are you going, it’s the middle of the night!” Dominick’s voice trailed after her. He sounded panicked, which sort of amused her. He was the one giving her an impossible ultimatum.

She barely saw her surroundings through the haze of liquid in her eyes as she sat on the floor to put her shoes on. The sound of footsteps brought her eyes up, and she saw that Dominick was standing in the hallway, peering at her.

“You’re leaving? You can’t leave, Jessie, don’t be silly. It’s two a.m. – you never know what creepers are out there. Wait until morning…if you still want to leave, I’ll drive you to your condo,” he pleaded at her.

She couldn’t speak. If she said anything, she would crumble entirely and that was something she couldn’t afford. Taking a last glance at his face, she snatched her purse and her new phone off the coffee table, walked to the door, and opened it. She hesitated for only a moment before she walked through it and shut it firmly behind her.

***

Jessie had no clear direction of where she was going, or even how long she’d been walking the streets of the city. The sky had lightened at some point, painting brilliant varieties of colors ranging from pastel pinks and yellows to vibrant reds, purples, and oranges. Her eyes had dried, leaving thick, salty tracks on her face, the grainy feel painful to her eyes. She couldn’t count the amount of times her cell phone had rung, though she never answered it. She had been relieved when the battery had flashed red and died.

Taking a look around her surroundings, Jessie realized she had no idea where she was. She’d never really explored the city, other than the places that Dominick had taken her, and she knew she was going to have to find a way to get home. She spotted a pay phone and called the easy-to-remember taxi service number. After they traced the number, they told her that it wouldn’t be long before a car came for her.

True to their word, fifteen minutes later an orange cab appeared in front of her, the driver a friendly looking older man. Ironically, he reminded her of Mr. Castellanos a bit, and the tension in her shoulders at the thought of riding in a car with a stranger eased. She gave him her address, surprised at how soft her voice was when she spoke.

“You okay back there, young lady?” the cab driver’s voice startled her, and she felt her cheeks redden.

“I’m fine,” she said, not wanting to be rude, though not really want to talk with him, either.

“You don’t look fine. You look like a girl with her whole heart on her sleeve…and from here it looks like it’s a little hurt.” His eyes were gentle when he peered at her through the rearview mirror, the sympathy almost too much.

“I…” she started, but Jessie couldn’t find the words to say.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to talk about it – but I’ve been married for over forty-five years, and I’d like to think I know a few things about love. Feel free to ignore the ramblings of an old man, but know this: there are two reasons the heart gets broken. One, it wasn’t meant to be and the loss of the dreams and could-have-been ideals are what causes the pain,” he said, his eyes on the road, and she could see they were almost to her condo.

“What is the second?” she asked, unable to keep the curiosity out of her tone.

“The second is the harder to deal with. The second is when someone you love does something that your heart perceives as hurtful, but isn’t meant that way.”

“Why is that the harder one to deal with?”

“Because,” he said, stopping the car in front of her building. “Human instinct causes us to listen to our brains before our hearts. Unfortunately, our thoughts are often twisted – whether by memories, or past experiences, or even fear – whereas the heart is pure, and is generally set on one direction, even if we don’t listen.”

There was a long pause as his words settled in the confines of the car. She wasn’t sure what to think now; the night had been long and she needed sleep. After a moment she turned back to meet the driver’s eyes in the mirror.

“How much do I owe you?” she asked quietly, opening her purse to get the cash out.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house. I just finished my shift and I’m going to go home to my wife. Maybe you should think about going home to your boyfriend… Chances are he’s worried about you,” he said, his voice sounding fatherly.

Nodding and thanking him, she stepped out of the car and peered up at her building. Sighing, she walked up to her apartment and let herself in. Without undressing, she collapsed on her pallet of blankets on the floor. She curled in on herself, feeling empty and completely depressed. Jessie wished for a moment that Dominick was there to hold her, but dismissed the thought quickly.
You left him so he wouldn’t leave you, remember?
she thought. It seemed ironic, now that she thought about it. In an effort to not be hurt, she hurt herself. Squeezing her eyes shut, she willed herself to sleep. Once fast asleep, she didn’t notice the tears that fell onto her pillow.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jessie woke to the sound of beating on her front door. Disoriented, she checked her watch for the time.
Seven p.m.
, she thought, realizing she’d slept the day away. The loud bashing at her door grew louder and Dominick’s voice came muffled from the other side.